Guest guest Posted March 10, 2009 Report Share Posted March 10, 2009 I'm right there with ya! just turned 11 last week and he has become a pistol. Defiant, mouthy, and no listening ears. It's a good thing he's currently in therapy to work on his issues with my divorce from his dad otherwise I might have to hang him from his toes All I know is my " love and logic " options are not working lately and I find myself just grounding him from his favorite things. If this is going to last another 4-6 years I may have to commit myself )) Marcia lisa@...; leslie-kerrigan@... CC: From: mymacfamily@... Date: Tue, 10 Mar 2009 17:10:08 -0700 Subject: Re: Vent I have it figured out!!! It's the age!!! So far, these guys are all 11...haha. They are hitting puberty and asserting themselves in ways we are not used to... is doing the same thing...batton down the hatches guys, I think it may get worse before it gets better The bright side of things, to me, is that he is really showing an improvement in his comprehension and what HE wants. So although it is inconvenient to us and very stressful at times, we can really see a difference in his cognitive abilities Kym...mom to 5 including (ALSO 11 years old w/ DS) Re: Vent >I hear you loud and clear across the ocean! Maybe it's the age....... > has been driving me nuts as well. Doing things that are so > unlike her.. I've just been attributing it to puberty, but I've also > consider that things might be getting tougher at school, and this is > part of the reason as well. Or both. As with , she gets many > many choices........ clothes to wear, breakfast and lunch that she > wants, which homework to do first, etc. she has friends with DS and > without, and participates in basketball, Girl Scouts, church, soccer, etc. > > She picks fights about stupid things (like there are 8 pair of socks in > her drawer this morning, but NONE of them are OK to wear... and at least > 4 pair were identical to the ones she wears every day) or which bathroom > she washes her hands in before dinner (she has to have whichever one > someone is already in, then yell at them for being in her way.) She > cant follow simple instructions without adding her own spin to > them....like right now, I said " , go get your basketball > uniform on and then go back and work on your homework " which is > something she's completely capable of doing indendently. She get her > uniform on, then takes a Junie B book (now I know you will think > I'm nuts, but this morning I grounded her from all pleasure reading > books for today due to the 15 minute sock incident this morning... > reading is her passion), unlocks the car with the remote on my keys > (quite clever, but still wrong!), leaves the house without saying > anything and goes out to the car to read. When I went out there (Sammy > tattled on her, LOL) she says " I'm waiting to go get . " I couldn't > appreciate the age-appropriate manipulation at that moment, but I'm > chucking a little now (now that she's back working on her spelling words > that is!) > > Enjoy your tea and cry... tomorrow's another day. > > , mom to (13) (11 DS), and Sammy (9) > > Leis wrote: >> This comes at a very inopportune moment after 's post re Kathy's >> father in law >> >> is driving me nuts >> >> He did a runner on me this morning- told me he was wlaking to his class- >> and in the time it took me to put Lily in her stroller and try and chase >> him he was gone. I thought he may have gone to class- but I get therre >> and there is no . I was on my way to Natasha's class when one of >> the parents said- is in Natasha class and I told him I Would >> walk him to class and he said no. I get to Natasha class and there are >> like 4 parents just watching be defiant to Natasha's teacher. >> Poor Natasha was upset, as was her teacher. I got BJ to class. Then to >> be taken outside by his teacher and she said that next time that happens >> just leave him at the door,as it not good for the other kids blah blah >> blah. >> >> Now I understand all this. I am just flabbergasted with at the >> moment. I feel that he has enough control of his life. Most of the stuff >> we seem to do lately is for HIM. he has his monthly bowling nights, he >> has his respite weekend once a month. He has camp in 37 sleeps- he goes >> on 2 or 3 camps with other kids with ds- and he adores them- he gets >> home from one and then wants to go again-so that one is very soon. He >> picks his breakfast and what goes on his lunch. He helps with dinner >> prep. >> >> Things at home are not as stressy as they have been previously. >> >> Something must be stressing him. He is really annoying his siblings- he >> keeps picking up Lily and putting her in weird places- just like he did >> with Tasha- he is being very defiant. >> >> I just have no idea what to do >> >> I am gonna have a cuppa eta and a cry i think and go from there >> >> If ya got this far thanks >> > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2009 Report Share Posted March 10, 2009 Man I sure do not feel alone now I felt so horrid this morning- and I KNEW this was not a DS thing- it was kid thing. Now I am depressed as I still have 3 more to go thru this I also know I am not doing anything " wrong " and to just hang in there. I get my 4 hours of sanity away from the house tonite- so when I get home from packing drugs I will have a couple of glasses of wine and think of all of us trying not to hang our 1 1 year olds Well as Kym said least they are showing improved cognitive skills and understanding- just in this case they all are typical in pushing the boundaries (((hugs)))) to all of ya and thanks for the support!!! Luvs ya!! Aussie Leis- mum to 11, Natasha 7, 5 and Liliana 9 months " Life is like a rainbow. You need both the sun and the rain to make its colors appear. " Marcia Loomas wrote: > I'm right there with ya! just turned 11 last week and he has > become a pistol. > If this is going to last another 4-6 years I may have to commit myself > )) > > Marcia > > > > I have it figured out!!! It's the age!!! So far, these guys are all > 11...haha. The bright side of > things, to me, is that he is really showing an improvement in his > comprehension and what HE wants. S > >I hear you loud and clear across the ocean! Maybe it's the age....... > > has been driving me nuts as well. Doing things that are so > > unlike her.