relationships

[Guest guest]

Go, AntJoan! However, I'm learning to " play the game " at work and will

continue to do so, as long as neither my integrity or health is damaged. As

regards physicians, I say respect their knowledge, but feel free to point

out your observations, based on research, and challenge them to refute your

proposed course of action. We KNOW how we feel and what we think might make

us feel better, but sometimes a little knowledge is a dangerous thing and we

need guides on our journeys towards wellness. If a doctor dismisses your

questions or suggestions, find another! There ARE some who don't have a

God-complex, or aren't simply motivated by the dollar, and I've been

fortunate to find a couple who REALLY seem to have my physical/mental

well-being as a motivating factor for practicing medicine. Remember,

they're just " practicing " and can learn from us, as well!

- Bonner

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/13/2004 6:55:58 PM Eastern Standard Time,

Aunt617@... writes:

I would like to hear successful relationship stories from

anyone who would like to share.

I am 25 and have been with my husband for close to 9 years now, married for

7. We have a beautiful, healthy 7 month old daughter named Olivia. We are

generally pretty happy, the only drawback is that we hardly get any time apart.

I think we cope remarkably well. I won't say there aren't times I want to

strangle him (and vice versa,) but he is truly my best bud.

*Amy*

Mother to Caitlyn Mae - born to heaven 3/26/98

Olivia Isabelle - born to earth 9/18/03

Wife to Will 11/03/95

http://community.webshots.com/user/blueyedaze

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Steve and I have been together about 4 years and married 2 1/2 years.

I don't think any relationship is perfect but I think our relationship

is successful. How we met....he IMed me one evening when I was

checking my email and we started chatting. We had a long distance

relationship for a year (large phone bills and frequent flyer miles),

he had lots of chances to break up with me, but instead he came to

visit on Valentine's Day and proposed. We've been together ever

since.

The only scary part I worry about is how he will handle it when I've

passed on. It's something that he doesn't want to think about. My

sister also has SMA and she is also married 17 years this year, her

story is a bit different from mine because I never prayed for a hubby,

he kind of fell in my lap. If you want to see her story let me know

and I'll send a link to my website, there is a link to her website

there. Just to be warned both websites have religious content.

Simone

> I'm a 52 year old woman with SMA. I have never married and have

found

> relationships to be very difficult finding and maintaining. I have

> been hurt and disappointment in relationships more times than I

could

> count. I would like to hear successful relationship stories from

> anyone who would like to share.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hey Simone,

It sounds like you both have sweet stories. I'd love to see your website,

so please send me the link.

Hey and all my favorite SMAckers,

In regards to the relationship question, it has been about 4 years since my

last relationship. He and I were best friends, then we dated, and

eventually, it just wasn't meant to be. But our relationships with God were

what made us close in the first place, and we're still friends, although not

as close as before because of lots of things, mostly just different lives in

different cities. Now, I am focusing on building my relationship with

Jesus, hoping that my future husband is doing the same in his life. When

the time is right, I believe God will introduce us...if we haven't already

met. ;-)

Blessings,

Holly

Re: Relationships

> Hi ,

>

> Steve and I have been together about 4 years and married 2 1/2 years.

> I don't think any relationship is perfect but I think our relationship

> is successful. How we met....he IMed me one evening when I was

> checking my email and we started chatting. We had a long distance

> relationship for a year (large phone bills and frequent flyer miles),

> he had lots of chances to break up with me, but instead he came to

> visit on Valentine's Day and proposed. We've been together ever

> since.

>

> The only scary part I worry about is how he will handle it when I've

> passed on. It's something that he doesn't want to think about. My

> sister also has SMA and she is also married 17 years this year, her

> story is a bit different from mine because I never prayed for a hubby,

> he kind of fell in my lap. If you want to see her story let me know

> and I'll send a link to my website, there is a link to her website

> there. Just to be warned both websites have religious content.

