Re: Re: Eating While Overwhelmed With Emotions

[Guest guest]

Katcha wrote:

> IE is about re-tuning into your body's hunger signals. Headache,

> lightheadedness, growling stomach etc. sounds like a horn blasting off

> - FEED ME! Yet you think you MUST choose to IGNORE these so that you

> will 'feel' better emotionally?!? (and really avoiding feeling the

> EMOTIONS instead?) Perhaps you have the cart in front of the horse?

No, I asked the question if this would technically reinforce the path of

coping-with-food (and that is what I want to avoid). I didn't talk about

" feeling better when not eating " (would be interesting to know though

what part of my post gave you this impression).

> I get the feeling you somehow enjoy the drama created by dilemma?

I wouldn't call that " enjoying " but it can be pretty distracting, yes. I

think I sounded pretty much like a drama queen. I want to apologize if

so. I pretty much hate that role.

> > Do I reinforce the unwanted coping mechanism when eating while

> > physically hungry but being overwhelmed with emotions?

>

> I don't get that impression - you are HUNGRY, eating is most

> appropriate!! The emotions are separate from body hunger. You need to

> deal with those as a separate issue. Maybe your confusion comes from

> intertwining these?

I rebel against the thought of HAVING TO EAT while not wanting to

because I feel like someone punched me into the stomach a few minutes

ago and the thought of food makes me quite nauseated. I feel like

getting signals with opposite meanings at the same time. " Feed me! I

want something to eat! " and at the same time " Are you nuts? I feel like

throwing up the next minute! No food right now, please! Let's have

something to eat LATER when we feel better, ok? "

> > It simply doesn't feel " right " or " good " to eat then.

>

> This sounds more like a 'head' thought than a 'gut' reaction.

How do you differ 100% between the two?

Regards

s.

[Guest guest]

normaaaaaaaa wrote:

> Anyway from your post it seems like your current issues with food are

> directly related to an issue you are having in your life. If this is

> true it almost sounds like you are trying to control your life by

> controlling what you eat and/or you are punishing yourself by

> depriving your body of what it needs.

I don't know if I'm punishing myself. I feel like overeating and getting

fatter would be worse. I thought about this for a few days already

(punishment yes or no?) but can't come up with an answer so far.

> It seems that you are physically hungry while your mind is full.

> Maybe you feel too pre-occupied with external life circumstances to

> self - care?

Interesting though. I have to think that over. I pity myself a lot

lately, yell at myself because of it and get frustrated because I can't

stop the self pity. I'm quite a lousy caretaker, wanting to explode

while being desperately needed.

> I think you should feed your body when it is telling you its hungry.

> But I completely agree that its difficult when you are overwhelmed by

> intense emotions. I would suggest eating something that respects and

> maximizes your body's potential. Like a garden salad, minestrone

> soup, a fruit bowl...

Sounds like a good idea. I'll try that next time which will be soon

enough I guess.

> And take the time to care for yourself. Maybe

> take a bath, go for a walk alone, get a massage...

Tried that today. Completely backfired. I feel worse. I don't want to be

alone with my thoughts right now. Feels more bearable with a movie or TV

show to watch or play Marapets on the web. Walks are quite nice with the

dog - but they tend to have great potential to completely throw me off

if I can't stop the " bad thoughts " soon enough and they creep into my

mind and cling to it before I even know they do.

> I could be completely off with the above but hopefully it helps.

No, you're right with the guess that there is something overwhelming in

my life.

Regards

s.

[Guest guest]

latoyajw wrote:

> > Do I reinforce the unwanted coping mechanism when eating while

> > physically hungry but being overwhelmed with emotions?

>

> I don't think so...not if you're eating mindfully and intentionally

> to respond to the wisdom of your hunger cues. An important part of

> the IE journey is about rebuilding trust with our bodies. If my body

> is sending me obvious hunger signals then I respond. I love the idea

> of drinking something like Ensure...slowly...almost meditatively. I

> usually have something simple like some juice or a piece of toast

> when I just don't feel like eating, but I'm getting signals.

I think I will simply try this next time when I don't have the time to

" wait it out " before I calm down a bit. Today I had the time so I waited

about two hours. I was distracted enough then not to feel like I would

stuff down my emotions with food. (Or not so much.)

