vent

July 23, 2002

Ellie:

So sorry to hear about Riley. Rob's legs tremble too, when he is really

hurting badly. Its bad enough with a 13 year old, but with such a little

one...I don't know how you moms cope. And as far as venting, I was an

absolute basket case on Sunday. Rob woke up after only sleeping 6 hours

crying in pain. Tylenol #3 (thank goodness jerk doc gave us more when we saw

him last.(.I more or less TOLD him he would write the prescription)...and I

do mean LAST TIME...more on that in a minute). But Monday he was walking

better, and today WITHOUT CRUTCHES though still having a lot of pain. I don't

know if things are starting to work better or he is just getting used to it,

again....

Anyway, jerk doc called me yesterday. The only reason I think that he did was

because I had called a few hours prior into his office and cancelled Rob's

next appt for 7/30. I think that was the only reason he called, or perhaps

Dr. Mier at Shriner's talked to him, they apparently email one another a lot.

Anyway, our visit to Shriners was awesome, we are very pleased with Dr. Mier,

and Rob is very glad he doesn't have to go back to the jerk. He cried when we

told him we weren't going back, he was so happy. When jerk called yesterday,

I told him exactly why we weren't coming back. Little to no reaction from

him, but from what I hear he has had many patients quit him. I just wish he

would learn to be more compassionate, unfortunately, he is the only ped rheum

in Louisville. Not any other option, and if you don't have the ability to

travel like we do you are at his mercy. Enough said.

Anyway, Val, did you get your biopsy results back yet? I hope that Robbie's

tummy was not anything serious...

Keep us posted on little Riley, Ellie, I know you will. In thought and

prayer,

and Rob 13 jas

July 23, 2002

Hi , Wow!!! Without crutches! Congratulations Rob! I'm sure it is

because he is doing better as opposed to him getting used to it. I'm glad

you got rid of Dr. Jerk. I hope things work out well with all of the future

Dr.'s You and Rob deserve no less then that. Thank you for being so sweet

and supportive. Big hugs,

Ellie and Riley 4 poly

July 23, 2002

Ellie..very sorry to hear about what is going on with Riley..maybe the

rheumy can figure out what is going on and that is something simple and can

easily be taken care of. Tab hasn't ever had this and she has severe poly

also.

As far as feeling guilty about being glad that your daughter only has

jra..and it could be worse..don't. Through the years I have seen many who

suffer with diseases worse than Tab and I was always thankful Tab only had

jra but when my child is hurting and in pain..I get angry and think why..why

must she have this..it is a normal reaction of being a mom or dad.

I hope also that you soon see the mtx. working..and my fingers are crossed

for you!!

good luck!!

karen(tab17..poly)

From: skyley8@...

Reply-

Subject: vent

Date: Mon, 22 Jul 2002 20:47:03 EDT

Hi Group,

I'm having a hard time today. It started with Riley's trembling

legs.

In the mornings. They shake in her sleep as I try to wake her. When I

carry

her to the potty I stand her up to help her get her pants down and her legs

tremble. It was a bit worse this morning and the stiffness lasted longer,

all day in fact. I don't really understand what a flair is. I feel like

life is a flair now. She has some better days, but ultimately the bad days

follow. So I took her with me to drop Skyler off at camp and felt myself

feeling defensive when people would watch her walk. Back to the old high

school " what are you looking at " feelings. Is a flair just the worse days?

Or is it after many days of it seeming better, or is it after a time of

remission? I just don't completely understand this disease yet. I

certainly

don't understand why it exists. Then a little girl gets raped and murdered

in my state and I thank God that it's only arthritis. And I feel selfish

for

feeling sorry for myself or my child. What that little angels family must

be

going through. What she must have gone through. I am so sad and angry on

so

many levels lately. I'm sorry everyone, I'm just having a hard time right

now. I guess a week just wouldn't be complete without me crying and venting

to you all. Thank you for being there.

xoxo,

Ellie and Riley 4 poly

July 24, 2002

Hi, . I had been thinking about how Rob's appt at Shriners went. Glad

you posted your update and am very glad things are looking better dr-wise

for you. Michele

Re: vent

Ellie:

So sorry to hear about Riley. Rob's legs tremble too, when he is really

hurting badly. Its bad enough with a 13 year old, but with such a little

one...I don't know how you moms cope. And as far as venting, I was an

absolute basket case on Sunday. Rob woke up after only sleeping 6 hours

crying in pain. Tylenol #3 (thank goodness jerk doc gave us more when we saw

him last.(.I more or less TOLD him he would write the prescription)...and I

do mean LAST TIME...more on that in a minute). But Monday he was walking

better, and today WITHOUT CRUTCHES though still having a lot of pain. I

don't

know if things are starting to work better or he is just getting used to it,

again....

Anyway, jerk doc called me yesterday. The only reason I think that he did

was

because I had called a few hours prior into his office and cancelled Rob's

next appt for 7/30. I think that was the only reason he called, or perhaps

Dr. Mier at Shriner's talked to him, they apparently email one another a

lot.

Anyway, our visit to Shriners was awesome, we are very pleased with Dr.

Mier,

and Rob is very glad he doesn't have to go back to the jerk. He cried when

we

told him we weren't going back, he was so happy. When jerk called yesterday,

I told him exactly why we weren't coming back. Little to no reaction from

him, but from what I hear he has had many patients quit him. I just wish he

would learn to be more compassionate, unfortunately, he is the only ped

rheum

in Louisville. Not any other option, and if you don't have the ability to

travel like we do you are at his mercy. Enough said.

Anyway, Val, did you get your biopsy results back yet? I hope that Robbie's

tummy was not anything serious...

