Husbands

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/23/2005 4:30:32 PM Pacific Standard Time,

yhwhworship@... writes:

Him: " Sensory processing thingy. He's missing the ones in his lungs and

mouth and stuff. "

Wenoka,

Sorry, but this is too funny. The thingy is the same phrase I use when I

don't know what something is called: usually in relation to the car engine!

I thought about you and Sam today--Bri had his IVIG. He is finally getting

used to going to the hospital rather than the Doc's office. It's been more

intimidating for him because he usually goes there for surgery and lots of it.

But today he was very calm, not shaky and they got it on the first poke.

Plus, we took his best friend with us so it was actually more fun and good for

his buddy to see what Bri goes through.

Sandi, Mom to , age 12--CVID, Tetrology of Fallot, Pulmonary Valve

transplant (2003), allergies (including meds), asthma, GERD, Carnitine

deficiency--also an aspiring Doctor and Director!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/24/2005 7:51:58 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

sassykay59@... writes:

Plus, we took his best friend with us so it was actually more fun and good

for

his buddy to see what Bri goes through.

Did you Sandi? I had thought about that before. But figured since it was

such a long day it might not be a good idea. I might ask here and see about it

though.

Janet, Mom to Brittany, CVID, age 14

[Guest guest]

Sandi - Did I miss why has to go to the hospital and not the doctors

office for IVIG? Does it have to do with Insurance?

Dayna

Re: Re: husbands

In a message dated 6/23/2005 4:30:32 PM Pacific Standard Time,

yhwhworship@... writes:

Him: " Sensory processing thingy. He's missing the ones in his lungs and

mouth and stuff. "

Wenoka,

Sorry, but this is too funny. The thingy is the same phrase I use when I

don't know what something is called: usually in relation to the car engine!

I thought about you and Sam today--Bri had his IVIG. He is finally getting

used to going to the hospital rather than the Doc's office. It's been more

intimidating for him because he usually goes there for surgery and lots of it.

But today he was very calm, not shaky and they got it on the first poke.

Plus, we took his best friend with us so it was actually more fun and good for

his buddy to see what Bri goes through.

Sandi, Mom to , age 12--CVID, Tetrology of Fallot, Pulmonary Valve

transplant (2003), allergies (including meds), asthma, GERD, Carnitine

deficiency--also an aspiring Doctor and Director!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/28/2005 9:22:51 AM Pacific Standard Time,

fladfam@... writes:

Did I miss why has to go to the hospital and not the doctors office for

IVIG? Does it have to do with Insurance?

Hi Dayna,

Our Immuno started pairing us up in the same room (formerly a storage room)

(and using the same IV pole!!!) with another patient. I know this is against

Privacy Regulations, but I need this Doc so I will not say anything to the

powers that be. I was not happy, to say the least. So, I demanded a change and

he let us go to an infusion center which is what I wanted to do all along.

We have been to the Children's Hospital so many times--open heart

included--that we know the staff and are comfortable there. It was really a

blessing for

us--plus, it's closer by about 20 minutes. I have read that Medicaid patients

must be infused in a hospital now, so I do wonder if that is why he sent us to

an infusion center--not just because I was extremely unhappy!

When Bri is sick, we see the Ped (tomorrow, sinus infection!). He only

needs to see the Immuno every six months.

Sandi, Mom to , age 12--CVID, Tetrology of Fallot, Pulmonary Valve

transplant (2003), allergies (including meds), asthma, GERD, Carnitine

deficiency--also an aspiring Doctor and Director!

[Guest guest]

Hi Angie,

The ones that have supportive hubbys better hang on to them, and be

grateful for them. Mine has never been supportive, and it use to

bother me quite a bit. But, I don't let it bother me anymore. My hubby

was a local driver, but when all this went down, he went on the road,

and he's home 1-2 times a month.

I think it's really better this way now. The way I feel, I don't think

I make a very good companion anymore. I'm always hurting, ill, and I

can't imagine who would want to be stuck with me. I feel that one day

I will be alone, and I will except it, and move on.

I still have a dream getting better, and going back to work. I just

keep that dream, can't let some things go.

Hugs, Tawny

> How do you guys all get husband support. Some days he is pretty

> supporative other days he is like it can't be that bad I try to act

> like it doesn't bug me but it is really getting to me. He doesn't

go

> in any of my appoitments with me. Says he is sick of taking me to

the

> doctors will its not like I asked for this. I am sick of going to

but

> I figure it is a part of my like so I will deal with Sorry guys to

> ramble on I am just feeling really down in between the pain,

swelling

> and everything that is going on as trying to figure out if I should

> ask the doctor for a increase in my meds

> Thanks for all your support.

>

> Thanks

> Angie

[Guest guest]

Hi Angie! I feel for ya. My DH is the SAME way. Take a look at my

most recent post (forget what it's called, and may be even a response

to someone else). It's really hard for me. But what bothers me the

most is the emotional aspect of it. He promised me everything and has

delivered nothing. I moved my kids 45mins away to be near his

daughter and all I've gotten in return is loneliness and 45 mins away

from my nearest babysitter. Sometimes I spend 3 hrs on the road just

for a babysitter.

Sorry to bogart, but you are not alone here. I don't know why they

act the way they do. I swear he thinks I'm making this stuff up.

Really ticks me off considering that I've been nothing but 100%

supportive of him through and through. Oh well.

Let's send them off on the Stupid Ship and drink margaritas poolside.

We'll hire a man-servant and name him Enrique. I'll send my chauffuer

over to get you. He'll be there at 4pm.

Hugs,

Sara

> How do you guys all get husband support. Some days he is pretty

> supporative other days he is like it can't be that bad I try to act

> like it doesn't bug me but it is really getting to me. He doesn't

go

> in any of my appoitments with me. Says he is sick of taking me to

the

> doctors will its not like I asked for this. I am sick of going to

but

> I figure it is a part of my like so I will deal with Sorry guys to

> ramble on I am just feeling really down in between the pain,

swelling

> and everything that is going on as trying to figure out if I should

> ask the doctor for a increase in my meds

> Thanks for all your support.