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2009 Report Share Posted March 10, 2009 Do you get to taste test/sample the drugs as well? J Don't stress too much over this morning - could be he is just trying to show his independence and that he can do this without your help. You just have to nicely tell him why he shouldn't have done what he did at the same time praising him for something which was a positive. Otherwise you could go back to say the 1950's and just give him a good hard swift kick up the backside for being a pain! Keep smiling Jan and Trent and the rest of the tribe From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Leis Sent: Wednesday, 11 March 2009 3:17 PM Marcia Loomas Cc: mymacfamily@...; leslie-kerrigan@...; Upsndowns Subject: Re: Vent Man I sure do not feel alone now I felt so horrid this morning- and I KNEW this was not a DS thing- it was kid thing. Now I am depressed as I still have 3 more to go thru this I also know I am not doing anything " wrong " and to just hang in there. I get my 4 hours of sanity away from the house tonite- so when I get home from packing drugs I will have a couple of glasses of wine and think of all of us trying not to hang our 1 1 year olds Well as Kym said least they are showing improved cognitive skills and understanding- just in this case they all are typical in pushing the boundaries (((hugs)))) to all of ya and thanks for the support!!! Luvs ya!! Aussie Leis- mum to 11, Natasha 7, 5 and Liliana 9 months " Life is like a rainbow. You need both the sun and the rain to make its colors appear. " Marcia Loomas wrote: > I'm right there with ya! just turned 11 last week and he has > become a pistol. > If this is going to last another 4-6 years I may have to commit myself > )) > > Marcia > > > > I have it figured out!!! It's the age!!! So far, these guys are all > 11...haha. The bright side of > things, to me, is that he is really showing an improvement in his > comprehension and what HE wants. S > >I hear you loud and clear across the ocean! Maybe it's the age....... > > has been driving me nuts as well. Doing things that are so > > unlike her.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2009 Report Share Posted March 11, 2009 Been there, done that, got the T-shirt ... with all four of my kids! This is not a Down's thing, this is a " I'm growing up thing. " It's hard to relax and let them go, but at the same time trying to set limits so they won't kill themselves. When I would complain to my mother about such behavior, she would just fold her arms, smile smugly and say, " You're getting paid back. " Now I say the same thing to my kids when they complain about their kids. LOL! granny On Tue, Mar 10, 2009 at 5:43 PM, Leis <lisa@...> wrote: > This comes at a very inopportune moment after 's post re Kathy's > father in law > > is driving me nuts > > He did a runner on me this morning- told me he was wlaking to his class- > and in the time it took me to put Lily in her stroller and try and chase > him he was gone. I thought he may have gone to class- but I get therre > and there is no . I was on my way to Natasha's class when one of > the parents said- is in Natasha class and I told him I Would > walk him to class and he said no. I get to Natasha class and there are > like 4 parents just watching be defiant to Natasha's teacher. > Poor Natasha was upset, as was her teacher. I got BJ to class. Then to > be taken outside by his teacher and she said that next time that happens > just leave him at the door,as it not good for the other kids blah blah > blah. > > Now I understand all this. I am just flabbergasted with at the > moment. I feel that he has enough control of his life. Most of the stuff > we seem to do lately is for HIM. he has his monthly bowling nights, he > has his respite weekend once a month. He has camp in 37 sleeps- he goes > on 2 or 3 camps with other kids with ds- and he adores them- he gets > home from one and then wants to go again-so that one is very soon. He > picks his breakfast and what goes on his lunch. He helps with dinner prep. > > Things at home are not as stressy as they have been previously. > > Something must be stressing him. He is really annoying his siblings- he > keeps picking up Lily and putting her in weird places- just like he did > with Tasha- he is being very defiant. > > I just have no idea what to do > > I am gonna have a cuppa eta and a cry i think and go from there > > If ya got this far thanks > -- > > Aussie Leis- mum to 11, Natasha 7, 5 and Liliana 9 months > > “Life is like a rainbow. You need both the sun and the rain to make its > colors appear.” > > > > > ------------------------------------ > > Click reply to all for messages to go to the list. Just hit reply for > messages to go to the sender of the message. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2009 Report Share Posted March 11, 2009 Oh, my, reading all your responses makes me laugh. When I first read Leis' email I thought, " sounds like puberty to me. " I didn't have time to respond and by the time I got back online to respond, there were several of the same responses. Now, I'm here to tell you that there IS light at the end of this tunnel. Maverick is 18 and in the last couple of years we have watched him mature and become much more responsible.. for the most part. It's like one day we just realized that he was doing stuff, and helping the younger sibs. He has totally taken Logan under his wings. Now he still has his stubborn moments.. but it is much easier to reason with him, or to understand why he is being stubborn about something and then go along with it or explain to him why it has to be different. You'll still want to be venting, just as you do with all your kids going through puberty, but this too shall pass! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2009 Report Share Posted March 11, 2009 Trust me exerting their independence gets more n more difficult as they move thru puberty. Hard 4 us as well as them. Unfortunately my experience is it lasts a while too! is 15 n still trying my patience. Dawn in nj Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry Re: Vent I have it figured out!!! It's the age!!! So far, these guys are all 11...haha. They are hitting puberty and asserting themselves in ways we are not used to... is doing the same thing...batton down the hatches guys, I think it may get worse before it gets better The bright side of things, to me, is that he is really showing an improvement in his comprehension and what HE wants. So although it is inconvenient to us and very stressful at times, we can really see a difference in his cognitive abilities Kym...mom to 5 including (ALSO 11 years old w/ DS) Re: Vent >I hear you loud and clear across the ocean! Maybe it's the age....... > has been driving me nuts as well. Doing things that are so > unlike her.. I've just been attributing it to puberty, but I've also > consider that things might be getting tougher at school, and this is > part of the reason as well. Or both. As with , she gets many > many choices........ clothes to wear, breakfast and lunch that she > wants, which homework to do first, etc. she has friends with DS and > without, and participates in basketball, Girl Scouts, church, soccer, etc. > > She picks fights about stupid things (like there are 8 pair of socks in > her drawer this morning, but NONE of them are OK to wear... and at least > 4 pair were identical to the ones she wears every day) or which bathroom > she washes her hands in before dinner (she has to have whichever one > someone is already in, then yell at them for being in her way.) She > cant follow simple instructions without adding her own spin to > them....like right now, I said " , go get your basketball > uniform on and then go back and work on your homework " which is > something she's completely capable of doing indendently. She get her > uniform on, then takes a Junie B book (now I know you will think > I'm nuts, but this morning I grounded her from all pleasure reading > books for today due to the 15 minute sock incident this morning... > reading is her passion), unlocks the car with the remote on my keys > (quite clever, but still wrong!), leaves the house without saying > anything and goes out to the car to read. When I went out there (Sammy > tattled on her, LOL) she says " I'm waiting to go get . " I couldn't > appreciate the age-appropriate manipulation at that moment, but I'm > chucking a little now (now that she's back working on her spelling words > that is!) > > Enjoy your tea and cry... tomorrow's another day. > > , mom to (13) (11 DS), and Sammy (9) > > Leis wrote: >> This comes at a very inopportune moment after 's post re Kathy's >> father in law >> >> is driving me nuts >> >> He did a runner on me this morning- told me he was wlaking to his class- >> and in the time it took me to put Lily in her stroller and try and chase >> him he was gone. I thought he may have gone to class- but I get therre >> and there is no . I was on my way to Natasha's class when one of >> the parents said- is in Natasha class and I told him I Would >> walk him to class and he said no. I get to Natasha class and there are >> like 4 parents just watching be defiant to Natasha's teacher. >> Poor Natasha was upset, as was her teacher. I got BJ to class. Then to >> be taken outside by his teacher and she said that next time that happens >> just leave him at the door,as it not good for the other kids blah blah >> blah. >> >> Now I understand all this. I am just flabbergasted with at the >> moment. I feel that he has enough control of his life. Most of the stuff >> we seem to do lately is for HIM. he has his monthly bowling nights, he >> has his respite weekend once a month. He has camp in 37 sleeps- he goes >> on 2 or 3 camps with other kids with ds- and he adores them- he gets >> home from one and then wants to go again-so that one is very soon. He >> picks his breakfast and what goes on his lunch. He helps with dinner >> prep. >> >> Things at home are not as stressy as they have been previously. >> >> Something must be stressing him. He is really annoying his siblings- he >> keeps picking up Lily and putting her in weird places- just like he did >> with Tasha- he is being very defiant. >> >> I just have no idea what to do >> >> I am gonna have a cuppa eta and a cry i think and go from there >> >> If ya got this far thanks >> > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2009 Report Share Posted March 11, 2009 Oh, and Leis.... wait until the girls hit this age... not only are they naughty, mouthy, etc..... they are on a hormonal roller coaster and go from the sweet little girl you know, to a sobbing wreck of a tween, to a sullen, " giving you the look " teen......... and they can be all three of these within a span of an hour, LOL. You wonder which one is going to get up out of bed every morning :-) Oh, I was trying to make you feel better :-) That's OK, you were going to have the wine out anyway! But, in a sense, it was almost easier and funnier to watch go through this... trying to be grown up one minute, hopping in my lap another to be cuddled (which is really hard when a 5'10 " kiddo jumps into your lap, LOL), Mom you embarass me, Mom I love you, Mom can you help me with this, Mom please don't chaperone the field trip... I think is probably going through the same sorts of things did at this age, but she can't really express it as well, so it comes out in her more challenging behaviors, particularly anything to assert independence. Enjoy your wine! , mom to (13), (11), and Sammy (9) Leis wrote: > Man I sure do not feel alone now > > I felt so horrid this morning- and I KNEW this was not a DS thing- it > was kid thing. > > Now I am depressed as I still have 3 more to go thru this > > I also know I am not doing anything " wrong " and to just hang in there. > > I get my 4 hours of sanity away from the house tonite- so when I get > home from packing drugs I will have a couple of glasses of wine and > think of all of us trying not to hang our 1 1 year olds > > Well as Kym said least they are showing improved cognitive skills and > understanding- just in this case they all are typical in pushing the > boundaries > > (((hugs)))) to all of ya and thanks for the support!!! > > > Luvs ya!! > > Aussie Leis- mum to 11, Natasha 7, 5 and Liliana 9 months > > " Life is like a rainbow. You need both the sun and the rain to make > its colors appear. " > > > > > Marcia Loomas wrote: >> I'm right there with ya! just turned 11 last week and he has >> become a pistol. > >> If this is going to last another 4-6 years I may have to commit >> myself )) >> >> Marcia >> >> >> >> I have it figured out!!! It's the age!!! So far, these guys are all >> 11...haha. The bright side of >> things, to me, is that he is really showing an improvement in his >> comprehension and what HE wants. S > > >> >I hear you loud and clear across the ocean! Maybe it's the age....... >> > has been driving me nuts as well. Doing things that are so >> > unlike her.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2009 Report Share Posted March 11, 2009 May I add one comment? My charming 13 year old (with ds) was told to change back into the socks she had already been wearing when she returned home from church and was getting into a new outfit in order to go to cheerleading practice. She had been in pink socks (which matched her second outfit) and had put on black ones (which did not). 