Keep us posted on little Riley, Ellie, I know you will. In thought and

prayer,

and Rob 13 jas

October 1, 2002

Dear CZ. I am so sorry for all that you are going thru. However I know how you feel, my husband does the same kind of stuff to me, don't get me wrong he is a good man as I am sure your father is but they just don't understand how it feels to be sick all of the time, since they are not sick it is incomprehendable how we could just do nothing all day long. When I am sick and he has to do something around here, he always says "why do I have to do everything" (which he doesn't) and it makes me feel very guilty! It doesn't help that he also has to work two jobs,,, then he says "I have to work two jobs and then I have to come home and do this...." I try to be understanding, cause I know how hard it is on him, having to deal with me in pain all the time, two jobs, and helping around the house, but sometimes I feel like I'm going to strangle him. But all we can do is be understanding, and realize that in their own weird way they are trying to help, but just don't know how to go about doing it!!! Well I will let you go, take care!!! {{{{HUGS}}}} Vent Hi.I am angry at my Dad. I am having a very bad flare at the moment and today it has been hard to stand up long enough to do my dishes, clean up for my birds and shower myself. Dad is going to help me by planting some vegetables in my back yard so today he took me to a place to get seedlings and garden stuff (animal poopie). If he had not come around today I would have been using my gutter crutches around the house but I cannot do that when going out to the garden shop with him or he would tell me off for making a fuss. He expected me to help him lift 35kg (I weigh 48kg) bags of poopie and garden stuff and when I told him that I am ill and I cannot do it he just said he is sore too because he has been up since 5.30am working in his garden and he told me "you always say you are strong but when I need you to help me you never do". I say that I am strong because when I am well I am strong. I was athletic when I was a young teenager but I have been ill for long years since then.Last year I lifted 40kg of swimming pool salt and carried it through my Dad's garage and out through his back garden down the path into the pool enclosure for him so I have no idea where he gets it from that I never want to help him with stuff. If I was not such a useless piece of crap I would do a lot more active stuff. I hate sitting around unable to do much and unable to even study to keep myself occupied because my brain packs in on me at the same time my body does. It stinks. I also hate how my Dad when he says he is so ill he just does things anyway and he is able to.. like when he has "the worst imagineable migraine" he is still capable of working a 20 hour day in an office with fluorescent lighting on spreadsheets. I do not understand it because when I have "the worst imagineable migraine" I fall asleep on my toilet floor because I get so weak from vomiting that I am unable to crawl back to my bed. Am I really weak or something that I cannot just override what my body tells me and lug around huge bags of crap in the garden or is my Dad making up worse how sick he is or something?I thought that family helping someone was supposed to make them feel better not to leave them feeling really guilty and like they are being lazy when they are ill. I hate my family sometimes. Well more than sometimes. I think that if you want to help someone you should do it because you want to not because you want them to help you back or show eternal gratitude.I hate CFS. I do not want to be an idiot for so much of the time. Instead of learning programming and doing my studies I sit here taking half an hour to write half a simple email.Thanks for reading any who made it this far.CZ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ The Being Sick CommunityMessage Archives and Digest Attachment Pictures:-/messagesChat:- Scheduled Daily Chats at /chatBookmarks:-Add a website URL you have found useful./linksPersonal Complaints or problems:-Please contact a moderator email: -owner Subscription Details:-1) Individual email - means that every email sent to the list you receive.2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for you to browse. This is an excellent option if you receive alot of email.3) Web only/No mail - means that you can pop into groups at your convenience and receive no email.To modify your subscription settings please visit:- /joinTo subscribe or unsubscribe please email:--subscribe -unsubscribe ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~When nothing is sure, everything is possible.--- Margaret Drabble~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

October 1, 2002

cz-You touched a core issue I have been dealing with that has been very

painful to me since my Chicago trip to see my family. I don't know how

old your father is, or if age even matters but my parents brought us up

in a way that they did not allow us to be sick. We went to school and

all got jobs young because they pushed to the max. I f we ever did get

sick enough we were ignored. It was their frame of reference. Most of my

brothers and sisters continue in the same way. I have one with a heart

problem that had the dx made and will not go back for tx because she says

she can cope with it. I went there with throat ccaner which makes it

impossible to talk except a whisper and my sisters tried to tell me I had

the wrong diagnosis and the docs here must have made me sick. That is

what they were taught by the parents.

To me, even though I have never been close to the family I was born into

I wanted someone to tell me they cared about me because I was so ill but

got none of that. Perhaps that is what is going on with you? We all

need to be validated for who we are and what is happening for us.

Dealing with a chronic painful issue is very hard but when not supported

by folks it makes the journey more difficult. I am fortunate that i have

a couple of friends here who are my family of choice that does love and

care.

I decided when in their presence, not to argue with them or to present my

point of view, but on the same hand I did what i had to do for me to take

care of myself. I hope you can get to that point with your father. carol

On Tue, 01 Oct 2002 16:15:05 +0800 Creepy Zucchini

<creepyzucchini@...> writes:

> Hi.

>

> I am angry at my Dad. I am having a very bad flare at the moment and

>

> today it has been hard to stand up long enough to do my dishes,

> clean up

> for my birds and shower myself. Dad is going to help me by planting

> some

> vegetables in my back yard so today he took me to a place to get

> seedlings and garden stuff (animal poopie). If he had not come

> around

> today I would have been using my gutter crutches around the house

> but I

> cannot do that when going out to the garden shop with him or he

> would

> tell me off for making a fuss. He expected me to help him lift 35kg

> (I

> weigh 48kg) bags of poopie and garden stuff and when I told him that

> I

> am ill and I cannot do it he just said he is sore too because he has

>

> been up since 5.30am working in his garden and he told me " you

> always

> say you are strong but when I need you to help me you never do " . I

> say

> that I am strong because when I am well I am strong. I was athletic

> when

> I was a young teenager but I have been ill for long years since

> then.

>

> Last year I lifted 40kg of swimming pool salt and carried it through

> my

> Dad's garage and out through his back garden down the path into the

> pool

> enclosure for him so I have no idea where he gets it from that I

> never

> want to help him with stuff. If I was not such a useless piece of

> crap I

> would do a lot more active stuff. I hate sitting around unable to do

>

> much and unable to even study to keep myself occupied because my

> brain

> packs in on me at the same time my body does. It stinks. I also hate

> how

> my Dad when he says he is so ill he just does things anyway and he

> is

> able to.. like when he has " the worst imagineable migraine " he is

> still

> capable of working a 20 hour day in an office with fluorescent

> lighting

> on spreadsheets. I do not understand it because when I have " the

> worst

> imagineable migraine " I fall asleep on my toilet floor because I get

> so

> weak from vomiting that I am unable to crawl back to my bed. Am I

> really

> weak or something that I cannot just override what my body tells me

> and

> lug around huge bags of crap in the garden or is my Dad making up

> worse

> how sick he is or something?

>

> I thought that family helping someone was supposed to make them feel

>

> better not to leave them feeling really guilty and like they are

> being

> lazy when they are ill. I hate my family sometimes. Well more than

> sometimes. I think that if you want to help someone you should do it

>

> because you want to not because you want them to help you back or

> show

> eternal gratitude.

>

> I hate CFS. I do not want to be an idiot for so much of the time.

> Instead of learning programming and doing my studies I sit here

> taking

> half an hour to write half a simple email.

>

> Thanks for reading any who made it this far.

>

> CZ

>

> ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

> The Being Sick Community

>

> Message Archives and Digest Attachment Pictures:-

> /messages

>

> Chat:- Scheduled Daily Chats at

> /chat

>

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> /links

>

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> email: -owner

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> Subscription Details:-

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> receive.

> 2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for you

> to browse. This is an excellent option if you receive alot of

> email.

> 3) Web only/No mail - means that you can pop into groups at

> your convenience and receive no email.

>

> To modify your subscription settings please visit:-

> /join

>

> To subscribe or unsubscribe please email:-

> -subscribe

> -unsubscribe

>

> ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

> When nothing is sure, everything is possible.

>

> --- Margaret Drabble

>

> ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

>

October 1, 2002

Carol...

It is not okay with my Dad for anybody else to be ill or upset. He has

to be more ill or more upset than them. When I was a child, he was

sexually abusive and a slave-driver. I was pushed to achieve, to get

straight A's, to live his dreams that he failed to live. I was forced to

eat everything on my plate whether I felt like throwing up or not. I was

told " you don't like that pretty-pretty rubbish " if I ever wanted

something girly or pink that every other girl had. I was told " you don't

want to listen to that uncultured rubbish " if I ever wanted to listen to

music that was not classical.

My Dad went to jail for molesting me, and he went to therapy. He no

longer is abusive in that way and had not been for years before I ran

away from living with him. The biggest abuse he did was the controlling

stuff. When I was a child, I had long hair and I would sit there slaving

away at my music practise and working at my schoolwork with tears

running down my face and my hair in front of it. He would not notice my

tears and would talk about my future potential and all the rest. I was

not diagnosed autistic until adulthood even though I clearly was an

autistic child, simply because my father just attributed everything

weird or wrong about me to " she is just gifted " . In the end I had a

complete breakdown and tried to kill myself.

