Re: My eating obstacle course today...CORRECTED AN ERROR!

[Guest guest]

ksoccer:

Funny, when I read this, I read it the way you intended, even though

that is not what you said. I guess the idea is a familiar one. The

more I look at my behavior, the more I realize how much I am driven by

fear and anxiety.

This very thing happened to me yesterday. I went shopping at the mall

with my son, and we stopped at a burger joint (ny Rockets) to have

dinner. I noticed that I was not hungry, or only slightly hungry, but

we went in anyway because it was " dinner time " and he wanted to eat.

The anxiety started right away. I thought that I would just get

french fries, because I was not that hungry, but then thought that was

not enough protein, not good to have just french fries, so I ordered

an entire meal. I also ordered a drink because it was part of a meal

deal when I usually do not drink anything but water. That is

something I prefer, not a carry-over from diet rules. At that

restaurant, they serve the fries like an appetizer, so I ate the fries

(they were delicious!) and drank some lemonade. Of course before the

rest of the meal arrived I was full. I ate a few bites anyway

(because I thought I should) and packed the rest up.

The steps I went through during this process were fueled by anxiety.

I felt I " needed " to order protein because it is good for me, a drink

because it was a better deal, to eat because it was dinner time even

though I was not hungry, and the original anxiety started when I ate

cookies and cake in mid-afternoon and " spoiled " my appetite in the

first place. When I do that I fear I will miss dinner, and then not

sleep well and feel bad.

My son also got full before he ate his burger. It was ridiculous. I

usually find myself making mistakes like this at restaurants. What I

really wanted to do was order a kids meal, but I didn't know if that

would go over since I am an adult. Or we could have split a meal.

For some reason doing something unorthodox at a restaurant also causes

anxiety. I need to get over that!

So now the food is in the fridge and I wonder if it will get wasted

and thrown away because it doesn't taste good left over.

Writing out this process can do nothing but help me work it out the

next time we go out to dinner. Thanks for listening.

> > I saw something today...when I eat when I'm not hungry, it causes a

> > sort of chain reaction...I' m more likely to eat when not hungry

> again.

> >

> > I totally relate to this: I think that if I eat when not really

> hungry

> > (for whatever reason), it makes me anxious. Then I get nervous and

> > start asking myself (1) what if I do it agian?!? (eat when not

> hungry),

> > and (2) when WILL I be hungry again? (slight mental panic) At that

> > point food is definitely on my mind and anxiety is surrounding my

> > thought about it. As you stated: " I've experienced time and again

> how

> > my body state will change by just sitting with myself " - I've found

> > this to be helpful, too. I try to get my mind off of food and off

> of

> > eating, and I realize that my anxiety started from not eating when

> > really hungry. Once I understand how it started, it's easier for

> me to

> > relax and let my body sort of " reset " itself. At this point,

> hopefully

> > my anxiety and thoughts about food have decreased, and later on, my

> > hunger just sort of sneaks up on me

> >

> > ~~Thanks for posting about this, Latoya!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

,

You see your process and what's driving you and it will become

easier and easier to respond in new affirming ways when situations

in restaurants and mid-afternoon snacking occurs again...and it

will.

I noticed that you stated that you " spoiled " your appetite. I've

used that expression many times before as well. I'm curious...were

you hungry when you ate the cookies and the cake? Did you really

want the cookies and cake? Did you enjoy the cookies and cake? I

have similar fears about not having hunger at " dinner " when I snack

earlier...like the eating I did at the events that I went to this

week.

For many years, I couldn't imagine going to sleep " on an empty

stomach " and it was really difficult for me to do so...food in my

stomach when I went to bed actually calmed me and provided comfort.

Two nights this week, I've gone to bed with slight hunger. I asked

myself if I really wanted to eat something before bed and I got the

sense that I really didn't (nothing appealed to me and I didn't need

to), even though I felt slight hunger. So I honored that sense and

fell to sleep with no problems...this feels like a miracle for me.

Honor your hunger has gone to a new level for me. Hunger will return

naturally...and not on the timetable that external pressures say

that it should...and I can honor my hunger by eating and not eating.

