Passing an old diet goal...long

[Guest guest]

This past weekend I had a horse training clinic. This was one of my

old diet goals. Meaning that, last January, I started another diet,

calculating by this past weekend I would be so thin and look like

all the other girls at the clinic, and not be the only " fat one " . In

February I started IE. While I did have a good time, I was greiving

for not having reached that old diet goal and being at my goal

weight by this past weekend. The grieving for the body I didn't have

kind of puts a damper on the good things that have come about since

starting IE, so I thought I'd try to write out some of the random

feelings and thoughts that I had, good, bad and ugly...

1. Riders are not all thin, beautiful people. Even if all the other

people weighed less than me, they were all body shapes and sizes. I

have many attractive qualities and features, even if my body size

isn't one of them. (I'd rather look like me now, than a thin person

with other, not so attractive qualities/features. Some people are

really strange)

2. Many people at the clinic were, well, not all that bright.

Honestly, I'd rather be thinner, but at least I can understand the

common sense things that the trainer was explaining.

3. Until I was there, I had forgotten that that was one of my old

thin goals.

4. I was really proud of my horse! She (and I) have come such a long

way.

5. The old goal was probably un-realistic anyway, and if I

starved/binged myself for the past 10 months and didn't make my goal

weight, how would I have felt then! (But how do you know? Like all

new diets, this one was going to be different, right!?)

6. My weight is still holding me back a very weight concious area.

Kind of like an overweight person trying to make a living as a

fitness coach, riding is a very weight/looks concious lifestyle.

I don't know, maybe I'm just tired. I feel like IE is the " right "

thing to do for me, but I still really want to be thin! What now? I

guess I am just in the " what if " mode. What if I was thin? Would I

have had a better time? Would I not have been worrying about how I

looked? Would I not have imagined people saying oh, that poor horse

having to haul her big ass around? I was supposed it be thin by this

past weekend, and I wasn't. I'm just not sure how to feel about that.

Meg

IE since Feb '08

[Guest guest]

I've always wondered why one MUST be thin to look good on a horse?!?

How about all those HEFTY macho cowboy types?!? I noticed way back in

the original Gunsmoke days that Marshall Dillion rode a stocky horse

that could carry his mass well ( Arness was 6' 6 " and hardly a

light weight). Isn't the joy of riding how you and the horse interact,

or are you wanting to compete in shows too?

That aside - it sounds like you have continued to appreciate what you

have 'gained' from IE. Happy to have you here as you continue your IE

journey and conquer new goals in your life too.

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

> riding is a very weight/looks concious lifestyle.

>

> Meg

> IE since Feb '08

>

[Guest guest]

I don't know, I guess the way one MUST be thin to be good at any

other sport. I know that's judgmental, but like any sport that's

judged, some judges think that as long as you are balanced, etc.

doesn't matter what you look like. Others have a prejudiced attitude

that " fat riders are no good, period " I do consider both, which is

why I guess that I am so ambivalent about it. I do enjoy it, just

the way I am, but I do wish that I could be acceptable, just the way

I am as well. Maybe I just need to get over it.

Meg

IE Since Feb '08

> > riding is a very weight/looks concious lifestyle.

>

> >

> > Meg

> > IE since Feb '08

> >

>