Re: Still Having to Proof it?

[Guest guest]

I very much relate to what you are writing. I too have lots of

rebellion issues when it comes to eating. For sure we are both adults

and in charge of our lives. And for me that was the entire point of

legalizing what I still find myself thinking of as forbidden foods -

to return/settle/prove that I do not need to limit myself beyond what

this body of mine really wants for ITS health. Turning off or tuning

out diet mentality is just as difficult to do as stopping when

satisfied. The trick is to move the focus from EXternal limits back to

INternal limits and while that is simple, its isn't always easy either.

Good for you to rebel - I think its a first step in returning your

power and focus back to YOU. Hope you really enjoyed that chocolate!

Its my favorite love/hate food :)

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> That I can eat one package of chocolait chips in one sitting and more if

> I like to? That I can have it whenever I want now even though I wasn't

> allowed to have as much chocolate and the like as a child and my mother

> used to hide it from me? Really? Do I?

>

> Tonight I think " YES! "

>

> I ate some of them and thought " Oh, not too much of them " and then I

> could hear this voice inside myself being really pissed: " Why not? I'm

> not a little child anymore! I can have them if I want to! What's up with

> that " You shouldn't eat more than a few? Am I a little child that has to

> be told what to eat and what not to eat and how mich of it or what? "

>

> I guess, I'm still rebelling.

>

> Dammit.

>

> No wonder things don't work out eating wise. I feel like eating the

> whole package just to prove myself that I can have them all, but then

> again what exactly does this prove? And do I have to prove something at

> all? What's the benefit of it?

>

> I'm confused now.

>

> Dammit again.

>

> Regards

> s.

>

[Guest guest]

I am so excited to be here. I can't believe these conversations----

it is like someone is inside my head recording what I am thinking and

feeling into a website.....

I've read most of the recent postings and I feel like I am finally

home.

That rebellion conversation that goes on and on and on. It seems

like no matter who wins----I still have a problem. If the part that

says I should have the chocolate wins, then I end up feeling slightly

sick (I can eat an awful lot of " stuff " before I get sick) and kinda

disappointed in myself and sorry " I did it again " . If the other side

wins----I don't get the chocolate. I feel sorry for myself. Not to

mention self-rightous. But what the heck, it won't be all that long

before the conversation is revisted and then I'll get the chocolate

for sure and start the cycle over again.

I want to have some chocolate, without having to have it all and to

enjoy the heck out of it.

> >

> > That I can eat one package of chocolait chips in one sitting and

more if

> > I like to? That I can have it whenever I want now even though I

wasn't

> > allowed to have as much chocolate and the like as a child and my

mother

> > used to hide it from me? Really? Do I?

> >

> > Tonight I think " YES! "

> >

> > I ate some of them and thought " Oh, not too much of them " and

then I

> > could hear this voice inside myself being really pissed: " Why

not? I'm

> > not a little child anymore! I can have them if I want to! What's

up with

> > that " You shouldn't eat more than a few? Am I a little child that

has to

> > be told what to eat and what not to eat and how mich of it or

what? "

> >

> > I guess, I'm still rebelling.

> >

> > Dammit.

> >

> > No wonder things don't work out eating wise. I feel like eating

the

> > whole package just to prove myself that I can have them all, but

then

> > again what exactly does this prove? And do I have to prove

something at

> > all? What's the benefit of it?

> >

> > I'm confused now.

> >

> > Dammit again.

> >

> > Regards

> > s.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Katcha wrote:

> I very much relate to what you are writing. I too have lots of

> rebellion issues when it comes to eating. For sure we are both adults

> and in charge of our lives. And for me that was the entire point of

> legalizing what I still find myself thinking of as forbidden foods -

> to return/settle/prove that I do not need to limit myself beyond what

> this body of mine really wants for ITS health. Turning off or tuning

> out diet mentality is just as difficult to do as stopping when

> satisfied. The trick is to move the focus from EXternal limits back to

> INternal limits and while that is simple, its isn't always easy either.

Yes, I share the same opinion. What made me so pissed about this whole

issue was that I usually don't have the urge to eat the whole package of

something[1] anymore with rare exceptions. I might have eaten more in

the last time, e. g. three cookies where some weeks ago two might have

been ok, but I haven't eaten the whole package (and didn't have the

urge) which would have been twelve cookies.

