Guest guest Posted September 7, 2008 Report Share Posted September 7, 2008 Dawn that was a rough night! I am glad you caught yourself and stopped the berating too. Its bad enough to 'eat' your feelings without beating yourself up over this too. Sounds like you got a learning experience out of this that could make enough of an impression to hopefully be able you to recognize and prevent such a runaway chain of events another time. Keep you the good work and learning from what doesn't work as well as from what does. ehugs, Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > I'm new to Intuitive Eating and had actually been doing alright. Not > great, not horrible, but alright. > > Then last night I really struggled. > > Maybe it was because we went out for pizza and I felt like dh was > judging my eating. I honestly did fine at the restaurant, but it was > when we got home that all h*** broke loose. I ate and ate and ate. > > My stomach started to hurt and still, I ate on. > > I started feeling dizzy, but I continued shoving that food in my mouth. > > Felt like a " last meal " mentality. > > All for a little rebellion and panic at myself. > > Last night I literally couldn't sleep, my stomach hurt so bad. I dozed > off and on, unable to get comfortable. Finally at 4am, I got up and > got a handful of TUMS. I ate 4, propped up the pillows, and dozed > again for a couple of hours. > > This morning I still hurt. My stomach feels like there's a lead brick > in it and it hurts to move. > > And yet, I learned something valuable. > > I began in this morning, berating myself horribly. And then I stopped > and really thought about what I was saying. Nasty. And I determined to > change that inner voice to one of nurture. I soothed myself. > > So a big ole' leap back, and a little step forward in the right direction. > > Today I wait on myself and my cues. > > This is NOT easy, but today I decide to be gentle with myself. > > dawn > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 7, 2008 Report Share Posted September 7, 2008 It was not fun. I'm still dealing with the fall-out, although I did finally feel hungry for dinner. I took it easy though, ate only what I truly wanted, and stopped when full. Much better. The crazy thing was though, it was all over a bratwurst. All day long I was craving a bratwurst. But instead of listening to my inner hunger, I just kept shoveling in food, thinking for sure I " didn't need that bratwurst " . So all day long I was trying to find something to satisfy my craving for a bratwurst. It was 11:30 pm and I was stuffed to the gills, but I still really wanted that bratwurst. So at 11:30 I gave in and just ate it. And THEN I was satisfied! I could have saved myself SO much pain, by JUST LISTENING to and RESPECTING myself in the first place! Lesson learned! And today I am being super gentle with myself. Treating myself like I would one of my kids who had done something they weren't proud of. Easy for me to do with them...not so easy for me to do with myself. Still learning right? dawn:) > > > > I'm new to Intuitive Eating and had actually been doing alright. Not > > great, not horrible, but alright. > > > > Then last night I really struggled. > > > > Maybe it was because we went out for pizza and I felt like dh was > > judging my eating. I honestly did fine at the restaurant, but it was > > when we got home that all h*** broke loose. I ate and ate and ate. > > > > My stomach started to hurt and still, I ate on. > > > > I started feeling dizzy, but I continued shoving that food in my mouth. > > > > Felt like a " last meal " mentality. > > > > All for a little rebellion and panic at myself. > > > > Last night I literally couldn't sleep, my stomach hurt so bad. I dozed > > off and on, unable to get comfortable. Finally at 4am, I got up and > > got a handful of TUMS. I ate 4, propped up the pillows, and dozed > > again for a couple of hours. > > > > This morning I still hurt. My stomach feels like there's a lead brick > > in it and it hurts to move. > > > > And yet, I learned something valuable. > > > > I began in this morning, berating myself horribly. And then I stopped > > and really thought about what I was saying. Nasty. And I determined to > > change that inner voice to one of nurture. I soothed myself. > > > > So a big ole' leap back, and a little step forward in the right > direction. > > > > Today I wait on myself and my cues. > > > > This is NOT easy, but today I decide to be gentle with myself. > > > > dawn > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 7, 2008 Report Share Posted September 7, 2008 (see below) > > It was not fun. I'm still dealing with the fall-out, although I did > finally feel hungry for dinner. I took it easy though, ate only what I > truly wanted, and stopped when full. Much better. > > The crazy thing was though, it was all over a bratwurst. > > All day long I was craving a bratwurst. But instead of listening to my > inner hunger, I just kept shoveling in food, thinking for sure I > " didn't need that bratwurst " . So all day long I was trying to find > something to satisfy my craving for a bratwurst. It was 11:30 pm and I > was stuffed to the gills, but I still really wanted that bratwurst. So > at 11:30 I gave in and just ate it. And THEN I was satisfied! I could > have saved myself SO much pain, by JUST LISTENING to and > RESPECTING myself in the first place! Lesson learned! That happens to me too - if I don't just