3 times I had to tell her to go change before she finally stomped down the hall yelling over her shoulder, " THey're hideous! And so are you! " Oh, I had to try hard not to laugh at that one. I so enjoy when she does the typical stuff...to a point Eleanor _____ From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Kerrigan Sent: Wednesday, March 11, 2009 11:37 AM Leis Cc: Upsndowns Subject: Re: Vent Oh, and Leis.... wait until the girls hit this age... not only are they naughty, mouthy, etc..... they are on a hormonal roller coaster and go from the sweet little girl you know, to a sobbing wreck of a tween, to a sullen, " giving you the look " teen......... and they can be all three of these within a span of an hour, LOL. You wonder which one is going to get up out of bed every morning :-) Oh, I was trying to make you feel better :-) That's OK, you were going to have the wine out anyway! But, in a sense, it was almost easier and funnier to watch go through this... trying to be grown up one minute, hopping in my lap another to be cuddled (which is really hard when a 5'10 " kiddo jumps into your lap, LOL), Mom you embarass me, Mom I love you, Mom can you help me with this, Mom please don't chaperone the field trip... I think is probably going through the same sorts of things did at this age, but she can't really express it as well, so it comes out in her more challenging behaviors, particularly anything to assert independence. Enjoy your wine! , mom to (13), (11), and Sammy (9) Leis wrote: > Man I sure do not feel alone now > > I felt so horrid this morning- and I KNEW this was not a DS thing- it > was kid thing. > > Now I am depressed as I still have 3 more to go thru this > > I also know I am not doing anything " wrong " and to just hang in there. > > I get my 4 hours of sanity away from the house tonite- so when I get > home from packing drugs I will have a couple of glasses of wine and > think of all of us trying not to hang our 1 1 year olds > > Well as Kym said least they are showing improved cognitive skills and > understanding- just in this case they all are typical in pushing the > boundaries > > (((hugs)))) to all of ya and thanks for the support!!! > > > Luvs ya!! > > Aussie Leis- mum to 11, Natasha 7, 5 and Liliana 9 months > > " Life is like a rainbow. You need both the sun and the rain to make > its colors appear. " > > > > > Marcia Loomas wrote: >> I'm right there with ya! just turned 11 last week and he has >> become a pistol. > >> If this is going to last another 4-6 years I may have to commit >> myself )) >> >> Marcia >> >> >> >> I have it figured out!!! It's the age!!! So far, these guys are all >> 11...haha. The bright side of >> things, to me, is that he is really showing an improvement in his >> comprehension and what HE wants. S > > >> >I hear you loud and clear across the ocean! Maybe it's the age....... >> > has been driving me nuts as well. Doing things that are so >> > unlike her.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2009 Report Share Posted March 11, 2009 Oh, I can't tell you how many times I've wished we lived in a climate where only sandels were worm. and NO SOCKS! If I were to do it all over again, I would buy only ONE brand of WHITE socks that had no seams..... I'd have probably had to get them from Nordstrom's, but it would have been worth the cost, more tears have been shed over socks in our house between the three of them than ANY other article of clothing! We are also starting to get some of those comments... can't remember any at the moment, but it's like, 's stomping down the hall and says it, and and I look at each other and say " did she really say that? " It is hard not to laugh, and we too find ourselves saying " well, we should really appreciate this typical behavior! " . Eleanor Green wrote: > May I add one comment? My charming 13 year old (with ds) was told to > change back into the socks she had already been wearing when she > returned home from church and was getting into a new outfit in order > to go to cheerleading practice. She had been in pink socks (which > matched her second outfit) and had put on black ones (which did not). > 3 times I had to tell her to go change before she finally stomped down > the hall yelling over her shoulder, " THey're hideous! And so are > you! " Oh, I had to try hard not to laugh at that one. I so enjoy when > she does the typical stuff...to a point > > Eleanor > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > *From:* [mailto: ] > *On Behalf Of * Kerrigan > *Sent:* Wednesday, March 11, 2009 11:37 AM > *To:* Leis > *Cc:* Upsndowns > *Subject:* Re: Vent > > Oh, and Leis.... wait until the girls hit this age... not only are they > naughty, mouthy, etc..... they are on a hormonal roller coaster and go > from the sweet little girl you know, to a sobbing wreck of a tween, to a > sullen, " giving you the look " teen......... and they can be all three of > these within a span of an hour, LOL. You wonder which one is going to > get up out of bed every morning :-) Oh, I was trying to make you feel > better :-) That's OK, you were going to have the wine out anyway! > > But, in a sense, it was almost easier and funnier to watch go > through this... trying to be grown up one minute, hopping in my lap > another to be cuddled (which is really hard when a 5'10 " kiddo jumps > into your lap, LOL), Mom you embarass me, Mom I love you, Mom can you > help me with this, Mom please don't chaperone the field trip... I think > is probably going through the same sorts of things did > at this age, but she can't really express it as well, so it comes out in > her more challenging behaviors, particularly anything to assert > independence. > > Enjoy your wine! > , mom to (13), (11), and Sammy (9) > > Leis wrote: > > Man I sure do not feel alone now > > > > I felt so horrid this morning- and I KNEW this was not a DS thing- it > > was kid thing. > > > > Now I am depressed as I still have 3 more to go thru this > > > > I also know I am not doing anything " wrong " and to just hang in there. > > > > I get my 4 hours of sanity away from the house tonite- so when I get > > home from packing drugs I will have a couple of glasses of wine and > > think of all of us trying not to hang our 1 1 year olds > > > > Well as Kym said least they are showing improved cognitive skills and > > understanding- just in this case they all are typical in pushing the > > boundaries > > > > (((hugs)))) to all of ya and thanks for the support!!! > > > > > > Luvs ya!! > > > > Aussie Leis- mum to 11, Natasha 7, 5 and Liliana 9 months > > > > " Life is like a rainbow. You need both the sun and the rain to make > > its colors appear. " > > > > > > > > > > Marcia Loomas wrote: > >> I'm right there with ya! just turned 11 last week and he has > >> become a pistol. > > > >> If this is going to last another 4-6 years I may have to commit > >> myself )) > >> > >> Marcia > >> > >> > >> > >> I have it figured out!!! It's the age!!! So far, these guys are all > >> 11...haha. The bright side of > >> things, to me, is that he is really showing an improvement in his > >> comprehension and what HE wants. S > > > > > >> >I hear you loud and clear across the ocean! Maybe it's the age....... > >> > has been driving me nuts as well. Doing things that are so > >> > unlike her.. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2009 Report Share Posted March 11, 2009 It's true. Jess was much more of a handful at that age and gets more mature and even reasonable as she is getting older. However, it takes time and I'm still waiting on my 20-somethings to hit the final stage of maturity and reasonableness! Judi From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of and FRANK Sent: Wednesday, March 11, 2009 10:20 AM ; Leis Subject: Re: Vent Oh, my, reading all your responses makes me laugh. When I first read Leis' email I thought, " sounds like puberty to me. " I didn't have time to respond and by the time I got back online to respond, there were several of the same responses. Now, I'm here to tell you that there IS light at the end of this tunnel. Maverick is 18 and in the last couple of years we have watched him mature and become much more responsible.. for the most part. It's like one day we just realized that he was doing stuff, and helping the younger sibs. He has totally taken Logan under his wings. Now he still has his stubborn moments.. but it is much easier to reason with him, or to understand why he is being stubborn about something and then go along with it or explain to him why it has to be different. You'll still want to be venting, just as you do with all your kids going through puberty, but this too shall pass! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 12, 2009 Report Share Posted March 12, 2009 We went through things like this with Natascha. My thoughts are also on adding more responsibility for . Changing chores around, adding new ones, and not always chores, especially in the areas he seems to get under your skin. We found that even so Natascha enjoyed the activities that we planned, (of course her input to) she really wanted more out of her life. I am not sure how to express this, she wanted to carry part of the responsibilities too. It doesn't mean defiance will disappear, since they are teenagers and want to be their own person. Don't know if this makes sense. Heike Natascha 22, 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 13, 2009 Report Share Posted March 13, 2009 Smiling at this thread. Mallory is only 3 so we are not nearly to this stage in her life but so much of what you describe fits my daughters years ago and they did not have DS. Mallory reminds me continually of her mother so I am predicting some very similar issues in her future and suspect I will offering often to allow Mallory to spend some time with Grandma so Mom can regroup not to mention the phone calls for her to " vent " Grins. I hope I learn lots from reading your responses. Mallory's Grandma Cynde Cylinda (Cynde) 225 810 0225 at cassady1970@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 13, 2009 Report Share Posted March 13, 2009 Oh, I hear you. I have been smiling at this thread, too. is 11 and she can bounce back and forth like a ping pong ball. Hannah is turning 13 this month and she can be so charming at times and then just nasty to her sister or babyish with a " whine " . And forget telling her that she is acting childish. She will then say, " I am a child " . LOL For the most part, I have to say my children are great, but I hear myself more often telling my mother in prayer (she is deceased) that I am SO sorry for not understanding " her " job! PS Which is harder? Boys or girls? When I get through this phase with the girls, Alden (DS) will be coming up on it himself! AAaahhhhhg Kiersten > From: Cylinda (Cynde) <cassady1970@...> > Subject: Re:Vent > > Date: Friday, March 13, 2009, 12:36 PM > Smiling at this thread. Mallory is only 3 so we are not > nearly to this stage in her life but so much of what you > describe fits my daughters years ago and they did not have > DS. Mallory reminds me continually of her mother so I am > predicting some very similar issues in her future and > suspect I will offering often to allow Mallory to spend some > time with Grandma so Mom can regroup not to mention the > phone calls for her to " vent " Grins. I hope I > learn lots from reading your responses. > > Mallory's Grandma Cynde > > Cylinda (Cynde) > 225 810 0225 > at cassady1970@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2009 Report Share Posted March 14, 2009 I remember well how dumb my parents were when I was a teenager and how much smarter they became, year by year, after that. LOL. granny On Fri, Mar 13, 2009 at 6:35 PM, Kiersten <kiersten5560@...> wrote: > > Oh, I hear you. I have been smiling at this thread, too. is 11 and she > can bounce back and forth like a ping pong ball. Hannah is turning 13 this > month and she can be so charming at times and then just nasty to her sister > or babyish with a " whine " . And forget telling her that she is acting > childish. She will then say, " I am a child " . LOL For the most part, I have > to say my children are great, but I hear myself more often telling my mother > in prayer (she is deceased) that I am SO sorry for not understanding " her " > job! > > PS Which is harder? Boys or girls? When I get through this phase with the > girls, Alden (DS) will be coming up on it himself! AAaahhhhhg > > Kiersten > > > > > From: Cylinda (Cynde) <cassady1970@... <cassady1970%40>> > > Subject: Re:Vent > > <%40> > > Date: Friday, March 13, 2009, 12:36 PM > > Smiling at this thread. Mallory is only 3 so we are not > > nearly to this stage in her life but so much of what you > > describe fits my daughters years ago and they did not have > > DS. Mallory reminds me continually of her mother so I am > > predicting some very similar issues in her future and > > suspect I will offering often to allow Mallory to spend some > > time with Grandma so Mom can regroup not to mention the > > phone calls for her to " vent " Grins. I hope I > > learn lots from reading your responses. > > > > Mallory's Grandma Cynde > > > > Cylinda (Cynde) > > 225 810 0225 > > at cassady1970@... <cassady1970%40> > > > > -- Not for ourselves but for the whole world we were born Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2009 Report Share Posted April 11, 2009 > > 15 minutes later we were back at cousins house, DD apologized and for HER it was over with...as if nothing had happened at all. For me.....not so much. I feel sick to my stomach. I fear that she is going to get worse. Fear that she will hurt someone. Fear that she will NEVER be able to survive without me there to smooth things over. Fear that I have done all a mom is capable of