I'm still not quite sure what exactly triggered this episode. Well, of

course it was my nervousness, anxiousness etc. - I could feel that. WHat

I'm asking myself is what was different, i. e. was it something special

that triggered this episode[2] or was it simply the one situation out of

one hundred in which I went back to the old ways because I was

" off-guard " or exhausted or whatever.

To be honest the later possibility causes more worry.

Regards

s.

[1] Well, depends on the size of the package of course. I mean the

packages that contain " more than a single serving " .

[2] Couldn't identify something here.

[Guest guest]

wrote:

> These are some of the things that I have found that can

> trigger me:

>

> 1. Anxiety

> 2. Anger

> 3. Lack of sleep

> 4. Trying out a new recipe for the first time. (If it comes out good!)

> 5. Going to a restaurant or bakery that I visit very infrequently.

> (Long distance causes " Last supper " eating.)

> 6. Not eating a large enough meal, which can lead to overindulging in

> sweets later on or " grazing " all night.

> 7. Dealing with a " toxic " relative.

> 8. Illness

These are some of my triggers, too. However, I dealt with them quite

good for the last months (i. e. not eating), so this was the reason I

was wondering.

I'm in an almost constant state of anger, anxiety, being drained and

tired and depressed at the moment. Well, to be honest it's going on

quite a bit longer than " just a moment " . It's a tough time right now and

it won't be over until three more months.

Regards

s.

[Guest guest]

I did something the other day just to prove something to myself.

I've been noticing I still don't eat certain foods in front of

people, e.g., chips although the one day I really wanted them I had a

fruity drink instead so the other day I had them in front of someone

but I really didn't want them - how strange is that.

J.

>

> That I can eat one package of chocolait chips in one sitting and

more if

> I like to? That I can have it whenever I want now even though I

wasn't

> allowed to have as much chocolate and the like as a child and my

mother

> used to hide it from me? Really? Do I?

>

> Tonight I think " YES! "

>

> I ate some of them and thought " Oh, not too much of them " and then I

> could hear this voice inside myself being really pissed: " Why not?

I'm

> not a little child anymore! I can have them if I want to! What's up

with

> that " You shouldn't eat more than a few? Am I a little child that

has to

> be told what to eat and what not to eat and how mich of it or what? "

>

> I guess, I'm still rebelling.

>

> Dammit.

>

> No wonder things don't work out eating wise. I feel like eating the

> whole package just to prove myself that I can have them all, but

then

> again what exactly does this prove? And do I have to prove

something at

> all? What's the benefit of it?

>

> I'm confused now.

>

> Dammit again.

>

> Regards

> s.

>

[Guest guest]

> I'm in an almost constant state of anger, anxiety, being drained and

> tired and depressed at the moment. Well, to be honest it's going on

> quite a bit longer than " just a moment " . It's a tough time right

now and

> it won't be over until three more months.

>

> Regards

> s.

>

If you have been under a lot of stress for an extended period of

time, that causes a whole NEW set of stressors, physically and

mentally and emotionally. I have been caring for my mother, who has

late stage Alzheimer's, for the past 8 years so I am very familiar

with THAT! Short term stress is one thing, but long term stress is

another. Long term stress can break you down mentally, physically,

and emotionally.

There are certain times in life when we have to face an exceptional

amount of stress. All we can do during these times is to try to just

hang on and get through it and cope the best way we can. Try to be

kind to yourself and accept that this is a difficult time and you are

not going to handle things as well as you might have in the past.

Also understand that once this stressful time is past, you will be

able to cope with things much better than you can at the moment.

Hang in there! Better times are coming! :-)

[Guest guest]

wrote:

> If you have been under a lot of stress for an extended period of

> time, that causes a whole NEW set of stressors, physically and

> mentally and emotionally.

It seems so. I feel completely drained and hopeless right now. I noticed

I'm still griefing (not that I had to dig deep for that revelation) and

that nothing will bring that person back into life again.

I'm terribly afraid of failing my exam and it's only 6,5 weeks right

now. I need a break. I'm exhausted. I planned taking the weekend off but

I don't know if I really will be able to do this. 6 weeks... and I feel

like I've learned nothing at all.

I feel uncomfortable in my body. Everything's aching and feels stiff and

tensed (not that I'm really surprised) and I feel that I can't trust my

hunger/satiety right now. I think I'm doing a lot of emotional eating

right now.

Regards

s.