I just want something...

[Guest guest]

Do any of you have things you say to yourself that are clues to knowing

that you are not really hungry but you're on the verge of eating? The

subject line above is mine. I've lived with various groups of people

my whole life, and now I live alone. Loneliness is my biggest binge

inducer. And it always starts with that sentence " I just WANT

something " . What I usually " want " is a hug, conversation, a good cry,

some comforting, and things in that vein. All this has been discovered

thru writing when I hear myself telling myself that I want something.

It doesn't always keep me from eating. Sometimes I have a conversation

with myself, and decide that since I can't have the other things, for

whatever reason, eating something I'm not hungry for is worth it. Then

accept it. No scolding, guilt etc. Sometimes I call someone, or take

myself out of the house, or start a project and not eat over it

(happens more now). I was wondering if any of the rest of you have any

clear clues to yourself that you are in trouble - and what do you do

with them.

jb

[Guest guest]

Yes, I confess I do have those moments. I usually feel a bit of stress

in my body coming on (hard to explain-like being tense) and I usually

if I can, take my dog for a nice long walk or go visit a friend if

they're available. Reading or watching T.V. are not an option for me

as I can't seem to want to sit still and concentrate at that point and

I fear I'll eat if I don't distract myself.

-

I was wondering if any of the rest of you have any

> clear clues to yourself that you are in trouble - and what do you do

> with them.

>

> jb

>

[Guest guest]

I know someone who uses the " green bean " guide. When she feels like

eating and it's not meal or snack time, she asks herself if she would

eat canned green beans, which she's not fond of. If she wouldn't eat

the green beans she knows that she's got the mental munchies, not

true hunger.

Like you, if I think of a specific food that I want to eat and it

comes with an antsy or anxious feeling, it is a sure sign I'd be

eating out of emotion. When I'm truly hungry I don't want ice cream

or fast food, I just want whatever I have planned. When I get a

craving, I try reading or surfing the net. I'm even trying to get

back in to knitting after my toddler goes to bed just to keep my mind

busy. Sometimes I win, sometimes the munchies win.

Hope this helps!

>

> Do any of you have things you say to yourself that are clues to

knowing

> that you are not really hungry but you're on the verge of eating?

The

> subject line above is mine. I've lived with various groups of

people

> my whole life, and now I live alone. Loneliness is my biggest

binge

> inducer. And it always starts with that sentence " I just WANT

> something " . What I usually " want " is a hug, conversation, a good

cry,

> some comforting, and things in that vein. All this has been

discovered

> thru writing when I hear myself telling myself that I want

something.

> It doesn't always keep me from eating. Sometimes I have a

conversation

> with myself, and decide that since I can't have the other things,

for

> whatever reason, eating something I'm not hungry for is worth it.

Then

> accept it. No scolding, guilt etc. Sometimes I call someone, or

take

> myself out of the house, or start a project and not eat over it

> (happens more now). I was wondering if any of the rest of you have

any

> clear clues to yourself that you are in trouble - and what do you

do

> with them.

>

> jb

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Do any of you have things you say to yourself that are clues to

knowing

> that you are not really hungry but you're on the verge of eating?

Hi jb,

This might not work for you, but this is something that works for me.

Once I started making peace with " fun food " , like cakes, pie,

brownies, etc., I realized that I really did not care for the store

bought kind - too sweet and sickish. I prefer to make my own with

less sugar and half whole wheat flour, half white flour - tastes more

like " real food " to me this way.

I have discovered that one benefit of this is that when I

say, " Hmm...I feel like brownies, " I have to really consider as to

whether I want them enough to get off the couch, make a mess in the

kitchen, and wait an hour while I make them and bake them. I know if

I had store bought brownies sitting on the counter, they would be in

my mouth as soon as the craving hit. Of course, if I keep thinking

about the brownies, then I will get up and make them for myself

because I know I REALLY want them, and I am not just bored or anxious

or something.

They say that good luck is opportunity plus preparation. Well, to

paraphrase that, I find that most of my mindless, non-hunger eating

is opportunity plus emotional triggers. Emotional triggers will

always occur in life, they can't be avoided. And it is good to sit

with our feelings and try to resolve them, when possible. But I also

find it helps me to reduce the " opportunity " factor by not having a

lot of store bought junk food around but instead eating food that

requires some time and effort in preparation. (Plus it tastes better

too!)

[Guest guest]

The first thing that came to my mind was something Gillian's Am I

Hungry class suggests - ask yourself if you are really really really

hungry. Its easy to say " I'm hungry " and not all that hard to say

" Yes, I am really hungry. " But when you are REALLY REALLY REALLY

hungry - there is no doubt

Good luck :) Katcha

>

> Do any of you have things you say to yourself that are clues to knowing

> that you are not really hungry but you're on the verge of eating? The

> subject line above is mine. I've lived with various groups of people

> my whole life, and now I live alone. Loneliness is my biggest binge

> inducer. And it always starts with that sentence " I just WANT

> something " . What I usually " want " is a hug, conversation, a good cry,

> some comforting, and things in that vein. All this has been discovered

> thru writing when I hear myself telling myself that I want something.

