Re: People complimenting on weight loss

[Guest guest]

Ditto for me, Styxia. Makes you just want to ask " Seriously? Is my

weight REALLY the first frigging thing you notice when you meet me??? "

I agree it's probably most people's unthinking default compliment,

but it does put a lot of pressure on the weight-lossee to " keep it

up " , and heaven forbid don't gain it back, because obviously YOU'RE

BEING WATCHED. :-(

So I just will NOT play that game. Depending on the situation, my

initial reaction ranges from " I don't know - I don't weigh myself "

to " Well, I've given up dieting " to " Uh - actually I've probably put

on a few pounds, but I do a pretty good buxom wench, huh? " . Confuses

them. And if they persist, I've been known to flat out say " Look, I

really don't care to talk about diets and weight " . (That can bring a

restaurant table full of women to silence. Believe me.)

Your body is not public property and you have a right not to discuss

it if you don't want to.

One girl in our office today was crowing about having reached the 10-

kg-lost mark, and you'd seriously think she'd won a Nobel Prize, the

way the accolades were flowing. I didn't comment on it at all (and

she knows better from me now than to expect it). To me, making that

kind of fuss is just in effect saying " OH THANK GOD ... you finally

look so much better. You looked crap before " .

Don't. Buy. Into. It.

Rant over.

Sigigee

> >

> > I can only say that I hate it. It brings my focus back on weight

> loss

> > when I'm constantly struggling not to focus on that anyway.

....

> > I think that the reason I dislike comments like that I now feel

> > pressured to lose even more weight and that I can't gain that

weight

> > back under no circumstances!

> >

[Guest guest]

I think alot of times people are looking for away to compliment us. but unfortunatly its the opposite. my sister in law gets offened if you do not bragg on her. going to ww everybody would say how much did you lose this week???

my mother in law and other sister in law will not comment on if I lose weight but my husband oh wow 2 0z they notice.One of my siter in laws had the weight lose surgery

betty

Re: People complimenting on weight loss

Ditto for me, Styxia. Makes you just want to ask "Seriously? Is my weight REALLY the first frigging thing you notice when you meet me???"I agree it's probably most people's unthinking default compliment, but it does put a lot of pressure on the weight-lossee to "keep it up", and heaven forbid don't gain it back, because obviously YOU'RE BEING WATCHED. :-(So I just will NOT play that game. Depending on the situation, my initial reaction ranges from "I don't know - I don't weigh myself" to "Well, I've given up dieting" to "Uh - actually I've probably put on a few pounds, but I do a pretty good buxom wench, huh?". Confuses them. And if they persist, I've been known to flat out say "Look, I really don't care to talk about diets and weight". (That can bring a restaurant table full of women to silence. Believe me.)Your body is not public property and you have a right not to discuss it if you don't want to.One girl in our office today was crowing about having reached the 10-kg-lost mark, and you'd seriously think she'd won a Nobel Prize, the way the accolades were flowing. I didn't comment on it at all (and she knows better from me now than to expect it). To me, making that kind of fuss is just in effect saying "OH THANK GOD ... you finally look so much better. You looked crap before".Don't. Buy. Into. It.Rant over.Sigigee> >> > I can only say that I hate it. It brings my focus back on weight > loss> > when I'm constantly struggling not to focus on that anyway. ...> > I think that the reason I dislike comments like that I now feel> > pressured to lose even more weight and that I can't gain that weight> > back under no circumstances!> >

[Guest guest]

Sigi - THANK you so much for bringing a smile to my morning! I love

your posts and special ways of saying things, So fun and honest too.

YEA gal! Every time I read your posts they remind me how far I've come

too. Plus I bet the newbies like to think they have that to look

forward to too. Inspirational gal -

luv ya - Katcha

IEing since March 2007

> > >

> > > I can only say that I hate it. It brings my focus back on weight

> > loss

> > > when I'm constantly struggling not to focus on that anyway.

> ...

> > > I think that the reason I dislike comments like that I now feel

> > > pressured to lose even more weight and that I can't gain that

> weight

> > > back under no circumstances!

> > >

>

[Guest guest]

sigi_gee wrote:

> Ditto for me, Styxia. Makes you just want to ask " Seriously? Is my

> weight REALLY the first frigging thing you notice when you meet me??? "

That was I was thinking afterwards, but I don't think they were trying

to make me uncomfortable. They're guys.[1] They probably never thought

about that it might make me unconfortable, might in fact never have

gotten the idea that it could make *anyone* feel uncomfortable because

they think it's not a big deal. And I have a feeling that at least two

of them were a bit ... shocked? I don't know but they had weird looks in

their eyes for a moment.

> I agree it's probably most people's unthinking default compliment,

> but it does put a lot of pressure on the weight-lossee to " keep it

> up " , and heaven forbid don't gain it back, because obviously YOU'RE

> BEING WATCHED. :-(

*arrrgh*

Yes. And gotta like that word " weight-lossee " . lol

> One girl in our office today was crowing about having reached the 10-

> kg-lost mark, and you'd seriously think she'd won a Nobel Prize, the

> way the accolades were flowing.

Don't you hate that... It's so irritating.

> " OH THANK GOD ... you finally

> look so much better. You looked crap before " .