bow to my craving - I 'graze' until I GET it! Sounds like your food police were (trying to) over rule your crave. Bet you think twice before listening to them again ;-) > > And today I am being super gentle with myself. Treating myself like I > would one of my kids who had done something they weren't proud of. > Easy for me to do with them...not so easy for me to do with myself. > > Still learning right? > > dawn:) > And I'd say doing a good job of it (learning) too. ehugs, Katcha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 7, 2008 Report Share Posted September 7, 2008 Thanks Katcha. I'm so glad to have this place to come for support. It truly helps. dawn > > > > It was not fun. I'm still dealing with the fall-out, although I did > > finally feel hungry for dinner. I took it easy though, ate only what I > > truly wanted, and stopped when full. Much better. > > > > The crazy thing was though, it was all over a bratwurst. > > > > All day long I was craving a bratwurst. But instead of listening to my > > inner hunger, I just kept shoveling in food, thinking for sure I > > " didn't need that bratwurst " . So all day long I was trying to find > > something to satisfy my craving for a bratwurst. It was 11:30 pm and I > > was stuffed to the gills, but I still really wanted that bratwurst. So > > at 11:30 I gave in and just ate it. And THEN I was satisfied! I could > > have saved myself SO much pain, by JUST LISTENING to and > > RESPECTING myself in the first place! Lesson learned! > > That happens to me too - if I don't just bow to my craving - I 'graze' > until I GET it! Sounds like your food police were (trying to) over > rule your crave. Bet you think twice before listening to them again ;-) > > > > > And today I am being super gentle with myself. Treating myself like I > > would one of my kids who had done something they weren't proud of. > > Easy for me to do with them...not so easy for me to do with myself. > > > > Still learning right? > > > > dawn:) > > > > And I'd say doing a good job of it (learning) too. ehugs, Katcha > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2008 Report Share Posted September 8, 2008 I've done that, too many times! So wanting to change doing that, too!I wanted Cookies & Cream ice cream all week end long, well last night I bought it, brought it home, but then didn't want it then. So it went into the freezer and so farI have not wanted it, but when I do, it will be there and I will put a scoop in one ofmy pretty Italian dessert dishes I got for Christmas last year, and it will be veryenjoyable. I want to treat my self better! I don't know why that is so hard to do, I certainlymake things special for those I love! and I need to love my self, too! and makethings special for me as well.From: Dawn Subject: Re: Tough nightTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Sunday, September 7, 2008, 2:44 PM It was not fun. I'm still dealing with the fall-out, although I did finally feel hungry for dinner. I took it easy though, ate only what I truly wanted, and stopped when full. Much better. The crazy thing was though, it was all over a bratwurst. All day long I was craving a bratwurst. But instead of listening to my inner hunger, I just kept shoveling in food, thinking for sure I "didn't need that bratwurst". So all day long I was trying to find something to satisfy my craving for a bratwurst. It was 11:30 pm and I was stuffed to the gills, but I still really wanted that bratwurst. So at 11:30 I gave in and just ate it. And THEN I was satisfied! I could have saved myself SO much pain, by JUST LISTENING to and RESPECTING myself in the first place! Lesson learned! And today I am being super gentle with myself. Treating myself like I would one of my kids who had done something they weren't proud of. Easy for me to do with them...not so easy for me to do with myself. Still learning right? dawn:) --- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2008 Report Share Posted September 9, 2008 That's a good question Alana. I often wrestle with this and have since a very long time ago. Back when I was a teen, my dad often commented on my eating. He was a great dad, but he just was worried for some reason. I think maybe because my mom has always tries some diet since I can remember. She's not even truly overweight, but she's always talking about eating a " new " way. I was a string bean back then. That combined with my stress of growing up, sent me into a tailspin. It's when I began sneaking food. When I got married, I dealt with stress the same way, although I was still very slender. It's when I started dieting that things got really out of control. After a few years, my dh started to notice the behavior of sneaking food and would give me certain looks. He is doing that again now. Looks like, " you really shouldn't have that " . I know I need to explain this all to him and tell him he needs to trust me on it, but I just feel like that high schooler all over again. I guess it's time to grow up and take the plunge, right? dawn > > > > I'm new to Intuitive Eating and had actually been doing alright. > Not > > great, not horrible, but alright. > > > > Then last night I really struggled. > > > > Maybe it was because we went out for pizza and I felt like dh was > > judging my eating. I honestly did fine at the restaurant, but it > was > > when we got home that all h*** broke loose. I ate and ate and ate. > > > > My stomach started to hurt and