Guest guest Posted December 22, 2001 Report Share Posted December 22, 2001 In a message dated 12/22/2001 9:55:04 AM US Mountain Standard Time, B4alltoday writes: > he had a Mom who did everything Oh, so did . In fact, MY mom keeps telling my how lucky I am that will change diapers....LOL...and I just EXPECT that it will happen. His mom was shocked the first time she visited and saw him taking care of the babies..... ( " He actually ENJOYS them!! " ) Now, My kids also do alot around the house. They help with the laundry, cooking, cleaning and taking care of the babies. We'll see what kind of husbands my sons make!! Being raised the opposite of their dad they will probably be really macho and not lift a finger!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 22, 2001 Report Share Posted December 22, 2001 In a message dated 12/22/01 10:57:04 AM Central Standard Time, b4alltoday@... writes: > Hi > > Boy I'm glad my hubby is not reading this list on this thread lol because > I'm > fixing to slam him lolol Mike does NOTHING around the house. Ooooh wait he > does change the over head light bulbs and does the yard work (only because > my > mother told him I'm allergic to grass lol) A little background.......Mike > has > no sisters, no female cousins, he had a Mom who did everything...... > soooooo > he is one dog that will NOT learn new tricks. Any time I say, what if I die > > who will do this work, he answers..... " my daughters " lol (he has 3 now) or > he'll marry quick > > I went to FL this month and my oldest daughter called 3x daily to complain > on > the mess at home. She said she never wants my job cleaning up after Mike > and > Kaite Heehee now she appreciates me more Mike would tell when > she > complained to stop cleaning, just wait till the day mom comes > home........ was livid because she couldn't even live a week with > the > mess. > > As far as child care, I was (alone) in Nashville for 3 days and Mike lost > Sara on day one. He was almost to the point of calling the > police.........passerbyer's told him they saw her two blocks away. > > Mike does have other qualities that MUST keep me with him........heehee > right > now I'm trying to think what they are lol > > Kathy mom to Sara 10..........he does get the silent treatment when I > hear..... " You are the housewife, women would die to be in your shoes " this > is > after I request some help ugggggggggggg > Kathy, My husband is more like yours than the helping husbands. He considers playing with the boys being helpful. In his defense he used to help much more before starting his own business and me quitting my job to stay at home. He is pretty much clueless as to the boy's routine because he just isn't around enough. Karyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 22, 2001 Report Share Posted December 22, 2001 But I do say, train your husband well and bring him up right in the arena of domesticity for you do not know when you might have to go away for 11 days or more. > True, True! My mom was the type of housekeeper that she even vacuumed out under the waterbed mattress. She got sick about a year and a half before she died. She started to train my father to take over (she did have valve replacement surgery 9 months before she died). He said he'd do anything but make that darn waterbed and scrub the bathtub. The day she died, she went out and bought a new bed, mattress, comforter, pillows, curtains, etc. She came over to show me her new sheets and then went home and died an hour later. The next day my dad had me cancel the delivery of the new bed. After the funeral, it dawned on him that she wanted him to have it as her last gift (and because he could not make the waterbed). So we trot off to the department store and approached the woman who sold the bed to my mom. She was very sympathetic and sensitive to us. She went to recharge the mattress and came out and said there was a problem. My mom had put that on her VISA and my dad's name was not on it. We laughed....the salesperson probably thought we were nuts. Even though my mom felt that a woman's first job should be a housekeeper, she also thought women should have their own bank accounts, credit cards, savings, retirement, etc. Not only was the mattress her last gift to him, but she also gave us our first laugh after her death. My dad bought one of those battery charged scrubbers for the tub. He's done quite well for the past 8 years. Tim use to be a great housekeeper, but now he devotes his spare time on his union work. Instead, he pays for a housekeeper to come and clean once a week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 22, 2001 Report Share Posted December 22, 2001 Hi, Well, here Ralph pretty much shares the load. He never says he's " babysitting " for his kids. he does all the cooking, we share shopping, laundry and cleaning and child care. Usually we try to make doctors appts for the kids so we can both be there. If not, one of us can go without the other. I work full time; sometimes go to school. That allows me to feel like i can do those things if the kids are with their father. One year i worked after school in an after school job. ralph was with the kids the whole time. It's the only way i could have worked the extra job. Lately he has been dropping them off and picking them up from school too. Just working out better logistically. During the summer when I'm off I try to do some of the things on my own so we have more time to have fun. Oh, i do pay all the bills and " balance " the checkbook. Sometimes I dont know what I would do without him! ~ Mom to 11 DS and 7 NY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 22, 2001 Report Share Posted December 22, 2001 I'd much rather have the house keeper than ralph! LOL (for cleaning purposes i mean) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2002 Report Share Posted January 7, 2002 What was it that Kent Moreno called it?? Ah yes, he said he was " parenting. " He believes that men are parents too. What a concept!! Elaine Re: Husbands > Hi, > Well, here Ralph pretty much shares the load. He never says he's > " babysitting " for his kids. he does all the cooking, we share shopping, > laundry and cleaning and child care. Usually we try to make doctors appts > for the kids so we can both be there. If not, one of us can go without the > other. > > I work full time; sometimes go to school. That allows me to feel like i can > do those things if the kids are with their father. One year i worked after > school in an after school job. ralph was with the kids the whole time. It's > the only way i could have worked the extra job. > > Lately he has been dropping them off and picking them up from school too. > Just working out better logistically. > > During the summer when I'm off I try to do some of the things on my own so we > have more time to have fun. > > Oh, i do pay all the bills and " balance " the checkbook. Sometimes I dont > know what I would do without him! > > ~ Mom to 11 DS and 7 NY > > > Click reply to all for messages to go to the list. Just hit reply for messages to go to the sender of the message. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2002 Report Share Posted April 30, 2002 Hmmmmm...... There must be something in the air. My husband went to Home Depot Saturday night and helped me pick up (3) tall rubbermaid cabinets & some shelving. Then Sunday he put them all together for me. Then Monday night he helped me rearrange my soap room. Go figure. Now he wants to help me make hang more lines from the ceiling to hang my molds on. I kind of ran out of room. You know how you get " hooked " on buying all those beautiful molds. I bet I have over 100 now and have a bunch more to hang up since I bought a ton from Olive Tree Soaps when she had her last sale on Milky Way Molds. My next project for him is to get me some new lights for the ceiling. I'm not sure if I want track lighting or better fluorescent lights than I have now. I want to be sure to keep him busy helping me because if he stops he may not start again. (hehe) Re: ~drop dead salad Oh yes in july i knew what i was doing! You see i have been employing the old hubby around becuase i have sooo many orders and during the day i am helping a frined by watching her 2 babies and mine!!! SO i was falling behind you can say. Ok so fisrt we all know beeswax sheet are super expensive almost $30 for 10 HE LOST THE WHOLE BOX!!!! I had to rush out order some and now this order is a week late! THEN i ask him to clean my pour pour my brand new 2nd pot i got so i can have candles and soap or lotion going! He comes in hands behind his back, now huney, giggling all the while, he poked like 50 holes in my pot with this huge knife instead of washing soap with DURH WATER!!!! No he dosent notice till he fills it with water and it looks like sylvestre after tweety filled him with holes! THEN he wont listen, he was like such a damn kids he went up and popped all my embeds out to see what they look liked and they were every where now they hit the floor WHICH is why i dont take them out until im ready to use them!!! I HAVE FIRED HIM 5 TIMES!!! HE WONT LEAVE! I mean theres a reason us soapers have ways of doing things! HE DESERVES JULYS HEAT WAVE WREATCHED POTATOES SALAD! Trust me on this one! I am also now missing 2 molds and my cocoa butter with 10 lotion bars to be made! WHo is hirring ??? TAKE HIM AWAY! LOL SO yes that stuff sounds perfect terri! <evil laugh> he he he! Ok Im done, lol ~ EMily --- Terri Wagner <twagner@...> wrote: > <<<<can you send me some potatoe salad????>>> > ewwwww..... not in July!! Maybe if we were having a > winter gathering! LOL > I don't want to step on our domations coordinators > toes, but if you wnat to > send us something to display what you have to offer > that would be great. In > return we would link to your supply site off our > gathering page. > Let me know and If your still interested I'll have > Colleen contact you with > her address so you can ship to her and keep all the > donations in one place. > Terri > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2002 Report Share Posted April 30, 2002 Watch it !!!!! Usually when they start being nice for no reason at all, they are up to something. I am learning real fast. Kathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 10, 2003 Report Share Posted August 10, 2003 I'm glad we all found this group! It sounds like we all are in the same boat! ha ha ha ha Dawn Yup, my husband is an engineer, too -- mechanical engineer and graduate of Cornell. One of his brothers is an ophthalmologist and the other has his PhD in rural sociology. My husband can go months without calling either brother (both parents are deceased.) I tend to " orchestrate " even the get-togethers he has with friends! He enjoyed seeing his frat. Brothers at his 25th college reunion, but I was the one that had to send the emails to get it rolling! Meg of Mentor, Ohio Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 21, 2004 Report Share Posted January 21, 2004 Ok ladies lets not lump all us Husbands in one group. Sorry some men are uncaring, heartless, self serving Ba----ds, but some of us are ok. Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.Eddie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 21, 2004 Report Share Posted January 21, 2004 Sorry Ladies... but even as a woman... I gotta stand by Eddie here... I have been married to and had my fair share of uncaring, heartless, self serving Ba----ds... but over the years, also known some men who were kind, caring, compassionate and wonderful... and I was lucky or smart enough to marry one of THAT herd the second time out. Re: [ ] RE:Husbands Ok ladies lets not lump all us Husbands in one group. Sorry some men are uncaring, heartless, self serving Ba----ds, but some of us are ok. Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.Eddie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 22, 2004 Report Share Posted January 22, 2004 Diane I'm from south Ga a little town called Leesburg. OLD IS WHEN...a sexy babe catches your eye and your pacemaker opens the garage door.Eddie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2004 Report Share Posted August 17, 2004 At least you do have a husband. Is he some comfort, or does he just add to your stress? I am single with no kids. I will ONLY have my sister (and her family, and they are ALL flakes!), some cousins who all live far away, and my mother's two older sisters (who are widowed and live close by, but as they are in their upper 80s who knows how much longer they will be around?). Thank heavens for my best friend. We have dreams of buying a n house in Oregan and retiring there. That's my only plan for the future that holds out any hope to me. --Diane --- Kathy <nFan@...