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Numbing...

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I am using food to numb myself.

The last two days have been a painful blur of stuffing my face.

Everytime I didn't have food in my hand or my mouth, I started to

feel, and I just wanted all the painful feelings to go away.

So I kept eating and eating and eating.

Tonight I'm exhausted.

Mentally and even physically.

As I sat forcing my food into my already full belly, thoughts began to

form. " Is this really taking away ANY pain? Or is it just a temporary,

and very momentary, fix? "

And I kept eating.

But the seed had been planted.

This way of doing my life just isn't working.

I'm sitting here right now with a glass of water, wondering where all

the time has gone. And realizing that maybe it's time to begin to just

feel those feelings. The pain can't be worse than the need to dull it.

THAT is pain.

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