I do still feel the pressure to eat " dinner " , to balance a meal, to

get as much value as I can out of the money that I invest in

food...we're supposed to do these things right? One of my goals is

to keep letting go of these thoughts that trigger anxiety in me and

push me off balance with myself. It sounds like you're using

your " mistakes " as the learning opportunities that they are. You're

food rebel ally can be of help in shaking up the orthodoxy...it's

alot of fun!

L.

Practicing IE since Jan '08.

I felt I " needed " to order protein because it is good for me, a

drink because it was a better deal, to eat because it was dinner

time even though I was not hungry, and the original anxiety started

when I ate cookies and cake in mid-afternoon and " spoiled " my

appetite in the first place. When I do that I fear I will miss

dinner, and then not sleep well and feel bad.

>

My son also got full before he ate his burger. It was ridiculous.

I usually find myself making mistakes like this at restaurants.

What I really wanted to do was order a kids meal, but I didn't know

if that would go over since I am an adult. Or we could have split a

meal. For some reason doing something unorthodox at a restaurant

also causes anxiety. I need to get over that!

[Guest guest]

>

> ,

>

> I noticed that you stated that you " spoiled " your appetite. I've

> used that expression many times before as well. I'm curious...were

> you hungry when you ate the cookies and the cake? Did you really

> want the cookies and cake? Did you enjoy the cookies and cake?

Latoya:

I am in a pattern of wanting to eat when I get home from work, around

3 pm. I was thinking about going ahead and preparing a dinner when I

get home instead of waiting until 6 to eat because that is the

traditional " dinner " time.

In answer to your question was I hungry - probably not. I just want

to eat, maybe as a reward for getting through the day. Did I want and

enjoy the cookies and cake-yes very much. But I have guilt about

eating that stuff and then not being hungry again at dinner.

I'm not sure how to resolve this issue. If I wait until 6, I will

probably be hungry. I will have to come up with another type of

reward or destressor to replace the eating when I get home. Part of

the problem is that I am usually tired and want to veg on the couch,

watch tv and eat. Maybe a nap without the eating would be a good

idea. I will keep working on this one. Thank you for your feedback.

[Guest guest]

,

A destressor after work definitely sounds like something good to

experiment with. If I was feeling compelled to eat at 3 p.m., I'd

definitely experiment with seeing when my hunger comes back in the

evening. The cake and the cookies may have provided you with enough

energy to get through the evening because they are typically very

dense in caloric energy...the only problem may be a sugar crash that

sends you grazing later to balance out your system.

I had an issue with feeling a compulsive need to eat/graze after 5

p.m. and realized it was because my energy level was low and I was

vulnerable at that time. I tried napping and found that I didn't want

to wake back up! What's helped the most for me is to watch my energy

levels and manage them throughout the day, so I don't get rundown by 5

p.m. In writing you this message, I just realized that I haven't had

this issue for some months now...the compulsion has loosened and the

only thing I can really attribute it to is my commitment to

consciously move everyday...I just have more energy.

Latoya

I'm not sure how to resolve this issue. If I wait until 6, I will

probably be hungry. I will have to come up with another type of

reward or destressor to replace the eating when I get home. Part of

the problem is that I am usually tired and want to veg on the couch,

watch tv and eat. Maybe a nap without the eating would be a good

idea. I will keep working on this one. Thank you for your feedback.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

You wrote in response to my correction: " Funny, when I read this, I

read it the way you intended, even though that is not what you

said. I guess the idea is a familiar one. " lol, that is very funny

in an " interesting, well how about that? " kind of way I'm really

glad to have read your thought process as well. Anxiety does seem

to fuel a lot of thoughts and actions in the eating arena. I

randomly pulled out my Intuitive Eating book last week and re-read a

few of the pages. Chapter 12 begins by saying, " Body vigilence

begets body worry, which begets food worry, which fuels the cycle of

dieting. " (p. 164) This statement really resonated with me, as I

think that my anxiety surrounding food initially starts with me

scrutinizing my body and worrying about it. On an optimistic note,

I have discovered one thing about myself: I DON'T TRUST MY BODY (I

don't trust that I [it] will be hungry again in due time; I don't

trust that it will look just fine if I let it live at its healthy

natral set point; sometimes I don't trust that when I go to bed at

night my body will fall asleep and get enough rest for the next day -

I know that may seem very irrational to others who read this). I

have realized that there is a very strong sense of mistrust, and

thus what could almost be considered a WAR, between my mind and my

body. But, I can now learn to end the war. I can learn to trust my

body, and in turn stop the anxiety. It's a funny thing how when you

stop worrying about something going a certain way, things fall into

place naturally and quite nicely (though maybe not exactly as you

had envisioned):

