The guilt

[Guest guest]

I've been so frustrated lately as I have so much guilt that I can't

seem to shake. I think I need to seek professional help but I

sometimes feel like a whiner. I am truly married to the greatest

guy. He fully supports me and is proud when he easily could be very

furious with me for what I've done. I was in a secure job (that I

hated) but probably only needed to stay there another few years and

maybe retire early - who knows now. I went back to school could not

get work right away as the market was so saturated. I've travelled

and lived far away from home just to get experience. It's taken to

just this year to get in where I studied closer to home. It's been a

long, hard, extremely stressful and frustrating journey that has

taken four years and mucho $$$$. I feel like I've cost us so much.

I'm learning how to cope but with so much guilt there are times where

I totally zone out with a bag or box of whatever and hit the bottom

and don't even remember what I've eaten. Some days I'm able to sit

with my emotions and find I'm so down and my husband keeps asking

what's wrong. I think a journal would help. I know coming to this

site helps a great deal. I have to get past probation now and until

then I don't think the stress will lighten up but I think by Spring

2009 I should see the light if things continue like they have the

past few months.

J.