>

> Thanks

> Angie

[Guest guest]

Why does it get to be his choice when " that moment " will come for

you? Honey, take the bull by the horns. If he's taken off on you

and you feel the inevitable coming, don't wait. By the time he

leaves, you'll be stuck w/ nothing but your 4 walls. Do what you

need to do for YOU!!! Unless you WANT to be there, dont' be. You

deserve better than that.

*Now, if I could only follow my own advice. LOL

Sara

> > How do you guys all get husband support. Some days he is pretty

> > supporative other days he is like it can't be that bad I try to

act

> > like it doesn't bug me but it is really getting to me. He

doesn't

> go

> > in any of my appoitments with me. Says he is sick of taking me

to

> the

> > doctors will its not like I asked for this. I am sick of going

to

> but

> > I figure it is a part of my like so I will deal with Sorry guys

to

> > ramble on I am just feeling really down in between the pain,

> swelling

> > and everything that is going on as trying to figure out if I

should

> > ask the doctor for a increase in my meds

> > Thanks for all your support.

> >

> > Thanks

> > Angie

[Guest guest]

Dear Angie,

I don't post often, but my heart goes out to you! I am blessed to have

one of the GOOD husbands, but I'm not sure how he would act if he were

not ill himself. He has Parkinson's Disease, and we were diagnosed (I

have FM, MS, and Dercum's) at the same time. We go to each other's

doctor appointments, mostly for support, but also to be sure that

someone else is there to hear what the doctor is saying and remember

it. I said something one day about all the bother I am, and he

said " our vows were " in sickness and in health, for better or for

worse, in good times and in bad " and as I promised before God and our

friends and family, that I will do. "

Our daughter, who lives nearby, is just now beginning to realize her

parents do not have boundless energy to babysit (she has 2-year old

triplets and a 5-year old) and her husband does help us when we need

it. I pray that God opens your husband's eyes and heart to be where

you need him,

Judi

ie

[Guest guest]

Angie:

If your pain isn't under control, please talk to your doc or Rheumy about it.

There's no need to suffer in silence. It took me a while to speak up and be

heard about pain meds....but glad I finally did. My pain is no where near

100% under control, but it's much better than it was when I was newly

diagnosed. Also, depression is very common when you have a chronic

illness like RA. Please, if you're feeling down for an extended period of

time, mention it to your doc and see if there's something you can take.

I am very lucky as far as husbands/boyfriends go. I was 2.5 years into a

relationship when I was diagnosed, and I've had nothing but incredible

support. My heart breaks for those of you who are going through this with

a less than considerate partner.

I don't know you husband and can't even begin to make a decision on the

type of person he is. All I can say is that he may be shutting down

because he's scared. Some men handle the stress of situations like this

by shutting down and putting up a wall. On the other hand, maybe he's

cold and callous. It's not for me to say. You have to make the ultimate

decision as to whether you should stay or go. No matter what you decide

you will find support here when or if you need it.

Hang in there,

> How do you guys all get husband support. Some days he is pretty

> supporative other days he is like it can't be that bad I try to act

> like it doesn't bug me but it is really getting to me. He doesn't go

> in any of my appoitments with me. Says he is sick of taking me to the

> doctors will its not like I asked for this. I am sick of going to but

> I figure it is a part of my like so I will deal with Sorry guys to

> ramble on I am just feeling really down in between the pain, swelling

> and everything that is going on as trying to figure out if I should

> ask the doctor for a increase in my meds

> Thanks for all your support.

>

> Thanks

> Angie

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Thanks a for the kind words. Yet there are moments I wish I could have

done something when it all started. Now I do understand it was beyond

anybody. Then there was the ignorance of RA.

It was a terrible time. She was only 20 when detected with RA. My lil'

sister had to take a year off her studies. She was the best student in her

batch. She did go back and pursue her degree. She just wasted before our

eyes. But she lost so much of self-confidence. But thank God for good

doctors and medication she is better than then.

We (family) wish so much that she would be able to find a partner. Its a bit

unnerving to have the read the recent posts on 'husbands'. Would she be

better off alone? Being her sister I know she is someone who be better

having a husband & family. But what if the man cannot cope with her RA and

with her self-esteem not too strong.. that would not help at all. I would

definately not be able to see her go through anymore hurting.

My father initially was not supportive and I know today it was just that he

could not accept & cope with what was happening to the daughter he was so

proud of. His being that way just added to the pain to her & to us. My

mother just compensated for all that was not there. God bless her! & my

father - for willing to finally accept.

Somewhere in my heart I do believe there are good men. I am married to one.

But they are so few, so rare. Will keep praying.

Wish & pray there is loads & loads of love and support for all.

Regards,

Sheena

[ ] Re: husbands

Angie:

If your pain isn't under control, please talk to your doc or Rheumy about

it.

There's no need to suffer in silence. It took me a while to speak up and be

heard about pain meds....but glad I finally did. My pain is no where near

100% under control, but it's much better than it was when I was newly

diagnosed. Also, depression is very common when you have a chronic

illness like RA. Please, if you're feeling down for an extended period of

time, mention it to your doc and see if there's something you can take.

I am very lucky as far as husbands/boyfriends go. I was 2.5 years into a

relationship when I was diagnosed, and I've had nothing but incredible

support. My heart breaks for those of you who are going through this with

a less than considerate partner.

I don't know you husband and can't even begin to make a decision on the

type of person he is. All I can say is that he may be shutting down

because he's scared. Some men handle the stress of situations like this

by shutting down and putting up a wall. On the other hand, maybe he's

cold and callous. It's not for me to say. You have to make the ultimate

decision as to whether you should stay or go. No matter what you decide

you will find support here when or if you need it.