There are a few reasons why I still talk to my Dad. One is that I am

disabled and not capable of living completely independantly. Government

paid carers come on Monday and a respite carer takes me shopping every

second Thursday, but that is not nearly enough to be totally

independant. I am unable to do any gardening at all and the government

does not pay people to do mine, so someone has to do it and that someone

ends up being Dad. Another reason I still see him is that I find it

helpful to clear my head. As an adult I see his crap for what it is and

I stand up to him about it. This is I guess some sort of therapy for me.

As for illness, my Dad is always having some near fatal problem going on

but it never stops him from working long hours in a very stressful job

and from doing manual labour around the garden (usually my garden). He

always has to remind me later what an effort he puts in and how much it

harms him and how much he cannot afford it but does anyway. These days I

ignore him when he tries to get me to say thanks and feel guilty for

putting him out. I know now that he makes the choice to do it and I do

not have to feel that I made him do it.

About a year before I ran away from living with Dad, when I was twelve,

I started to get the CFS symptoms, although I was not to know it was CFS

until very recently. I was being worked an insanely hard schedule and I

had got back the previous year from five months of travel ( " working

holiday " as Dad calls it). One thing my doctor said is that I might have

picked up something on that trip, since we went to some places like

Egypt. I think maybe I could have kept going with the amount of work and

lifestyle my father imposed upon me had I not started to get so ill. I

have had the CFS symptoms at least one episode per year every year since.

I think my Dad is the opposite of yours. My Dad is always going on about

how ill he is with this and that but he never does make a fuss with the

doctors. A few people have said to me that maybe he does not make a fuss

with the doctors because he is not as ill as he goes around saying he

is. The thing in common though is that the kids were trained to " soldier

on " .

Take care... I hope your throat cancer is healing and I am glad you have

some supportive friends.

CZ

songofjoy4ever@... wrote:

> cz-You touched a core issue I have been dealing with that has been very

> painful to me since my Chicago trip to see my family. I don't know how

> old your father is, or if age even matters but my parents brought us up

> in a way that they did not allow us to be sick. We went to school and

> all got jobs young because they pushed to the max. I f we ever did get

> sick enough we were ignored. It was their frame of reference. Most of my

> brothers and sisters continue in the same way. I have one with a heart

> problem that had the dx made and will not go back for tx because she says

> she can cope with it. I went there with throat ccaner which makes it

> impossible to talk except a whisper and my sisters tried to tell me I had

> the wrong diagnosis and the docs here must have made me sick. That is

> what they were taught by the parents.

> To me, even though I have never been close to the family I was born into

> I wanted someone to tell me they cared about me because I was so ill but

> got none of that. Perhaps that is what is going on with you? We all

> need to be validated for who we are and what is happening for us.

> Dealing with a chronic painful issue is very hard but when not supported

> by folks it makes the journey more difficult. I am fortunate that i have

> a couple of friends here who are my family of choice that does love and

> care.

> I decided when in their presence, not to argue with them or to present my

> point of view, but on the same hand I did what i had to do for me to take

> care of myself. I hope you can get to that point with your father. carol

> On Tue, 01 Oct 2002 16:15:05 +0800 Creepy Zucchini

> <creepyzucchini@...> writes:

>

>>Hi.

>>

>>I am angry at my Dad. I am having a very bad flare at the moment and

>>

>>today it has been hard to stand up long enough to do my dishes,

>>clean up

>>for my birds and shower myself. Dad is going to help me by planting

>>some

>>vegetables in my back yard so today he took me to a place to get

>>seedlings and garden stuff (animal poopie). If he had not come

>>around

>>today I would have been using my gutter crutches around the house

>>but I

>>cannot do that when going out to the garden shop with him or he

>>would

>>tell me off for making a fuss. He expected me to help him lift 35kg

>>(I

>>weigh 48kg) bags of poopie and garden stuff and when I told him that

>>I

>>am ill and I cannot do it he just said he is sore too because he has

>>

>>been up since 5.30am working in his garden and he told me " you

>>always

>>say you are strong but when I need you to help me you never do " . I

>>say

>>that I am strong because when I am well I am strong. I was athletic

>>when

>>I was a young teenager but I have been ill for long years since

>>then.

>>

>>Last year I lifted 40kg of swimming pool salt and carried it through

>>my

>>Dad's garage and out through his back garden down the path into the

>>pool

>>enclosure for him so I have no idea where he gets it from that I

>>never

>>want to help him with stuff. If I was not such a useless piece of

>>crap I

>>would do a lot more active stuff. I hate sitting around unable to do

>>

>>much and unable to even study to keep myself occupied because my

>>brain

>>packs in on me at the same time my body does. It stinks. I also hate

>>how

>>my Dad when he says he is so ill he just does things anyway and he

>>is

>>able to.. like when he has " the worst imagineable migraine " he is

>>still

>>capable of working a 20 hour day in an office with fluorescent

>>lighting

>>on spreadsheets. I do not understand it because when I have " the

>>worst

>>imagineable migraine " I fall asleep on my toilet floor because I get

>>so

>>weak from vomiting that I am unable to crawl back to my bed. Am I

>>really

>>weak or something that I cannot just override what my body tells me

>>and

>>lug around huge bags of crap in the garden or is my Dad making up

>>worse

>>how sick he is or something?

>>

>>I thought that family helping someone was supposed to make them feel

>>

>>better not to leave them feeling really guilty and like they are

>>being

>>lazy when they are ill. I hate my family sometimes. Well more than

>>sometimes. I think that if you want to help someone you should do it

>>

>>because you want to not because you want them to help you back or

>>show

>>eternal gratitude.

>>

>>I hate CFS. I do not want to be an idiot for so much of the time.

>>Instead of learning programming and doing my studies I sit here

>>taking

>>half an hour to write half a simple email.

>>

>>Thanks for reading any who made it this far.

>>

>>CZ

>>

>>~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

>> The Being Sick Community

>>

>>Message Archives and Digest Attachment Pictures:-

>>/messages

>>

>>Chat:- Scheduled Daily Chats at

>>/chat

>>

>>Bookmarks:-

>>Add a website URL you have found useful.

>>/links

>>

>>Personal Complaints or problems:-

>>Please contact a moderator

>>email: -owner

>>

>>Subscription Details:-

>>1) Individual email - means that every email sent to the list you

>>receive.

>>2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for you

>>to browse. This is an excellent option if you receive alot of

>>email.

>>3) Web only/No mail - means that you can pop into groups at

>>your convenience and receive no email.

>>

>>To modify your subscription settings please visit:-

>>/join

>>

>>To subscribe or unsubscribe please email:-

>>-subscribe

>>-unsubscribe

>>

>>~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

>>When nothing is sure, everything is possible.

>>

>>--- Margaret Drabble

>>

>>~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

>>

October 1, 2002

cz-I am so sorry you have had to endure all of this with him and it sure

sounds like he is not as sick to me. I feel it is good that you do speak

what you think with him. carol

On Wed, 02 Oct 2002 09:05:11 +0800 Creepy Zucchini

<creepyzucchini@...> writes:

> Carol...

>

> It is not okay with my Dad for anybody else to be ill or upset. He

> has

> to be more ill or more upset than them. When I was a child, he was

> sexually abusive and a slave-driver. I was pushed to achieve, to get

>

> straight A's, to live his dreams that he failed to live. I was

> forced to

> eat everything on my plate whether I felt like throwing up or not. I

> was

> told " you don't like that pretty-pretty rubbish " if I ever wanted

> something girly or pink that every other girl had. I was told " you

> don't

> want to listen to that uncultured rubbish " if I ever wanted to

> listen to

> music that was not classical.