>

> Simone

>

>

>

> > I'm a 52 year old woman with SMA. I have never married and have

> found

> > relationships to be very difficult finding and maintaining. I have

> > been hurt and disappointment in relationships more times than I

> could

> > count. I would like to hear successful relationship stories from

> > anyone who would like to share.

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

> A FEW RULES

>

> * The list members come from many backgrounds, ages and beliefs So all

> members most be tolerant and respectful to all members.

>

> * Some adult language and topics (like sexual health, swearing..) may

> occur occasionally in emails. Over use of inappropriate language will

> not be allowed. If your under 16 ask your parents/gaurdian before you

> join the list.

>

> * No SPAMMING or sending numerous emails unrelated to the topics of

> spinal muscular atrophy, health, and the daily issues of the disabled.

>

> Post message:

> Subscribe: -subscribe

> Unsubscribe: -unsubscribe

>

> List manager: (Sexy Mature Artist) Email: Esma1999@...

>

>

>

>

> oogroups.com

>

> List manager: (Sexy Mature Artist) Email: Esma1999@...

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

Chuck & I met on www.match.com 3 1/2 years ago. I'd had other

relationships before, but none ever worked out that well and one was even a

disaster. I'd be happy to share my ad that he responded to if you like -

off list.

During the year before I met Chuck I made a lot of emotional changes in my

life. I focused on being good at what I do and worked harder at not

spreading myself too thin. I made a renewed commitment to be honest with

myself knowing this would better enable me to be honest with others. My

ability as a direct communicator improved and my confidence grew. My

friendships became stronger and I promised myself that my friendships

wouldn't suffer if I started dating someone. At some point I realized that

I had a lot to offer in a romantic relationship, that I didn't have to

" settle " , that I am beautiful, and that a healthy relationship would

enhance my life - not be my life.

I think this confidence and independence is some of what attracted Chuck to

me, and he has similar qualities and values making him pretty irresistible

to me. We have some challenges, as all couples do, though, they don't

shake my confidence in our relationship because of our honesty with each

other backed up with compassion.

It's been a long road towards believing in myself before I was truly ready

for a relationship - It was worth the wait and mistakes to get it right.

Cheers!

Alana

*****

Alana R. Theriault

alrt@...

AOL AIM: althegrrl

http://home.earthlink.net/~alrt

[Guest guest]

Yes, Simone I'd love the links to both websites.

[Guest guest]

I've been hearing lots of successful relationship stories and that's

fantastic. How about the other side now, stories from those of us who have had

unsuccesful relationships or have had great difficulty finding or maintaining

relationships. I'm 52 and still searching. My relationships have been brief.

It's

extremely frustrating when every relationship ends before you ever really get it

off the ground. As a result, I have been lonely and have had very little

affection and sex in my life. When I was younger, I had poor self-esteem. It

took

me years to grow and feel better about myself, so naturally I couldn't have

good relationships if I was uncomfortable with myself. Even now, though, I'm

having problems with the few relationships I have had. Are there similar stories

out there?

[Guest guest]

I completely understand . I know I'm a beautiful girl, but if that's so

true, why haven't I experienced love or dating yet? I know the chair scares

men, and my size doesn't help! I have this nurse that's really cute who goes

to school w/ me and it bothers me that she gets so much attention from men,

and she dont attend the damn school. I've chatted with several guys online but

the downfall is always they are too far away The sex issue has really

gotten to me lately. We are all sexual beings, and speaking for myself, it's a

miserable life not to be able to " realease! " Sometimes I feel like the sex is

one of the REAL REASONS I want a boyfriend so bad, but then again I am craving

companionship and love from someone outside my circle. My counselor suggests

that I join a church singles group, but I'm not sold on the idea yet. My

friend thinks guys don't approach me because I'm too pretty and that intimidates

a

lot of men, she says she has the same problem! Lately, I've been trying to

figure out a way I can get out with my peers more, maybe if I was out a lot

more I could meet more people and guys might approach me. I've had a few people

tell me they were afraid to talk to me if I had certain nurse with me because

they looked mean. In my opinion, none of my nurses look mean, but whatever!

Ok I've vented enough.