> > It simply doesn't feel " right " or " good " to eat then.

> I don't think it's about " right " or " good " those are

> mental/emotional judgments. Sometimes, I do wait a bit for intense

> emotions to subside...like now.

I put the words into " " because I didn't know what other words to

choose. Maybe I should have written " comfortable " or " uncomfortable " or

something like this. I'm not sure. This is one of the situations when

talking in the native language gets important I guess. Sometimes it

alarms me that I feel better talking in English about all of this than

in my native language.

Regards

s.

[Guest guest]

Latoya, I can't thank you enough for your generous response in sharing your process. You've given me not only lots to think about, but some practical examples in the " how " of letting your feelings be felt and feel safe.

After years of running from my feelings with rigid rules of dieting and food numbing my feelings, I'm kinda of scared and also in awe of all that I've been avoiding for so long. I've been exploring my feelings through 's workbook and through what I'm calling " intuitive yoga. " I've studied yoga on and off for years, but always as a diet. Very left brain, goal-oriented, be stronger, work harder, be more flexible, follow the teacher on the yoga dvd. I made my doing yoga a kind of a diet. Now that I've decided to not diet with food, I'm trying to ease up on all the other " diets " (rules, striving, numbing) in my life. I've begun doing yoga gently, intuitively, trying to listen more and not push.

The visualizations you mention seem to fall in line with this. I'm interested in knowing more about Levine and his techniques. Are there books you'd recommend or websites? Or anything else you might suggest as a resource to learn more about doing things like this.

I never had any exposure to dealing with emotions like this and the idea of it has opened up new worlds of possibilities. Thank you for sharing.Judi

Judi,

Sure, (This is a bit long )

I've been working intentionally with my body and my emotions for the

past 5 years or so. The body has natural mechanisms for calming down

after different forms of emotional stress...we've all experienced our

bodies gradually coming out of agitated states. As my body is calming

itself naturally, I noticed that I,like many other people, can re-

agitate myself by a negative thought about a situation or a person

when I don't allow myself to really feel what I'm feeling. For me,

stifling my feelings led to a need to have strict control over my

environment and myself to prevent the experience of negative emotions

because I really didn't know how to handle them. I had to learn that

it is ok to feel and to develop the capacity to tolerate more feelings

and intensity of feeling within my body.

So, if I want to work with (instead of against)the natural flow of my

body finding a sense of peace/equilibrium by experiencing the emotion

and letting the emotions transform naturally, there are a variety of

techniques that I've learned.

For example, this situation with my mom yesterday invoked rage. In the

past, I would hold the tears in and try to hold myself together by not

displaying any emotion. Now, I give attention to my breath and I sense

into an image that really speaks to what I'm feeling in the moment. My

intuition/felt sense provided an image of a raging river...I flowed

with that river for a while and then the image changes on it's own as

my body calms itself...and the river starts to slow. When I don't

align myself with the process of calming down...I find that those

thoughts creep in and re-agitate me...sometimes I let this happen.

Though now, I see my hunger signals as a priority that encourages me

to find a sense of calm within my body, even for a brief time, in

order to respond to my biological needs. I can always go back to being

upset, if I want too.

Alot of the images I use are directly related to my psychological

issues. Each of us can find images that help create a sense of peace,

well-being and support within ourselves. Similar to what Gail has been

sharing about her sweet wild child, for years I've visualized an image

of a child and hugged that child or kissed her on the forehead and

it's helped me feel better in different situations.

Oftentimes, I don't use traditional images in my visualizaton. I

learned this other technique by Levine, who's a psychologist and

more. Say, you're experiencing an emotion like anger, anxiety, or

helplessness, you can try to find a place in your body like your

finger or the tip of your nose where you don't feel that emotion.

Then, really feel the " negative " emotion AND the calm at the tip of

your nose at the same time... says to let the two feelings sort

of rest up against each other...and I've found that like he

indicates...my body shifts into a more calm state. It's sorta like

internal body therapy...you give your body a calm state you want to

feel...and the body finds it's way there. He also suggests remembering

a past situation/experience of calm/peace, let the feelings of calm

and peace well up in your body and then allow the feeling of the

negative emotion to come back...and again feel both set of feelings at

the same time...letting them rest against each other...and

again...I've found that this technique does help my body shift into a

more calm state.

The type and intensity of the emotion along with my intuition and felt

sense of what's going on determines what I do. With the rage I was

feeling yesterday, some type of physical movement like actually

punching something or going for a walk would have helped me process

through the emotions more quickly. Also, I've found that drinking

water helps. When I'm dehydrated, I feel like my emotions tend to

stagnate more. I kind of imagine that my emotions are pumping through

my blood stream and the water helps them circulate and flow out of me

more quickly. Like IE, you find whatever works for you! More and more

I've been able to work with my body's processes for calming instead of

against them.

Hope that makes sense.

Latoya:)

[Guest guest]

Are we the only ones left? (31 year old single women that is!) I enjoy being single too!!

Bonnie

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Monday, December 1, 2008 3:46:59 PMSubject: Re: Eating While Overwhelmed With Emotions

Bonnie and Kip, I know that feeling too. I loved that feeling of intense sweetness and excitement that caused me to lose my appetite. For me, it was like being feed by the energy of the relationship. ..this has only happened once for me in my early twenties. Coincidentally, I'm also 31 and single and I really enjoy the openess and flexibility that singlehood affords me. Latoya:)>> Kip,> > Exactly!! I hate that feeling. Good thing it doesn't happen very > often!> > > Bonnie

[Guest guest]

Yes I think we are the only 31 year old single women left!! It sucks because all my friends are married and "have to ask permission" before they do anything. Not actually ask permission but discuss stuff with their husbands before they go out for the evening for example. I love being able to do whatever I want whenever I want. The worst thing about being single is the loneliness. I crave company sometimes but then when I am around people I want to go home to the peace and quiet!

Kipkabob

(Intuitive eating since September 2006)

Subject: Re: Re: Eating While Overwhelmed With EmotionsTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Received: Monday, December 1, 2008, 11:09 PM

Are we the only ones left? (31 year old single women that is!) I enjoy being single too!!

Bonnie

From: latoyajw <latoyajwyahoo (DOT) com>To: IntuitiveEating_ Support@yahoogro ups.comSent: Monday, December 1, 2008 3:46:59 PMSubject: [intuitiveEating_ Support] Re: Eating While Overwhelmed With Emotions

Bonnie and Kip, I know that feeling too. I loved that feeling of intense sweetness and excitement that caused me to lose my appetite. For me, it was like being feed by the energy of the relationship. ..this has only happened once for me in my early twenties. Coincidentally, I'm also 31 and single and I really enjoy the openess and flexibility that singlehood affords me. Latoya:)>> Kip,> > Exactly!! I hate that feeling. Good thing it doesn't happen very > often!> > > Bonnie

Looking for the perfect gift? Give the gift of Flickr!

[Guest guest]

Wow- I'm 31 and single too! No way are we a dying breed!

Subject: Re: Re: Eating While Overwhelmed With EmotionsTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Monday, December 1, 2008, 11:09 PM

Are we the only ones left? (31 year old single women that is!) I enjoy being single too!!

Bonnie

From: latoyajw <latoyajwyahoo (DOT) com>To: IntuitiveEating_ Support@yahoogro ups.comSent: Monday, December 1, 2008 3:46:59 PMSubject: [intuitiveEating_ Support] Re: Eating While Overwhelmed With Emotions

Bonnie and Kip, I know that feeling too. I loved that feeling of intense sweetness and excitement that caused me to lose my appetite. For me, it was like being feed by the energy of the relationship. ..this has only happened once for me in my early twenties. Coincidentally, I'm also 31 and single and I really enjoy the openess and flexibility that singlehood affords me. Latoya:)>> Kip,> > Exactly!! I hate that feeling. Good thing it doesn't happen very > often!> > > Bonnie

[Guest guest]

Another single person here! I'm 34... and I love it, too! If I'm going to couple off with someone, they will have to be EVEN MORE fabulous than being single is.

I think someone else said this, but IE is really helping me with getting to a better place with myself, which is better for dating. I've been working on saying positive things to my body, and being grateful for all the great things it does, and I think making peace there gives me energy to reach out to others.

