baron speaketh Re: a personal experience

[Guest guest]

Greetings Friends:

Forgive my typing. alas...there is No Caffeine surging thru these veins this

morning. Just thought I'd " bend your ear " a bit. I decided to dress up

today, whereas I have been wearing surgical scrubs with spandex shorts and

Depends underneath. I got ingeneous and figured out a different way of

dealing with the holes in my body right now that would accomodate clothing

better. So....after a little trial and error I hooked myself up to a Kotex

Pad (heavy flow of course), shaved part of my belly and taped up the slit

that used to be my belly button. Then, the spandex shorts.....I use then as

my binder very ofen. Then I put on a nice long sleeve knit shirt, a blue

pair of navy shorts, and a braided belt that I have liked since I bought it.

I have had it shorted about 3 times already. Anyway, my point is, that after

grooming myself I looked into the mirror....no hump, nice " Gap " like dress, a

face that I am proud of and I just looked at myself. And........for the

first time in longer than I can remember, I really, really liked the guy in

the reflection of the mirror. I gazed upon my body and actually approved of

myself. Of course I found spots here and there that I didn't love....but I

figured that excercise would definitely address those areas.......and if not,

So Be It.

Why the rambling BARON!!

Well.....I'll tell ya. At 600lbs I could not even bear to set foot in my

parents house; barely 5 minutes away. My mother totally mirrored one side of

the living room/dining room and the mirror drove me insane. Or rather seeing

my Obese reflection in it. At 600lbs I was lucky to be able to buy Shorts

and Sweat Pants in 9X.....that was my daily garb. My ass would often hang

out of the shorts but I was way past caring!

At 600lbs I showered infrequently, often going days upon days without a

shower. A shower was just toooooo exerting. I would actually be tired after

a shower. It was just too hard to stand for that length of time and god

forbid I drop the soap, which was a frequent occurrence.

At 600lbs I had to contort myself in order to clean myself hygienically. At

600lbs I could barely masturbate, which was an activity that was very

important to me, considering the limitedness of my life.

Why do I talk about this?? I remind myself where I came from every day

because I NEED to keep it fresh. Not the trauma, but the respect in

compulsive overeating. And, while I am not dealing with 600lb issues.....

gaining weight is gaining weight. Tight pants, self esteem goes

down......the cycle can start again soooo easily.

So....today I relish my Reflection!!! Today I looked myself square in the

eyes and smiled a real smile. Today I found myself attractive and looked

forward to going out for a little while. Today is the first day I am actuall

" trying out " this " new humpless body " . Geez.....did that hump screw around

with my head!! Thank god for you guys.

My message to one and all. If a former 600 pound disabled, reclusive, self

loathing, unheathy, hypertensive middle aged man can change into a 195 man

handsom, entering the field of education, exercising on a regular basis,

partaking in relationships with members of the opposite sex, and planning

to move out of his apartment and buy a home can change as a result of the

TOOL of Weight Loss Surgery................then SO CAN YOU!!

I just wanted to share my GRATITUDE. Especially this morning because my

experience with the mirror was the first one decades that I can remeber

feeling this way. God....it felt good. And yet, I must remember where I

came from and live respectfully with the knowledge that I have the

inclination to " medicate " myself with food. And...if I am not vigilant, I

could easily put on weight. Maybe not 400 pounds......but I cam se 40 with

no sweat........and isn't that how we All started.

Just wanted to share my joy......one of god's Tender Mercies, if you will

with you all.

Your Pal......baron.

Rny........4/29/98.....535lbs. (lifetime achievement...600lbs.)

Current weight..........195lbs (give or take a good bowel movement)

Good Luck Everyone.....Post and Pre. I know for me, this has and contines to

be on heck of a ride....lol.

PPS.....can anyone tell me where I go to prepare a decent web site in order

to share my , hope and experience with you all. And please....I mean that

from the heart and NOT the ego.