RA and friends

[Guest guest]

After the results of a blood test indicated that I have RA, I have told a few

friends, and the reactions have been mixed. Some of the people have reacted in

utter horror, one friend told me of someone he knew, who has RA and is

completely crippled. I asked my uncle what he knew about RA, and he said that it

was a horrible disease that caused great pain and that the medicines often were

worse than the disease. When I told him he said, " Oh my god, I'm so sorry. " The

horror stories are really upsetting me.

Another friend of mine, a born again christian (I am not a christian) said that

the RA was god's way of " getting my attention " and " getting me to depend on him "

I.E. that I should become a Christian now. Why I would want to serve a god who

would inflict a disease on someone to get them to worship him I do not know.

Needless to say, that did not help.

The two friends who have been most helpful are the ones who have chronic

illnesses of their own. My friend with a mitochondrial disorder told me that I

would probably go through the stages- anger, depression, etc. She said it was

normal to have mood swings between them. I think that is what I am experiencing.

One minute I am mad at the world, another I'm depressed beyond all reasoning. My

other friend, who has severe diabetes and CP, said that it is ok to be mad, to

cry, to yell, etc. But to try and remind myself that there are things to be

done, medicine to be taken, and still hope that was not there twenty years ago.

I have been thinking about suicide a lot, at one point really considering it. My

best friend reminded me that it would end everything, not just the pain (both

physical and mental) that I might do something (take the pills, or whatever)

then change my mind when its too late. So said there would be no harm really in

waiting, in " putting it off " even if I do consider doing it in the future. Just

wait another day, then another day, etc. I am seeing my psychiatrist today and

attending my self-help group on depression, and I was going to mention how I'm

feeling. The temptation to just give up on life, is strong, but I am fighting it

for the time being.

I just wanted to update you all.