Sincerely,

s, the Unique Princess.

[Guest guest]

I have SMA 2, am 33, have been married almost 13 years, and have two

daughters, Emili (10 yrs) & Ravyn (6yrs).

My website is: http://www.isoc.net/brokeninside/nekrosys/

[Guest guest]

s,

I can relate to what you're saying. The sexual urges can become unbearable.

May I ask your age? I'm 52 and have had sex in my life, but never had an active

sex life. Not to sound too personal, if you're able to masturbate, it can be

a great release, but it doesn't satisfy the need for companionship, intimacy,

and love.

Don't give up. Know that you're a beautiful person and when a guy comes into

your life that shows some interest, feel comfortable enough to discuss your

disability with him. Be very honest and open.

[Guest guest]

Well Ian and I will be getting married in just over 1 week Friday the 23rd and

we will have been together for 2 years April 26th and have Oliver and Josh and

Tom and Elliott, we spend all our time together and now we will be working

together to as of 27th April, we love it but I think we both need some us time

apart sometimes.

We wouldn't change things we are happy, we may wish to change some of the people

that work here on occasion.

Ian and Sonya

blueyedaze@... wrote:

In a message dated 4/13/2004 6:55:58 PM Eastern Standard Time,

Aunt617@... writes:

I would like to hear successful relationship stories from

anyone who would like to share.

I am 25 and have been with my husband for close to 9 years now, married for

7. We have a beautiful, healthy 7 month old daughter named Olivia. We are

generally pretty happy, the only drawback is that we hardly get any time apart.

I think we cope remarkably well. I won't say there aren't times I want to

strangle him (and vice versa,) but he is truly my best bud.

*Amy*

Mother to Caitlyn Mae - born to heaven 3/26/98

Olivia Isabelle - born to earth 9/18/03

Wife to Will 11/03/95

http://community.webshots.com/user/blueyedaze

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/17/2004 8:20:00 PM Eastern Standard Time,

Aunt617@... writes:

s,

I can relate to what you're saying. The sexual urges can become unbearable.

May I ask your age? I'm 52 and have had sex in my life, but never had an

active

sex life. Not to sound too personal, if you're able to masturbate, it can be

a great release, but it doesn't satisfy the need for companionship, intimacy,

and love.

Don't give up. Know that you're a beautiful person and when a guy comes into

your life that shows some interest, feel comfortable enough to discuss your

disability with him. Be very honest and open.

Just turned 21 in March! Unfortunately, I'm not strong enuff physically to

masterbate.Someone helped me with positioning a vibrator once, but it wouldn't

stay where I needed it. It sucks!

Sincerely,

s, the Unique Princess.

[Guest guest]

,

I too have a successful relationship but it is much different than the ones

posted. my bf is disabled and has DMD. although there r limitations to things

we can do, we have a great relationship emotionally and physically. i have

dated able bodied guys too and eric my current bf is the best relationship I

have ever had. he is much weaker than me so i actually get to be the dominant

one in the relationship for a change and i think it suits me better

personality wise. feel free to ask any quests that i havent answered.

kimi

[Guest guest]

Yes, there is a problem with privacy when living with parents. I'm 52 and

live in an apartment in my parent's house. There is a door between the

apartments

and if I have company, I make sure the door is closed. I have told my

parents, when I had a guy over, that I wanted privacy and that I was having a

date at

home. I did not have this apartment until I was 47. Before that the apartment

was my grandma's. When I did have a guy over, we stayed in my parent's

livingroom. In those days, I would never have considered having sex in my

bedroom,

as I knew my parents would be against that and I would feel uncomfortable in

such close quarters. Now with this apartment and considering that I'm an old

lady, I will make love in my apartment if I want to (but I don't have anyone,

anyway!). Now my problem is having an aide around. Yuk! I don't have one at

night, but between 10-6, she's here and we're in 3 small rooms. The best place

to

be truly private is out of the house, but sometimes it's difficult getting

out.I'm in New York and winter nights are freezing. I prefer being in. Then

there's transportation problems when you have a motorized chair that doesn't

fold

and can't go into the man's car. I did let a man use my dad's van, but it took

lots of coaxing to get my dad to let him drive the van. There are many problems

associated with relationships and disabilities.