still, I ate on. > > > > I started feeling dizzy, but I continued shoving that food in my > mouth. > > > > Felt like a " last meal " mentality. > > > > All for a little rebellion and panic at myself. > > > > Last night I literally couldn't sleep, my stomach hurt so bad. I > dozed > > off and on, unable to get comfortable. Finally at 4am, I got up and > > got a handful of TUMS. I ate 4, propped up the pillows, and dozed > > again for a couple of hours. > > > > This morning I still hurt. My stomach feels like there's a lead > brick > > in it and it hurts to move. > > > > And yet, I learned something valuable. > > > > I began in this morning, berating myself horribly. And then I > stopped > > and really thought about what I was saying. Nasty. And I > determined to > > change that inner voice to one of nurture. I soothed myself. > > > > So a big ole' leap back, and a little step forward in the right > direction. > > > > Today I wait on myself and my cues. > > > > This is NOT easy, but today I decide to be gentle with myself. > > > > dawn > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2008 Report Share Posted September 9, 2008 I hear you! I have been encouraged to address my husband about those looks and comments and sometimes he's better with it and sometimes it seems that he still just doesn't get it. Those looks totally trigger me and I end up doing things like eating in secret, overeating, etc. I'm not sure if I can ever make him get it. I guess I just have to strengthen my ability to stay focused on IE even when he gets it wrong...Kari Subject: Re: Tough nightTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Tuesday, September 9, 2008, 9:33 AM That's a good question Alana. I often wrestle with this and have sincea very long time ago. Back when I was a teen, my dad often commented on my eating. He was agreat dad, but he just was worried for some reason. I think maybebecause my mom has always tries some diet since I can remember. She'snot even truly overweight, but she's always talking about eating a"new" way. I was a string bean back then. That combined with my stressof growing up, sent me into a tailspin. It's when I began sneaking food. When I got married, I dealt with stress the same way, although I wasstill very slender. It's when I started dieting that things got reallyout of control. After a few years, my dh started to notice thebehavior of sneaking food and would give me certain looks. He is doingthat again now. Looks like, "you really shouldn't have that". I know Ineed to explain this all to him and tell him he needs to trust me onit, but I just feel like that high schooler all over again. I guessit's time to grow up and take the plunge, right?dawn> >> > I'm new to Intuitive Eating and had actually been doing alright. > Not> > great, not horrible, but alright.> > > > Then last night I really struggled.> > > > Maybe it was because we went out for pizza and I felt like dh was> > judging my eating. I honestly did fine at the restaurant, but it > was> > when we got home that all h*** broke loose. I ate and ate and ate.> > > > My stomach started to hurt and still, I ate on.> > > > I started feeling dizzy, but I continued shoving that food in my > mouth.> > > > Felt like a "last meal" mentality.> > > > All for a little rebellion and panic at myself.> > > > Last night I literally couldn't sleep, my stomach hurt so bad. I > dozed> > off and on, unable to get comfortable. Finally at 4am, I got up and> > got a handful of TUMS. I ate 4, propped up the pillows, and dozed> > again for a couple of hours.> > > > This morning I still hurt. My stomach feels like there's a lead > brick> > in it and it hurts to move.> > > > And yet, I learned something valuable.> > > > I began in this morning, berating myself horribly. And then I > stopped> > and really thought about what I was saying. Nasty. And I > determined to> > change that inner voice to one of nurture. I soothed myself.> > > > So a big ole' leap back, and a little step forward in the right > direction.> > > > Today I wait on myself and my cues.> > > > This is NOT easy, but today I decide to be gentle with myself. > > > > dawn> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2008 Report Share Posted September 9, 2008 Kari, So what do you do when you see it? I think if were losing (or at least not gaining) doing this, he'd be better. Like you, his looks will often be my trigger into shoveling food in, almost in a panic and rebellion. I just don't think he can comprehend my life without a diet. Know what I mean? dawn > > > > > > I'm new to Intuitive Eating and had actually been doing alright. > > Not > > > great, not horrible, but alright. > > > > > > Then last night I really struggled. > > > > > > Maybe it was because we went out for pizza and I felt like dh was > > > judging my eating. I honestly did fine at the restaurant, but it > > was > > > when we got home that all h*** broke loose. I ate and ate and ate. > > > > > > My stomach started to hurt and still, I ate on. > > > > > > I started feeling dizzy, but I continued shoving that food in my > > mouth. > > > > > > Felt like a " last meal " mentality. > > > > > > All for a little rebellion and panic at myself. > > > > > > Last night I literally couldn't sleep, my stomach hurt so bad. I > > dozed > > > off and on, unable to get comfortable. Finally at 4am, I got up and > > > got a handful of TUMS. I ate 4, propped up the pillows, and dozed > > > again for a couple of