doing and its STILL not enough. Fear that we will have to up her medication. Fear that at 10 she is eyeball to eyeball with me...what will happen next summer when she is towering over me and has a melt? Fear that we have no biological family information and MAYBE...just MAYBE there is a medical reason for all this rage. {{{hugs}}} I think you are doing a pretty great parenting job if she is calming down and apologizing 15 minutes after an outburst. And dd is doing a good job getting control of herself. And I think you have a pretty great family if you are the only one not over it. There is that. Of course, if she is already taking meds at age 10, you already know there is a medical reason for her behavior. I assume you mean you are wondering if she is bi-polar or something in addition to the AS? I kind of doubt it if she's gone months without any problems. She WILL continue to get more and more control over herself over the next few years. My AS son is 14 and he DOES get better and better. I don't know if this helps or not... Ruth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2009 Report Share Posted April 11, 2009 Hi! I am agree ...you did an awesome job handling the situation. Maybe the whole situation at being at her cousins house and all that was effecting her and this was just the icing on the cake. But, you did well. And she calmed down and apologize......that is a learning experience.....and think about it ...she has gone a month w/out any episodes....my son is in 7th grade and every day last week was horrible....remember...it can be like a roller coaster ride....but we are all here for you. Just to be sure...check with the doctor and let him know what happened to make sure it isn't the medicine. Jan Janice Rushen "I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope" From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Vent Date: Saturday, April 11, 2009, 8:59 PM >> 15 minutes later we were back at cousins house, DD apologized and for HER it was over with...as if nothing had happened at all. For me.....not so much. I feel sick to my stomach. I fear that she is going to get worse. Fear that she will hurt someone. Fear that she will NEVER be able to survive without me there to smooth things over. Fear that I have done all a mom is capable of doing and its STILL not enough. Fear that we will have to up her medication. Fear that at 10 she is eyeball to eyeball with me...what will happen next summer when she is towering over me and has a melt? Fear that we have no biological family information and MAYBE...just MAYBE there is a medical reason for all this rage. {{{hugs}}} I think you are doing a pretty great parenting job if she is calming down and apologizing 15 minutes after an outburst. And dd is doing a good job getting control of herself. And I think you have a pretty great family if you are the only one not over it. There is that. Of course, if she is already taking meds at age 10, you already know there is a medical reason for her behavior. I assume you mean you are wondering if she is bi-polar or something in addition to the AS? I kind of doubt it if she's gone months without any problems. She WILL continue to get more and more control over herself over the next few years. My AS son is 14 and he DOES get better and better. I don't know if this helps or not... Ruth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2009 Report Share Posted April 11, 2009 Hugs !!!I can relate to your day I had a similar one. Although this is not a change for us and it was not scary just sad. I would be scared too if this was a new event. You sound very scared. I would talk to the pyschitrist, something is not right with the medication. From what you are saying it sounded very extreme where you fear for her future. In that case run to the psychitrist. Maybe the geodan is not a good enough mood stablizer for your daughter. A relative of ours was sucidal on geodan, had no effect on lithium and did great on lamitral (anti convultant). Today we had a similiar kind of episode but it did not peak to a point where I thought she was a danger to herself or others. If medication made my daughter worse, I would be terrified. I would call the psychitrist immediately and figure out some plan to get off the medication and start over. We had an explosive episode, but it did not reach a point I was scared. We were in the kitchen and going to make easter eggs. Happy: she was happy to be making eggs Perfectionizing: She wanted to paint zigzags (no stopping her) we left the kitchen to get paintbrushes and the dog alone Disappointment: the dog ate the clear egg crayon when she wasn't looking and the dog dipped her nose in the blue dye (it was funny) Catastrophizing: I have to have that crayon, it is all ruined Explosive and Damning: You have to go get me another one NOW!!!!!! You never do anything for me. I step out of the room for awhile. Dad enters: it's ok just use another crayon Anger: that won't work, she throws the egg Dad wisely leaves Hopeless and Crying: noone cares Finally after she calms down I return and she is open to suggestion " maybe easter eggs are best broken and messy " and we finish and have a nice time. This is not stable but it did not get to scary either, I want this treated but not made worse. I can live with this if I have to. But when a child says they don't want to live, that has to be addressed. I wish you the best in figuring out what to do. The meds sound wrong. Pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2009 Report Share Posted April 11, 2009 The fact that she was able to pull herself together in 15 minutes and apologize for what she did speaks volumes to probably 1) your help, past and present and 2) her skills. It sure sounded intense and scary for you, but it sure sounded like it ended wonderfully. I can tell you my son has his moments and more and more he is pulling himself together without any help from me but he's almost 13. Part of it is just the age, if you ask me. And I'm sure things might get a little worse in some ways until it gets better b/c she has to go through puberty and all of us ladies remember what that was like! But it sure sounds like she's got some semblance of a good foundation to be able to pull herself together and apologize. Maybe next time it will take her 14 minutes to pull herself together. The the next time 13. That's what happened to my son. He rarely has meltdowns anymore, but it was a slow progression to get here. I didn't read your email like some of the others. I think you were telling us the meds she was on as part of your story. Didn't sound to me like you thought meds had anything to do with her meltdown. But of course, if you think it's a good idea, speak w/ her psychiatrist about it. Hang in there, mom! "Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out." From: carollinares <CarolDE864@...