>

> My Dad went to jail for molesting me, and he went to therapy. He no

>

> longer is abusive in that way and had not been for years before I

> ran

> away from living with him. The biggest abuse he did was the

> controlling

> stuff. When I was a child, I had long hair and I would sit there

> slaving

> away at my music practise and working at my schoolwork with tears

> running down my face and my hair in front of it. He would not notice

> my

> tears and would talk about my future potential and all the rest. I

> was

> not diagnosed autistic until adulthood even though I clearly was an

>

> autistic child, simply because my father just attributed everything

>

> weird or wrong about me to " she is just gifted " . In the end I had a

>

> complete breakdown and tried to kill myself.

>

> There are a few reasons why I still talk to my Dad. One is that I am

>

> disabled and not capable of living completely independantly.

> Government

> paid carers come on Monday and a respite carer takes me shopping

> every

> second Thursday, but that is not nearly enough to be totally

> independant. I am unable to do any gardening at all and the

> government

> does not pay people to do mine, so someone has to do it and that

> someone

> ends up being Dad. Another reason I still see him is that I find it

>

> helpful to clear my head. As an adult I see his crap for what it is

> and

> I stand up to him about it. This is I guess some sort of therapy for

> me.

>

> As for illness, my Dad is always having some near fatal problem

> going on

> but it never stops him from working long hours in a very stressful

> job

> and from doing manual labour around the garden (usually my garden).

> He

> always has to remind me later what an effort he puts in and how much

> it

> harms him and how much he cannot afford it but does anyway. These

> days I

> ignore him when he tries to get me to say thanks and feel guilty for

>

> putting him out. I know now that he makes the choice to do it and I

> do

> not have to feel that I made him do it.

>

> About a year before I ran away from living with Dad, when I was

> twelve,

> I started to get the CFS symptoms, although I was not to know it was

> CFS

> until very recently. I was being worked an insanely hard schedule

> and I

> had got back the previous year from five months of travel ( " working

>

> holiday " as Dad calls it). One thing my doctor said is that I might

> have

> picked up something on that trip, since we went to some places like

>

> Egypt. I think maybe I could have kept going with the amount of work

> and

> lifestyle my father imposed upon me had I not started to get so ill.

> I

> have had the CFS symptoms at least one episode per year every year

> since.

>

> I think my Dad is the opposite of yours. My Dad is always going on

> about

> how ill he is with this and that but he never does make a fuss with

> the

> doctors. A few people have said to me that maybe he does not make a

> fuss

> with the doctors because he is not as ill as he goes around saying

> he

> is. The thing in common though is that the kids were trained to

> " soldier

> on " .

>

> Take care... I hope your throat cancer is healing and I am glad you

> have

> some supportive friends.

>

> CZ

>

> songofjoy4ever@... wrote:

> > cz-You touched a core issue I have been dealing with that has been

> very

> > painful to me since my Chicago trip to see my family. I don't

> know how

> > old your father is, or if age even matters but my parents brought

> us up

> > in a way that they did not allow us to be sick. We went to school

> and

> > all got jobs young because they pushed to the max. I f we ever

> did get

> > sick enough we were ignored. It was their frame of reference.

> Most of my

> > brothers and sisters continue in the same way. I have one with a

> heart

> > problem that had the dx made and will not go back for tx because

> she says

> > she can cope with it. I went there with throat ccaner which makes

> it

> > impossible to talk except a whisper and my sisters tried to tell

> me I had

> > the wrong diagnosis and the docs here must have made me sick.

> That is

> > what they were taught by the parents.

> > To me, even though I have never been close to the family I was

> born into

> > I wanted someone to tell me they cared about me because I was so

> ill but

> > got none of that. Perhaps that is what is going on with you? We

> all

> > need to be validated for who we are and what is happening for us.

>

> > Dealing with a chronic painful issue is very hard but when not

> supported

> > by folks it makes the journey more difficult. I am fortunate that

> i have

> > a couple of friends here who are my family of choice that does

> love and

> > care.

> > I decided when in their presence, not to argue with them or to

> present my

> > point of view, but on the same hand I did what i had to do for me

> to take

> > care of myself. I hope you can get to that point with your father.

> carol

> > On Tue, 01 Oct 2002 16:15:05 +0800 Creepy Zucchini

> > <creepyzucchini@...> writes:

> >

> >>Hi.

> >>

> >>I am angry at my Dad. I am having a very bad flare at the moment

> and

> >>

> >>today it has been hard to stand up long enough to do my dishes,

> >>clean up

> >>for my birds and shower myself. Dad is going to help me by

> planting

> >>some

> >>vegetables in my back yard so today he took me to a place to get

> >>seedlings and garden stuff (animal poopie). If he had not come

> >>around

> >>today I would have been using my gutter crutches around the house

>

> >>but I

> >>cannot do that when going out to the garden shop with him or he

> >>would

> >>tell me off for making a fuss. He expected me to help him lift

> 35kg

> >>(I

> >>weigh 48kg) bags of poopie and garden stuff and when I told him

> that

> >>I

> >>am ill and I cannot do it he just said he is sore too because he

> has

> >>

> >>been up since 5.30am working in his garden and he told me " you

> >>always

> >>say you are strong but when I need you to help me you never do " . I

>

> >>say

> >>that I am strong because when I am well I am strong. I was

> athletic

> >>when

> >>I was a young teenager but I have been ill for long years since

> >>then.

> >>

> >>Last year I lifted 40kg of swimming pool salt and carried it

> through

> >>my

> >>Dad's garage and out through his back garden down the path into

> the

> >>pool

> >>enclosure for him so I have no idea where he gets it from that I

> >>never

> >>want to help him with stuff. If I was not such a useless piece of

>

> >>crap I

> >>would do a lot more active stuff. I hate sitting around unable to

> do

> >>

> >>much and unable to even study to keep myself occupied because my

> >>brain

> >>packs in on me at the same time my body does. It stinks. I also

> hate

> >>how

> >>my Dad when he says he is so ill he just does things anyway and he

>

> >>is

> >>able to.. like when he has " the worst imagineable migraine " he is

> >>still

> >>capable of working a 20 hour day in an office with fluorescent

> >>lighting

> >>on spreadsheets. I do not understand it because when I have " the

> >>worst

> >>imagineable migraine " I fall asleep on my toilet floor because I

> get

> >>so

> >>weak from vomiting that I am unable to crawl back to my bed. Am I

>

> >>really

> >>weak or something that I cannot just override what my body tells

> me

> >>and

> >>lug around huge bags of crap in the garden or is my Dad making up

>

> >>worse

> >>how sick he is or something?

> >>

> >>I thought that family helping someone was supposed to make them

> feel

> >>

> >>better not to leave them feeling really guilty and like they are

> >>being

> >>lazy when they are ill. I hate my family sometimes. Well more than

>

> >>sometimes. I think that if you want to help someone you should do

> it

> >>

> >>because you want to not because you want them to help you back or

>

> >>show

> >>eternal gratitude.

> >>

> >>I hate CFS. I do not want to be an idiot for so much of the time.

>

> >>Instead of learning programming and doing my studies I sit here

> >>taking

> >>half an hour to write half a simple email.

> >>

> >>Thanks for reading any who made it this far.