> wrote: > I know how that goes. I was closest to my dad too, > who died first, > but then I had to take care of mom, who could hardly > function without > him. Then she died pretty suddenly in April, and I > had been taking > care of her for 3 years, and then we had to sell the > house, and we > found a buyer so soon, and within 2 months, my > childhood was gone and > there was nothing. My brother was accusing me of > being greedy and > taking advantage of him. Then the panic attacks > started, once there > was nothing left to do. Nothing to keep my mind > occupied. I've > forced myself to face my losses and deal with them, > and I went off > medication and was doing fairly well, then my > husband's boss and > owner of his business died suddenly at 60, and it > started again. > I've had an awful time with worrying about my health > and facing my > own mortality. I've been so convinced that I'll > have a heart attack, > since I ended up in the emergency room with the > first panic attack > thinking I was having a heart attack. > > Kathy > > > I lost my " rock " when I lost my dad. He was > always > > there for me, and I knew nothing could really, > very > > seriously go wrong when he was around to run to. > Now > > he's not, and my mom is not always that much help. > My > > dad ALWAYS was, and very non-judgementally too. > So, I > > feel more " on my own " than I did before; and will > be > > even more so in the future when my mom is also > " not > > here. " She's 86 and has a heart condition, so who > > knows how much longer she'll be around? Then, I > will > > only have my sister to depend on and she's a big > ol' > > Flake in the Sky most of the time! > > > > All this, creates MUCHO anxiety as you can > probably > > imagine! > > > > --Diane > > > > --- Kathy <nFan@e...> wrote: > > > > > I don't know why they would start after a parent > > > dies, but they seem > > > to. Maybe we just feel really alone or > something > > > after we lose our > > > parents. I've been trying to face thier loss, I > was > > > doing well with > > > no meds, then my husband's boss died. It's made > me > > > face my own > > > mortality, and that's hardest for me. > > > > > > Kathy > > > > > > > > > > Wow, that's REALLY interesting. My panic > attacks > > > > started after my DAD DIED. Ironic. > > > > > > > > --Diane > > > > > > > > --- Kathy <nFan@e...> wrote: > > > > > > > > > > > > > > My panic attacks started after my mom died > too. > > > I > > > > > had never had them > > > > > before, though, although I get depressed > easily. > > > I > > > > > just hate this > > > > > and it seems so hard to focus on anything > but > > > the > > > > > panic attacks. I > > > > > worry about my heart alot, because I ended > up in > > > the > > > > > emergency room > > > > > thinking I was having a heart attack, and I > just > > > > > can't seem to get > > > > > past that. I hope the Lexapro helps. > > > > > > > > > > Kathy > > > > > > > > > > I was off > > > > > > the Serzone for almost 2 years and still > doing > > > > > well up until my mom > > > > > > died and then my panic and anxiety all > flooded > > > > > back. Now I'm in a > > > > > > horrendous spot with it. I have become > > > borderline > > > > > agoraphobic > > > > > > myself. I still work but I have panic > attacks > > > at > > > > > work often. I > > > > > > probably didn't give Xanax a fair chance > but > > > it > > > > > just seemed too > > > > > > strong compared to the Ativan. Maybe I'd > like > > > it > > > > > more now. It > > > > > > seemed to take about 45 mins to kick in > and > > > then > > > > > it was very > > > > > suddenly > > > > > > and then it wore off very suddenly about 3 > or > > > 4 > > > > > hours later and I > > > > > > woke up panicking again. That doesn't > happen > > > with > > > > > Ativan. It's > > > > > more > > > > > > mild when it comes on and leaves if that > makes > > > any > > > > > sense. Love > > > > > > Charisse > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2004 Report Share Posted August 17, 2004 Well, stay with us here, we're real people too!! Marcia On Aug 17, 2004, at 1:00 PM, Diane wrote: At least you do have a husband. Is he some comfort, or does he just add to your stress? I am single with no kids. I will ONLY have my sister (and her family, and they are ALL flakes!), some cousins who all live far away, and my mother's two older sisters (who are widowed and live close by, but as they are in their upper 80s who knows how much longer they will be around?). Thank heavens for my best friend. We have dreams of buying a n house in Oregan and retiring there. That's my only plan for the future that holds out any hope to me. --Diane --- Kathy <nFan@...> wrote: > I know how that goes. I was closest to my dad too, > who died first, > but then I had to take care of mom, who could hardly > function without > him. Then she died pretty suddenly in April, and I > had been taking > care of her for 3 years, and then we had to sell the > house, and we > found a buyer so soon, and within 2 months, my > childhood was gone and > there was nothing. My brother was accusing me of > being greedy and > taking advantage of him. Then the panic attacks > started, once there > was nothing left to do. Nothing to keep my mind > occupied. I've > forced myself to face my losses and deal with them, > and I went off > medication and was doing fairly well, then my > husband's boss and > owner of his business died suddenly at 60, and it > started again. > I've had an awful time with worrying about my health > and facing my > own mortality. I've been so convinced that I'll > have a heart attack, > since I ended up in the emergency room with the > first panic attack > thinking I was having a heart attack. > > Kathy > > > I lost my " rock " when I lost my dad. He was > always > > there for me, and I knew nothing could really, > very > > seriously go wrong when he was around to run to. > Now > > he's not, and my mom is not always that much help. > My > > dad ALWAYS was, and very non-judgementally too. > So, I > > feel more " on my own " than I did before; and will > be > > even more so in the future when my mom is also > " not > > here. "  She's 86 and has a heart condition, so who > > knows how much longer she'll be around? Then, I > will > > only have my sister to depend on and she's a big > ol' > > Flake in the Sky most of the time! > > > > All this, creates MUCHO anxiety as you can > probably > > imagine! > > > > --Diane > > > > --- Kathy <nFan@e...