> Sent: Saturday, April 11, 2009 5:13:17 PMSubject: ( ) Vent Months have gone by with very few problems.... ....DD is on Geodon for mood and prozac for depression. Shes making good eye contact, starting to see herself as a positive person, even making a few friends then today the bottom fell out.We were visiting family and a much younger cousin scribbled on DD's sidewalk chalk drawing. DD went into a very loud very angry melt...complete with tears, screaming, curse words and the throwing of chalk. Scared us all because she isn't prone to that LEVEL of melt. I put her in the car and drove around for 10 minutes with her calling me every name in the book until she calmed down. We went from absolute screaming 'I HATE YOU" fit to...'oh my god, I hate myself..I just want to die" 15 minutes later we were back at cousins house, DD apologized and for HER it was over with...as if nothing had happened at all. For me.....not so much. I feel sick to my stomach. I fear that she is going to get worse. Fear that she will hurt someone. Fear that she will NEVER be able to survive without me there to smooth things over. Fear that I have done all a mom is capable of doing and its STILL not enough. Fear that we will have to up her medication. Fear that at 10 she is eyeball to eyeball with me...what will happen next summer when she is towering over me and has a melt? Fear that we have no biological family information and MAYBE...just MAYBE there is a medical reason for all this rage. Thanks for listening Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2009 Report Share Posted April 11, 2009 I'm stuck on the role medication played in this. You said your daughter did not have outbursts prior. That she was treated for depression and that the medication helped to lift her out of that. But then she had new problem for her and that was the outburst. And it was more than a tantrum or meltdown in that she was briefly very very depressed. The SSR's like prozac, lexapro etc sometimes trigger extreme mood swings in some that are vulnerable. It takes months sometimes because as it is treating the depression the child is fine, when the mood is better it can then trigger disinhibited behaviors. This doesn't mean she has bipolar it means the SSR's may not be the right type of medication for her. There are so many medications for mood stabilzing and for depression y don't give up hope. I am not an expert. The old tricylics antidepressents don't cause disinhibition. There are many mood stabilzers to try too. The books on bipolar children are helpful to us in the AS community in understanding the kinds of strategies that are used to stablize mood and emotions. Pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2009 Report Share Posted April 12, 2009 Thank you Ruth.... for reminding me just how very far we have come and how hard SHE has worked to control herself.....too much overload for her yesterday and she DID give me signals, I just didn't pick up on them because of the party atmosphere. carol Save money by eating out! Find great dining coupons in your area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2009 Report Share Posted April 12, 2009 Pam...listening (reading) to your story....your daughter wants perfectionism and when the dog ate the special crayon ...she could not do the eggs the way she felt would be perfect. And, when she wanted to go get another and you didn't ...she could not handle it and thus broke down...it sounds like OCD....is your daughter on any kinds of meds? Zoloft (small dosage works well on OCD) of course behavior modification and therapy is needed. Please please get her some therapy for this....I don't know how old she is....but I know of a child who (girl) who is now 17 and I see her getting worse each year. She is not on medication and no one was really working with her in this area.... I am not trying to frighten you....I just don't want her condtion getting worse...I am glad you didn't run to the store and get a new crayon....good for you...and you left the room and let her calm down...another good move...and once she was calm...then you could talk about other options...another good move. Everyone seems to be handling their children well...and I am glad...we all need to VENT...otherwise the gas builds up and we explode (ha ha). Keep venting....it does us all good... Jan Janice Rushen "I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope" From: susanonderko <susanonderko@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Vent Date: Saturday, April 11, 2009, 10:41 PM Hugs !!!I can relate to your day I had a similar one. Although this is not a change for us and it was not scary just sad. I would be scared too if this was a new event. You sound very scared. I would talk to the pyschitrist, something is not right with the medication. From what you are saying it sounded very extreme where you fear for her future. In that case run to the psychitrist. Maybe the geodan is not a good enough mood stablizer for your daughter. A relative of ours was sucidal on geodan, had no effect on lithium and did great on lamitral (anti convultant). Today we had a similiar kind of episode but it did not peak to a point where I thought she was a danger to herself or others. If medication made my daughter worse, I would be terrified. I would call the psychitrist immediately and figure out some plan to get off the medication and start over. We had an explosive episode, but it did not reach a point I was scared. We were in the kitchen and going to make easter eggs.Happy: she was happy to be making eggs Perfectionizing: She wanted to paint zigzags (no stopping her)we left the kitchen to get paintbrushes and the dog alone :)Disappointment: the dog ate the clear egg crayon when she wasn't looking and the dog dipped her nose in the blue dye (it was funny)Catastrophizing: I have to have that crayon, it is all ruinedExplosive and Damning: You have to go get me another one NOW!!!!!!You never do anything for me. I step out of the room for awhile.Dad enters: it's ok just use another crayonAnger: that won't work, she throws the egg Dad wisely leavesHopeless and Crying: noone cares Finally after she calms down I return and she is open to suggestion "maybe easter eggs are best broken and messy" and we finish and have a nice time.This is not stable but it did not get to scary either, I wantthis treated but not made worse. I can live with this if I haveto. But when a child says they don't want to live, that hasto be addressed. I wish you the best in figuring out what to do. The meds sound