Re: living with dieting spouses

[Guest guest]

Arnie, I also 'hear' the same concern from other members who live with

'normal eaters'! - How to incorporate IE into our lives without making

more of a big deal out it than necessary with others? I would say the

bottom line is 'This I do for myself'. Waiting for others is the best

and surest way to 'delay' or sabotage? Yet we do want to be as

respectful of others as we like for ourselves too. So the hardest, but

best? answer is to be as open as possible, politely inform, but do

what YOU need too. And I agree that positive results are the BEST

gentle nudge one can provide.

Funny thing is that hubby and I talked a bit more in depth re IE this

morning. He still isn't ready to pick up a book and find out more for

himself, but at least he isn't fighting or picking on me as I flounder

around in my (self) learning curve re IE. I think he hopes to pick up

IE via 'osmosis' from me - giggles.

Keep up the good work!

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> Katcha, your reply to me in another thread (see below) brought up

> something I would like to discuss a little more. My wife and I have

> frequently dieted at the same time, which was nice to have both of us

> eating the same foods at the same time. We also tended to end diets

> at around the same time too. When I saw our most recent attempt at

> dieting waning is when I started looking at IE a couple weeks ago.

> But she is still trying to diet.

>

> So I feel a little guilty bringing her " forbidden " foods into the

> house. But I also don't want to hide what I'm eating. Hiding what I'm

> eating is too much of a diet mentality thing to do. I want to be

> supportive of her efforts, even if I no longer believe dieting helps

> lose weight. So I have a conflict of being supportive to her while

> doing what I need to do for myself.

>

> She knows that I've moved past dieting and am choosing to learn how

> to eat intuitively. But she is not ready yet to do the same. My hope

> is that in time she will see significant enough changes in the way I

> behave around food issues that she will want to become an IE'r too.

> But I won't nag her about it. Being a good of example of something

> speaks louder than any words.

>

> Arnie

>

[Guest guest]

Your right I really need to do this regardless of what she is doing.

But I`m sure that as you suggest it can be done in a sensitive manner.

Arnie

> >

> > Katcha, your reply to me in another thread (see below) brought up

> > something I would like to discuss a little more. My wife and I

have

> > frequently dieted at the same time, which was nice to have both

of us

> > eating the same foods at the same time. We also tended to end

diets

> > at around the same time too. When I saw our most recent attempt

at

> > dieting waning is when I started looking at IE a couple weeks

ago.

> > But she is still trying to diet.

> >

> > So I feel a little guilty bringing her " forbidden " foods into the

> > house. But I also don't want to hide what I'm eating. Hiding what

I'm

> > eating is too much of a diet mentality thing to do. I want to be

> > supportive of her efforts, even if I no longer believe dieting

helps

> > lose weight. So I have a conflict of being supportive to her

while

> > doing what I need to do for myself.

> >

> > She knows that I've moved past dieting and am choosing to learn

how

> > to eat intuitively. But she is not ready yet to do the same. My

hope

> > is that in time she will see significant enough changes in the

way I

> > behave around food issues that she will want to become an IE'r

too.

> > But I won't nag her about it. Being a good of example of

something

> > speaks louder than any words.

> >

> > Arnie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I find it interesting and funny that when we express our concerns with the other person, things usually work out or are not as potentially stressful as we think. I'm also hoping to be a model for my family...an IE pioneer. When I was visiting home a couple of weeks ago, my aunt was talking about a new diet she was going on and I cringed a bit inside. I mentioned IE to both of my aunts and what I was saying didn't seem to really register with them at all. I'm still relatively new with IE and I'm hoping that as my process continues other members of my family will consider IE as an alternative choice.

[Guest guest]

Next week will be interesting to me as we will be having a visit from

my cousin who is constant dieter. Her mother was always the 'heavy'

one in that family and I'm sure she fears/dreads that potential too.

Yet when I mentioned IE to her over a year ago, she definitely sighed

over the prospect of not having to 'fret over each bite taken'. So I

am wondering if she will 1) diet talk with me 2) be looking at me to

see if IE 'works' or 3) even ask me about IE in my life. Either way,

what she does will not effect my IE journey. If she does ask, I will

tell her that while I haven't set records for weight loss, but

frankly, that is not what I appreciate most about IE. Its being able

to be relaxed about food and re-establishing a more realistic focus

for MY life. I'd love for her to have that (self) gift too, but its

her call. More later ;-)

Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> I find it interesting and funny that when we express our concerns

with the other person, things usually work out or are not as

potentially stressful as we think. I'm also hoping to be a model for

my family...an IE pioneer. When I was visiting home a couple of weeks

ago, my aunt was talking about a new diet she was going on and I

cringed a bit inside. I mentioned IE to both of my aunts and what I

was saying didn't seem to really register with them at all. I'm still

relatively new with IE and I'm hoping that as my process continues

other members of my family will consider IE as an alternative choice.

>

[Guest guest]

I have an analogy that might help. I am a vegan and my husband is a "meatitiarian." I almost always have to make two meals-- or one meal that has a lot of components.

I found that as long as I am not pushing my food choices on him, or the kids, he doesn't care.

Plus, I get a tremendous feeling that I am taking care of myself when I prepare the food I love. It's one of the ways I nurture myself. Yes, it's a little more work, but as that commercial says, "I'm worth it!"

Creating a great day is all about finding ways to turn ordinary moments into extraordinary opportunities. Tom Feltenstein(¯`v´¯) `*.¸.*´ ¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨ (¸.•´ (¸.•´ Traci

[Guest guest]

arnie_gg wrote:

> So I feel a little guilty bringing her " forbidden " foods into the

> house. But I also don't want to hide what I'm eating. Hiding what I'm

> eating is too much of a diet mentality thing to do. I want to be

> supportive of her efforts, even if I no longer believe dieting helps

> lose weight. So I have a conflict of being supportive to her while

> doing what I need to do for myself.

I feel the same about my husband. I think he's not ready to give up

dieting or ummmmmm... " healthy eating " . He binges on the foods I bring

home like there is no tomorrow and I'm having quite negative reactions

on it.

I gave him a book about ND to read *months* ago so he could see what I

was doing. He didn't even open the cover.

Regards

s.

[Guest guest]

Unfortunately most people equate 'success' (with IE) in the same way

that dieting measures it - weight loss. True, all of us desire to

carry around less extra weight, but IE really starts with a other

'adjustments' - mainly in our own attitudes and practices which in

time set up for weight loss. That is the most difficult thing to

explain. I hope your husband can start seeing your successes and want

that for himself too.

BEST wishes - ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> I gave him (husband) a book about ND to read *months* ago so he

could see > what I was doing. He didn't even open the cover.

>

> Regards

> s.

>