> wrote: > > > > > I don't know why they would start after a parent > > > dies, but they seem > > > to. Maybe we just feel really alone or > something > > > after we lose our > > > parents. I've been trying to face thier loss, I > was > > > doing well with > > > no meds, then my husband's boss died. It's made > me > > > face my own > > > mortality, and that's hardest for me. > > > > > > Kathy > > > > > > > > > > Wow, that's REALLY interesting. My panic > attacks > > > > started after my DAD DIED. Ironic. > > > > > > > > --Diane > > > > > > > > --- Kathy <nFan@e...> wrote: > > > > > > > > > > > > > > My panic attacks started after my mom died > too. > > > I > > > > > had never had them > > > > > before, though, although I get depressed > easily. > > > I > > > > > just hate this > > > > > and it seems so hard to focus on anything > but > > > the > > > > > panic attacks. I > > > > > worry about my heart alot, because I ended > up in > > > the > > > > > emergency room > > > > > thinking I was having a heart attack, and I > just > > > > > can't seem to get > > > > > past that. I hope the Lexapro helps. > > > > > > > > > > Kathy > > > > > > > > > >  I was off > > > > > > the Serzone for almost 2 years and still > doing > > > > > well up until my mom > > > > > > died and then my panic and anxiety all > flooded > > > > > back. Now I'm in a > > > > > > horrendous spot with it. I have become > > > borderline > > > > > agoraphobic > > > > > > myself. I still work but I have panic > attacks > > > at > > > > > work often. I > > > > > > probably didn't give Xanax a fair chance > but > > > it > > > > > just seemed too > > > > > > strong compared to the Ativan. Maybe I'd > like > > > it > > > > > more now. It > > > > > > seemed to take about 45 mins to kick in > and > > > then > > > > > it was very > > > > > suddenly > > > > > > and then it wore off very suddenly about 3 > or > > > 4 > > > > > hours later and I > > > > > > woke up panicking again. That doesn't > happen > > > with > > > > > Ativan. It's > > > > > more > > > > > > mild when it comes on and leaves if that > makes > > > any > > > > > sense. Love > > > > > > Charisse > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 18, 2004 Report Share Posted August 18, 2004 Yeah..my husband is pretty good, he's trying to help, but doesn't really understand how I feel. I am blessed. Kathy > At least you do have a husband. Is he some comfort, > or does he just add to your stress? I am single with > no kids. I will ONLY have my sister (and her family, > and they are ALL flakes!), some cousins who all live > far away, and my mother's two older sisters (who are > widowed and live close by, but as they are in their > upper 80s who knows how much longer they will be > around?). Thank heavens for my best friend. We have > dreams of buying a n house in Oregan and > retiring there. That's my only plan for the future > that holds out any hope to me. > > --Diane > > --- Kathy <nFan@e...> wrote: > > > I know how that goes. I was closest to my dad too, > > who died first, > > but then I had to take care of mom, who could hardly > > function without > > him. Then she died pretty suddenly in April, and I > > had been taking > > care of her for 3 years, and then we had to sell the > > house, and we > > found a buyer so soon, and within 2 months, my > > childhood was gone and > > there was nothing. My brother was accusing me of > > being greedy and > > taking advantage of him. Then the panic attacks > > started, once there > > was nothing left to do. Nothing to keep my mind > > occupied. I've > > forced myself to face my losses and deal with them, > > and I went off > > medication and was doing fairly well, then my > > husband's boss and > > owner of his business died suddenly at 60, and it > > started again. > > I've had an awful time with worrying about my health > > and facing my > > own mortality. I've been so convinced that I'll > > have a heart attack, > > since I ended up in the emergency room with the > > first panic attack > > thinking I was having a heart attack. > > > > Kathy > > > > > I lost my " rock " when I lost my dad. He was > > always > > > there for me, and I knew nothing could really, > > very > > > seriously go wrong when he was around to run to. > > Now > > > he's not, and my mom is not always that much help. > > My > > > dad ALWAYS was, and very non-judgementally too. > > So, I > > > feel more " on my own " than I did before; and will > > be > > > even more so in the future when my mom is also > > " not > > > here. " She's 86 and has a heart condition, so who > > > knows how much longer she'll be around? Then, I > > will > > > only have my sister to depend on and she's a big > > ol' > > > Flake in the Sky most of the time! > > > > > > All this, creates MUCHO anxiety as you can > > probably > > > imagine! > > > > > > --Diane > > > > > > --- Kathy <nFan@e...> wrote: > > > > > > > I don't know why they would start after a parent > > > > dies, but they seem > > > > to. Maybe we just feel really alone or > > something > > > > after we lose our > > > > parents. I've been trying to face thier loss, I > > was > > > > doing well with > > > > no meds, then my husband's boss died. It's made > > me > > > > face my own > > > > mortality, and that's hardest for me. > > > > > > > > Kathy > > > > > > > > > > > > > Wow, that's REALLY interesting. My panic > > attacks > > > > > started after my DAD DIED. Ironic. > > > > > > > > > > --Diane > > > > > > > > > > --- Kathy <nFan@e...