New to the list,Finding my way once again

[Guest guest]

Im new to the list...ive been reading it since I joined and love the

posts.....finally I feel Ive found some others who are there....and

understand.....Im 57...162pds.....4ft 11 " ...I have a bad hip...scaitic

nerve....bad knees..gained back the 12pd I lost last year for I didnt go to the

Ladies only Gym in the winter....my thought process on excersise is..one

sided...I have OCD.....and Im Bi-Polar..what does that have to do with weight

loss and Excersise..well.....the medications I use caused me to gain

35lbs.......ask anyone who takes PAxil or Zolof..or now my choice Lexapro..then

the hip thing...I fell on the the ice in 1998 and my hip was out of place...Dr.

did nothing so when I couldnt walk after two years...and of coarse the MRI

showed no fracture...I went to a Chiorpractor and had it put back into place..it

took me..2 years to use the inside of my muscles again for they had

athropyed....but I was at the YMCA excersising when my hip was out saying to

myself.......Im just lazy...I can do this.....well I wasnt lazy..and I couldnt

do it...when I use to work out.....its all I thought about....I comsumed myself

with it....for having OCD thats all one can do....its like a thought that goes

over and over....I looked great and felt good but inside....I was

crazy......Manic....too much excersise makes me Manic.....so after my hip

thing.....now were talking 4 yrs....and a nervous breakdown so I had to take

medication which made me gain weight id never seen before....I started trying to

find my way back again......I have home equipment......no room to use

it....literely..so last year I went back to the ladies only gym...and did the

treadmill......45minutes to 1hr...and was really starting to feel good look

good....lost weight and bingo.......my knees started killing me......so

now..after taking the winter off......I use the set down bicycle....3 days a

week.....and I can get in the pool but....it really dont do much to take off my

belly fat.....I do have a trampoline I can use at home but.....being on a crawl

space it makes the whole house shake.......here I am.......my husband is

retired....is recovering from lung cancer...doing very well.......and

cooks......all The Time......hes at over 300lbs.....and makes it near impossible

for me to eat like I did when he was working.....when I lost the weight last

year he made comments...about.me.getting skinny....and hes not of coarse..he had

a stroke too and recovered very well but hes not a good canidate for a gym or

treadmill....and he never did like going with me in our younger days........im

at a turning point ...and kinda lost.........I have arthritis when I didint use

to....things dont bounce back like they did or should.....and I dont want to

hurt myself...im stiff but I did get the book Yogi for Arthritis.....and I did

yogi in the 1970;s when it was so popular at home......ive done so many things

to loose weight....all my life.....and I no it has to be a life style change

but with the other mental problems I have.....things get stuck.....and I get so

wrapped up in what goal I want to achive...I cant live and enjoy

today......Thank you for having this list....an for all being in different parts

of this journey........BonnieW