[Guest guest]

Doug wrote:

> To those of you who have had trouble with rel0ationships and meeting

> people, did you live for an extended period at home with parents?

I got out of my parents' house ASAP. It greatly enhanced my dating life

- ie. I had one.

[Guest guest]

Doug,

I lived with my mother until she died 3 years ago. Except for the last

15 years she was my only caregiver. The last ten years of her life she

had Alzheimers and I had to care for her. But as long as she was in her

right mind she was very possessive of me and jealous of any friends of

mine, especially male ones. I fought her for years and was never able to

have anyone in our home. I could sometimes sneak out and stay with

friends but it was a rare occurrence. I would have had a much easier

time with relationships if I had broken away from her sooner. When I got

Aids to care for me they were all happy with my relationships and glad

to help me get away from my mother. Of course I am lucky enough to be

loved by a man, Mike, who would put up with all this deception and have

lived with him for over 10 years. But if I had my life to live over

again, I would never live with my mother and all her restrictions.

Pamela

[Guest guest]

I never had problems with my parents concerning having friends over, even

men. My mother, especially, encouraged me to get boyfriends. My dad, being a dad

and being over-protective of his disabled daughter, was not really thrilled

with my being interested in any man, but never forbade me. It wasn't until I

was 51 (last year) that my dad was actually happy I had a boyfriend.

Unfortunately, the relationship (like all the other ones) didn't work out.

[Guest guest]

Same with me, ! --> I got out of my parents' house ASAP. It greatly

enhanced my dating life

- ie. I had one.

College was great for dating! I met my husband there....lived in the same

dorm (how convenient!).

Lori

Re: Relationships

Doug wrote:

> To those of you who have had trouble with rel0ationships and meeting

> people, did you live for an extended period at home with parents?

I got out of my parents' house ASAP. It greatly enhanced my dating life

- ie. I had one.

A FEW RULES

* The list members come from many backgrounds, ages and beliefs So all

members most be tolerant and respectful to all members.

* Some adult language and topics (like sexual health, swearing..) may

occur occasionally in emails. Over use of inappropriate language will

not be allowed. If your under 16 ask your parents/gaurdian before you

join the list.

* No SPAMMING or sending numerous emails unrelated to the topics of

spinal muscular atrophy, health, and the daily issues of the disabled.

Post message:

Subscribe: -subscribe

Unsubscribe: -unsubscribe

List manager: (Sexy Mature Artist) Email: Esma1999@...

oogroups.com

List manager: (Sexy Mature Artist) Email: Esma1999@...

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/20/2004 9:43:07 PM Eastern Standard Time,

abrcrombsweetie@... writes:

I think I am pretty... I have a good sense of humor

and I am confident in myself, but guys cant seem to

see past the wheelchair. I just hope that someday God

will send the right guy to me. In the meantime, I dont

like being lonely....

Yea I'm trying to believe that too.

Sincerely,

s, the Unique Princess.

[Guest guest]

,

Thanks for your encouragement, but at 52, I'm still searching for that

special man. Some men seem not to care at the very beginning, but when they're

faced

with the day-to-day reality of the disability, it's difficult to handle. I

know that nothing is impossible and, believe it or not, I still have hope. Yes,

I've had a few relationships and yes, I've been in love, but obstacles have

gotten in the way.

For those of you who have found your significant other, I say WOW!, but for

most of us, it's been a difficult road. I'm still trying, though, and I've

learned (maybe too late in life) to be very open and honest concerning my

disability and to talk about these issues with prospective love interests.

Be well all.

[Guest guest]

Hello-

To all of these women waiting for a man to see past there wheelchair...Don't

worry there are a lot of men out there who see past wheelchairs. It will

happen for you.