> wrote: > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > My panic attacks started after my mom died > > too. > > > > I > > > > > > had never had them > > > > > > before, though, although I get depressed > > easily. > > > > I > > > > > > just hate this > > > > > > and it seems so hard to focus on anything > > but > > > > the > > > > > > panic attacks. I > > > > > > worry about my heart alot, because I ended > > up in > > > > the > > > > > > emergency room > > > > > > thinking I was having a heart attack, and I > > just > > > > > > can't seem to get > > > > > > past that. I hope the Lexapro helps. > > > > > > > > > > > > Kathy > > > > > > > > > > > > I was off > > > > > > > the Serzone for almost 2 years and still > > doing > > > > > > well up until my mom > > > > > > > died and then my panic and anxiety all > > flooded > > > > > > back. Now I'm in a > > > > > > > horrendous spot with it. I have become > > > > borderline > > > > > > agoraphobic > > > > > > > myself. I still work but I have panic > > attacks > > > > at > > > > > > work often. I > > > > > > > probably didn't give Xanax a fair chance > > but > > > > it > > > > > > just seemed too > > > > > > > strong compared to the Ativan. Maybe I'd > > like > > > > it > > > > > > more now. It > > > > > > > seemed to take about 45 mins to kick in > > and > > > > then > > > > > > it was very > > > > > > suddenly > > > > > > > and then it wore off very suddenly about 3 > > or > > > > 4 > > > > > > hours later and I > > > > > > > woke up panicking again. That doesn't > > happen > > > > with > > > > > > Ativan. It's > > > > > > more > > > > > > > mild when it comes on and leaves if that > > makes > > > > any > > > > > > sense. Love > > > > > > > Charisse > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 11, 2005 Report Share Posted June 11, 2005 Dawn -- Having a chronically sick or high risk child places a huge strain on any marriage. I once read that having a sick child is the number one reason for divorce. Even rock solid marriages (with great in-laws) will still be challenged. I admire you for taking the time to get therapy and trying to work things out with your husband. My husband is gem but just today he did the grocery shopping and bought my daughter a gigantic jar of Nutella -- which has two ingredients that my daughter can not have. When I told him to hide the jar he was whining and carrying on like a little boy -- totally in denial with regard to our daughter's health concerns. So, I can definitely relate to specific problems and daily annoyances that you may have. I try to look at the big picture, and see that he is a wonderful man, but some days are still rather challenging -- particularly the days when my daughter has an active infection and the world is on my shoulders. I wish there was something I could tell you to do differently. I still have more to learn about taking care of a PID child and balancing my personal life. Perhaps others have suggestions. Let us know how you are doing. I am sure there are many other parents that can relate to you. Dawn Souza <nwd30@...> wrote: Does anyone still have husbands who really don't know how we feel taking care of a sick kids. He helps out but if you were to ask what his son has he doesn't know. he wants to know about appointments but he seems to push most od the decision regarding both boys on me. When i go to him for advice he seems to support me in the beginning but when all is saed and done he has a comment about the job I did??? He stll doesn't think is really sick. We are in therapy.. thanks Dawn __________________________________ Stay connected, organized, and protected. Take the tour: http://tour.mail./mailtour.html This forum is open to parents and caregivers of children diagnosed with a Primary Immune Deficiency. Opinions or medical advice stated here are the sole responsibility of the poster and should not be taken as professional advice. To unsubscribe -unsubscribegroups (DOT) To search group archives go to: /messages --------------------------------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 11, 2005 Report Share Posted June 11, 2005 Dawn, Oh yes!!!! 12 years we have had the diagnosis and other day our pastor asked what was wrong and he said she has sinus problems!!!! I give up!! Lorri ( CVIG 15yrs) husbands Does anyone still have husbands who really don't know how we feel taking care of a sick kids. He helps out but if you were to ask what his son has he doesn't know. he wants to know about appointments but he seems to push most od the decision regarding both boys on me. When i go to him for advice he seems to support me in the beginning but when all is saed and done he has a comment about the job I did??? He stll doesn't think is really sick. We are in therapy.. thanks Dawn __________________________________ Stay connected, organized, and protected. Take the tour: http://tour.mail./mailtour.html This forum is open to parents and caregivers of children diagnosed with a Primary Immune Deficiency. Opinions or medical advice stated here are the sole responsibility of the poster and should not be taken as professional advice. To unsubscribe -unsubscribegroups (DOT) To search group archives go to: /messages Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 11, 2005 Report Share Posted June 11, 2005 , If your husband is helping out, that is a huge blessing. It's great that you guys are doing counseling. The fact that he does not know the name of the diagnosis is not really all that uncommon, but it is important for him to have. One thing I would suggest is to make some kind of small emergency card that he can keep in his wallet. That way if something does happen when you are not around he can pull it out. Have personal info, any allergies, doctor's names, diagnosis and current dose of medications on it. My kids father did not even know who my kids doctors were, let alone the dignosis. My kids grew up knowing what their diagnosis and meds were. They carried emergency cards with them. I insisted that their dad carried the same cards. At least then I knew he would pull the cards out should there ever be a problem. It's also going to be important to find time for each other as husband and wife, even if it's just for a walk. Good luck! Kris > Does anyone still have husbands who really don't know how we feel taking > care of a sick kids. He helps out but if you were to ask what his son has > he doesn't know. he