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[Guest guest]

Working on keeping it real here. It's not all a bed of roses, that's

for sure.

I've been eating and eating and eating. A part of me knows I need to

stop and face things, but a bigger part of me is just freaking out. I

keep reading and reading though, because I know I can't give up and go

back to what I was doing before.

So each day comes with challenges, and each day I do make little steps

forward. I've waited on hunger now a handful of times. I've stopped

eating twice when I knew food wasn't going to make things better. I'm

cooking again. I'm not dieting.

And yet it's a struggle. So back to the book I went again tonight. And

something really struck me. In the first chapter they're talking about

when clients first come in and how some react as if this were a diet

and begin their normal pre-diet-last-supper binging.

Me.

Interesting.

So maybe this is all related to that. Seeing IE actually as a sort of

diet? Maybe I am freaking and thinking I can't have things?

Tonight I sat with my feelings a bit and did some self talk. Reminding

myself that I CAN have whatever I want when I am hungry. Chocolate

cake. PB cups. Whatever. And it feels..I don't know...better a bit?

I'm going to keep working on this thought. Talking to myself and

really beginning to hash out some of my fears that have obviously

thrown me into a tailspin.

This is NOT A DIET.

It's not.

And I need to believe that in my very core before I can begin to heal

the other demons.