Hang in there,

> How do you guys all get husband support. Some days he is pretty

> supporative other days he is like it can't be that bad I try to act

> like it doesn't bug me but it is really getting to me. He doesn't go

> in any of my appoitments with me. Says he is sick of taking me to the

> doctors will its not like I asked for this. I am sick of going to but

> I figure it is a part of my like so I will deal with Sorry guys to

> ramble on I am just feeling really down in between the pain, swelling

> and everything that is going on as trying to figure out if I should

> ask the doctor for a increase in my meds

> Thanks for all your support.

>

> Thanks

> Angie

[Guest guest]

Sheena,

Don't give up hope that your sister will find a good man that will

accept her. My husband married me knowing all about RA. We were good

friends for 15 years before we got married. He's healthy and outgoing,

and I couldn't believe he wanted to marry ME.

He was my late husband's best friend. When I lost my first husband to

cancer, his best friend made a promise to him that he'd take care of me

and our children. He sure kept his word. We spent our first

anniversary in a rehab hospital after my first knee replacement. He

snuck in a bottle of wine and the top of our wedding cake. We've been

very happily married now for almost 9 years.

Yes, there are a lot of jerks out there, but there are good men too.

It's hard for healthy people to find good men!!! It also breaks my

heart to read about unsupportive spouses.

Your sister sounds so much like me. I was also in my 20 and in school

when diagnosed. I also had to take off school because of RA. I was at

the top of my class. I've been taking part time classes here and

there, but never could go back full time. I know I couldn't do nursing

now anyway.

In the most unexpected place and time, your sister just may meet

someone.

a

On Jul 4, 2005, at 10:00 AM, Sheena wrote:

> Hi,

>

> Thanks a for the kind words. Yet there are moments I wish I could

> have

> done something when it all started. Now I do understand it was beyond

> anybody. Then there was the ignorance of RA.

>

> It was a terrible time. She was only 20 when detected with RA. My lil'

> sister had to take a year off her studies. She was the best student

> in her

> batch. She did go back and pursue her degree. She just wasted before

> our

> eyes. But she lost so much of self-confidence. But thank God for good

> doctors and medication she is better than then.

>

> We (family) wish so much that she would be able to find a partner.

> Its a bit

> unnerving to have the read the recent posts on 'husbands'. Would she

> be

> better off alone? Being her sister I know she is someone who be better

> having a husband & family. But what if the man cannot cope with her

> RA and

> with her self-esteem not too strong.. that would not help at all. I

> would

> definately not be able to see her go through anymore hurting.

>

> My father initially was not supportive and I know today it was just

> that he

> could not accept & cope with what was happening to the daughter he

> was so

> proud of. His being that way just added to the pain to her & to us. My

> mother just compensated for all that was not there. God bless her! &

> my

> father - for willing to finally accept.

>

> Somewhere in my heart I do believe there are good men. I am married

> to one.

> But they are so few, so rare. Will keep praying.

>

> Wish & pray there is loads & loads of love and support for all.

>

> Regards,

> Sheena

[Guest guest]

Like someone else said---'in sickness and in health' is a term/condition that we

all agreed to when we got married. These guys need to realize that. I was

diagnosed only six months after we were married and he has been the greatest

husband through the whole thing. He insists on going to the doc with me to ask

questions and listen to what the doc has to say himself. It upsets me to no end

to hear that some of you have to go through this without the one person who

should be by you the most. Marriage is a partnership. Maybe some of these guys

need to take a walk in their wives' shoes sometime. I wonder what they would

expect of their wives if they got cancer or had a heart attack. I'm almost

positive that things would be a lot different! My husband is my best friend and

we support each other in everything that goes on in our lives--the good and the

bad. I wish the best for all of you.

diana

louisiana

nonny46 <nonny46@...> wrote:

Dear Angie,

I don't post often, but my heart goes out to you! I am blessed to have

one of the GOOD husbands, but I'm not sure how he would act if he were

not ill himself. He has Parkinson's Disease, and we were diagnosed (I

have FM, MS, and Dercum's) at the same time. We go to each other's

doctor appointments, mostly for support, but also to be sure that

someone else is there to hear what the doctor is saying and remember

it. I said something one day about all the bother I am, and he

said " our vows were " in sickness and in health, for better or for

worse, in good times and in bad " and as I promised before God and our

friends and family, that I will do. "

Our daughter, who lives nearby, is just now beginning to realize her

parents do not have boundless energy to babysit (she has 2-year old

triplets and a 5-year old) and her husband does help us when we need

it. I pray that God opens your husband's eyes and heart to be where

you need him,

Judi

ie

[Guest guest]

I see them in the movies...but never in real life! These men like you

are talking about. I have had cancer...and still no husband at my

side. He has NEVER gone to the doctor's with me. Except when I lost

my baby to " demise " , he was there for the first 24 hrs of labor,

gotta give 'em that; but not there for the actual delivery! He was

never there for any of my 7 (count 'em, seven) surgeries., or my

radiation. But still, he claims he has always been there for me...