wants to know about appointments but he seems to push > most od the decision regarding both boys on me. When i go to him for > advice he seems to support me in the beginning but when all is saed and > done he has a comment about the job I did??? He stll doesn't think > is really sick. We are in therapy.. thanks Dawn > > > > __________________________________ > > Stay connected, organized, and protected. Take the tour: > http://tour.mail./mailtour.html > > > > This forum is open to parents and caregivers of children diagnosed with a Primary Immune Deficiency. Opinions or medical advice stated here are the sole responsibility of the poster and should not be taken as professional advice. > > To unsubscribe -unsubscribegroups (DOT) > To search group archives go to: /messages > > > > --------------------------------- > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 12, 2005 Report Share Posted June 12, 2005 Dawn -- I think the attached note is intended for you and not me -- though I can relate. = ) mcfalls11 <k.mcfalls@...> wrote: , If your husband is helping out, that is a huge blessing. It's great that you guys are doing counseling. The fact that he does not know the name of the diagnosis is not really all that uncommon, but it is important for him to have. One thing I would suggest is to make some kind of small emergency card that he can keep in his wallet. That way if something does happen when you are not around he can pull it out. Have personal info, any allergies, doctor's names, diagnosis and current dose of medications on it. My kids father did not even know who my kids doctors were, let alone the dignosis. My kids grew up knowing what their diagnosis and meds were. They carried emergency cards with them. I insisted that their dad carried the same cards. At least then I knew he would pull the cards out should there ever be a problem. It's also going to be important to find time for each other as husband and wife, even if it's just for a walk. Good luck! Kris > Does anyone still have husbands who really don't know how we feel taking > care of a sick kids. He helps out but if you were to ask what his son has > he doesn't know. he wants to know about appointments but he seems to push > most od the decision regarding both boys on me. When i go to him for > advice he seems to support me in the beginning but when all is saed and > done he has a comment about the job I did??? He stll doesn't think > is really sick. We are in therapy.. thanks Dawn > > > > __________________________________ > > Stay connected, organized, and protected. Take the tour: > http://tour.mail./mailtour.html > > > > This forum is open to parents and caregivers of children diagnosed with a Primary Immune Deficiency. Opinions or medical advice stated here are the sole responsibility of the poster and should not be taken as professional advice. > > To unsubscribe -unsubscribegroups (DOT) > To search group archives go to: /messages > > > > --------------------------------- > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 12, 2005 Report Share Posted June 12, 2005 You know I think its just a mom thing to know exactly what is going on at all times. Guys seem to be too layed back. It is great to go to therapy and get help because now you have an outsider telling you what they think of the situation. My husband is great but gets annoyed when we have to take my daughter all the appointments or emergency trips to the hospital. He thinks I over react. But then when he see's that she needed then he understands. Her last stay in the hospital he stayed from 11pm on a Friday night till 2 pm that Sat. in the emergency room till she was tranfered and let me go home and rest. I stayed with her in the childrens hospital since I dont know my way around Downtown, Orlando and I hate driving it. He still says Cheyanns docotr is a quack, LOL. But knows she will get the treatment she needs. Best of luck to all of you. Tia (Mommy of Cheyann - still awaiting diagnosis) Dawn -- I think the attached note is intended for you and not me -- though I can relate. = ) mcfalls11 <k.mcfalls@...> wrote: , If your husband is helping out, that is a huge blessing. It's great that you guys are doing counseling. The fact that he does not know the name of the diagnosis is not really all that uncommon, but it is important for him to have. One thing I would suggest is to make some kind of small emergency card that he can keep in his wallet. That way if something does happen when you are not around he can pull it out. Have personal info, any allergies, doctor's names, diagnosis and current dose of medications on it. My kids father did not even know who my kids doctors were, let alone the dignosis. My kids grew up knowing what their diagnosis and meds were. They carried emergency cards with them. I insisted that their dad carried the same cards. At least then I knew he would pull the cards out should there ever be a problem. It's also going to be important to find time for each other as husband and wife, even if it's just for a walk. Good luck! Kris > Does anyone still have husbands who really don't know how we feel taking > care of a sick kids. He helps out but if you were to ask what his son has > he doesn't know. he wants to know about appointments but he seems to push > most od the decision regarding both boys on me. When i go to him for > advice he seems to support me in the beginning but when all is saed and > done he has a comment about the job I did??? He stll doesn't think > is really sick. We are in therapy.. thanks Dawn > Trust until given a reason not to. __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 13, 2005 Report Share Posted June 13, 2005 Oh my, are we married to the same man???? My husband must be leading a dual life! We are having a difficult time right now due to all of this stuff, my husband thinks I'm obsessive about Conner's health, I think he's in total denial. How do you come to terms with this? I doubt that my husband will change the way he handles stress and I know that means I can't rely on him for support. That really stinks! The funny thing is that other than not handling the health issues, my husband is really a fabulous husband, father, just all around great guy! This