On Mon, Dec 1, 2008 at 11:09 PM, Intuitive.Eater. In.Training wrote:

Are we the only ones left? (31 year old single women that is!) I enjoy being single too!!

Bonnie

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Sent: Monday, December 1, 2008 3:46:59 PMSubject: Re: Eating While Overwhelmed With Emotions

Bonnie and Kip, I know that feeling too. I loved that feeling of intense sweetness and excitement that caused me to lose my appetite. For me, it was like being feed by the energy of the relationship. ..this has

only happened once for me in my early twenties. Coincidentally, I'm also 31 and single and I really enjoy the openess and flexibility that singlehood affords me. Latoya:)>> Kip,> > Exactly!! I hate that feeling. Good thing it doesn't happen very > often!> > > Bonnie

-- Abigail C. Wolfson, CPNP

LICH School Based Health CenterBNS/BCS610 Henry Street, Room 209Brooklyn, NY 11231 (fax)

[Guest guest]

Hey Kip,

You know, my girl friends are pretty good about finding time to hang out, but it is mostly when their husbands have already made plans for themselves without their wives. For some reason, guys don't feel like they have to check with their ladies before they make their own plans! My best friend and her husband are Amazing, though. She always makes plans with me, and never worries about what her hubby thinks. They pretty much have their friends over every Friday and Saturday night, and they never fight!! I want to be just like them. They have a great relationship!

Bonnie

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tuesday, December 2, 2008 6:31:25 AMSubject: Re: Re: Eating While Overwhelmed With Emotions

Yes I think we are the only 31 year old single women left!! It sucks because all my friends are married and "have to ask permission" before they do anything. Not actually ask permission but discuss stuff with their husbands before they go out for the evening for example. I love being able to do whatever I want whenever I want. The worst thing about being single is the loneliness. I crave company sometimes but then when I am around people I want to go home to the peace and quiet!

Kipkabob

(Intuitive eating since September 2006)

From: Intuitive.Eater. In.Training <intuitiveeater. intraining@ yahoo.com>Subject: Re: [intuitiveEating_ Support] Re: Eating While Overwhelmed With EmotionsTo: IntuitiveEating_ Support@yahoogro ups.comReceived: Monday, December 1, 2008, 11:09 PM

Are we the only ones left? (31 year old single women that is!) I enjoy being single too!!

Bonnie

From: latoyajw <latoyajwyahoo (DOT) com>To: IntuitiveEating_ Support@yahoogro ups.comSent: Monday, December 1, 2008 3:46:59 PMSubject: [intuitiveEating_ Support] Re: Eating While Overwhelmed With Emotions

Bonnie and Kip, I know that feeling too. I loved that feeling of intense sweetness and excitement that caused me to lose my appetite. For me, it was like being feed by the energy of the relationship. ..this has only happened once for me in my early twenties. Coincidentally, I'm also 31 and single and I really enjoy the openess and flexibility that singlehood affords me. Latoya:)>> Kip,> > Exactly!! I hate that feeling. Good thing it doesn't happen very > often!> > >

Bonnie

Looking for the perfect gift? Give the gift of Flickr!

[Guest guest]

.. I'll look forward to your recommendations. Meanwhile, I'll check out his website.Thanksjudi

Judi,

Dealing with emotions with intention is unchartered waters for most of

us...so it can be a scary process...especially in the beginning. It's

similar to some aspects of IE, it's scary for people to give

up " dieting " , to " feel hunger " , and to make peace with food. My

intuition and paying attention to my body has been crucial in both

processes so that I take care of myself and don't overwhelm

myself...that I don't try to jump from point A to point G.

Let me think about some books and websites. I learned about Levine's

work when I was doing some research into dealing with trauma for a

school project. 's speciality is trauma and the healing of

trauma...his website is http://www.traumahealing.com. I went to the

site this morning to see if I would recommend it and found a really

cool excerpt of an article called Emotional First Aid. However, most

of the article, his book, Waking the Tiger, and his approach, Somatic

Experiencing, focuses on trauma prevention and resolution, though it

really does have broad applications in the area of dealing with

physiological states in the body. This dialogue is helping bring some

things into focus for me, so thank you. Give me a few days and I'll

let you know what comes to me.

Latoya