- The less I worry about my body and food, the more IE I end up

doing.

- The less I worry about my next meal, the more I live in the

moment, and my hunger arises when my body needs more nourishment.

- The less I worry about being " well rested " for the next day, the

sooner my mind relaxes & my mind and body drift off to sleep.

If you think that you, too, don't trust your body in certain ways,

saying this realization to yourself and then looking for proof/ways

in which your body actually does a great job of taking care of you

(if only you would let it ) can help you heal and do more IE

(Intuitive Eating, Intuitive Exercising, Intuitive Existence). It

has been helping me progress through this process for the past few

weeks, and I hope that it can help you, too.

- ksoccer8

> > > I saw something today...when I eat when I'm not hungry, it

causes a

> > > sort of chain reaction...I' m more likely to eat when not

hungry

> > again.

> > >

> > > I totally relate to this: I think that if I eat when not

really

> > hungry

> > > (for whatever reason), it makes me anxious. Then I get

nervous and

> > > start asking myself (1) what if I do it agian?!? (eat when not

> > hungry),

> > > and (2) when WILL I be hungry again? (slight mental panic) At

that

> > > point food is definitely on my mind and anxiety is surrounding

my

> > > thought about it. As you stated: " I've experienced time and

again

> > how

> > > my body state will change by just sitting with myself " - I've

found

> > > this to be helpful, too. I try to get my mind off of food and

off

> > of

> > > eating, and I realize that my anxiety started from not eating

when

> > > really hungry. Once I understand how it started, it's easier

for

> > me to

> > > relax and let my body sort of " reset " itself. At this point,

> > hopefully

> > > my anxiety and thoughts about food have decreased, and later

on, my

> > > hunger just sort of sneaks up on me

> > >

> > > ~~Thanks for posting about this, Latoya!

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

" I will have to come up with another type of

> reward or destressor to replace the eating when I get home. Part of

> the problem is that I am usually tired and want to veg on the couch,

> watch tv and eat. Maybe a nap without the eating would be a good

> idea. I will keep working on this one. Thank you for your feedback.

>

> "

,

I have this dilemma as well. 3:00-4:00 seems to be a major crunch time

for me. I have not figured out exactly what is bothering me then

either. I know I'm tired and exhausted (I'm home with the kids all

day) and need to also veg out. I'm just not sure how to get through

this one without eating. I also am then way too full for supper, but

eat it anyway. It's a pattern I need to interrupt, but am just not

sure how to go about it yet.

dawnz

[Guest guest]

Latoya:

I definitely feel very tired when I get home and that is probably part

of why I want to eat. Your idea of movement might be the best thing,

rather than a nap, that might make me feel even more tired.

The problem with the cookies and cake in the afternoon is that

sometimes I never get the hunger signals later in the evening, and

going to bed without some decent food makes for poor sleep and more

tiredness. It is vicious cycle that I would like to avoid if possible.

I also must confess that I still have thoughts of trying to go as long

as I can without eating in the morning in an effort to lose weight.

UGH! That also will definitely affect my energy level in the

afternoon. Seems I went from religiously eating breakfast, as a rule,

to trying to not eat breakfast at all in an effort to lose weight.

It may be backfiring by making me crave junk in the afternoon. A

middle ground would be to actually eat breakfast when I get hungry and

not try to make it to lunch. I am still trying to figure out how to

read my hunger signals in the morning.