> >>

> >>CZ

> >>

> >>~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

> >> The Being Sick Community

> >>

> >>Message Archives and Digest Attachment Pictures:-

> >>/messages

> >>

> >>Chat:- Scheduled Daily Chats at

> >>/chat

> >>

> >>Bookmarks:-

> >>Add a website URL you have found useful.

> >>/links

> >>

> >>Personal Complaints or problems:-

> >>Please contact a moderator

> >>email: -owner

> >>

> >>Subscription Details:-

> >>1) Individual email - means that every email sent to the list you

>

> >>receive.

> >>2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for

> you

> >>to browse. This is an excellent option if you receive alot of

> >>email.

> >>3) Web only/No mail - means that you can pop into groups at

> >>your convenience and receive no email.

> >>

> >>To modify your subscription settings please visit:-

> >>/join> >>

> >>To subscribe or unsubscribe please email:-

> >>-subscribe

> >>-unsubscribe

> >>

> >>~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

> >>When nothing is sure, everything is possible.

> >>

> >>--- Margaret Drabble

> >>

> >>~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

> >>

October 4, 2002

FIRST CZ, Your NOT useless!!! You are a human being that has feelings and is ill which makes it Harder for you to do things in the first place! My Opinion, your Dad is just giving you a guilt trip!!! it seems like some folks get their enjoyment out of making others as miserable as they are... You CAN use your crutches around him or anyone else when you need them... They do not have the right to Judge you and cut you down... He must feel Very guilty about something else to keep putting blame back at you by putting you down all the time... If he can work while he is ill, then more power to him... Not All folks are alike in how they can manage their pain... What can make one person keel over in agony, Won't do that to everyone else... Everyone has a different tolerance to pain!!!

PLEASE do not cut your self down over what he thinks and what he says to you... He must think he still needs to be the bad guy, even since you have grown up... Oh CZ, Please do not let him get you down!!! You are a Person that has MUCH love in your heart as you show with how you take care of your birds and how his meanness to you affected you... HE is the one with the Major Problem, NOT YOU my Friend... You only have to worry about yourself and what affects you... You have to be able to live with yourself! What he thinks doesn't mean anything !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You re NOT and idiot !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you are one for not being able to remember all that you are learning and for taking so long to answer an email, then I guess I am one also, along with Most of the others on here, as our biggest problems with CFS and Fibro is trying to remember and the constant pain we are in everyday of our lives that never goes away...

IN MY BOOK, I Think that Makes us The stronger one, over the ones that think they are better than we are )

Hang in there, You are You !!! You have No one to impress but Yourself !!!!!!!!!!!

((((((( Huge AngelBear Hugs )))))))

Helen

I am angry at my Dad. I am having a very bad flare at the moment and

today it has been hard to stand up long enough to do my dishes, clean up

for my birds and shower myself. Dad is going to help me by planting some

vegetables in my back yard so today he took me to a place to get

seedlings and garden stuff (animal poopie). If he had not come around

today I would have been using my gutter crutches around the house but I

cannot do that when going out to the garden shop with him or he would

tell me off for making a fuss. He expected me to help him lift 35kg (I

weigh 48kg) bags of poopie and garden stuff and when I told him that I

am ill and I cannot do it he just said he is sore too because he has

been up since 5.30am working in his garden and he told me "you always

say you are strong but when I need you to help me you never do". I say

that I am strong because when I am well I am strong. I was athletic when

I was a young teenager but I have been ill for long years since then.

Last year I lifted 40kg of swimming pool salt and carried it through my

Dad's garage and out through his back garden down the path into the pool

enclosure for him so I have no idea where he gets it from that I never

want to help him with stuff. If I was not such a useless piece of crap I

would do a lot more active stuff. I hate sitting around unable to do

much and unable to even study to keep myself occupied because my brain

packs in on me at the same time my body does. It stinks. I also hate how

my Dad when he says he is so ill he just does things anyway and he is

able to.. like when he has "the worst imagineable migraine" he is still

capable of working a 20 hour day in an office with fluorescent lighting

on spreadsheets. I do not understand it because when I have "the worst

imagineable migraine" I fall asleep on my toilet floor because I get so

weak from vomiting that I am unable to crawl back to my bed. Am I really

weak or something that I cannot just override what my body tells me and

lug around huge bags of crap in the garden or is my Dad making up worse

how sick he is or something?

I thought that family helping someone was supposed to make them feel

better not to leave them feeling really guilty and like they are being

lazy when they are ill. I hate my family sometimes. Well more than

sometimes. I think that if you want to help someone you should do it

because you want to not because you want them to help you back or show

eternal gratitude.

I hate CFS. I do not want to be an idiot for so much of the time.

Instead of learning programming and doing my studies I sit here taking

half an hour to write half a simple email.

Thanks for reading any who made it this far.

CZ

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October 4, 2002

Alright folks, your getting me teary eyed here... Bringing back memories of when my children were little and all through school and there friends all said the same thing... I was Never known as Mrs , I was Always called Mom by every child that ever entered our home, and some adults also, and that was by their choice...

Love Ya

Helen

I agree with you . Helen would be a great Mom.

CZ

son wrote:

> Dear CZ, I am so sorry to hear about the hell you have been thru. But

> I'm glad you are able to talk about it. I think that means you are

> dealing with it, and you'll be ok. Its alright to be mad- sometimes life

> just sucks for no reason, doesnt it? Isnt this group better than a

> shrink? I have just decided to choose my family from now on. Yea, I want

> Helen to be the Mom. You hang in there. & keep looking for some

> help. Love,

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October 4, 2002

Hmmm, You might want to think more about that ) Grounded our daughter for Three months when she was a teen!!! Should Never lie to the Mama for the third time !!!

) Being Needed and Wanted is the Best medicine that anyone can do for others... Always remember, Only treat others the same way that you want to be treated... If a person treats you bad then just ignore that person until they can become a civil human being again... If they never do, then you have not lost out on anything... Just makes you the stronger one... )

((( Happy Hugs )))

Helen

I agree too!!!! You think she would adopt all of us????? LOL. Just kidding Helen!!!!

{{{{hugs}}}}

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October 4, 2002

awww, Helen we just love you!!!!! Re: re: vent Alright folks, your getting me teary eyed here... Bringing back memories of when my children were little and all through school and there friends all said the same thing... I was Never known as Mrs , I was Always called Mom by every child that ever entered our home, and some adults also, and that was by their choice...Love YaHelen I agree with you . Helen would be a great Mom.CZ son wrote:> Dear CZ, I am so sorry to hear about the hell you have been thru. But > I'm glad you are able to talk about it. I think that means you are > dealing with it, and you'll be ok. Its alright to be mad- sometimes life > just sucks for no reason, doesnt it? Isnt this group better than a > shrink? I have just decided to choose my family from now on. Yea, I want > Helen to be the Mom. You hang in there. & keep looking for some > help. Love, <center> Signature Creations by PANDORASBOX8 </center> ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ The Being Sick CommunityMessage Archives and Digest Attachment Pictures:-/messagesChat:- Scheduled Daily Chats at /chatBookmarks:-Add a website URL you have found useful./linksPersonal Complaints or problems:-Please contact a moderator email: -owner Subscription Details:-1) Individual email - means that every email sent to the list you receive.2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for you to browse. This is an excellent option if you receive alot of email.3) Web only/No mail - means that you can pop into groups at your convenience and receive no email.To modify your subscription settings please visit:- /joinTo subscribe or unsubscribe please email:--subscribe -unsubscribe ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~When nothing is sure, everything is possible.--- Margaret Drabble~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

October 4, 2002

Helen, Lol,

Sounds like something I have to do to my daughter!!!

