Guest guest Posted November 8, 2008 Report Share Posted November 8, 2008 Latoya again, thank you for the feedback. I will have to get that book for sure. Right now I just took two Jon Kabat Zinn books out of the library and decided to submerge myself in those. Zen is a lifestyle I love and work hard to incorporate into my families life. So when the "fear" monster takes over as it most often does it makes me so insane because it is obviously so far from Zen ya know. I took a few courses when I was in nursing school that were based on Zinn's work so I am hoping by reading his books I can bring out more inner Zen than before by applying what I already know what what I learn. You were right on with your analysis of where I was coming from. It is WAY easier to focus on the "diet" or "food plan" than it is to go into your core and work with the feelings that are brewing. Who the heck wants to do that right (ha). I want to do that. I am tired of using the food as a way to escape those feelings. I really understand where it comes from which is actually a plus because many struggle with the why of it all. I, like far to many of us grew up in a chaotic, abusive childhood. Food was SUCH a main focus on so many levels. I spent a great deal of my childhood/young adulthood homeless or bouncing up and down the coast living with different dysfunctional family members. Each different place brought about a different level of fear and a different relationship with food. Some of the homes I lived in restricted food so I stole and horded to get it. Other places showered me in food because it was a way to show love. Then when I was on the streets it was always fend for yourself. Each situation was abusive and I used food to numb myself for sure. It was easier to shove the food in my face than to deal with the issues at hand. It was and still is a survival tool because as a child going through such a ordeal you can't regulate your emotions and you don't have tools to work through them. So you hide in fear and for me, I ate. The really frustrating part is my life now is off the hook blissful and yet I still struggle with the old methods of survival with regards to fear. So this is where I take steps such as becoming a shiatsu therapist, learning reflexology, living in peace, living with zen. Yet even though I have filled my life with these positive things there are times (like now) when fear comes back and clobbers me up for a good while. At least I have the knowledge that during these times I need to check in with people like the group here to ensure that I am ok inside and this too shall pass. Thank you again (all of you) for being here and being so supportive of each other..... Namaste, Dawn ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 8, 2008 Report Share Posted November 8, 2008 I really enjoyed reading this. I too have had an abusive childhood and grew to use food to soothe my soul and fill all the places I had voids in like my self esteem. I would love to hear more about finding zen. I just recently left an emotionally abusive relationship with a binge drinking alcoholic, and although I am glad I found the strength to leave it, I still can't find peace. Subject: Finding Zen over fearTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Saturday, November 8, 2008, 9:12 AM Latoya again, thank you for the feedback. I will have to get that book for sure. Right now I just took two Jon Kabat Zinn books out of the library and decided to submerge myself in those. Zen is a lifestyle I love and work hard to incorporate into my families life. So when the "fear" monster takes over as it most often does it makes me so insane because it is obviously so far from Zen ya know. I took a few courses when I was in nursing school that were based on Zinn's work so I am hoping by reading his books I can bring out more inner Zen than before by applying what I already know what what I learn. You were right on with your analysis of where I was coming from. It is WAY easier to focus on the "diet" or "food plan" than it is to go into your core and work with the feelings that are brewing. Who the heck wants to do that right (ha). I want to do that. I am tired of using the food as a way to escape those feelings. I really understand where it comes from which is actually a plus because many struggle with the why of it all. I, like far to many of us grew up in a chaotic, abusive childhood. Food was SUCH a main focus on so many levels. I spent a great deal of my childhood/young adulthood homeless or bouncing up and down the coast living with different dysfunctional family members. Each different place brought about a different level of fear and a different relationship with food. Some of the homes I lived in restricted food so I stole and horded to get it. Other places showered me in food because it was a way to show love. Then when I was on the streets it was always fend for yourself. Each situation was abusive and I used food to numb myself for sure. It was easier to shove the food in my face than to deal with the issues at hand. It was and still is a survival tool because as a child going through such a ordeal you can't regulate your emotions and you don't have tools to work through them. So you hide in fear and for me, I ate. The really frustrating part is my life now is off the hook blissful and yet I still struggle with the old methods of survival with regards to fear. So this is where I take steps such as becoming a shiatsu therapist, learning reflexology, living in peace, living with zen. Yet even though I have filled my life with these positive things there are times (like now) when fear comes back and clobbers me up for a good while. At least I have the knowledge that during these times I need to check in with people like the group here to ensure that I am ok inside and this too shall pass. Thank you again (all of you) for being here and being so supportive of each other..... Namaste, Dawn ~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. ~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2008 Report Share Posted November 10, 2008 hi Dawn. thank you for sharing your story. can you tell me/us the title of the book you refer to? i'd be interested in checking that out as well. the zen way of thinking has helped me so much in the past with working through depression and low self esteem. thank you, abby Latoya again, thank you for the feedback. I will have to get that book for sure. Right now I just took two Jon Kabat Zinn books out of the library and decided to submerge myself in those. Zen is a lifestyle I love and work hard to incorporate into my families life. So when the " fear " monster takes over as it most often does it makes me so insane because it is obviously so far from Zen ya know. I took a few courses when I was in nursing school that were based on Zinn's work so I am hoping by reading his books I can bring out more inner Zen than before by applying what I already know what what I learn. You were right on with your analysis of where I was coming from. It is WAY easier to focus on the " diet " or " food plan " than it is to go into your core and work with the feelings that are brewing. Who the heck wants to do that right (ha). I want to do that. I am tired of using the food as a way to escape those feelings. I really understand where it comes from which is actually a plus because many struggle with the why of it all. I, like far to many of us grew up in a chaotic, abusive childhood. Food was SUCH a main focus on so many levels. I spent a great deal of my childhood/young adulthood homeless or bouncing up and down the coast living with different dysfunctional family members. Each different place brought about a different level of fear and a different relationship with food. Some of the homes I lived in restricted food so I stole and horded to get it. Other places showered me in food because it was a way to show love. Then when I was on the streets it was always fend for yourself. Each situation was abusive and I used food to numb myself for sure. It was easier to shove the food in my face than to deal with the issues at hand. It was and still is a survival tool because as a child going through such a ordeal you can't regulate your emotions and you don't have tools to work through them. So you hide in fear and for me, I ate. The really frustrating part is my life now is off the hook blissful and yet I still struggle with the old methods of survival with regards to fear. So this is where I take steps such as becoming a shiatsu therapist, learning reflexology, living in peace, living with zen. Yet even though I have filled my life with these positive things there are times (like now) when fear comes back and clobbers me up for a good while. At least I have the knowledge that during these times I need to check in with people like the group here to ensure that I am ok inside and this too shall pass. Thank you again (all of you) for being here and being so supportive of each other..... Namaste, Dawn ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ -- Abigail C. Wolfson, CPNP LICH School Based Health CenterBNS/BCS610 Henry Street, Room 209Brooklyn, NY 11231 (fax) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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