>

> ,

>

> A destressor after work definitely sounds like something good to

> experiment with. If I was feeling compelled to eat at 3 p.m., I'd

> definitely experiment with seeing when my hunger comes back in the

> evening. The cake and the cookies may have provided you with enough

> energy to get through the evening because they are typically very

> dense in caloric energy...the only problem may be a sugar crash that

> sends you grazing later to balance out your system.

>

> I had an issue with feeling a compulsive need to eat/graze after 5

> p.m. and realized it was because my energy level was low and I was

> vulnerable at that time. I tried napping and found that I didn't want

> to wake back up! What's helped the most for me is to watch my energy

> levels and manage them throughout the day, so I don't get rundown by 5

> p.m. In writing you this message, I just realized that I haven't had

> this issue for some months now...the compulsion has loosened and the

> only thing I can really attribute it to is my commitment to

> consciously move everyday...I just have more energy.

>

> Latoya

>

[Guest guest]

Dawn:

Yes, this is a tough one. I'm thinking it may have to do with my

eating earlier in the day. I am going to do as Latoya suggested and

keep an eye on my energy level and try to keep it steady during the

day. I hate coming home, eating and then falling into a coma on the

couch. On the other hand, I want to take care of my needs by coming

up with a way to address my need to destress or rest when I get home.

ahoogroups.com, " Dawn " wrote:

>

> " I will have to come up with another type of

> > reward or destressor to replace the eating when I get home. Part of

> > the problem is that I am usually tired and want to veg on the couch,

> > watch tv and eat. Maybe a nap without the eating would be a good

> > idea. I will keep working on this one. Thank you for your feedback.

> >

> > "

>

> ,

> I have this dilemma as well. 3:00-4:00 seems to be a major crunch time

> for me. I have not figured out exactly what is bothering me then

> either. I know I'm tired and exhausted (I'm home with the kids all

> day) and need to also veg out. I'm just not sure how to get through

> this one without eating. I also am then way too full for supper, but

> eat it anyway. It's a pattern I need to interrupt, but am just not

> sure how to go about it yet.

> dawnz

>

[Guest guest]

What if you moved your dinner time to 4:00?

I do this sometimes because I tend to get hungry earlier, and if I eat then I "ruin" my appetite for dinner?

So, maybe, make the dinner that you're going to make for the family, but make it early. Then, at "dinnertime" you can serve it to the fam, and sit with them while they eat it.

My family is getting used to mommy sitting with a cup of tea at dinner because she ate earlier. They don't care, as long as I'm at the table with them and they get food.

Man improves himself as he follows his path; if he stands still, waiting to improve before he makes a decision, he'll never move.-o Coelho

[Guest guest]

Recognizing how you don't trust your body is a HUGE realization. I

have discovered that rebuilding trust with my body and letting go of

the worry (relaxing) are a huge part of this process too.

On an optimistic note, I have discovered one thing about myself: I

DON'T TRUST MY BODY (I don't trust that I [it] will be hungry again in

due time; I don't trust that it will look just fine if I let it live

at its healthy natral set point; sometimes I don't trust that when I

go to bed at night my body will fall asleep and get enough rest for

the next day - I know that may seem very irrational to others who read

this).

I have realized that there is a very strong sense of mistrust, and

> thus what could almost be considered a WAR, between my mind and my

> body. But, I can now learn to end the war. I can learn to trust my

> body, and in turn stop the anxiety. It's a funny thing how when you

> stop worrying about something going a certain way, things fall into

place naturally and quite nicely (though maybe not exactly as you had

envisioned)

[Guest guest]

Hi Traci:

That is definitely another route. I had considered doing that too,

why fight it? I think eating early would work for all of us, so it

would be a good solution for the entire family.

Thanks for the suggestion.

>

> What if you moved your dinner time to 4:00?

>

> I do this sometimes because I tend to get hungry earlier, and if I

eat then I " ruin " my appetite for dinner?

>

> So, maybe, make the dinner that you're going to make for the family,

but make it early. Then, at " dinnertime " you can serve it to the fam,

and sit with them while they eat it.

>

> My family is getting used to mommy sitting with a cup of tea at

dinner because she ate earlier. They don't care, as long as I'm at the

table with them and they get food.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Man improves himself as he follows his path; if he stands still,

waiting to improve before he makes a decision, he'll never move.