just happens to be a BIG issue and it's been consistent through the years. He struggles with not being able to " fix " our kids' health problems. I, on the other hand, don't want to just sit by and let the docs figure out what is best. When Conner and Hayden were little they were both diagnosed with forms of autism, my husband didn't believe the diagnosis and kept telling the docs that. They finally spelled it out very simply by telling him that any child who spends his days lining up toys, spinning himself around the room and rarely interacting, is autistic. He never questioned them again. I helped set up a home treatment program and I did therapy with them every two hours, every day for over a year. Again, my husband thought I was obsessed, but you know what, if the average person would meet my boys today they would never guess that they had autism diagnoses, they have come so far and I do take a lot of credit for that happening. He eventually was able to tell me that I did the right thing, but it took years! I would admit that I can get obsessive with my kids' issues, but if I don't who will? Mom to Conner (11, Asperger's, mild CP, partial seizures, asthma, GERD, immunodeficiency-SCIG, and now adrenal insufficiency), Hayden (11, PDD-NOS, IBS and moderate hearing loss/aided), Evan (11, asthma and mild hearing loss/unaided), and Kelsey - (9 going on 19!) >From: Dawn Souza <nwd30@...> >Reply- > < > >Subject: husbands >Date: Sat, 11 Jun 2005 19:43:53 -0700 (PDT) > >Does anyone still have husbands who really don't know how we feel taking >care of a sick kids. He helps out but if you were to ask what his son has >he doesn't know. he wants to know about appointments but he seems to push >most od the decision regarding both boys on me. When i go to him for >advice he seems to support me in the beginning but when all is saed and >done he has a comment about the job I did??? He stll doesn't think > is really sick. We are in therapy.. thanks Dawn > > > >__________________________________ > >Stay connected, organized, and protected. Take the tour: >http://tour.mail./mailtour.html > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 13, 2005 Report Share Posted June 13, 2005 , Your dh sounds very typical. There might be shades of difference between your hubby and mine, but the basic drift is the same. I have found it helpful to mentally dwell on everything my husband does right and to minimize any shortfalling. I intentially practice the fine art of " count your blessings " . I have found it helpful to include him whenever he is willing to go to appointments, and I try really hard not to verbally correct him in front of others. This is hard because sometimes I think he " makes up " stuff....not intentionally lying, just filling in what he honestly can't remember with something different or less. I think that our counseling experience has helped him to intentionally take my side and " believe " and support me a little more. I also regularly pray for my dh. With my dd who has no dx, I have found that people around me drift in and out of denial. Just when I think they begin to understand, then the next day they decide that she is really " normal " after all. I, and most medical people, would just look at her and see major differences....it is that obvious. The denial gets less over time, but it is very frustrating. My guess is that a hubby could do this denial thing too. It may be helped by a definite dx. Maybe not. In my experience, a small daily diet of regular persistent talk about observable facts and happenings helps to move this public opinion. I think that it takes time and patience. It is not fair----but it is the way it is. I have had to recognize that " how much they care " is not equal to " how much they understand " . The two are not the same. That might work with a spouse too. It sounds like your dh is really special and is a great dad! Hang in there....I think it will get better. Meanwhile everyone here will all try our best to understand:-). Fisher mom of Calvin, 4yo, XLA and also Christa, 6yo, undiagnosed MCA/MH S <tripletsand1@...> wrote: Oh my, are we married to the same man???? My husband must be leading a dual life! We are having a difficult time right now due to all of this stuff, my husband thinks I'm obsessive about Conner's health, I think he's in total denial. How do you come to terms with this? I doubt that my husband will change the way he handles stress and I know that means I can't rely on him for support. That really stinks! The funny thing is that other than not handling the health issues, my husband is really a fabulous husband, father, just all around great guy! This just happens to be a BIG issue and it's been consistent through the years. He struggles with not being able to " fix " our kids' health problems. I, on the other hand, don't want to just sit by and let the docs figure out what is best. When Conner and Hayden were little they were both diagnosed with forms of autism, my husband didn't believe the diagnosis and kept telling the docs that. They finally spelled it out very simply by telling him that any child who spends his days lining up toys, spinning himself around the room and rarely interacting, is autistic. He never questioned them again. I helped set up a home treatment program and I did therapy with them every two hours, every day for over a year. Again, my husband thought I was obsessed, but you know what, if the average person would meet my boys today they would never guess that they had autism diagnoses, they have come so far and I do take a lot of credit for that happening. He eventually was able to tell me that I did the right thing, but it took years! I would admit that I can get obsessive with my kids' issues, but if I don't who will? Mom to Conner (11, Asperger's, mild CP, partial seizures, asthma, GERD, immunodeficiency-SCIG, and now adrenal insufficiency), Hayden (11, PDD-NOS, IBS and moderate hearing loss/aided), Evan (11, asthma and mild hearing loss/unaided), and Kelsey - (9 going on 19!) >From: Dawn Souza <nwd30@...