hours. > > > > > > This morning I still hurt. My stomach feels like there's a lead > > brick > > > in it and it hurts to move. > > > > > > And yet, I learned something valuable. > > > > > > I began in this morning, berating myself horribly. And then I > > stopped > > > and really thought about what I was saying. Nasty. And I > > determined to > > > change that inner voice to one of nurture. I soothed myself. > > > > > > So a big ole' leap back, and a little step forward in the right > > direction. > > > > > > Today I wait on myself and my cues. > > > > > > This is NOT easy, but today I decide to be gentle with myself. > > > > > > dawn > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2008 Report Share Posted September 9, 2008 Yes! He is totally baffled by this intuitive eating concept. I honestly, haven't dealt with those looks well thus far, but I'm trying to confront it when I see it and tell him how I feel and what my automatic thought is in response to those looks (I want to raid the refrigerator as soon as he goes to sleep!). It may not change him, but hopefully continually standing up for myself and my freedom of choice about what and how I eat- with my words, will prevent me from communicating to him with my actions of using food, which he isn't even aware of anyway, so what's the point! Kari Subject: Re: Tough nightTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Tuesday, September 9, 2008, 9:54 AM Kari,So what do you do when you see it? I think if were losing (or at leastnot gaining) doing this, he'd be better. Like you, his looks willoften be my trigger into shoveling food in, almost in a panic andrebellion. I just don't think he can comprehend my life without adiet. Know what I mean?dawn> > >> > > I'm new to Intuitive Eating and had actually been doing alright. > > Not> > > great, not horrible, but alright.> > > > > > Then last night I really struggled.> > > > > > Maybe it was because we went out for pizza and I felt like dh was> > > judging my eating. I honestly did fine at the restaurant, but it > > was> > > when we got home that all h*** broke loose. I ate and ate and ate.> > > > > > My stomach started to hurt and still, I ate on.> > > > > > I started feeling dizzy, but I continued shoving that food in my > > mouth.> > > > > > Felt like a "last meal" mentality.> > > > > > All for a little rebellion and panic at myself.> > > > > > Last night I literally couldn't sleep, my stomach hurt so bad. I > > dozed> > > off and on, unable to get comfortable. Finally at 4am, I got up and> > > got a handful of TUMS. I ate 4, propped up the pillows, and dozed> > > again for a couple of hours.> > > > > > This morning I still hurt. My stomach feels like there's a lead > > brick> > > in it and it hurts to move.> > > > > > And yet, I learned something valuable.> > > > > > I began in this morning, berating myself horribly. And then I > > stopped> > > and really thought about what I was saying. Nasty. And I > > determined to> > > change that inner voice to one of nurture. I soothed myself.> > > > > > So a big ole' leap back, and a little step forward in the right > > direction.> > > > > > Today I wait on myself and my cues.> > > > > > This is NOT easy, but today I decide to be gentle with myself. > > > > > > dawn> > >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2008 Report Share Posted September 9, 2008 " It may not change him, but hopefully continually standing up for myself and my freedom of choice about what and how I eat- with my words, will prevent me from communicating to him with my actions of using food, which he isn't even aware of anyway, so what's the point! Boy, I really need to think about this one and let it sit... dawn > > > > > > > > I'm new to Intuitive Eating and had actually been doing alright. > > > Not > > > > great, not horrible, but alright. > > > > > > > > Then last night I really struggled. > > > > > > > > Maybe it was because we went out for pizza and I felt like dh was > > > > judging my eating. I honestly did fine at the restaurant, but it > > > was > > > > when we got home that all h*** broke loose. I ate and ate and ate. > > > > > > > > My stomach started to hurt and still, I ate on. > > > > > > > > I started feeling dizzy, but I continued shoving that food in my > > > mouth. > > > > > > > > Felt like a " last meal " mentality. > > > > > > > > All for a little rebellion and panic at myself. > > > > > > > > Last night I literally couldn't sleep, my stomach hurt so bad. I > > > dozed > > > > off and on, unable to get comfortable. Finally at 4am, I got up and > > > > got a handful of TUMS. I ate 4, propped up the pillows, and dozed > > > > again for a couple of hours. > > > > > > > > This morning I still hurt. My stomach feels like there's a lead > > > brick > > > > in it and it hurts to move. > > > > > > > > And yet, I learned something valuable. > > > > > > > > I began in this morning, berating myself horribly. And then I > > > stopped > > > > and really thought about what I was saying. Nasty. And I > > > determined to > > > > change that inner voice to one of nurture. I soothed myself. > > > > > > > > So a big ole' leap back, and a little step forward in the right > > > direction. > > > > > > > > Today I wait on myself and my cues. > > > > > > > > This is NOT easy, but today I decide to be gentle with myself. > > > > > > > > dawn > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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