Yes, that is what I associate with compliments about weight loss. I

never comment on weight loss or gain because of this. However, then

again I sometimes think that I'm not that sensitive when it comes to

people making a compliment about a new hair cut...

Regards

s.

[1] Sorry to all men participating here.

[Guest guest]

Sophia wrote:

> Thank you for that. If I choose to in fact

> compliment someone, maybe it could be about the way they look as far as in

> their eyes or the clothes they have on or the energy that they are living.

That's a good idea I think. One of the three guys didn't exactly comment

on weight loss but he looked me up and down and said " You look good! "

and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to tell that he was tempted to

say " Wow, you've lost weight! " He gave me a bit of a weird look at first

glance, too, IIRC.

Well, I was grateful for the try. :-)

Regards

s.

[Guest guest]

I can totally relate to this topic! I love Sigi's reply! Nothing sends me binging faster than someone saying to me "you've lost weight." It totally makes me think I'm being watched and wasn't good enough before I lost the weight. My mother used to comment on my weight loss all the time and had to know how my WW meeting went every week. I remember once some relatives were visiting that I had never met before and just out of the blue she goes " lost 50 pounds at WW." I was so embarrassed...it was like shining a spotlight on me and saying "she used to be fat...but now she's ok now because she lost weight....EVERYONE LOOK AT HER!'

I personally do not comment on anyone's weight loss. You don't comment when someone gains weight (unless you are my mother!) so why should you when someone loses weight?!

Kipkabob

(Intuitive eating since September 2006)

Ask a question on any topic and get answers from real people. Go to Yahoo! Answers.

[Guest guest]

I wonder if saying " You look healthy. " or " Your radiance is showing. "

or " Your smile lights me up. " wouldn't be better to say to anyone

than " You look like you've lost weight. "

ehugs, Katcha

[Guest guest]

Styxia - that is what I would call The Million Dollar Question ;-) ;-)

And I just know some day you will find the answer to it for yourself

too

ehugs, Katcha

>

> > I guess I am the exception but I LOVE hearing people say I'm skinny.

>

> I would love to hear THAT, too. Sounds weird? Yes, maybe I AM just weird

> but " you're skinny " is different from being fat and " having lost

> weight " . Don't ask me why, I can't give you an answer, but this is the

> way I feel about it.

>

> Regards

> s.

>

[Guest guest]

Smart gal! Good for you :)

Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> Lately, when people comment, I just smile and say " thank you " and

> keep going. What I'm doing with my weight is none of their concern,

> and I don't need to allow myself to get emotionally pulled in. Doing

> so takes away all my power over the situation and gives it right to

> them.

>

[Guest guest]

Katcha wrote:

> I wonder if saying " You look healthy. " or " Your radiance is showing. "

> or " Your smile lights me up. " wouldn't be better to say to anyone

> than " You look like you've lost weight. "

I'm not sure because I'd know what they really mean is that I've lost

weight. :-)

Regards

s.

[Guest guest]

most of my inlaws at least won't comment because they don't know it bothers me hee hee they knew it would be all i hear they don't like me much i am to honest with them

Re: Re: People complimenting on weight loss

Katcha <jain_daughsisqtel (DOT) net> wrote:> I wonder if saying "You look healthy." or "Your radiance is showing."> or "Your smile lights me up." wouldn't be better to say to anyone> than "You look like you've lost weight." I'm not sure because I'd know what they really mean is that I've lostweight. :-)Regardss.

[Guest guest]

I bet you have a difficult time with ANY compliment?!?

I know that is a challenge for me too. I have lots of 'old' reasons

for distrusting compliments - the main one is from my childhood. In my

family 'bait and switch' was a (nasty really) 'game' - dangling a

'compliment' and when the person (usually other family member)

accepted it, then WHAM! hit them with the 'gotcha!' - laughing and

telling them what a fool they were to believe it! I can now see that

it was a mean power play, but it remained a STRONG lesson - to not

trust completely - even those who 'love' you. The lesson must have

extended to my own body too.

I SINCERELY admire your stick-to-it-ness and am cheering you from the

sidelines as much as I do my own efforts. Best wishes of progress for you.

Katcha (for who Gotcha is one of my many 'nicknames')

IEings since March 2007

>

> > I wonder if saying " You look healthy. " or " Your radiance is showing. "

> > or " Your smile lights me up. " wouldn't be better to say to anyone

> > than " You look like you've lost weight. "

>

> I'm not sure because I'd know what they really mean is that I've lost

> weight. :-)

>

> Regards

> s.

>

[Guest guest]

This struck a cord with me too as in my family of origin it was common to give back-handed compliments that were really a way to open you up for the 'zinger'.

I have recently realized that my previous goal of wanting to lose weight with IE then have others notice just so I could say I did it by not dieting is really a diet in disguise!

I only came to this realization by reading the posts about complimenting weight loss.

Deb

[Guest guest]

Katcha wrote:

> I bet you have a difficult time with ANY compliment?!?

[...]

> I SINCERELY admire your stick-to-it-ness and am cheering you from the

> sidelines as much as I do my own efforts. Best wishes of progress for you.

Thank you. :-)

Well, I really have problems with taking (most) compliments. When I'm

satisfied with the way I look (never) or did things (rarely) I can take

that compliment. Otherwise I think people just want to be nice and don't

really mean what they say.

Regards

s.