> Dear Angie,

>

> I don't post often, but my heart goes out to you! I am blessed to

have

> one of the GOOD husbands, but I'm not sure how he would act if he

were

> not ill himself. He has Parkinson's Disease, and we were diagnosed

(I

> have FM, MS, and Dercum's) at the same time. We go to each other's

> doctor appointments, mostly for support, but also to be sure that

> someone else is there to hear what the doctor is saying and

remember

> it. I said something one day about all the bother I am, and he

> said " our vows were " in sickness and in health, for better or for

> worse, in good times and in bad " and as I promised before God and

our

> friends and family, that I will do. "

>

> Our daughter, who lives nearby, is just now beginning to realize

her

> parents do not have boundless energy to babysit (she has 2-year old

> triplets and a 5-year old) and her husband does help us when we

need

> it. I pray that God opens your husband's eyes and heart to be

where

> you need him,

>

> Judi

> ie

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sheena:

Don't give up hope on your sister finding that special

someone. Not all men are uncaring. My father is, and

continued to take his trips to Tahiti and elsewhere

while my mother battled colon cancer alone, but my

husband is wonderful. He has been so supportive and

helpful to me. When I was initially dx with RA, he

read everything I would send him on email (somehow

that was easier for him than having me tell him in

person), and also read RA books I would have laying

about. He will carry things for me, take care of the

cooking, helps me to walk when I need it, takes care

of my horses when I cannot walk down to the corrals,

lets me sleep in when I need to, and understands when

sex must be put on the back burner. We could really

use the extra money and I would like to go back to

work, even part-time, but with the RA and fibro, he

understands how hard it would be, and he works extra

hours and also works weekends in his own side business

to make ends meet. He is my rock, and loves me

unconditionally, in sickness and in health. There are

such men out there - hard to find maybe - but I am

sending out a prayer that such a man will come into

your sister's life. It is so much easier to cope with

family support, and with the support of a loving man

by your side.

Kathe in CA

--- Sheena <sheena.paul@...> wrote:

> Hi,

>

> Thanks a for the kind words. Yet there are

> moments I wish I could have

> done something when it all started. Now I do

> understand it was beyond

> anybody. Then there was the ignorance of RA.

>

> It was a terrible time. She was only 20 when

> detected with RA. My lil'

> sister had to take a year off her studies. She was

> the best student in her

> batch. She did go back and pursue her degree. She

> just wasted before our

> eyes. But she lost so much of self-confidence. But

> thank God for good

> doctors and medication she is better than then.

>

> We (family) wish so much that she would be able to

> find a partner. Its a bit

> unnerving to have the read the recent posts on

> 'husbands'. Would she be

> better off alone? Being her sister I know she is

> someone who be better

> having a husband & family. But what if the man

> cannot cope with her RA and

> with her self-esteem not too strong.. that would not

> help at all. I would

> definately not be able to see her go through anymore

> hurting.

>

> My father initially was not supportive and I know

> today it was just that he

> could not accept & cope with what was happening to

> the daughter he was so

> proud of. His being that way just added to the pain

> to her & to us. My

> mother just compensated for all that was not there.

> God bless her! & my

> father - for willing to finally accept.

>

> Somewhere in my heart I do believe there are good

> men. I am married to one.

> But they are so few, so rare. Will keep praying.

>

> Wish & pray there is loads & loads of love and

> support for all.

>

> Regards,

> Sheena

>

> [ ] Re: husbands

>

>

> Angie:

>

> If your pain isn't under control, please talk to

> your doc or Rheumy about

> it.

> There's no need to suffer in silence. It took me a

> while to speak up and be

> heard about pain meds....but glad I finally did. My

> pain is no where near

> 100% under control, but it's much better than it was

> when I was newly

> diagnosed. Also, depression is very common when you

> have a chronic

> illness like RA. Please, if you're feeling down for

> an extended period of

> time, mention it to your doc and see if there's

> something you can take.

>

> I am very lucky as far as husbands/boyfriends go. I

> was 2.5 years into a

> relationship when I was diagnosed, and I've had

> nothing but incredible

> support. My heart breaks for those of you who are

> going through this with

> a less than considerate partner.

>

> I don't know you husband and can't even begin to

> make a decision on the

> type of person he is. All I can say is that he may

> be shutting down

> because he's scared. Some men handle the stress of

> situations like this

> by shutting down and putting up a wall. On the

> other hand, maybe he's

> cold and callous. It's not for me to say. You have

> to make the ultimate

> decision as to whether you should stay or go. No

> matter what you decide

> you will find support here when or if you need it.

>

> Hang in there,

>

>

>

>

> > How do you guys all get husband support. Some

> days he is pretty

> > supporative other days he is like it can't be that

> bad I try to act

> > like it doesn't bug me but it is really getting to

> me. He doesn't go

> > in any of my appoitments with me. Says he is sick

> of taking me to the

> > doctors will its not like I asked for this. I am

> sick of going to but

> > I figure it is a part of my like so I will deal

> with Sorry guys to

> > ramble on I am just feeling really down in between

> the pain, swelling

> > and everything that is going on as trying to

> figure out if I should

> > ask the doctor for a increase in my meds

> > Thanks for all your support.

> >

> > Thanks

> > Angie

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Okay... so this is normal. I feel better. I just have to remember I can only

control what I do... not what he does. I'd miss spending the morning with him,

and if he wants to walk instead of HIIT... like every one said yesterday... it

doesn't matter when so much as it matters that it happens. So I get " bonus

cardio " ! YAY!!! And the dog does have to be walked anyway...

My hubby is not as fit as some of yours. He's 276, and 6'3. So... that's part

of why I'm frustrated. We're both out of shape and I was counting on a partner

to help keep Mr. Bad Food out of the house. Temptation is a lot easier to

resist if the ice cream is in the store and not just across the kitchen.

Still... who am I doing this for? Me. And why? Because I want to be the 88

year old featured on the evening news because I trounced my grand kid in tennis.

LOL! I appreciate the support, more than you folks will ever know.

Grace

Lammail <lammail2003@...> wrote:

Grace I got about 10 weeks of the nutritional part out of my husband but about 5

weeks into it, if that much he was down for the count.... not interested....lol

He actually did it to support me which was really nice. He walks about 6 miles

a day on his job so he gets his exercise in and I can't blame him. He is already

fit so it was easy for him to stick to his own regimen that was working for him

instead of adapting one unnecessarily..... he likes my muscles but isn't

interested in his own.....lol

---------------------------------

Start your day with - make it your home page

[Guest guest]

Okay... so this is normal. I feel better. I just have to remember I can only

control what I do... not what he does. I'd miss spending the morning with him,

and if he wants to walk instead of HIIT... like every one said yesterday... it

doesn't matter when so much as it matters that it happens. So I get " bonus

cardio " ! YAY!!! And the dog does have to be walked anyway...