> >Reply- > < > >Subject: husbands >Date: Sat, 11 Jun 2005 19:43:53 -0700 (PDT) > >Does anyone still have husbands who really don't know how we feel taking >care of a sick kids. He helps out but if you were to ask what his son has >he doesn't know. he wants to know about appointments but he seems to push >most od the decision regarding both boys on me. When i go to him for >advice he seems to support me in the beginning but when all is saed and >done he has a comment about the job I did??? He stll doesn't think > is really sick. We are in therapy.. thanks Dawn > > > >__________________________________ > >Stay connected, organized, and protected. Take the tour: >http://tour.mail./mailtour.html > This forum is open to parents and caregivers of children diagnosed with a Primary Immune Deficiency. Opinions or medical advice stated here are the sole responsibility of the poster and should not be taken as professional advice. To unsubscribe -unsubscribegroups (DOT) To search group archives go to: /messages --------------------------------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 23, 2005 Report Share Posted June 23, 2005 In a message dated 6/12/2005 10:41:58 AM Central Standard Time, dietdoc@... writes: > Does anyone still have husbands who really don't know how we feel > taking > > care of a sick kids Dawn: Ever since I got married, I noticed that most women had the exact same complaints about their husbands that I did. When I joined this board I was stunned (but sort of amused) to see that in our " unusual " circumstance, many of the members here had the EXACT same complaints about the PID daddies that I did. It's amazing. That fact actually helped me accept some of my husband's flaws or things that annoy me -- knowing they are ALL like that!!! We joke about the hubbies floating down DeNile river... many of them have a hard time accepting the problems their children have. My DH will deny deny deny, someone will ask how has been and he'll say, " She's been great! " when she's had back-to-back pneumonias or something, and then two days later when she comes down with something new he'll say to me, " What are we going to do! She can't be sick this much! " sigh Back when was having worse GERD problems, the gastro wanted to do an Endoscopy. DH had no input on going to the specialist, didn't attend the appt, didn't pay much attention to the literature I provided him on the procedure, just no comment. He saw her at home urping all over the place as well as I did. Then all of a sudden the NIGHT BEFORE surgery he was sitting in the darkened living room in tears, asking did we really need to do the procedure. ARGH. Instead of being supportive to him, I'm ashamed to say I got mad. He had no input or interest, but now he's second-guessing me the night before the procedure when it can't be changed????? I felt like he was mad at me at the hospital, when we were waiting, like he blamed me. That was awful. I didn't give her the GERD, and I certainly wouldn't schedule something like that for grins. So that was a low point, definitely. Hope that helps -- (mom to , age 6, dairy intolerant-related GERD -- currently has polysaccharide antibody def, previously had transient IgG, IgA, t-cell & other defs... and also to Kate, age 2-1/2, more dairy intolerant but very healthy!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 23, 2005 Report Share Posted June 23, 2005 Here Sam has been diagnosed with a PID since he was 17 months old, got the firm diagnosis of Hyper IgM about 2 months later. I'm thinking, " At least knows what Sam has. " So, here's our conversation: Me: " There so many guys that don't even know what's wrong with their own kid. At least you know what Sam has. " Him: " Hunh??? " Me: " What Sam has. You at least know what Sam has. " Him: " What do you mean. " Me: " . What's the name of Sam's condition. " Him: " A primary immune thingy? " Me: " YES! But what's the name of it? " Him: (Triumphant) " He's missing two out of five antibodies. " Me: " Yeah. But WHAT'S THE NAME OF IT? WHICH TWO ANTIBODIES? " Him: " Sensory processing thingy. He's missing the ones in his lungs and mouth and stuff. " Me: " GARY! Don't you know the name of what your son has got?????!!!!???? " Him: " Uh.......no. " (changes the subject) I recently found another board for the Sensory Integration Disorder trying to find out a little more about how that affects school. Same subject about husbands came up. I don't remember if it was on this board or the other one, but just in case it was the other one. One mom put all of the medical info on a wallet size card for her husband to carry with him in case an emergency cropped up when she was not around. After the conversation I had with my dh, I'm convinced. My mom has a laminating machine, so I'm going to put all the info on it I can fit front and back, laminate it and put it in his wallet. Doncha just luv'em??? God bless, Wenoka Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 24, 2005 Report Share Posted June 24, 2005 In a message dated 6/23/2005 2:47:26 PM Pacific Standard Time, bunneegirl@... writes: My DH will deny deny deny, someone will ask how has been and he'll say, " She's been great! " when she's had back-to-back pneumonias or something , Sorry, but even I can relate!! I have a " friend " who I've known since I was 17 years old. He is an educator--very high up in the system at this point. I was asking his advice about extended school year for Bri. He told me to go for it and to tell Bri it's because he missed so much school due to being sick. YIKES...I'm not going to tell him that (even if it's true) because it would just make him more angry about his body and CVID. MEN!!!! What I did tell my son is that I want to give him every advantage going to into Middle School in the Fall...that is also true. Besides, he only qualified for 12 hours for the entire summer, not a lot. However, ever since I stood up to Jim about this, he has been seriously trying to recruit me for his board. He oversees ESD (Educational Service District) for a few counties. I am not ready for that but at least I somehow got him to listen! Sandi, Mom to , age 12--CVID, Tetrology of Fallot, Pulmonary Valve transplant (2003), allergies (including meds), asthma, GERD, Carnitine deficiency--also an aspiring Doctor and Director! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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