Re: Anxiety, depression and the fear of change

September 24, 2008

Hi S,

I am getting the very clear message that you are depressed - clinically depressed. Not just having a "rough spell". Grief and depression certainly make a nice couple, but I don't recommend letting them stay together.

I hear that you are overwhelmed, but I think some help - either medication or therapy or both - are in order. It seems you have been feeling this way for a while and now it's gotten worse in the last 3 wks or so. If my best friend were telling me all that you have said here, I'd be insisting she get some help. So, get some help with this!! Don't suffer or struggle any longer with it.

I hope I don't sound preachy -

Kim

IE since Aug 08

Subject: Anxiety, depression and the fear of changeTo: "Intuitive Eating" <IntuitiveEating_Support >Date: Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 5:28 AM

Hi group,this is going to be confused. I talked (well tried to) about this withmy husband and it was difficult enough to try to bring across my pointin my native language. I don't think he fully understood what I wastalking about. I don't know if I will be able to bring across my point.I feel completely depressed, the lack of energy is almost unbearable,I'm obsessed, compulsive and fear seems to be a constant companion atthe moment.I wonder if this is still "the normal stuff" or if it is something worthtreating with meds. Maybe that I'm asking myself this question is enoughof an answer, but I'm unsure if I should go after change before my exam.After all it's only three more weeks and I got my way through threemonths so far.It definitely doesn't make any sense to beat myself up because of thefact that I didn't ask for antidepressants earlier so I would have beenable to study

more effective. WHat I did though was going back to myADHD medication so I was able to study more effectively. So it's notlike I would have put my head into the sand completely. Or at least itdoesn't seem to be this way.Howver, during the last days it almost seemed impossible to get athought together. I know what I "should" study but everything is sooberwhelming right now and it's impossible to go through every importantsubject within three weeks. It's really impossible. So I don't know whatto repeat and what not. There will always be stuff I won't know or don'thave a clue about. Me being completely stuck started about 10-12 daysago when I finally managed to get through the last four exams andnoticed that I would have passed them quite ok. After that I fell into abig, deep hole. I study some, I work through some questions I answeredwrong, answering quite a few of them now correctly compared to

about twomonths ago.I know that my mood is very low. It has been since X-mas. However, Ithought "this is not depression, this is called grief; you have to giveit time".I also know I'm postponing a lot right now. "After the exam" is the keyphrase here. I'm not sure if this is right or wrong but I simply don'thave (or had during the last three months) the nerve to look forcounselling, sit around a waiting room for three hours at some doctor ormake appointments or "talk about it all" for the umpteenth time. Evennow that I'm writing this I think "this is going to cost you at leasthalf an hour and more - go back to your books". My brain feelscompletely fogged.I have some distractions, of course. Walking the dog, maybe going to thecinema (as we did last Sunday), having sex, watching a movie... but itafter the distraction ends it doesn't take five minutes and I feel likeI'm sucked back

into the whole mess. It's especially bad since lastFriday. I was drunk at half passt four in the afternoon that day.I can honestly say that I feel like sh*t and that I have the impressionthat nothing will improve in the future. I feel completely hopeless.Some things can't be changed. Some things can never be the same again.There are some weird thoughts spinning through my head right now.Do I love to suffer because I think I deserve it or that I should sufferbecause it's "the right way to do"? Does ending the suffering mean thatI don't care about someone anymore? This doesn't make any sense but itseems to be that this is a question to ask.I feel like hopping between unbearables. If the anxiety because of myexam becomes unbearable, I switch to grief. If grief because unbearableagain, I do the switch again. If all that seems to become unbearableonce again, I switch to numbing depression

etc.I don't know what to do. I'm sorry if this is confusing.So "the point of this all" is: I'm afraid of change at the moment sinceI fear that a change will make things worse in the short run which mightdecrease my chances of passing my exam. Of course I could be wrong andeverything could turn out better, I might even be able to increase mychances of passing. However, at the moment I would have been able topass every one of the old exams from spring 2008 back to spring 1999. Itmight be a difficult time right now and I'm feeling like sh*t but atleast my chances to pass my exam don't seem too bad.Did I make any sense at all? I really hope I'll get some feedback. Ifeel quite desperate today.Regardss.

September 24, 2008

Styx, I agree with Kim.

If I remember correctly, you went to school to be a doctor. If you

were a patient, what would you tell yourself? You say you have been

dealing with this since December. It's time to get some help. I

know you feel you can't spare the time, but think of all the time you

have spent fighting this battle on your own. You are worth the

investment.

Can the exam be postponed to let you deal with this?

>

> Subject: Anxiety, depression and the fear

of change

> To: " Intuitive Eating " <IntuitiveEating_Support >

> Date: Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 5:28 AM

>

> Hi group,

>

> this is going to be confused. I talked (well tried to) about this

with

> my husband and it was difficult enough to try to bring across my

point

> in my native language. I don't think he fully understood what I was

> talking about. I don't know if I will be able to bring across my

point.