My hubby is not as fit as some of yours. He's 276, and 6'3. So... that's part

of why I'm frustrated. We're both out of shape and I was counting on a partner

to help keep Mr. Bad Food out of the house. Temptation is a lot easier to

resist if the ice cream is in the store and not just across the kitchen.

Still... who am I doing this for? Me. And why? Because I want to be the 88

year old featured on the evening news because I trounced my grand kid in tennis.

LOL! I appreciate the support, more than you folks will ever know.

Grace

Lammail <lammail2003@...> wrote:

Grace I got about 10 weeks of the nutritional part out of my husband but about 5

weeks into it, if that much he was down for the count.... not interested....lol

He actually did it to support me which was really nice. He walks about 6 miles

a day on his job so he gets his exercise in and I can't blame him. He is already

fit so it was easy for him to stick to his own regimen that was working for him

instead of adapting one unnecessarily..... he likes my muscles but isn't

interested in his own.....lol

---------------------------------

Start your day with - make it your home page

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

For me, you touched on a very important point in your post to

Jolynn - that is, our husbands are as terrified as we are of the

surgery we're about to have.

I can speak from my experience three years ago when I had my

revision performed. I never anticipated how much stress my husband

experienced before, during, and after the procedure because I was so

caught up in my own anxiety.

He was stressed before because he knew he needed to be supportive

and encouraging when I developed 'cold feet' and when my family kept

asking me not to have the surgery ( " maybe it will make you worse, "

they said).

Of course during the procedure he was a nervous wreck in the waiting

room, as was my elderly mother, whom he had to take care of

emotionally and physically (she has macular degeneration and can

hardly see). When I was in the recovery room I started to go

downhill - apparently my lung had been bruised - and I was less and

less able to breathe (that is, I couldn't elevate the balls in the

blowing device that tests lung capacity). I was moved to the ICU for

several days.

When that problem was resolved I was then in such pain that I was

requesting enough morphine to kill me - and my poor husband had to

sit with me and the nurses who had brought in the 'crash cart' in

case they needed to revive me!

Since I had my surgery in NY and we live in MA, Marty had to take a

room in the hospital's residence - for 3 weeks! It was a small,

spare apartment in congested NYC. He sat with me every day until I

was stable enough to give him permission to go shopping or to a

restaurant or for a walk.

Before then he decided to hire an overnight nurse because he

couldn't sleep at night, worrying I wasn't doing OK and he wasn't

there to alert the nurses. Most people can't afford to hire an

overnight nurse, and we could hardly afford it either, but he was so

sick with worry that he decided it was worth it.

So you're right, the stress of the surgery affects the person about

to have it, but also - and especially - her spouse. I think what you

said was very sensitive and perceptive! I'm sure your post will help

many Feisties as they contemplate their future surgery.

Happy 4th to everyone!

Andy

> >

> > My husband keeps getting mad at me for every little thing I do

> > lately. He wants me to sit around and do nothing. On Friday I

> > cleaned out our tiny pool and chemically treated it because we

had

> > tons of rain here in MASS. Also due to the rain the grass was

too

> > high on our postage stamp sized lawn so I mowed it (took about

20

> > minutes). My husband hates mowing the lawn. It is like pulling

> teeth

> > to get him to do it. Did I mention we have a tiny dog who hates

> > going when the grass is taller than he is?

> >

> > I have always been the one who removes the snow and mows the

lawn

> > (because I like to do those things)and I still want to do things

> > while I can. It does not hurt me while I am working but about 20

> > minutes after I sit down (that is what pain meds are for

right?).

> If

> > something hurts while I am working I stop. I just hate that he

> acts

> > like I am killing myself.

> >

> > When I lay around and do nothing most of the time when I need to

> do

> > something I feel the pain really bad. I do have to use a cane to

> get

> > around but the lawn mower held me up just fine. I hate being

made

> to

> > feel like I am an invalid when I am not. I also have a desire to

> > have one of the best kept lawns (a bit type A).

> >

> > How do I make him understrand that the surgery is at the end of

> the

> > month and it is not time for me to lay down and rest (yet!)? I

> also

> > feel that the stronger I am going in the better I will heal. I

> would

> > think being sedentary for a month or so would weaken me and lead

> to

> > a longer recovery. This is just my personal feeling, no data to

> back

> > it up. I am not out digging ditches or moving mountains just

> > enjoying the summer while I can.

> >

> > Thanks for letting me vent,

> > Jolynn

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I don't think would mind me saying she is married to a

younger guy, too.

Kathy

> > >

> > > Dear Suzanne and Kam,

> > >

> > > My husband is seven years younger than me and I too have gotten

> that "

> > what would your son like " question.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I am opposite, my hunny is 13 yrs older than I but he looks younger.

[Guest guest]

I can't say the same, but I'm in your boat, --my husband is 4

yrs older than me, but I HAVE MORE GREY HAIR THAN HE DOES!!! I told him

it's NOT FAIR!! (I dye it to cover it) I said as soon as he starts

getting ALOT of grey maybe then I'll quit dying mine!! MAYBE!!!

Carol

>

> I am opposite, my hunny is 13 yrs older than I but he looks younger.

>

[Guest guest]

Don't be too hard on the guys. They always want to fix something. I am having

similar problems with my husband. I have been having problems for a year but

have not been diagnosed. He can't understand why I can't be cured even though

we don't know what I have. I have mixed results on my blood tests with the last

testing positive for Lupus. The Rhuemy says I don't have Lupus thank goodness.

