Giving up (long post sorry)

[Guest guest]

In 1996 I spent 9 months Intuitive Eating - only I wasn't really

aware it had a name.

I had just found out I was pregnant.

My first pregnancy was not a lot of fun. I worried the whole time

about how I looked. I had actually tried to keep the weight down by

being " careful " . I was very tired throughout the pregnancy, I felt

sick, I tried some exercise because I thought I should but I soon

gave up as I didn't like it. I was induced two weeks early and labour

was uncomfortable, I needed an epidural and I took a while to recover

emotionally and physically from the ordeal. I had a healthy baby boy

but I returned from hospital 4 days later tired, sad and 26lbs

heavier than when I first fell pregnant.

Now here I was, 3 years later - pregnant again. This time I decided I

might as well not bother dieting - I was going to gain weight anyway

and hence my 9 month IE journey began....

My pregnancy was amazing!

I walked because I wanted to

I celebrated my changing body

I didn't think about eating when hungry, stopping when full, eating

what I want etc...I just did it.

Chocolate and other foods I binged on were no longer forbidden so

they were not nearly as delicious as I thought.

I loved fruit and fresh food

I stopped wanting takeaway when my husband went out and bought it

I didn't stress about eating in front of the TV, or while I was

reading - I did what I wanted.

I weighed in every month but it was a mild curiosity, the numbers did

not affect me emotionally at all.

I had a fantastic healthy pregnancy. I had so much energy. When my

contractions started on the very early morning of the day I was due I

did some laundry and hung it out before waking my family to take me

to hospital. I had a great labour, quicker, no pain relief and I had

a healthy baby girl. I returned to my home the same afternoon I gave

birth, healthy, happy and 2lbs lighter than when I fell pregnant.

I obviously returned to my eating disorder ways and here I am years

later and trying to re-create that same success.

I have struggled the last week or two. I realised that I have been

working on IE for 2 years and still I have not reached that stage

from all those years ago. I just think about it too much!!

I am not dieting but I still worry about how much I eat, if it's too

little, if it's too much, am I full, did I sigh, was it nutritious,

did I eat slowly enough, did I sit at the table and not in front of

the pc or television.... and so on and so on.

I am tired. I don't want to think about it any more but at the same

time I also feel scared to let go. I have decided to give it up for a

while. To stop thinking and trying too hard....until after xmas which

is when I planned to review how I feel emotionally and physically.

Sharon