>

> I feel completely depressed, the lack of energy is almost

unbearable,

> I'm obsessed, compulsive and fear seems to be a constant companion

at

> the moment.

>

> I wonder if this is still " the normal stuff " or if it is something

worth

> treating with meds. Maybe that I'm asking myself this question is

enough

> of an answer, but I'm unsure if I should go after change before my

exam.

> After all it's only three more weeks and I got my way through three

> months so far.

>

> It definitely doesn't make any sense to beat myself up because of

the

> fact that I didn't ask for antidepressants earlier so I would have

been

> able to study more effective. WHat I did though was going back to my

> ADHD medication so I was able to study more effectively. So it's not

> like I would have put my head into the sand completely. Or at least

it

> doesn't seem to be this way.

>

> Howver, during the last days it almost seemed impossible to get a

> thought together. I know what I " should " study but everything is so

> oberwhelming right now and it's impossible to go through every

important

> subject within three weeks. It's really impossible. So I don't know

what

> to repeat and what not. There will always be stuff I won't know or

don't

> have a clue about. Me being completely stuck started about 10-12

days

> ago when I finally managed to get through the last four exams and

> noticed that I would have passed them quite ok. After that I fell

into a

> big, deep hole. I study some, I work through some questions I

answered

> wrong, answering quite a few of them now correctly compared to

about two

> months ago.

>

> I know that my mood is very low. It has been since X-mas. However, I

> thought " this is not depression, this is called grief; you have to

give

> it time " .

>

> I also know I'm postponing a lot right now. " After the exam " is the

key

> phrase here. I'm not sure if this is right or wrong but I simply

don't

> have (or had during the last three months) the nerve to look for

> counselling, sit around a waiting room for three hours at some

doctor or

> make appointments or " talk about it all " for the umpteenth time.

Even

> now that I'm writing this I think " this is going to cost you at

least

> half an hour and more - go back to your books " . My brain feels

> completely fogged.

>

> I have some distractions, of course. Walking the dog, maybe going

to the

> cinema (as we did last Sunday), having sex, watching a movie... but

it

> after the distraction ends it doesn't take five minutes and I feel

like

> I'm sucked back into the whole mess. It's especially bad since last

> Friday. I was drunk at half passt four in the afternoon that day.

>

> I can honestly say that I feel like sh*t and that I have the

impression

> that nothing will improve in the future. I feel completely hopeless.

> Some things can't be changed. Some things can never be the same

again.

>

> There are some weird thoughts spinning through my head right now.

>

> Do I love to suffer because I think I deserve it or that I should

suffer

> because it's " the right way to do " ? Does ending the suffering mean

that

> I don't care about someone anymore? This doesn't make any sense but

it

> seems to be that this is a question to ask.

>

> I feel like hopping between unbearables. If the anxiety because of

my

> exam becomes unbearable, I switch to grief. If grief because

unbearable

> again, I do the switch again. If all that seems to become unbearable

> once again, I switch to numbing depression etc.

>

> I don't know what to do. I'm sorry if this is confusing.

>

> So " the point of this all " is: I'm afraid of change at the moment

since

> I fear that a change will make things worse in the short run which

might

> decrease my chances of passing my exam. Of course I could be wrong

and

> everything could turn out better, I might even be able to increase

my

> chances of passing. However, at the moment I would have been able to

> pass every one of the old exams from spring 2008 back to spring

1999. It

> might be a difficult time right now and I'm feeling like sh*t but at

> least my chances to pass my exam don't seem too bad.

>

> Did I make any sense at all? I really hope I'll get some feedback. I

> feel quite desperate today.

>

> Regards

> s.

>

September 24, 2008

Just in my experience, I am on a continuous quest for answers. Eckhart Tolle's bookThe Power Of Now is a great help to me. I think of it as medicine, something to takein that is useful to my mind and spirit. There is no miraculous change but it is anaide to my journey.

Did I make any sense at all? I really hope I'll get some feedback. I

feel quite desperate today.

Regards

s.

September 24, 2008

google books has a excerpt from this book, 7chapters of it, if any one wantsto read a bit from the book. Eckhart Tolle's bookThe Power Of Now

September 24, 2008

Hi S. You talk about the amount of time out of your day it would

take for you to see a professional, however, how much time have you

exhausted with living this way; living with these thoughts and your

feelings. Might just be worth a couple of hours out of your day to

seek help, just maybe he/she can put things into perspective. If you

need to take some study material with you while you wait. I see both

medical and naturopathic physicians as if one can't help me the other

can. Have faith that you'll do just fine on your exam - it must just

be so very overwhelming for you right now.

J.

>

> Hi group,

>

> this is going to be confused. I talked (well tried to) about this

with

> my husband and it was difficult enough to try to bring across my

point

> in my native language. I don't think he fully understood what I was

> talking about. I don't know if I will be able to bring across my

point.

>

> I feel completely depressed, the lack of energy is almost

unbearable,

> I'm obsessed, compulsive and fear seems to be a constant companion

at

> the moment.