>

> -o Coelho

>

[Guest guest]

Dawn and ,

When my kids were younger and I was home all day with them, I would also "hit the wall" around 3/4pm. I took it as my body and mind's way of saying "I need a break!!". I used to reach for food too. Although I was not IEing back then, I can tell you that now when I hit that wall, I nap, take a walk, or meet a friend. What I really need is a time out from kids and mental activity. Sometimes I have a snack, too, 'cuz my body is telling me I need food. But I tend to overeat much less now. So keep trying different ideas to cope with that late afternoon crash - eventually you will hit on one that will work!!

Kim

IE since Aug 08

Subject: Re: My eating obstacle course today...CORRECTED AN ERROR!To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Saturday, September 20, 2008, 11:02 PM

"I will have to come up with another type of> reward or destressor to replace the eating when I get home. Part of> the problem is that I am usually tired and want to veg on the couch,> watch tv and eat. Maybe a nap without the eating would be a good> idea. I will keep working on this one. Thank you for your feedback.> > ",I have this dilemma as well. 3:00-4:00 seems to be a major crunch timefor me. I have not figured out exactly what is bothering me theneither. I know I'm tired and exhausted (I'm home with the kids allday) and need to also veg out. I'm just not sure how to get throughthis one without eating. I also am then way too full for supper, buteat it anyway. It's a pattern I need to interrupt, but am just notsure how to go about it yet. dawnz

[Guest guest]

Its amazing how strong the desire to have a 'slim and trim' body is! I

so know what you mean Arnie about being convinced that you are gaining

weight - some days I feel like I am wearing a padding of fat 3 or 4 "

thick! Its not true of course, but that is my perception at that

moment. And the moment that the thought of diet sneaks into my

thinking, I quickly remind myself that I NEVER achieved what I wanted

in the way of an 'ideal body' via that method. Its such a fantasy and

best to remain as seen as that.

Brave you for getting on the dreaded scale and congrats on the 2

pounds - that is wonderful because it will help you keep at IE for the

long run. Slow and steady wins the race. Nice to know that one can

walk their IE journey and still 'get there' :)

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

PS - I vowed to not weigh myself until my pants fell off! Alas, that

hasn't happened so far, but I am holding onto that hope ;-)

>

> At this point I don't trust my mind. I quit weighing myself when I

> started IEing at the beginning of August. Since that time I've been

> convinced that I'm gaining weight. I knew that I was getting bigger.

> Well today I did hop on a scale and guess what, I've lost 2 pounds. I

> guess that shows how twisted my perception of my own body has become.

> I'm happy I haven't gained weight, but It's maddening that I've

> worried so much about gaining weight when it simply wasn't true. I

> really need to relax about this whole thing.

>

> Arnie

> IEing since August 08

>

[Guest guest]

Hi katcha,

It really did astound me as to how wrong my perception of my own body

could be. It helps me to see that there really is nothing wrong with

my body. My body can do everything I need it to do. The problem is in

my twisted thinking about my body and what I have become accustomed

to thinking it should look like.

My body doesn't need to change, but the way I think about it does.

Arnie

IEing since Aug 08

PS - I'll bet your pants do fall off one day. I just hope for your

sake it doesn't happen in a public place.

> >

> > At this point I don't trust my mind. I quit weighing myself when

I

> > started IEing at the beginning of August. Since that time I've

been

> > convinced that I'm gaining weight. I knew that I was getting

bigger.

> > Well today I did hop on a scale and guess what, I've lost 2

pounds. I

> > guess that shows how twisted my perception of my own body has

become.

> > I'm happy I haven't gained weight, but It's maddening that I've

> > worried so much about gaining weight when it simply wasn't true.

I

> > really need to relax about this whole thing.

> >

> > Arnie

> > IEing since August 08

> >

>

[Guest guest]

> My body doesn't need to change, but the way I think about it does.

Arnie, I am right there with you on this one! And it's one thing

for others to tell you that it's your *thinking* that is " twisted " , not

your body, but it's another thing for *you* to be the one to realize it

within yourself and state it. Great job!!!