wrong. Pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2009 Report Share Posted April 12, 2009 This is a great group! Sharing information like this helps me understand her issues better. I agree my daughter needs to have her treatment plan updated, we are heading to NYU Child Study Center this spring. She has a mix of symptoms that need to be addressed. thanks again Pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 15, 2009 Report Share Posted April 15, 2009 Sounds like the meds are helping but it isn't the whole "answer." She needs to learn some coping skills so when she does get overly frustrated, she can start using techniques that will help her calm down. Instead of just driving her around, you could also be prompting her to use techniques to help her. Find a therapist who can help you teach her and then as she gets older, she can start taking more control over her anger. Roxanna "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." ~ Mark Twain ( ) Vent Months have gone by with very few problems........DD is on Geodon for mood and prozac for depression. Shes making good eye contact, starting to see herself as a positive person, even making a few friends then today the bottom fell out.We were visiting family and a much younger cousin scribbled on DD's sidewalk chalk drawing. DD went into a very loud very angry melt...complete with tears, screaming, curse words and the throwing of chalk. Scared us all because she isn't prone to that LEVEL of melt. I put her in the car and drove around for 10 minutes with her calling me every name in the book until she calmed down. We went from absolute screaming 'I HATE YOU" fit to...'oh my god, I hate myself..I just want to die" 15 minutes later we were back at cousins house, DD apologized and for HER it was over with...as if nothing had happened at all. For me.....not so much. I feel sick to my stomach. I fear that she is going to get worse. Fear that she will hurt someone. Fear that she will NEVER be able to survive without me there to smooth things over. Fear that I have done all a mom is capable of doing and its STILL not enough. Fear that we will have to up her medication. Fear that at 10 she is eyeball to eyeball with me...what will happen next summer when she is towering over me and has a melt? Fear that we have no biological family information and MAYBE...just MAYBE there is a medical reason for all this rage. Thanks for listening No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.53/2054 - Release Date: 04/11/09 10:51:00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 13, 2009 Report Share Posted October 13, 2009 Sorry, but my heart aches for you. To hear that type of comment from a teacher is despicable. Did you write that you have this in writing? I would call a meeting with someone--who?--to show a copy of this and tell them how innapropriate this response is from a so-called teacher. I wouldn't give a flying hoot if I had to reveal that I read it. You got ammo and you gotta use it. Make someone tow the line. > > My dd(12 y aspie) had counseling last night but before we got there she handed me a envelope and said that this was for her counselor from her special ed teacher. Being me i read it. > The note starts with some things dd could work on. It then progresses to say that during writing class the teacher played a song while they were writing and dd happened to recall the time and place she heard it and felt she had to share w/sp ed teacher. She called sp ed teacher over and told the story. She reminded her to stay on task and that she had many other students to help. (Her exact words). These are the sp ed teachers words. " After class, she approached the writing teacher and began to tell him the long story. This teacher had other student coming in and this wasn't a good time to tell her long story. It seems she frequently stops at the teachers desk after class and wants to talk.This is a dreaded time for her teachers . i would like to see her learn to receive social cues in these situations. " > I took offense to this and the counselor thought it was unusual for the teachers to dread to talk to her. This is a 12 yold that at the last minute this year, wanted to go to public school, > She has no friends and craves to just talk with someone. If they dread to see my dd come to talk , i am not sure that they are the right educators for my child. I guess i am a bit ticked that people would actually say that. I must be a sad bitter person but i am a mother bear. Thanks for letting me vent. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 15, 2009 Report Share Posted October 15, 2009 It actually highlights a lot of her problems that need to be addressed. THey need to teach her to recognize those cues during school, how to identify short and long conversations and what is appropriate and when, etc. They should address her friendless status and help her learn how to make friends and facilitate that process. Seems like they often can ID the problem very well but are clueless as to what to do to help except to just say, " Stop it. " Roxanna " The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. " E. Burke ( ) vent My dd(12 y aspie) had counseling last night but before we got there she handed me a envelope and said that this was for her counselor from her special ed teacher. Being me i read it. The note starts with some things dd could work on. It then progresses to say that during writing class the teacher played a song while they were writing and dd happened to recall the time and place she heard it and felt she had to share w/sp ed teacher. She called sp ed teacher over and told the story. She reminded her to stay on task and that she had many other students to help. (Her exact words). These are the sp ed teachers words. " After class, she approached the writing teacher and began to tell him the long story. This teacher had other student coming in and this wasn't a good time to tell her long story. It seems she frequently stops at the teachers desk after class and wants to talk.This is a dreaded time for her teachers . i would like to see her learn to receive social cues in these situations. " I took offense to this and the counselor thought it was unusual for the teachers to dread to talk to her. This is a 12 yold that at the last minute this year, wanted to go to public school, She has no friends and craves to just talk with someone. If they dread to see my dd come to talk , i am not sure that they are the right educators for my child. I guess i am a bit ticked that people would actually say that. I must be a sad bitter person but i am a mother bear. Thanks for letting me vent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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