--

- In @y..., angelbear1129@a... wrote:

> Hmmm, You might want to think more about that ) Grounded our

daughter

> for Three months when she was a teen!!! Should Never lie to the

Mama for the

> third time !!!

> ) Being Needed and Wanted is the Best medicine that anyone can

do for

> others... Always remember, Only treat others the same way that you

want to be

> treated... If a person treats you bad then just ignore that person

until they

> can become a civil human being again... If they never do, then you

have not

> lost out on anything... Just makes you the stronger one... )

> ((( Happy Hugs )))

> Helen

>

> > I agree too!!!! You think she would adopt all of us????? LOL.

Just kidding

> > Helen!!!!

> > {{{{hugs}}}}

> >

>

> <center>

>

> Signature Creations by

>

> <A HREF= " http://www.wtv-zone.com/pandy2/ " > PANDORASBOX8 </A>

>

> </center>

October 4, 2002

Thank you for your kind words Helen. It means a lot.

CZ

angelbear1129@... wrote:

> */ FIRST CZ, Your NOT useless!!! You are a human being that has

> feelings and is ill which makes it Harder for you to do things in the

> first place! My _Opinion_, your Dad is just giving you a guilt trip!!!

> it seems like some folks get their enjoyment out of making others as

> miserable as they are... You CAN use your crutches around him or anyone

> else when you need them... They do not have the right to Judge you and

> cut you down... He must feel Very guilty about something else to keep

> putting blame back at you by putting you down all the time... If he can

> work while he is ill, then more power to him... Not All folks are alike

> in how they can manage their pain... What can make one person keel over

> in agony, Won't do that to everyone else... Everyone has a different

> tolerance to pain!!! /**//*

>

> */ PLEASE do not cut your self down over what he thinks and what he

> says to you... He must think he still needs to be the bad guy, even

> since you have grown up... Oh CZ, Please do not let him get you down!!!

> You are a Person that has MUCH love in your heart as you show with how

> you take care of your birds and how his meanness to you affected you...

> _HE_ is the one with the Major Problem, _NOT YOU_ my Friend... You only

> have to worry about yourself and what affects you... You have to be able

> to live with yourself! What he thinks doesn't mean anything

> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You re _NOT_ and idiot !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> If you are one for not being able to remember all that you are learning

> and for taking so long to answer an email, then I guess I am one also,

> along with Most of the others on here, as our biggest problems with CFS

> and Fibro is trying to remember and the constant pain we are in everyday

> of our lives that never goes away...

> IN MY BOOK, I Think that Makes us The stronger one, over the ones that

> think they are better than we are )

> Hang in there, You are You !!! You have No one to impress but Yourself

> !!!!!!!!!!!

> ((((((( Huge AngelBear Hugs )))))))

> Helen/**//*

>

>>

>> I am angry at my Dad. I am having a very bad flare at the moment and

>> today it has been hard to stand up long enough to do my dishes, clean up

>> for my birds and shower myself. Dad is going to help me by planting some

>> vegetables in my back yard so today he took me to a place to get

>> seedlings and garden stuff (animal poopie). If he had not come around

>> today I would have been using my gutter crutches around the house but I

>> cannot do that when going out to the garden shop with him or he would

>> tell me off for making a fuss. He expected me to help him lift 35kg (I

>> weigh 48kg) bags of poopie and garden stuff and when I told him that I

>> am ill and I cannot do it he just said he is sore too because he has

>> been up since 5.30am working in his garden and he told me " you always

>> say you are strong but when I need you to help me you never do " . I say

>> that I am strong because when I am well I am strong. I was athletic when

>> I was a young teenager but I have been ill for long years since then.

>>

>> Last year I lifted 40kg of swimming pool salt and carried it through my

>> Dad's garage and out through his back garden down the path into the pool

>> enclosure for him so I have no idea where he gets it from that I never

>> want to help him with stuff. If I was not such a useless piece of crap I

>> would do a lot more active stuff. I hate sitting around unable to do

>> much and unable to even study to keep myself occupied because my brain

>> packs in on me at the same time my body does. It stinks. I also hate how

>> my Dad when he says he is so ill he just does things anyway and he is

>> able to.. like when he has " the worst imagineable migraine " he is still

>> capable of working a 20 hour day in an office with fluorescent lighting

>> on spreadsheets. I do not understand it because when I have " the worst

>> imagineable migraine " I fall asleep on my toilet floor because I get so

>> weak from vomiting that I am unable to crawl back to my bed. Am I really

>> weak or something that I cannot just override what my body tells me and

>> lug around huge bags of crap in the garden or is my Dad making up worse

>> how sick he is or something?

>>

>> I thought that family helping someone was supposed to make them feel

>> better not to leave them feeling really guilty and like they are being

>> lazy when they are ill. I hate my family sometimes. Well more than

>> sometimes. I think that if you want to help someone you should do it

>> because you want to not because you want them to help you back or show

>> eternal gratitude.

>>

>> I hate CFS. I do not want to be an idiot for so much of the time.

>> Instead of learning programming and doing my studies I sit here taking

>> half an hour to write half a simple email.

>>

>> Thanks for reading any who made it this far.

>>

>> CZ

>

> */

>

> /*

>

> *//*

> <center>

>

> Signature Creations by

>

> */

> PANDORASBOX8 <http://www.wtv-zone.com/pandy2/>/*

>

> </center>

>

> */ /**//*

>

> ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

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>

> Message Archives and Digest Attachment Pictures:-

> /messages

>

> Chat:- Scheduled Daily Chats at

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> Personal Complaints or problems:-

> Please contact a moderator

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>

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>

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>

October 5, 2002

Hi Helen,

Just want to echo................... I just love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for my slow replies lately, will try to be online more often.........

Ling

Re: re: vent

Alright folks, your getting me teary eyed here... Bringing back memories of when my children were little and all through school and there friends all said the same thing... I was Never known as Mrs , I was Always called Mom by every child that ever entered our home, and some adults also, and that was by their choice...Love YaHelen

I agree with you . Helen would be a great Mom.CZ son wrote:> Dear CZ, I am so sorry to hear about the hell you have been thru. But > I'm glad you are able to talk about it. I think that means you are > dealing with it, and you'll be ok. Its alright to be mad- sometimes life > just sucks for no reason, doesnt it? Isnt this group better than a > shrink? I have just decided to choose my family from now on. Yea, I want > Helen to be the Mom. You hang in there. & keep looking for some > help. Love,

<center> Signature Creations by PANDORASBOX8 </center> ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ The Being Sick CommunityMessage Archives and Digest Attachment Pictures:-/messagesChat:- Scheduled Daily Chats at /chatBookmarks:-Add a website URL you have found useful./linksPersonal Complaints or problems:-Please contact a moderator email: -owner Subscription Details:-1) Individual email - means that every email sent to the list you receive.2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for you to browse. This is an excellent option if you receive alot of email.3) Web only/No mail - means that you can pop into groups at your convenience and receive no email.To modify your subscription settings please visit:- /joinTo subscribe or unsubscribe please email:--subscribe -unsubscribe ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~When nothing is sure, everything is possible.--- Margaret Drabble~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

October 6, 2002

You are ALL such Sweethearts !!! This is the kind of Family we ALL need! Helping, Caring and Loving...