> It doesn't always keep me from eating. Sometimes I have a conversation

> with myself, and decide that since I can't have the other things, for

> whatever reason, eating something I'm not hungry for is worth it. Then

> accept it. No scolding, guilt etc. Sometimes I call someone, or take

> myself out of the house, or start a project and not eat over it

> (happens more now). I was wondering if any of the rest of you have any

> clear clues to yourself that you are in trouble - and what do you do

> with them.

>

> jb

>

[Guest guest]

I guess I didn't make myself too clear. When I am at that " I want

something " stage, I KNOW I'm not hungry. I know that it's " I want

something that isn't food " but food is the only thing always readily

available to me. And it's hard for me to admit that to people. I

can't imagine saying to my nearest & dearest " I need to have you spend

some time with me " , because I can't admit that I have needs. I've

always been the strong one, the independent one, the one that gets

things done. I know it's a real big problem that I have, and I am

working on it, but in the meantime food is usually the first thing I

think of to help me. And yes, if canned green beans is all I have, I

will eat them. As a matter of fact, I have binged on frozen green

beans because that's all I had. So I can't use what I eat at those

times as any kind of indication of whether it's hunger. Because at this

stage in my life, I know it's not hunger. Maybe I'm the only one in

the world that is this paradoxical.

jb

[Guest guest]

OOOHHHH!!! I get you! And I have those moments too. My DH is a die

hard computer game junkies. There are times when I really want to

say " hey, I'm anxious and I need to talk " , but I don't know what to

say or I'm afraid I'll sound like a stupid needy girl. So I end up

rooting around in the cupboards and eating things I really don't even

like that much beause I can't assert myself to get what I really

need.

>

> I guess I didn't make myself too clear. When I am at that " I want

> something " stage, I KNOW I'm not hungry. I know that it's " I want

> something that isn't food " but food is the only thing always

readily

> available to me. And it's hard for me to admit that to people. I

> can't imagine saying to my nearest & dearest " I need to have you

spend

> some time with me " , because I can't admit that I have needs. I've

> always been the strong one, the independent one, the one that gets

> things done. I know it's a real big problem that I have, and I am

> working on it, but in the meantime food is usually the first thing

I

> think of to help me. And yes, if canned green beans is all I have,

I

> will eat them. As a matter of fact, I have binged on frozen green

> beans because that's all I had. So I can't use what I eat at those

> times as any kind of indication of whether it's hunger. Because at

this

> stage in my life, I know it's not hunger. Maybe I'm the only one

in

> the world that is this paradoxical.

>

> jb

>

[Guest guest]

That is a tough challenge to tackle, and one I understand too. When I

find myself in that state of mind, it almost turns getting food vs.

not eating for the sake if nibbling into a warped contest of sorts -

if I don't eat, will I feel deprived?!? And if I do eat, just to give

in rather than trigger a mad munchie binge, am I punishing myself?!?

If what you really want is a hug or precious time with a loved one,

could you let 'Hallmark' say it for you?!? I used to leave silly notes

to my hubby and he would respond with a big smile and approach ME so

that I didn't feel like I had to 'pester' to get his attention. Yes,

being the 'strong one' has its price, but YOU really do need attention

too!! Think of little inner child and how you would want to hug and be

with her, then allow those who are most dear to you do that for you

too. Maybe that's the 'nourishment' you really really really need

instead of food ;-)

ehugs, Katcha

>

> I guess I didn't make myself too clear. When I am at that " I want

> something " stage, I KNOW I'm not hungry. I know that it's " I want

> something that isn't food " but food is the only thing always readily

> available to me. And it's hard for me to admit that to people. I

> can't imagine saying to my nearest & dearest " I need to have you spend

> some time with me " , because I can't admit that I have needs. I've

> always been the strong one, the independent one, the one that gets

> things done. I know it's a real big problem that I have, and I am

> working on it, but in the meantime food is usually the first thing I

> think of to help me. And yes, if canned green beans is all I have, I

> will eat them. As a matter of fact, I have binged on frozen green

> beans because that's all I had. So I can't use what I eat at those

> times as any kind of indication of whether it's hunger. Because at this

> stage in my life, I know it's not hunger. Maybe I'm the only one in

> the world that is this paradoxical.

>

> jb

>

[Guest guest]

I am the same way. In the very rare instances when I get the courage to speak to my SO (ex-husband, current boyfriend, long story) I always end up feeling stupid and he will either roll his eyes at me or get all silent and that lets me know I have said something he thinks is stupid. That is when I cry and it makes it even worse and the I go to the kitchen and eat all I can find. It is really taking it's toll on me. I had lost so much weight following IE and now I am starting to gain it back. I am scared.

