Husbands/my 2 cents/kinda long

November 16, 2000

HI group, this is a very important subject, I think, so here is my 2

cents, too.

Serious illness rocks a marriage right to it's foundations. It

changes the entire daily dynamics. It changes the way your entire

family functions. It is a lot of hard work to try to keep your

marriage strong while you are dealing with this Chiari mess, too.

My husband has gone through anger, at being unable to " do " anything

to change my condition, at the fact that I had this condition at all,

at the fact that the doctors are jerks, at my pain, at the daily

frustrations of my inability to be " myself " , etc. etc. etc. Most men

are fixers, give them a problem, and they want to fix it. Obviously

in this case, they can't!!

Once I understood that no, he was not angry AT me, he was angry FOR

me, things got better. I was angry for ALL THE SAME REASONS!! It

brought us together. I was also upset at all the wierd symptoms, and

was worried that he would find some of them unbelievable. (Imagine

that!) So now, with no real prompting, (well maybe a little), he will

say " I believe you " as well as " I love you " . He still gets angry at

times, and frustrated. I do too.

It is very hard for me to sit and look at dust, to know how huge the

laundry pile is. To know that people will come over and see the

dust, the mess. But yet, " I look great " . UUUUGGGG!!! My daughter

is a sweetie, and helps, but she is 12. Things that get done by her,

yes, they are " done " , but I have had to bite my lip many a time.

It is going to end the world because my house is a mess? NO. What is

important here? That friends DO come over, that my daughter DOES

help. That my husband cares enough TO get mad FOR me. What is the big

picture? LOVE AND SUPPORT. Recognize IT, not the rest of the junk!

Thanks for letting me go on, it has helped me to say it out loud!!

Theresa, ACM1, 4mm, Stenosis, C5 and 6. Managing on Midrin and Aleve

until I find the right doc.

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