You come online when you are able too... You are very busy this time of year... Your job is a Very *important* one!!! You Help the children!!!!!!!!!!

((( Much Love and Many Hugs )))

Helen

Hi Helen,

Just want to echo................... I just love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for my slow replies lately, will try to be online more often.........

Ling

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October 7, 2002

I agree!!!! Lets just choose this as our family!!! lol Re: re: vent You are ALL such Sweethearts !!! This is the kind of Family we ALL need! Helping, Caring and Loving... You come online when you are able too... You are very busy this time of year... Your job is a Very *important* one!!! You Help the children!!!!!!!!!! ((( Much Love and Many Hugs ))) Helen Hi Helen,Just want to echo................... I just love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Sorry for my slow replies lately, will try to be online more often.........Ling <center> Signature Creations by PANDORASBOX8 </center> ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ The Being Sick CommunityMessage Archives and Digest Attachment Pictures:-/messagesChat:- Scheduled Daily Chats at /chatBookmarks:-Add a website URL you have found useful./linksPersonal Complaints or problems:-Please contact a moderator email: -owner Subscription Details:-1) Individual email - means that every email sent to the list you receive.2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for you to browse. This is an excellent option if you receive alot of email.3) Web only/No mail - means that you can pop into groups at your convenience and receive no email.To modify your subscription settings please visit:- /joinTo subscribe or unsubscribe please email:--subscribe -unsubscribe ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~When nothing is sure, everything is possible.--- Margaret Drabble~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

October 8, 2002

Glad it helps you also )

Yes Mdm! Will try to be online more often! This will help me to destress........

Ling

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October 8, 2002

Yes Mdm! Will try to be online more often! This will help me to destress........

Ling

Re: re: vent

You are ALL such Sweethearts !!! This is the kind of Family we ALL need! Helping, Caring and Loving... You come online when you are able too... You are very busy this time of year... Your job is a Very *important* one!!! You Help the children!!!!!!!!!! ((( Much Love and Many Hugs ))) Helen

Hi Helen,Just want to echo................... I just love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Sorry for my slow replies lately, will try to be online more often.........Ling

February 4, 2003

wow susan-you sure have a lot on your plate right now and am so sorry you

are having to deal with all of this at the same time. sure hope that

things settle down for you soon. carol

On Wed, 05 Feb 2003 00:37:27 -0000 " paulsons5 <paulsons5@...> "

<paulsons5@...> writes:

> I have to vent, before I blow. The last few weeks have just been

> hell, and its not getting any better. Every day its something else.

> We got into it with my now eldest dtr, Bridezilla. That, in itself

> almost sent me over the edge. I kept thinking she was just going

> crazy, and would come around, but I will never get over the hateful

>

> things she said to us. Then she sent an email to my youngest 2,

> saying they can no longer be in her wedding, because " thier parents "

>

> have made it clear that her wedding will be a financial burdon. She

>

> knows we are in debt up to our eyeballs from last year & legal fees,

>

> says quite frankly WE do not understand why you are still living

> paycheck to paycheck! I am so furious w her, I am ashamed that I

> raised her. I dont even know if we are invited now. She hasnt spoken

>

> to us in weeks, and says she will never come over here again, or

> bring the kids to visit. I just lost another kid, and all 3 of my

> grandkids.

> Lost another friend, to a brain anuerism, buried him yesterday.

> Couldnt go to his wake, had to get back home, had just picked up

> Sara

> from school with a stiff neck, and was quite worried.

> And I had to be here for the phone conference with my dads dr in

> Santa Fe. He has quit dialysis, and doesnt want to call Hospice,

> doesnt want strangers in his house, and could I come take care of

> him

> while he dies? I used to be a hospice nurse, and it shouldnt take

> more than a couple weeks.....he is doing bloodwork, so he can call

> me

> back & give me a better time frame......

> I have to get the car fixed before I can drive down there- Jeff got

>

> into a fender bender Friday afternoon. He got a ticket for unsafe

> backing- I have to be in court w him on the 26th. I can make appt w

>

> city atty to get deferral...still have to go to court, plus UPS

> hours, etc, etc,.....

> I got my drivers license renewed today, I spaced it out and let it

> expire.....

> Am refinancing the house, to get out of the hole, and should have

> closing within the next 2 weeks....Have to be here to sign the

> papers, and we need it asap.

> Kept Sara home from school today, she woke up so stiff she cant turn

>

> her head at all.........looks like muscle spasms, no other symptoms,

>

> cant remember any injury, and every time I mention dr, she says it

> is

> better & she wont go.

> I still need to get my bloodwork done, so havent gone back to dr

> myself, and am still having chest pains- dont think I've gotten over

>

> the pericarditis........

> And then theres the taxes, all over the table & almost done....and

> the checkbook, and paper piles that I swore I would get organized..

> And they're all home now, & want to be fed..........

> Thanks for saving my sanity! Love,

>

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February 5, 2003

(((((((SUSAN)))))))

The only thing that comes to mind about your eldest daughter is that if

she disinvites you to the wedding, she will regret it for the rest of

her life. I hope she comes to realize that soon. I'm so glad that you

were able to vent to us, and do it as often as you can! When I'm

feeling overwhelmed, that is the time to pamper myself. Are you doing

things for yourself during all of this? It is essential! I'm

thinking of you, and I hope that decisions will come to you, and you

will feel good about making them. It is okay to tell people that you

just can't take care of everyone...you have to take care of yourself. I

have a really hard time with that one, but remember it is okay. Take

care dear friend, and remember we are here for you when you need us.

Many many hugs,

---

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February 6, 2003

(((((( BIG HUGS ))))))

SUSAN

That's what we're here for !!! You sure have had a Lot to deal with ( Make sure you hold your ground with your daughter... she'll come around eventually... Remember, children can be very hurtful at times... We have had to go through all that also, it is no fun (

Does it ever end ??? All you can do is take One day at a time... Count to ten each time your ready to explode, then drop us a line!

I hope your father is holding on as best as he can... Saying Prayers for you to have the Strength to deal with all that is going on... Here's an Angel to keep with you for when you need Extra Strenght...

i hope you are able to get to a Dr. soon about your chest pains... Pericarditis isn't something to mess with... you know that four letter word that we don't get to use very often???

R E S T !!!

Do the best that you can my Friend...

((( Blessed Hugs )))

Love

Helen

I have to vent, before I blow. The last few weeks have just been

hell, and its not getting any better. Every day its something else.

We got into it with my now eldest dtr, Bridezilla. That, in itself

almost sent me over the edge. I kept thinking she was just going

crazy, and would come around, but I will never get over the hateful

things she said to us. Then she sent an email to my youngest 2,

saying they can no longer be in her wedding, because "thier parents"

have made it clear that her wedding will be a financial burdon. She

knows we are in debt up to our eyeballs from last year & legal fees,

says quite frankly WE do not understand why you are still living

paycheck to paycheck! I am so furious w her, I am ashamed that I

raised her. I dont even know if we are invited now. She hasnt spoken

to us in weeks, and says she will never come over here again, or

bring the kids to visit. I just lost another kid, and all 3 of my

grandkids.

Lost another friend, to a brain anuerism, buried him yesterday.

Couldnt go to his wake, had to get back home, had just picked up Sara

from school with a stiff neck, and was quite worried.

