To parents feeling guilty

[Guest guest]

Hi friends,

i can't remember who I was trying to respond to but I wanted to encourage you.

I had a mom who had RA adn i was diagnosed when I was 22. i have lived with it

now for 26 yrs.

Anyway-my mom was severely crippled, deformed, handicapped. She was diagnosed

when I was 6 and by age 8 she began teaching me how to do all the household

chores so I could take over. Within that year I started doing it all. There some

meals she could make, and she could fold laundry, and love her children.

Cleaning was out. Her hands were very gnarly, her feet painful(an dI am sure

uncomfortable in those Dr scholl shoes). I dressed her, combed her hair, lifted

her out of chairs by the time I was 16. She had knees replaced and hips. She

gardened for as long as she could. She attended church and bible studies and was

a friend to many. She was an encourager. Her friends never heard her complain.

Us kids certainly didn't. Mom went to basketball and football games with my dad

as long as she could. But, steps became impossible.

My mom said her RA was a blessing because it made her stronger in her faith.

Did i want a healthy, " normal " mother like the rest of the kids had? Did i

wish she could attend my sports events? Did I wish I didn't have to take care of

her and watch her slowly melt away? YES!!!!!! 100 times yes. But, because of her

condition and my caring for her we were close. I would NEVER take back those

years of caring and assisting her. I know she did the best she could given her

health. I miss her terribly.

She had what was supposed to be the best care then-Mayo CLinic in MN. She had

her last surgery and 3 months of her life there. She came home Memorial Day 1978

with a clean bill of health. By June 13 she died. Her dr from Mayo called to see

how she was doing and he was stunned to learn of her death. It was unforeseen.

I miss my mom every day. But, because I saw her example of dealing the best

with her disease and raising us 5 kids i will forever have the utmost respect

for her. I am grateful that after all these years I still am not in the

condition she was in.

PLEASE, PLEASE don't guilt yourself for your disease and how it impacts your

kids. You never know how strong it will make them as adults. You will never know

how much they truly love you and wish for 1000 reasons that you weren't sick.

But, if it came to having you with this disease or not having you at all-they

would take the disease.

Because i was diagnosed early I chose not to marry or have a family. But,

that was my decision. I didn't want children to endure what I had to. But, all

these years later i wish I had made a different decision.

psycho4chitown