Increase in appetite need help

[Guest guest]

I know some of you will not be able to relate to this as you have a

good relationship with your mother, however, for as long as I can

remember my relationship with my mother has been a strained one. She

emailed to say she is coming tomorrow for 12 days. Since that email my

appetite and rummaging the cupboards has increased dramatically. I'm

definitely aware when I'm doing it and know that I am not hungry but

carry on anyway. I know it's because I'm anxious of the upcoming

visit. I can get myself into such a tizzy just thinking about all the

comments, games etc. I don't know what to do. I need help. I don't

know what to say or do to make her 'hear' me. I'm 42 years old and

just want a normal relationship with her.

Thanks,

J.

[Guest guest]

Hi J,

I generally find that honesty is the best, and easiest policy. I

would start off by saying something like, " Mom, I would like for this

to be a really pleasant and positive time for both of us. So in order

to make sure that happens, I am going to have to ask you to refrain

from making comments about....x, y, and z. "

I had some success doing that with my mother MANY years ago, before

she developed Alzheimer's. I took her on vacations with me for years

and she ruined them completely with her constant criticism about my

weight, my clothes, how much I ate, how fast I ate, etc. So FINALLY I

learned to establish some ground rules at the start of each trip and

told her that in order for us to both have a good vacation, I needed

for her to refrain from making comments about all of the above. Of

course, she didn't like it but she really didn't have much to say in

response. I think it was helpful, not only because she knew what

topics I considered off-limits, but mostly because I asserted myself

and let her know that I was not afraid to stick up for myself and

would no longer tolerate being talked to in that manner.

Good luck!

>

> I know some of you will not be able to relate to this as you have a

> good relationship with your mother, however, for as long as I can

> remember my relationship with my mother has been a strained one.

She

> emailed to say she is coming tomorrow for 12 days. Since that

email my

> appetite and rummaging the cupboards has increased dramatically.

I'm

> definitely aware when I'm doing it and know that I am not hungry

but

> carry on anyway. I know it's because I'm anxious of the upcoming

> visit. I can get myself into such a tizzy just thinking about all

the

> comments, games etc. I don't know what to do. I need help. I

don't

> know what to say or do to make her 'hear' me. I'm 42 years old and

> just want a normal relationship with her.

>

> Thanks,

> J.

>

[Guest guest]

J,

I hope this response isn’t too late.

I agree that setting up some ground rules or boundaries at the beginning is a

good idea. I know how hurtful it is to not have the relationship with your mom

that you really want. For years I was always upset because I felt like I was

trying but I just couldn’t get what I want. Being a control freak, it was

hard to accept.

The more I learned about IE, the more I

also learned about letting go of things I can’t control. People are just

the way they are and can’t change unless they want to. I believe that

people who are compelled to criticize those they care about all the time are

generally very insecure. Their criticism isn’t about you, it’s

about them. Sure it doesn’t feel that way, but it is true and it’s

really a sad thing. It’s the same thing with people who gossip all the

time. Maybe you can look at the situation from another perspective. I’ve

done this and it’s helped tremendously.

Instead of being upset, hurt, and

defensive, can you look at your mom with compassion? It’s very sad she

needs this behavior to boost her ego or whatever. She can’t get it from

herself and probably doesn’t ask for what she needs from others because

she tries to do it all. Sound familiar? When I encounter this behavior, I

remind myself that it’s really sad and I am very grateful that I have

learned to move past that behavior, gets my needs met, and feel just as worthy of

love and respect as everyone I am around.

What do you think? Just try thinking the

word “compassion” when you feel yourself getting upset.

Thanks!

Gillian

Gillian

Hood-son, MS, ACSM

Healthier Outcomes

Get your report, " The 6 Steps to Guilt-Free Eating "

by visiting http://www.HealthierOutcomes.com

Check out the upcoming Am I Hungry?

seminar beginning October 16th: http://www.BreakOutofDietPrison.com

From:

IntuitiveEating_Support [mailto:IntuitiveEating_Support ]

On Behalf Of klic1234

Sent: Tuesday, October 07, 2008

7:48 AM

To:

IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject:

Increase in appetite need help

I know some of you will not be able to relate to this

as you have a

good relationship with your mother, however, for as long as I can

remember my relationship with my mother has been a strained one. She

emailed to say she is coming tomorrow for 12 days. Since that email my

appetite and rummaging the cupboards has increased dramatically. I'm

definitely aware when I'm doing it and know that I am not hungry but

carry on anyway. I know it's because I'm anxious of the upcoming

visit. I can get myself into such a tizzy just thinking about all the

comments, games etc. I don't know what to do. I need help. I don't

know what to say or do to make her 'hear' me. I'm 42 years old and

just want a normal relationship with her.

Thanks,

J.

[Guest guest]

Instead of being upset, hurt, and defensive, can you look at your mom with

> compassion? It's very sad she needs this behavior to boost her ego or

> whatever. She can't get it from herself and probably doesn't ask for

what

> she needs from others because she tries to do it all. Sound

familiar? When I

> encounter this behavior, I remind myself that it's really sad and I

am very

> grateful that I have learned to move past that behavior, gets my

needs met,

> and feel just as worthy of love and respect as everyone I am around.

>

>

>

> What do you think? Just try thinking the word " compassion " when you feel

> yourself getting upset.

Gillian,

This is what I did Sunday night. I felt good at the time, but the

caretaker part of me (huge) wants to make things all better. I think

I'm on the right track and maybe the tailspin I'm in is because what I

did is so new to me? What a mix of feelings.

dawnz

[Guest guest]

Thanks to everyone for their input. I did try hard to have a

positive attitude before she came and once she got here I kept that

going saying it was going to be a good visit. I noticed her comments

about eating and food and about people they are either fat or pretty

(I am the former). The visit was going well and we were having fun

until I asked about a mutual friend she was to visit and she read

into and her mood changed and she ended up leaving early saying I'd

had enough of her, which was not the case at all. She told my

husband to apologize to me once she realized her error. I did not

let things effect how I ate and for the first time in...I don't even

know when was the last time I had a normal Canadian Thanksgiving. I

would always try to starve myself all day, end up mindless grazing

and overeating at dinner. This time it was so normal I ate when I

was hungry and did not stuff myself. I didn't feel like a drink

either so I did not have one. I must say this is the best

Thanksgiving I've had in a long, long, long time - other than my

mother acting the way she did. I sit here right now with a totally

clear conscience.

Thanks,

J.

>

> J,

>

>

>

> I hope this response isn't too late. I agree that setting up some

ground

> rules or boundaries at the beginning is a good idea. I know how

hurtful it

> is to not have the relationship with your mom that you really want.

For

> years I was always upset because I felt like I was trying but I just

> couldn't get what I want. Being a control freak, it was hard to

accept.

>

>

>

> The more I learned about IE, the more I also learned about letting

go of

> things I can't control. People are just the way they are and can't

change

> unless they want to. I believe that people who are compelled to

criticize

> those they care about all the time are generally very insecure.

Their

> criticism isn't about you, it's about them. Sure it doesn't feel

that way,

> but it is true and it's really a sad thing. It's the same thing

with people

> who gossip all the time. Maybe you can look at the situation from

another

> perspective. I've done this and it's helped tremendously.

>

>

>

> Instead of being upset, hurt, and defensive, can you look at your

mom with

> compassion? It's very sad she needs this behavior to boost her ego

or

> whatever. She can't get it from herself and probably doesn't ask

for what

> she needs from others because she tries to do it all. Sound

familiar? When I

> encounter this behavior, I remind myself that it's really sad and I

am very

> grateful that I have learned to move past that behavior, gets my

needs met,

> and feel just as worthy of love and respect as everyone I am around.

>

>

>

> What do you think? Just try thinking the word " compassion " when you

feel

> yourself getting upset.

>

>

>

> Thanks!

> Gillian

>

> Gillian Hood-son, MS, ACSM

>

> Healthier Outcomes

>

>

>

>

>

> Get your report, " The 6 Steps to Guilt-Free Eating " by visiting

> http://www.HealthierOutcomes.com

<http://www.healthieroutcomes.com/>

>

>

> Check out the upcoming Am I Hungry? seminar beginning October 16th:

> http://www.BreakOutofDietPrison.com

>

> _____

>

> From: IntuitiveEating_Support

> [mailto:IntuitiveEating_Support ] On Behalf Of

klic1234

> Sent: Tuesday, October 07, 2008 7:48 AM

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Subject: Increase in appetite need help

>

>

>

> I know some of you will not be able to relate to this as you have a

> good relationship with your mother, however, for as long as I can

> remember my relationship with my mother has been a strained one.

She

> emailed to say she is coming tomorrow for 12 days. Since that email

my

> appetite and rummaging the cupboards has increased dramatically.

I'm

> definitely aware when I'm doing it and know that I am not hungry

but

> carry on anyway. I know it's because I'm anxious of the upcoming

> visit. I can get myself into such a tizzy just thinking about all

the

> comments, games etc. I don't know what to do. I need help. I don't

> know what to say or do to make her 'hear' me. I'm 42 years old and

> just want a normal relationship with her.

>

> Thanks,

> J.

>