Re: Need your thoughts...

[Guest guest]

I recently equated it to losing a friend as once you realize you

don't need or want something that's always been there for you it's

scary to think what will I do now? Sometimes it's like a grieving

process that you have to go through and feel these uncomfortable

feelings. But always know that this site and the people are here to

help you. Sometimes it's not the actual event but just the ideas

that scare us more.

Take care,

J.

>

> I had something interesting happen to me last night. I am very new

to

> this and really trying to work through the steps. I am trying very

> hard to accept that I can really have whatever I want and that

nothing

> is " good " or " bad " .

>

> Last night I took 3 of my kids out to our local pizza buffet place.

> This is a place where in the past, I either would have had just a

> salad and a small piece of chicken (no breading of course), or I

would

> go crazy and eat until I was stuffed to the gills because I was

> throwing my latest diet to the wind " just this once " .

>

> So last night before we got there, I was doing a mental talk with

> myself in my head. Telling myself it was ok to eat whatever I was

> hungry for. I was experiencing actual hunger and was trying to honor

> that. I realized that what I really wanted was mashed potatoes and

gravy.

>

> We got there and I went over to get the potatoes and gravy, and

then a

> piece of chicken, no salad (yay!). The potatoes were good and I ate

> about half of them. The chicken, not so much. I ate only a little of

> that. Then I went back to get some pizza. I kid you not, I stood

there

> looking at all that pizza and NOT ONE kind appealed to me! None!

>

> And here's where I need your help. I honestly actually panicked a

> little. I've never experienced something like this in my life! And

to

> be truthful, I felt a little...sad? I don't know. Just none of it

> looked good. I had one or two slices, but it just wasn't what I

> thought it had always been. I did let myself eat two pieces of the

> dessert pizza later and that did taste good.

>

> But wow. I'm so confused! What do you all do with these weird

> feelings? I just didn't expect to have that happen! I'm glad, but

I'm

> also feeling just so confused and almost like I'm grieving. It was

> just so strange to be sad around all this food.

>

> dawn

>

[Guest guest]

Dawn, you wrote about your experience very well I think its

wonderful that you were able to note not only what appealed or didn't,

but also that what you ate didn't really satisfy either. Yea that is a

shock and even disappointing to us who have felt we LOVED to eat

(especially so called 'junk foods') but your awareness of this entire

event and its significance to you is marvelous! Its much better than

not being able to tie cause and effect together.

Let the awareness continue and hopefully you can learn from this and

next time not be so puzzled by it, maybe even a little more curious?

Good work

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> I had something interesting happen to me last night. I am very new to

> this and really trying to work through the steps. I am trying very

> hard to accept that I can really have whatever I want and that nothing

> is " good " or " bad " .

>

> Last night I took 3 of my kids out to our local pizza buffet place.

> This is a place where in the past, I either would have had just a

> salad and a small piece of chicken (no breading of course), or I would

> go crazy and eat until I was stuffed to the gills because I was

> throwing my latest diet to the wind " just this once " .

>

> So last night before we got there, I was doing a mental talk with

> myself in my head. Telling myself it was ok to eat whatever I was

> hungry for. I was experiencing actual hunger and was trying to honor

> that. I realized that what I really wanted was mashed potatoes and

gravy.

>

> We got there and I went over to get the potatoes and gravy, and then a

> piece of chicken, no salad (yay!). The potatoes were good and I ate

> about half of them. The chicken, not so much. I ate only a little of

> that. Then I went back to get some pizza. I kid you not, I stood there

> looking at all that pizza and NOT ONE kind appealed to me! None!

>

> And here's where I need your help. I honestly actually panicked a

> little. I've never experienced something like this in my life! And to

> be truthful, I felt a little...sad? I don't know. Just none of it

> looked good. I had one or two slices, but it just wasn't what I

> thought it had always been. I did let myself eat two pieces of the

> dessert pizza later and that did taste good.

>

> But wow. I'm so confused! What do you all do with these weird

> feelings? I just didn't expect to have that happen! I'm glad, but I'm

> also feeling just so confused and almost like I'm grieving. It was

> just so strange to be sad around all this food.

>

> dawn

>

[Guest guest]

Dawn,

You had a new eating experience and that's fantastic! Feeling weird

is a sign of change and progress. Like you said, instead of only

having a salad or stuffing yourself...you listened to what you

really wanted (mash potatoes and gravy). With new experiences weird

feelings are bound to arise. I can imagine you standing in front of

the buffet and looking at the different pizzas that you've eaten in

the past, not wanting any of them, and yet feeling like you " should "

eat them cause they're available, it's " dinner " , and pizza probably

still feels a bit " forbidden " . In similar situations that I've found

myself in, I felt like I was somehow missing out by not eating what

ever item was in front of me. You know what? That pizza has been

there in the past, will still be there tomorrow, and next week, and

the week after...