And I had to be here for the phone conference with my dads dr in

Santa Fe. He has quit dialysis, and doesnt want to call Hospice,

doesnt want strangers in his house, and could I come take care of him

while he dies? I used to be a hospice nurse, and it shouldnt take

more than a couple weeks.....he is doing bloodwork, so he can call me

back & give me a better time frame......

I have to get the car fixed before I can drive down there- Jeff got

into a fender bender Friday afternoon. He got a ticket for unsafe

backing- I have to be in court w him on the 26th. I can make appt w

city atty to get deferral...still have to go to court, plus UPS

hours, etc, etc,.....

I got my drivers license renewed today, I spaced it out and let it

expire.....

Am refinancing the house, to get out of the hole, and should have

closing within the next 2 weeks....Have to be here to sign the

papers, and we need it asap.

Kept Sara home from school today, she woke up so stiff she cant turn

her head at all.........looks like muscle spasms, no other symptoms,

cant remember any injury, and every time I mention dr, she says it is

better & she wont go.

I still need to get my bloodwork done, so havent gone back to dr

myself, and am still having chest pains- dont think I've gotten over

the pericarditis........

And then theres the taxes, all over the table & almost done....and

the checkbook, and paper piles that I swore I would get organized..

And they're all home now, & want to be fed..........

Thanks for saving my sanity! Love,

{0} {0} {0} {0} {0} {0} {0} {0} {0}

^\|/ ^ \|/ ^ \|/ ^ \|/ ^ \|/ ^ \|/ ^ \|/ ^ \|/ ^ \|/^

**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****

~~~THINK SPRING ~~~

angelbear1129@...

)

YOUR CROSS

Whatever your cross

Whatever your pain

There will always be sunshine

After the rain

Perhaps you may stumble

Perhaps even fall

But God's always there

To help you through it all

February 8, 2003

Hi Helen, and thanks. I'm still here....Daddy says hes doing fine so

far, & get things taken care of, so I can stay awhile. He thinks hes

tougher than they predict. So do I.

Made it to a dr yesterday, had to see a stranger, but I liked him.

He gave me another Medrol dose pac, and a 30 min lecture on how I

HAVE to see a Rheumy, says I should be on cortisone daily, instead of

waiting to get in trouble... He has a dtr w autoimmune disease. At

the end, he asked if I still worked, said no- when I told him I used

to be a nurse he said well that explains everything!, and started on

me again. I promised to make an appt, but it will take 3 mos you know-

so next time I need a good ass chewing & meds I know where to go. lol

I will call when I get to SF, my rheumy is in Los Alamos, about an

hour from my dads. They couldnt get me in last yr.

How are you doing?? Have you heard anything re court yet? Oh, I hope

this mess is dealt with soon. How are the kids holding up? Its been

so long, the poor babies.

I havent seen my grandkids in 3 weeks now. Well, I can talk to the

girls over the fence when they are on the playground. The Headstart

is right out back. Sara, my youngest dtr (13) wanted to go to

Bridezillas bachelorette party in Durango last night, can you

imagine? Plan- get a motel & get drunk as......... We said no, so She

is no longer speaking to us either.

I think Rich has been shipped out, havent heard from him in over a

week, and last time we talked to him he said it might be any day-

couldnt tell us when, or where. I cant watch the news. Please tell me

if you ever hear the USS La Jolla mentioned.

You know this mom thing is the pits sometimes! Rest?? lol dh says we

can take the day off, right after we get the taxes done.

You hang in there, and so will I. Love,

> (((((( BIG HUGS ))))))

> SUSAN

> That's what we're here for !!! You sure have had a Lot to

deal with

> ( Make sure you hold your ground with your daughter... she'll

come around

> eventually... Remember, children can be very hurtful at times...

We have

> had to go through all that also, it is no fun (

> Does it ever end ??? All you can do is take One day at

a time...

> Count to ten each time your ready to explode, then drop us a line!

> I hope your father is holding on as best as he can...

Saying Prayers

> for you to have the Strength to deal with all that is going on...

Here's an

> Angel to keep with you for when you need Extra Strenght...

> [unable to display image]

> i hope you are able to get to a Dr. soon about your chest

pains...

> Pericarditis isn't something to mess with... you know that four

letter word

> that we don't get to use very often???

> R E S T !!!

> Do the best that you can my Friend...

> ((( Blessed Hugs )))

> Love

> Helen

>

> > I have to vent, before I blow. The last few weeks have just been

> > hell, and its not getting any better. Every day its something

else.

> > We got into it with my now eldest dtr, Bridezilla. That, in

itself

> > almost sent me over the edge. I kept thinking she was just going

> > crazy, and would come around, but I will never get over the

hateful

> > things she said to us. Then she sent an email to my youngest 2,

> > saying they can no longer be in her wedding, because " thier

parents "

> > have made it clear that her wedding will be a financial burdon.

She

> > knows we are in debt up to our eyeballs from last year & legal

fees,

> > says quite frankly WE do not understand why you are still living

> > paycheck to paycheck! I am so furious w her, I am ashamed that I

> > raised her. I dont even know if we are invited now. She hasnt

spoken

> > to us in weeks, and says she will never come over here again, or

> > bring the kids to visit. I just lost another kid, and all 3 of my

> > grandkids.

> > Lost another friend, to a brain anuerism, buried him yesterday.

> > Couldnt go to his wake, had to get back home, had just picked up

Sara

> > from school with a stiff neck, and was quite worried.

> > And I had to be here for the phone conference with my dads dr in

> > Santa Fe. He has quit dialysis, and doesnt want to call Hospice,

> > doesnt want strangers in his house, and could I come take care of

him

> > while he dies? I used to be a hospice nurse, and it shouldnt take

> > more than a couple weeks.....he is doing bloodwork, so he can

call me

> > back & give me a better time frame......

> > I have to get the car fixed before I can drive down there- Jeff

got

> > into a fender bender Friday afternoon. He got a ticket for unsafe

> > backing- I have to be in court w him on the 26th. I can make appt

w

> > city atty to get deferral...still have to go to court, plus UPS

> > hours, etc, etc,.....

> > I got my drivers license renewed today, I spaced it out and let

it

> > expire.....

> > Am refinancing the house, to get out of the hole, and should have

> > closing within the next 2 weeks....Have to be here to sign the

> > papers, and we need it asap.

> > Kept Sara home from school today, she woke up so stiff she cant

turn

> > her head at all.........looks like muscle spasms, no other

symptoms,

> > cant remember any injury, and every time I mention dr, she says

it is

> > better & she wont go.

> > I still need to get my bloodwork done, so havent gone back to dr

> > myself, and am still having chest pains- dont think I've gotten

over

> > the pericarditis........

> > And then theres the taxes, all over the table & almost done....and

> > the checkbook, and paper piles that I swore I would get

organized..

> > And they're all home now, & want to be fed..........

> > Thanks for saving my sanity! Love,

> >

>

> {0} {0} {0} {0} {0} {0} {0} {0}

{0}

>

> ^\|/ ^ \|/ ^ \|/ ^ \|/ ^ \|/ ^ \|/ ^ \|/ ^ \|/ ^ \|/^

> **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****

> ~~~THINK SPRING ~~~

> angelbear1129@a...

> )

> YOUR CROSS

> Whatever your cross

> Whatever your pain

> There will always be sunshine

> After the rain

> Perhaps you may stumble

> Perhaps even fall

> But God's always there

> To help you through it all

February 12, 2003

In a message dated 2/8/2003 1:53:05 PM Eastern Standard Time, paulsons5@... writes: