Need your thoughts...

[Guest guest]

I had something interesting happen to me last night. I am very new to

this and really trying to work through the steps. I am trying very

hard to accept that I can really have whatever I want and that nothing

is " good " or " bad " .

Last night I took 3 of my kids out to our local pizza buffet place.

This is a place where in the past, I either would have had just a

salad and a small piece of chicken (no breading of course), or I would

go crazy and eat until I was stuffed to the gills because I was

throwing my latest diet to the wind " just this once " .

So last night before we got there, I was doing a mental talk with

myself in my head. Telling myself it was ok to eat whatever I was

hungry for. I was experiencing actual hunger and was trying to honor

that. I realized that what I really wanted was mashed potatoes and gravy.

We got there and I went over to get the potatoes and gravy, and then a

piece of chicken, no salad (yay!). The potatoes were good and I ate

about half of them. The chicken, not so much. I ate only a little of

that. Then I went back to get some pizza. I kid you not, I stood there

looking at all that pizza and NOT ONE kind appealed to me! None!

And here's where I need your help. I honestly actually panicked a

little. I've never experienced something like this in my life! And to

be truthful, I felt a little...sad? I don't know. Just none of it

looked good. I had one or two slices, but it just wasn't what I

thought it had always been. I did let myself eat two pieces of the

dessert pizza later and that did taste good.

But wow. I'm so confused! What do you all do with these weird

feelings? I just didn't expect to have that happen! I'm glad, but I'm

also feeling just so confused and almost like I'm grieving. It was

just so strange to be sad around all this food.

dawn