Guest guest Posted August 31, 2008 Report Share Posted August 31, 2008 Guess I qualify as an 'oldie' here, and I know exactly what you mean about finding yourself at a plateau if not sliding back a bit too. Some times I feel like - hey, I've been a good girl, doing IE as best I can at this time, so why aren't I being 'rewarded' with weight falling off my body like a snowman in July(or December for the down under members)?!? About the best thing that I have come up with for myself is the 1) trusting the IE process instead of fighting, rebelling or 'cheating' against it and 2) strongly looking at how I practice IE to see if I can honor my hunger better. I really do hope and look forward to the time when all this effort is second nature and not a learning experience. Until then, like you, IE remains the best of all my other options. And that comforts me too Ehugs, Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > Yes, I guess it's normal to feel stuck and it may even be normal to " go > some steps back " , but it's depressing anyway. > > I think this is more directed at the " oldies " when it comes to ND. I > feel like making some progress within the first months I was stuck for a > while and I have the impression that I'm backsliding right now. > > I want that feeling back, so many " newbies " feel: that finally something > seems to work. That there is some progress. That I feel this is the > right thing to do. > > For now my main reason to not go on a diet is, that this would be much > worse than the situation I'm in now. Even if I'm not convinced that > ND/IE is " THE " solution, everything else stinks way more. > > It's frustrating right now. > > Regards > s. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 4, 2008 Report Share Posted September 4, 2008 Hi Styxia. I'm new to the process, so I don't have any real advice to give. I would encourage you to keep working through these things here. Sometimes just releasing the anxiety to cyberspace helps relieve it. And maybe the act of writing it out will help you find the answers you need. Chin up, friend, we are here for you. > > > Guess I qualify as an 'oldie' here, and I know exactly what you mean > > about finding yourself at a plateau if not sliding back a bit too. > > It feels so much like " failing " . The fear of starting to binge again is > overwhelming for me sometimes. > > > > Some times I feel like - hey, I've been a good girl, doing IE as best > > I can at this time, so why aren't I being 'rewarded' with weight > > falling off my body like a snowman in July(or December for the down > > under members)?!? > > I wish I could follow the guidelines better, but sometimes they seem to > overwhelming, too. I tend to overeat in the evenings. Maybe I'm not > eating enough throughout the day, but I don't feel like I'm starving > myself during the day. > > > > About the best thing that I have come up with for > > myself is the 1) trusting the IE process instead of fighting, > > rebelling or 'cheating' against it > > What would " cheating " mean in that case? I feel like a cheater all the > time, lol. > > > > and 2) strongly looking at how I > > practice IE to see if I can honor my hunger better. I really do hope > > and look forward to the time when all this effort is second nature and > > not a learning experience. > > I think my goal of getting rid of this excess body fat is strongly > interfering with everything around food and eating. It IS still my main > goal, even though I don't want it to be (and I'm not even sure if that > isn't a lie as well). I'm not ready to give up that goal. I am NOT that > ideal mature, analytic, calm, collected and patient > intuitive-eater-(to-be) who does it all for the sake of a positive body > image and a good relationship with food. I'm still that teenage brat who > wants to be THIN, even though if that means an even more f*cked-up > relationship with food. > > I don't think I can trust myself around food and eating. I like that > hungry feeling in my stomach and sometimes try to postpone eating as > long as I can and I'm way too disgusted by my food choices ( " look at > this - no wonder you're a fat-*ss " ) and I'm using the phrase " this > overeating episode tonight wasn't the best thing you could do, you'll > start listening to your hunger tomorrow again " more as a threat than as > an assurance that things will change for the better. > > I don't know anymore if I like certain foods because I really like them > or if I only trained myself to like them. I don't know if I really hate > frozen pizza, chocolate bars etc. because I really hate them or if I > only trained myself to hate them because they are " fattening " . > > I feel way too proud of myself when I walk through the main railway > station four times a week, past all the vendors and shops, thinking to > myself " these smells are only there to seduct you to buy these expensive > products - you don't really want them " . Well, I'd really like to taste > that warm pretzel with fatty cheese and I can feel myself salivating but > then I think about how it would feel in my stomach and how I would feel > after eating it and the answer is " disgusting and fat " . So I don't eat > it. > > Am I really disgusted by the smell of fast food people are eating on the > train? Or have I trained myself to be disgusted by it so I won't get > hungry, having to smell that fast food that seems so beyond my reach? > > I don't know it anymore and it feels absolutely confusing. > > Regards > s. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 4, 2008 Report Share Posted September 4, 2008 Wow Styxia - that is an excellent post! I sensed that you are digging to the heart of what you are feeling. I know I related to a LOT of what you posted - self doubt and more questions than answers if very frustrating. And what do we do when we are upset and frustrated?!? - why want to EAT of course!! Then all the negative voices chime in and start their chants - You are so bad! You are a failure! You will never do this RIGHT! And worst yet - we BELIEVE them. Plus its so much easier and fun (for the moment at least) to defy 'them' and eat to spite them too. The problem in the end is that that the only one who is hurt is ourselves :( Breaking this destructive pattern is difficult and even hard to see (for one's self) let alone change too. Yet that is what I feel IE is enCOURAGing us to do - be our own guardian angel or hero, saving ourselves because we DO have merit and value - even if only for ourselves! You are amazing - studying to be a doctor is not easy or even something most of us are capable of doing. You have a husband who I bet loves you lots too. I'm sure your dog loves being with you as well. I know I am glad to read your posts - you honestly and openly speak to real issues and that helps to remind me of my own (a blind spot I have too often). BEST wishes to you as you go about finding YOUR IE 'way'. I know you can and will too. ehugs, Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > > Guess I qualify as an 'oldie' here, and I know exactly what you mean > > about finding yourself at a plateau if not sliding back a bit too. > > It feels so much like " failing " . The fear of starting to binge again is > overwhelming for me sometimes. > > > > Some times I feel like - hey, I've been a good girl, doing IE as best > > I can at this time, so why aren't I being 'rewarded' with weight > > falling off my body like a snowman in July(or December for the down > > under members)?!? > > I wish I could follow the guidelines better, but sometimes they seem to > overwhelming, too. I tend to overeat in the evenings. Maybe I'm not > eating enough throughout the day, but I don't feel like I'm starving > myself during the day. > > > > About the best thing that I have come up with for > > myself is the 1) trusting the IE process instead of fighting, > > rebelling or 'cheating' against it > > What would " cheating " mean in that case? I feel like a cheater all the > time, lol. > > > > and 2) strongly looking at how I > > practice IE to see if I can honor my hunger better. I really do hope > > and look forward to the time when all this effort is second nature and > > not a learning experience. > > I think my goal of getting rid of this excess body fat is strongly > interfering with everything around food and eating. It IS still my main > goal, even though I don't want it to be (and I'm not even sure if that > isn't a lie as well). I'm not ready to give up that goal. I am NOT that > ideal mature, analytic, calm, collected and patient > intuitive-eater-(to-be) who does it all for the sake of a positive body > image and a good relationship with food. I'm still that teenage brat who > wants to be THIN, even though if that means an even more f*cked-up > relationship with food. > > I don't think I can trust myself around food and eating. I like that > hungry feeling in my stomach and sometimes try to postpone eating as > long as I can and I'm way too disgusted by my food choices ( " look at > this - no wonder you're a fat-*ss " ) and I'm using the phrase " this > overeating episode tonight wasn't the best thing you could do, you'll > start listening to your hunger tomorrow again " more as a threat than as > an assurance that things will change for the better. > > I don't know anymore if I like certain foods because I really like them > or if I only trained myself to like them. I don't know if I really hate > frozen pizza, chocolate bars etc. because I really hate them or if I > only trained myself to hate them because they are " fattening " . > > I feel way too proud of myself when I walk through the main railway > station four times a week, past all the vendors and shops, thinking to > myself " these smells are only there to seduct you to buy these expensive > products - you don't really want them " . Well, I'd really like to taste > that warm pretzel with fatty cheese and I can feel myself salivating but > then I think about how it would feel in my stomach and how I would feel > after eating it and the answer is " disgusting and fat " . So I don't eat > it. > > Am I really disgusted by the smell of fast food people are eating on the > train? Or have I trained myself to be disgusted by it so I won't get > hungry, having to smell that fast food that seems so beyond my reach? > > I don't know it anymore and it feels absolutely confusing. > > Regards > s. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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