Michele

CR: Garden Spells by

RR: Queen of Babble Gets Hitched by Meg Cabot 5/5

Re: I just want something...

OOOHHHH!!! I get you! And I have those moments too. My DH is a die hard computer game junkies. There are times when I really want to say "hey, I'm anxious and I need to talk", but I don't know what to say or I'm afraid I'll sound like a stupid needy girl. So I end up rooting around in the cupboards and eating things I really don't even like that much beause I can't assert myself to get what I really need. >> I guess I didn't make myself too clear. When I am at that "I want > something" stage, I KNOW I'm not hungry. I know that it's "I want > something that isn't food" but food is the only thing always readily > available to me. And it's hard

for me to admit that to people. I > can't imagine saying to my nearest & dearest "I need to have you spend > some time with me", because I can't admit that I have needs. I've > always been the strong one, the independent one, the one that gets > things done. I know it's a real big problem that I have, and I am > working on it, but in the meantime food is usually the first thing I > think of to help me. And yes, if canned green beans is all I have, I > will eat them. As a matter of fact, I have binged on frozen green > beans because that's all I had. So I can't use what I eat at those > times as any kind of indication of whether it's hunger. Because at this > stage in my life, I know it's not hunger. Maybe I'm the only one in > the world that is this paradoxical. > > jb>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Katcha. I have lost my way with IE and the more I look around me the more frustrated I get. My SO has always been heavier than I am. I went shopping this weekend and bought be a guys shirt because they always fit better for me because they are longer and it is basically just a T-shirt. Anyway, long story short, it doesn't fit me so I gave it to him to try, thinking it wouldn't fit him either. Sadly it does fit. And it makes me mad. I havne't really been trying hard at losing weight but neither has he. I do the grocery shopping and we are going through the same amount of groceries so he can't really be not eating. Oh well. It is depressing. :-(

Michele

CR: Garden Spells by

RR: Queen of Babble Gets Hitched by Meg Cabot 5/5

Re: I just want something...

Michele, my heart goes out to you. NO ONE should have that type ofpower over you, but we give it away all the time. You have a reason tobe proud of the hard work you have done for yourself. And the hardestpart is allowing yourself to be proud of it too. I love Forrest Gump'sline about 'stupid is as stupid does'. I'd say your SO is the 'stupid'one - he's loosing the best thing he could ever have - YOU. Like whatdoes it cost him to offer you encouragement instead of feeding his egoby discouraging you?!? Sorry for the rant, but this steams me big time. Please know I thinkall the world of you and wish you all the best too - ehugs, Katcha>> I am the same

way. In the very rare instances when I get thecourage to speak to my SO (ex-husband, current boyfriend, long story)I always end up feeling stupid and he will either roll his eyes at meor get all silent and that lets me know I have said something hethinks is stupid. That is when I cry and it makes it even worse andthe I go to the kitchen and eat all I can find. It is really takingit's toll on me. I had lost so much weight following IE and now I amstarting to gain it back. I am scared.> > > Michele

[Guest guest]

Thank you for the wise advice.

Michele

CR: Garden Spells by

RR: Queen of Babble Gets Hitched by Meg Cabot 5/5

Michele,

This post really hit home for me. I was you several years ago. But it wasn’t my husband’s fault. I had been cowed early on in childhood to believe my input was stupid and unimportant. Honestly, now when I look back, I wonder what my husband even saw in me. (I remember being surprised after our wedding that he’d actually gone through with it!)

One day, when our children were really small, I said to him something like, “I think we should build up a person’s self esteem.” We had probably started talking about the children. But my husband replied something like, “Your self-esteem isn’t my responsibility.” It was very hurtful, but after a long, long time, I realized it was true. It wasn’t like he had married a strong, confident woman and beat her down. He’d married ME.

And it happened some time after that, through another life-altering event, that I started to get a backbone. It hasn’t been easy. But I’ve learned to think a little faster. Now, when my husband makes his snotty comments that used to make me feel stupid, I come back fairly quickly, either explaining what I actually meant (either I’m notorious for not making sense, or he’s notorious for not understanding what I said), or why he’s dead wrong. Unfortunately, I see now that I married something of a d***. But I still love the stuffing out of him. And I’m certainly not perfect.

So, if I had any advice for you or anyone in that situation, it would be to realize that it’s not his job to make you happy, or feel smart, etc. Sure it would be nice if he was sweet and supportive, but that’s not him, right? And you chose him just as he chose you.

I think that’s the key to this whole IE thing. It’s about us taking care of ourselves finally. It’s not easy to learn, but somehow we have to discover that we are worth caring for, no matter how anybody else treats us!!!

So, try some different things. Try laughing. Try making a face just like his right back. Try speaking out loud, “when you do that I feel stupid, and I’m not stupid.” Anything.

I hope I didn’t overstep my bounds here. J

Dianna

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