Regina Burns

[Guest guest]

Gloria,This is my take on the husbands. For me, my husband does not want any responsibility. So he makes me look crazy. He justifies in his head that I am nuts. I am nuts because I tell everyone who will listen that he won't do his fatherly responsibilities which is the truth. I tell the truth and he doesn't like it. Gloria,What a nerve of him to say that to you. I would have pushed his ass out the door with my size 10 foot. Chatterbox, what the hell are you suppose to do walk around with duck tape on your mouth all day flailing your arms??They new what they were getting into (my hubs too). They just figured out, oh, we don't get along?? Yeah right, my

husband probably saw the bills rolling in and he decided to roll on out. Hello, hello anyone home in their heads, fools!Keep on talking gloria, glad to hear ya!sharonFrom: Gloria <gadamscan@...> Sent: Wed, December 1, 2010 8:38:39 PMSubject: Re: [ ] VIRAL LOAD - Sharon

SharonMy husband says that all my chatter was one thing that drove him away. However, I was born a chatterbox and try as I might, I'm still a chatterbox at 60 yrs old. In fact, if I stay quiet for too long, everyone wants to know what is wrong. So, I was already a chatterbox when the husband and I met - was it my fault that after over 20 yrs later, he chose to make it a big issue?? He hardly ever talks and certainly can not start a conversation at all. Also, his previous two wives were also chatterboxes, so one would have to ask, is he not

obviously attracted to a woman that talks to much?? Sure lets him off the hook.Now, how much do you really think that I chattered when I was sick and had to stay in bed?? Then for years, we'd have dinner and then retire to our own computers!! There was no talking. Also, I knew better than to chatter all through a hockey game and I swear they play hockey just about the whole year around now.I know that if your husband has the ADHD, he simply can not help but jump into a conversation. It's not that we mean to at all, its more because of all the thoughts that are going through our minds, we have to get some of them out before we blow like a pressure cooker.My son appears to be anything but ADHD. The only physical thing that he's ever done quickly in his life, was being born. I swear that when he came out, he looked around and thought to himself "is this why I was in a hurry", then he closed

his eyes and wouldn't open them again for 3 weeks. However, his mind is going so fast that he has a hard time. He finally learned how to prioritize his thoughts and can automatically put someone on hold until their turn comes up. I couldn't tell you how many times I've asked him something on MSN and finally went to bed with no answer. Then, in the morning, there is an MSN from when he answered. Trouble is, by that time, I've forgotten the question.Gloria

Gloria,It does sound like my husband is always yelling and I say, STOP YELLING AT ME! He says Im not and I say YES you are. He always loses his battle with me. That's why he doesn't live here anymore. He just shuts up when he knows it's time. But I can't even talk to people without him butting in on my conversation, taking it over and making me look like I have no opinion because he keeps blabbing. I literally say in front of people in a conversation with my husband, EXCUSE ME, BUT I WAS TALKING IF YOU DON'T MIND. Then he just shuts up. Finally!He says he has A through Z about his ADHD/ADD. lol he does talk about the bible alot he knows alot of scriptures which I have no clue. He was

an altar boy, and his mother went to church every morning.sharonFrom: Gloria <gadamscan@...> Sent: Tue, November 30, 2010 11:14:04 PMSubject: Re: [ ] VIRAL LOAD - Sharon

SharonI hate to say it; but, I haven't met too many alcoholics or addicts that are not self-centred!!! That does include me as well! It's probably one of the biggest reasons that we fall into addiction. However, if one does honestly work the 12 steps, they have a chance of becoming very caring people. The bottom line to anyone's 12th step program should be "give away what you have so freely been given".Also, I am stricken with the ADHD!! You should hear how fast my mouth can move if there is a good opinionated talk going on. I love it because then I get to know a little more about the person that it may sound as if

I'm arguing with. On the other hand, some of my husband's family point this out as a character defect. My husband never could keep up with me; but, he wins when it comes to saying the most hurtful things.May I also suggest, you won't be winning too many arguments with your husband ever. It's just the nature of the addictive personality and the ADHD. I know that I'm the type that heard what you said; but, I'd stay in the argument until I have a chance to go and research whatever we were arguing about. That includes my own personality type. If I weigh out what he said and think that it's valid, then yes, I'll try to change that about myself. But, I won't do anything if I'm being accused of behaviour that I'm not capable of.When it comes to my husband, usually he's just blaming me and tries to say that it is a character defect, when in fact, it's just him

trying to control me. Well, he stayed stuck in his rut of blaming me for everything for too long. We are a dead issue now. There is nothing left anymore. He's said away too many nasty things and so for me, it's absolutely over.Gloria

Gloria,

I know all too well about alcohol. My friends and I would drink like it was armaggedon in my 20s. Slowed down in 30s. Stopped 40ish. My son has addictions like me and my hubs. We took him to see my hub get his first year medallion, but he didn't really care. My sister has this guy from AA that my son likes, he's in tip top shape and all. He is going to talk to my son. This guy found out he had Hep C when he was

17 yo kinda like my son, and this guy is in the AA program. So, this might inspire my son that sometimes you don't need treatment if you don't want it and you can still be healthy. But, you have to take care of yourself and not drink and get checked by a doctor all the time.

You know what my son was upset about when he heard he had hep C. The fact that he couldn't DRINK. Now, maybe this is for a reason I am starting to believe.

I know I have to lay off my hubs. He always talks about himself and it gets me mad. I have to say I am not talking about you I am talking about your SON. My hub is selfish. He also has ADD/ADHD So I have to yell at him to get a word in. It's kinda normal, it's like yelling at a little kid to shut his mouth. He is denying his cirrosis. The doctor that did did his gallbladder, they had to open him up because his gallbladder had about 50 stones in it or something like that. Well after the operation the doctor called and said to me on the phone right after the surgery that I am sorry Mrs. Mc, but your husband has the start of cirrosis. Now, my husband says to this day that the dr. was a quack (he was not a good doctor he released my hub that day and my hub almost died he was bleeding internally and had to be rushed back to the hospital where they did an exploratory, diff. hospital.) But to get

back to the cirrosis. My husband said that the quack screwed up his record and got it all wrong. I said Hello, this doctor saw your insides, saw your liver with his own eyes, not a chart, and he said sorrry to tell you Mrs. Mc but your husband has the start of cirrosis. That's why I always yell at him. He is in denial also. But he is healthy he has a good immune system.

He is having a hard time believing that my son has the hep. I need him to help me with this. He thinks that my son will be fine which he could and which he could not, correct? So, he pisses me off! Thank god I don't live with him. I thought he would be more helpful I am kinda shocked. I hope he is there for me. He better be I was there for him for 30 years, I told him, I dumped an Engineer for him. lol

tx

sharon

From: Gloria <gadamscan@...> Sent: Mon, November 29, 2010 10:47:00 PMSubject: Re: [ ] VIRAL LOAD - Sharon

However, SharonYou should not be concerning yourself about your husband's infection. The fact that he has told you several times that he has no viral load, should just be accepted and it is probably true.However, it is far different for your son!! He needs to understand clearly that your son does have active HepC!!! Surely, since Dad is involved in AA, he could talk to his son about the fact that your son is also very likely to have whatever gene it is, that causes addiction!! Better yet, perhaps your husband knows of younger people in the program that can talk to him and especially if he knows someone that also has HepC. Around the AA program that is not a very hard thing to find at all.Gloria

Hi Sharon

There is no need to scream and fight with your husband.

We have already discussed Antibodies vs Viral Load.

- Antibodies are only a marker [an immune system signpost] - not the actual virus.

- A Viral Load means that YOU HAVE THE VIRUS - active in your body, right now.

Going by antibodys alone, your husband may or may not have the virus.

Until he has the Viral Load test he cannot know - FOR SURE.

The Viral Load counts how many copys of the virus are floating about in one's blood.

It is all really very simple.

There is nothing to fight about.

If your husband cannot understand this - DO NOT FIGHT with him.

Tell him to contact me, and I will provide him with 'PROOF'

ludichrist2000@...

Or you can have go to the HCV Links Library - and start reading.

http://health.dir./group/ /links

You can also tell him that HCV - can - cause liver damage, and KILL a person.

I can provide him of 'PROOF' of this also.

But do not argue with him.

Some people will not listen, even if you hit them upside the head with a Mac Truck.

love

don in ks

[Guest guest]

SharonMy husband didn't want any responsibility, period. He did best going away to work in a logging camp for two weeks out of every 3. There, he didn't have to participate in day to day life. Then, when he doesn't work for awhile, he gets nasty and it's always at me. Yet, he's 68 yrs old.Now, for the first time in his life, he's the one that has to figure out how to pay bills when there isn't very much money. I did it for the yrs there wasn't very much and so now I just hide the grin when he

tells me that he can't afford this or that.The reason I didn't use my size 6 shoes, was because I was intimately aware of how much it costs. So, I was happier to buy this RV and continue to live out where I am. Sure, it's no free ride; but, I don't need a room mate just to ensure my bills get paid.But, as it is now, my husband has made his bed and he has to lie in it. He always did belittle my contribution to the household. Now he's probably realizing that he doesn't do very well without the little that I get on disability and for my work.Gloria Gloria,This is my take on the husbands. For me, my husband does not want any responsibility. So he makes me look crazy. He justifies in his head that I am nuts. I am nuts because I tell everyone who will listen that he won't do his fatherly responsibilities which is the truth. I tell the truth and he doesn't like it. Gloria,What a nerve of him to say that to you.

I would have pushed his ass out the door with my size 10 foot. Chatterbox, what the hell are you suppose to do walk around with duck tape on your mouth all day flailing your arms??They new what they were getting into (my hubs too). They just figured out, oh, we don't get along?? Yeah right, my husband probably saw the bills rolling in and he decided to roll on out. Hello, hello anyone home in their heads, fools!Keep on talking gloria, glad to hear ya!sharonFrom: Gloria <gadamscan@...>To:

Sent: Wed, December 1, 2010 8:38:39 PMSubject: Re: [ ] VIRAL LOAD - Sharon SharonMy husband says that all my chatter was one thing that drove him away. However, I was born a chatterbox and try as I might, I'm still a chatterbox at 60 yrs old. In fact, if I stay quiet for too long, everyone wants to know what is wrong. So, I was already a chatterbox when the husband and I met - was it my

fault that after over 20 yrs later, he chose to make it a big issue?? He hardly ever talks and certainly can not start a conversation at all. Also, his previous two wives were also chatterboxes, so one would have to ask, is he not obviously attracted to a woman that talks to much?? Sure lets him off the hook.Now, how much do you really think that I chattered when I was sick and had to stay in bed?? Then for years, we'd have dinner and then retire to our own computers!! There was no talking. Also, I knew better than to chatter all through a hockey game and I swear they play hockey just about the whole year around now.I know that if your husband has the ADHD, he simply can not help but jump into a conversation. It's not that we mean to at all, its more because of all the thoughts that are going through our minds, we have to get some of them out before we blow like a pressure cooker.My son

appears to be anything but ADHD. The only physical thing that he's ever done quickly in his life, was being born. I swear that when he came out, he looked around and thought to himself "is this why I was in a hurry", then he closed his eyes and wouldn't open them again for 3 weeks. However, his mind is going so fast that he has a hard time. He finally learned how to prioritize his thoughts and can automatically put someone on hold until their turn comes up. I couldn't tell you how many times I've asked him something on MSN and finally went to bed with no answer. Then, in the morning, there is an MSN from when he answered. Trouble is, by that time, I've forgotten the question.Gloria Gloria,It does sound like my husband is always yelling and I say, STOP YELLING AT ME! He says Im not and I say YES you are. He always loses his battle with me. That's why he doesn't live here anymore. He just shuts up when he knows it's time. But I can't even talk to people without him butting in on my conversation, taking it over and making me look like I have no opinion because he keeps blabbing. I literally say in front of people in a conversation with my husband, EXCUSE ME, BUT I WAS TALKING IF YOU DON'T MIND. Then he just shuts up. Finally!He says he has A through Z about his ADHD/ADD. lol he does talk about the bible alot he knows alot of scriptures

which I have no clue. He was an altar boy, and his mother went to church every morning.sharonFrom: Gloria <gadamscan@...> Sent: Tue, November 30, 2010 11:14:04 PMSubject: Re: [ ] VIRAL LOAD - Sharon SharonI hate to say it; but, I haven't met too many alcoholics or addicts that are not self-centred!!! That does include me as well! It's probably one of the biggest reasons that we fall into addiction. However, if one does honestly work the 12 steps, they have a chance of becoming very caring people. The bottom line to anyone's 12th step program should be "give away what you have so freely been given".Also, I am stricken with the ADHD!! You should hear how fast my mouth can move if there is a good opinionated talk going on. I love it because then I get to know a little more about the person that it may sound as if I'm arguing with. On the other hand, some of my husband's family point this out as a character defect. My husband never

could keep up with me; but, he wins when it comes to saying the most hurtful things.May I also suggest, you won't be winning too many arguments with your husband ever. It's just the nature of the addictive personality and the ADHD. I know that I'm the type that heard what you said; but, I'd stay in the argument until I have a chance to go and research whatever we were arguing about. That includes my own personality type. If I weigh out what he said and think that it's valid, then yes, I'll try to change that about myself. But, I won't do anything if I'm being accused of behaviour that I'm not capable of.When it comes to my husband, usually he's just blaming me and tries to say that it is a character defect, when in fact, it's just him trying to control me. Well, he stayed stuck in his rut of blaming me for everything for too long. We are a dead issue now. There is nothing left

anymore. He's said away too many nasty things and so for me, it's absolutely over.Gloria Gloria, I know all too well about alcohol. My friends and I would drink like it was armaggedon in my 20s. Slowed down in 30s. Stopped 40ish. My son has addictions like me and my hubs. We took him to see my hub get his first year medallion, but he didn't really care. My sister has this guy from AA that my son likes, he's in tip top shape and all. He is going to talk to my son. This guy found out he had Hep C when he was

17 yo kinda like my son, and this guy is in the AA program. So, this might inspire my son that sometimes you don't need treatment if you don't want it and you can still be healthy. But, you have to take care of yourself and not drink and get checked by a doctor all the time. You know what my son was upset about when he heard he had hep C. The fact that he couldn't DRINK. Now, maybe this is for a reason I am starting to believe. I know I have to lay off my hubs. He always talks about himself and it gets me mad. I have to say I am not talking about you I am talking about your SON. My hub is selfish. He also has ADD/ADHD So I have to yell at him to get a word in. It's kinda normal, it's like yelling at a little kid to shut his mouth. He is denying his cirrosis. The doctor that did did his gallbladder, they had to open him up because

his gallbladder had about 50 stones in it or something like that. Well after the operation the doctor called and said to me on the phone right after the surgery that I am sorry Mrs. Mc, but your husband has the start of cirrosis. Now, my husband says to this day that the dr. was a quack (he was not a good doctor he released my hub that day and my hub almost died he was bleeding internally and had to be rushed back to the hospital where they did an exploratory, diff. hospital.) But to get back to the cirrosis. My husband said that the quack screwed up his record and got it all wrong. I said Hello, this doctor saw your insides, saw your liver with his own eyes, not a chart, and he said sorrry to tell you Mrs. Mc but your husband has the start of cirrosis. That's why I always yell at him. He is in denial also. But he is healthy he has a good immune system. He is

having a hard time believing that my son has the hep. I need him to help me with this. He thinks that my son will be fine which he could and which he could not, correct? So, he pisses me off! Thank god I don't live with him. I thought he would be more helpful I am kinda shocked. I hope he is there for me. He better be I was there for him for 30 years, I told him, I dumped an Engineer for him. lol tx sharon From: Gloria <gadamscan@...> Sent: Mon,

November 29, 2010 10:47:00 PMSubject: Re: [ ] VIRAL LOAD - Sharon However, SharonYou should not be concerning yourself about your husband's infection. The fact that he has told you several times that he has no viral load, should just be accepted and it is probably true.However, it is far different for your son!! He needs to understand clearly that your son does have active HepC!!! Surely, since Dad is involved in AA, he could talk to his son about the fact that your son is also very likely to have whatever gene it is, that causes addiction!! Better yet, perhaps your husband knows of younger people in the program that can talk to him and

especially if he knows someone that also has HepC. Around the AA program that is not a very hard thing to find at all.Gloria Hi Sharon There is no need to scream and fight with your husband. We have already discussed Antibodies vs Viral Load. - Antibodies are only a marker [an immune system signpost] - not the actual virus. - A Viral Load means that YOU HAVE THE VIRUS - active in your body, right now.

Going by antibodys alone, your husband may or may not have the virus. Until he has the Viral Load test he cannot know - FOR SURE. The Viral Load counts how many copys of the virus are floating about in one's blood. It is all really very simple. There is nothing to fight about. If your husband cannot understand this - DO NOT FIGHT with him. Tell him to contact me, and I will provide him with 'PROOF' ludichrist2000@... Or you can have go to the HCV Links Library - and start reading. http://health.dir./group/ /links You can also tell him that HCV - can - cause liver damage, and KILL a person. I can provide him of 'PROOF' of this also. But do not argue with him. Some people will not listen, even if you hit

them upside the head with a Mac Truck. love don in ks