Nonsupportive family member and how I stood up for myself

[Guest guest]

Last Monday was a doozy. I called my mother-in-law to ask if our youngest could

spend the night- I had to leave early to get my Orencia infusion first thing the

next morning & thought if she could sleep at Grandmas then I wouldn't have to

wake her up at 6am. Mom-in-law began asking questions about my RA, how the

medication works, how my knees are (Osteoarthritis there), etc. After 21 years

of being married into the family I should have known better but I let my guard

down.

Oh my precious Nelly but how she lit into me. I found out later from my dear

hubby that she was spoiling for a fight & I blindly entered the scene. She

started in on how Leroy (AKA for another bro-in-law) has RA and HE isn't taking

anything but pain medication and basically How Dare I " happily " take such

expensive medicine and it's all my fault that our health insurance has gone up

to $2200 per month for our family of 5. Ah, I left out that it's all my fault

that my knees are bad because I'm " hideously overweight " . Yeah. Sure. I was in

such a good mood until I spoke with her.

Something happened to me during that phone call. Instead of sitting there

listening to her rant at me like I have dutifully done many times over 21

yrs...instead... for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I argued back. She got louder &

so did I just to make myself be heard. I told her that all RA medications are

expensive. I told her that Leroy told me himself that he has never been to a Dr.

to be diagnosed with any specific arthritis & that by taking such strong pain

medications (Oxy and others) that he will be a prescrip drug addict in years to

come whereas I'll still be a functioning mobile mother with a decent life. As to

insurance I reminded her that everyones insurance across the boards has gone up-

we are not as special as she thinks.

Then I hit upon my weight which has been an ongoing target of hers for years.

Yeah, I'm fat. I'm 5 feet 4 3/4 inches tall. I am 286 pounds of solid voluptuous

woman with an attitude. I told her that I know I'm fat and I don't need her to

remind me of it every time she gets a cob up her behind and " My weight is

between my Dr, my husband, and me. It is NONE of YOUR business anymore. " I ended

my part of the call by telling her that I don't appreciate being talked to in

such a rude manner and I will not allow her or anyone else to talk to me like

that. Period. I heard her yelling that I had to " sit down and listen to what

(she) had to say to (me) " as I hung the phone up. She probably didn't know I'd

hung up for a good 10 minutes or so.

My husband told me he is proud of me for not taking her crap and he is ignoring

her as much as he can. Our youngest has no idea that anything is " wrong " and she

still likes going to Grandmas. I'm glad. However our son has overheard her

bitchin' to Leroy about me. I'm in good company as she doesn't talk nicely about

any of her other 3 daus-in-law either. Now our son doesn't like going into her

house for lunch anymore which is where the hub of the farming operation is

located. Our 15 yr old was at home when The Call took place and I didn't realize

that she was downstairs at the time. She heard my side of the conversation and

picked up on what Grandmas side was. Now the 15 yr old is angry with her Grandma

and doesn't want anything to do with her.

Despite all this I haven't felt this good mentally for years. All three kids and

dear hubby have noticed the improvement. I finally realized that only my husband

and my kids opinions are what matters. I'll never be a part of that family so

why did I so desperately want them to like me and accept me? Stress can really

add to the RA pain levels. After getting the Mom-in-law monkey off my back I

can't begin to tell you how much better the Orencia has been working. The only

thing that hurts are my hands and I can deal with that pain.

If you have too much stress in your life find some way to get rid of it. I'd

have preferred not to have the situation with my mom-in-law but either way that

load is gone and I don't miss it. I highly recommend serious stress reduction in

your lives as soon as possible!

Dalanne

Muggy Humid East Central Illinois