When I first started practicing IE, I had a real fear that I would

no longer want certain foods that comforted me or gave me a sense of

recklessness anymore...coming to a new awareness can feel like

losing a friend like another member posted or inspire feelings of

loss and grief. How do you deal with these feelings? By doing

exactly what you're doing...recognizing that they are there, what

they mean for you, and finding ways to nurture and work with your

feelings.

I still enjoy pizza occassionally. A few weeks ago, my mom and

brother bought a large pizza from Pizza Hut, which has been a Friday

night tradition in our family since I was a teen. In the past, I

would usually eat at least 3 slices. I didn't have one slice of that

pizza...didn't want it...wasn't hungry...that was weird and

liberating at the same time...wow.

Latoya:)

[Guest guest]

Dawn, I agree, it's weird and also a bit sad when that happens. I

was standing in the supermarket the other day, knowing that my fridge

was virtually empty, yet not knowing what on earth I should buy for

dinner. *Nothing* available in that huge, well-stocked supermarket

appealed to me at that moment - not the fresh produce, not the

snacks, not the luxury goods, definitely not the frozen dinners.

I realised that so much of my eating is about distraction and emotion

and habit and seeking comfort. Thus when I really focus on what I am

actually eating and tasting, the reward/pleasure sometimes just isn't

there. Food is simply another thing, with no special powers to

improve the way I'm feeling. And at times I miss the special power

that it seemed food formerly held for me, at least temporarily to

change the way I was feeling (even if I did often end up feeling much

worse later on ... but that's another story as you probably well know

yourself).

So yes, you can go through little periods of mourning - all that

choice and freedom to have what you want, but then you realise that

what you really want is probably not edible after all. ;-)

Sig

>

.... Then I went back to get some pizza. I kid you not, I stood there

> looking at all that pizza and NOT ONE kind appealed to me! None!

>

> And here's where I need your help. I honestly actually panicked a

> little. I've never experienced something like this in my life! And

to

> be truthful, I felt a little...sad? I don't know. Just none of it

> looked good. I had one or two slices, but it just wasn't what I

> thought it had always been. I did let myself eat two pieces of the

> dessert pizza later and that did taste good.

>

> But wow. I'm so confused! What do you all do with these weird

> feelings? I just didn't expect to have that happen! I'm glad, but

I'm

> also feeling just so confused and almost like I'm grieving. It was

> just so strange to be sad around all this food.

>

[Guest guest]

Sigigee wrote: " All that choice and freedom to have what you want, but

then you realise that what you really want is probably not edible

after all " .

This sentence really hit me. Emotional eating has been a real

challenge in my life as well. We get what we want and new experience

through a variety of avenues...eating, talking, moving, sleeping,

traveling, socializing, etc. What I want at times has not be " edible "

and required more effort and vulnerabilty than eating...enter food as

a quick and easy substitute to help calm or suppress my true needs.

Writing this reminds me of the title of Geneen's Roth's book... " When

Food is Love " ...sometimes it feels like it would be easier if love was

edible.

Latoya

Practicing IE since Jan '08

[Guest guest]

So very wise Sigi. I just bought a bunch of the same chocolate covered

peanuts that I legalized when I started IE. I almost bought just a

'few' so that I could have them and remember how they had come to

taste flat and uninteresting to me. I knew that would NOT work so I

bought a LOT ;-) After eating a few, they are now sitting on my

kitchen counter in a glass jar where they look like little poo pellets

- LOL! Not appetizing at all :)

Hope you find something to drool for soon! It will happen I'm sure

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> Dawn, I agree, it's weird and also a bit sad when that happens. I

> was standing in the supermarket the other day, knowing that my fridge

> was virtually empty, yet not knowing what on earth I should buy for

> dinner. *Nothing* available in that huge, well-stocked supermarket

> appealed to me at that moment - not the fresh produce, not the

> snacks, not the luxury goods, definitely not the frozen dinners.

>

> I realised that so much of my eating is about distraction and emotion

> and habit and seeking comfort. Thus when I really focus on what I am

> actually eating and tasting, the reward/pleasure sometimes just isn't

> there. Food is simply another thing, with no special powers to

> improve the way I'm feeling. And at times I miss the special power

> that it seemed food formerly held for me, at least temporarily to

> change the way I was feeling (even if I did often end up feeling much

> worse later on ... but that's another story as you probably well know

> yourself).

>

> So yes, you can go through little periods of mourning - all that

> choice and freedom to have what you want, but then you realise that

> what you really want is probably not edible after all. ;-)

>

> Sig

>