>

> I wonder if this is still " the normal stuff " or if it is something

worth

> treating with meds. Maybe that I'm asking myself this question is

enough

> of an answer, but I'm unsure if I should go after change before my

exam.

> After all it's only three more weeks and I got my way through three

> months so far.

>

> It definitely doesn't make any sense to beat myself up because of

the

> fact that I didn't ask for antidepressants earlier so I would have

been

> able to study more effective. WHat I did though was going back to my

> ADHD medication so I was able to study more effectively. So it's not

> like I would have put my head into the sand completely. Or at least

it

> doesn't seem to be this way.

>

> Howver, during the last days it almost seemed impossible to get a

> thought together. I know what I " should " study but everything is so

> oberwhelming right now and it's impossible to go through every

important

> subject within three weeks. It's really impossible. So I don't know

what

> to repeat and what not. There will always be stuff I won't know or

don't

> have a clue about. Me being completely stuck started about 10-12

days

> ago when I finally managed to get through the last four exams and

> noticed that I would have passed them quite ok. After that I fell

into a

> big, deep hole. I study some, I work through some questions I

answered

> wrong, answering quite a few of them now correctly compared to

about two

> months ago.

>

> I know that my mood is very low. It has been since X-mas. However, I

> thought " this is not depression, this is called grief; you have to

give

> it time " .

>

> I also know I'm postponing a lot right now. " After the exam " is the

key

> phrase here. I'm not sure if this is right or wrong but I simply

don't

> have (or had during the last three months) the nerve to look for

> counselling, sit around a waiting room for three hours at some

doctor or

> make appointments or " talk about it all " for the umpteenth time.

Even

> now that I'm writing this I think " this is going to cost you at

least

> half an hour and more - go back to your books " . My brain feels

> completely fogged.

>

> I have some distractions, of course. Walking the dog, maybe going

to the

> cinema (as we did last Sunday), having sex, watching a movie... but

it

> after the distraction ends it doesn't take five minutes and I feel

like

> I'm sucked back into the whole mess. It's especially bad since last

> Friday. I was drunk at half passt four in the afternoon that day.

>

> I can honestly say that I feel like sh*t and that I have the

impression

> that nothing will improve in the future. I feel completely hopeless.

> Some things can't be changed. Some things can never be the same

again.

>

> There are some weird thoughts spinning through my head right now.

>

> Do I love to suffer because I think I deserve it or that I should

suffer

> because it's " the right way to do " ? Does ending the suffering mean

that

> I don't care about someone anymore? This doesn't make any sense but

it

> seems to be that this is a question to ask.

>

> I feel like hopping between unbearables. If the anxiety because of

my

> exam becomes unbearable, I switch to grief. If grief because

unbearable

> again, I do the switch again. If all that seems to become unbearable

> once again, I switch to numbing depression etc.

>

> I don't know what to do. I'm sorry if this is confusing.

>

> So " the point of this all " is: I'm afraid of change at the moment

since

> I fear that a change will make things worse in the short run which

might

> decrease my chances of passing my exam. Of course I could be wrong

and

> everything could turn out better, I might even be able to increase

my

> chances of passing. However, at the moment I would have been able to

> pass every one of the old exams from spring 2008 back to spring

1999. It

> might be a difficult time right now and I'm feeling like sh*t but at

> least my chances to pass my exam don't seem too bad.

>

> Did I make any sense at all? I really hope I'll get some feedback. I

> feel quite desperate today.

>

> Regards

> s.

>

September 24, 2008

Dear Styxia - depression is not something I have any personal

experience with but it sounds horrible to suffer with. It seems to me

that you do know what you need to do - get help! But some part of you

hangs back from fear or seeking permission to get help? I very much

sense that you do have people who care for you and want you to be as

best as you can. This group too For sure your up coming exams have

become THE focus point that you are struggling towards as THE point in

time when you can be relieved. Why wait that long? And I shudder to

think that waiting could end up hurting you more not only physically

but on those very important exams too. I know its easy for me to say,

but I have faith in you and your abilities to pass those exams. I do

hope you will do as another member here suggested - utilize your

'waiting' time by #1 getting medical help (as you would say to your

future patients too ;-) and #2 continue your studies in a more relaxed

and undisturbed (agitated) manner.

Sending warm and caring thoughts and wishes to you - ehugs, Katcha

> Did I make any sense at all? I really hope I'll get some feedback. I

> feel quite desperate today.

>

> Regards

> s.

>

September 24, 2008

Dear Styxia,

My heart goes out to you. Depression is nothing to be

ashamed of. As you well know, it is a chemical imbalance in the

brain. You are under a great deal of stress which for some can lead to the

chemical imbalance.

I am the sibling of two brothers who took their own life (one 5

months ago and one 4 years ago) due to suffering from long-term depression.

Please, please get some help.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you!

Gayle

From: IntuitiveEating_Support

[mailto:IntuitiveEating_Support ] On Behalf Of Katcha

Sent: Wednesday, September 24, 2008 9:59 AM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Anxiety, depression and the fear