_________________________________________________________________

Is your PC infected? Get a FREE online computer virus scan from McAfee®

Security. http://clinic.mcafee.com/clinic/ibuy/campaign.asp?cid=3963

[Guest guest]

I would love to see some of the partners/spouses chime in on this coversation

(hint hint Chuck - you know to whom I'm referring, Sweetie Pie ;-p ). I know

that there's a decision that is made by partners - that the relationship is

worth dealing with all the day-to-day difficulties of living with a disability.

What makes or breaks that decision for you?

Alana

Re: Relationships

,

Thanks for your encouragement, but at 52, I'm still searching for that

special man. Some men seem not to care at the very beginning, but when they're

faced

with the day-to-day reality of the disability, it's difficult to handle. I

know that nothing is impossible and, believe it or not, I still have hope. Yes,

I've had a few relationships and yes, I've been in love, but obstacles have

gotten in the way.

For those of you who have found your significant other, I say WOW!, but for

most of us, it's been a difficult road. I'm still trying, though, and I've

learned (maybe too late in life) to be very open and honest concerning my

disability and to talk about these issues with prospective love interests.

Be well all.

[Guest guest]

Alana, and all,

" partners...What makes or breaks that decision for you? "

This was a good question! I eagerly await hearing some answers, as I too

have wondered the same thing. So some of you, please answer! :-)

Blessings,

Holly

Re: Relationships

>

> ,

>

> Thanks for your encouragement, but at 52, I'm still searching for that

> special man. Some men seem not to care at the very beginning, but when

they're faced

> with the day-to-day reality of the disability, it's difficult to handle. I

> know that nothing is impossible and, believe it or not, I still have hope.

Yes,

> I've had a few relationships and yes, I've been in love, but obstacles

have

> gotten in the way.

>

> For those of you who have found your significant other, I say WOW!, but

for

> most of us, it's been a difficult road. I'm still trying, though, and I've

> learned (maybe too late in life) to be very open and honest concerning my

> disability and to talk about these issues with prospective love interests.

>

> Be well all.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hmm, I suppose having a girlfriend who doesn't yank me out of

lurkerdom and lets me chose all the movies is a big part of it.

Err. Maybe not.

I dunno. I think the one thing that stands out is that when I was

kinda freaking out in the beginning, Alana was really direct about

dealing with what was bothering me. The reality of it all can be a

bit overwhelming at first, dealing with social expectations, fears

about becoming a caregiver, fears about your partner dying, on top of

all the stuff that naturally comes with a new rleationship. So it

really helped to talk out some of it.

It also helped me alot that her independence was so important to her,

and that she wanted her care stuff seperate from our relationship.

It's not that I mind doing care, and don't help sometimes, but I

suspect it worked better for us to keep that seperate at first and

test those waters more slowly.

And of course it helps that she's a sweetie.

> I would love to see some of the partners/spouses chime in on this

coversation (hint hint Chuck - you know to whom I'm referring,

Sweetie Pie ;-p ). I know that there's a decision that is made by

partners - that the relationship is worth dealing with all the day-to-

day difficulties of living with a disability. What makes or breaks

that decision for you?

>

> Alana

>

> Re: Relationships

>

> ,

>

> Thanks for your encouragement, but at 52, I'm still searching for

that

> special man. Some men seem not to care at the very beginning, but

when they're faced

> with the day-to-day reality of the disability, it's difficult to

handle. I

> know that nothing is impossible and, believe it or not, I still

have hope. Yes,

> I've had a few relationships and yes, I've been in love, but

obstacles have

> gotten in the way.

>

> For those of you who have found your significant other, I say WOW!,

but for

> most of us, it's been a difficult road. I'm still trying, though,

and I've

> learned (maybe too late in life) to be very open and honest

concerning my

> disability and to talk about these issues with prospective love

interests.

>

> Be well all.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Alot of us meet each other at hepfests or in hepsingles groups - We have made

many great friends by searching out other heppers in our area and I met my

husband 4 yrs ago in Hepsingles on line but they changed the name to

NewHepSingles

Anyway, I don't believe this is an STD but people are ignorant so I just

avoided the whole deal - Good Luck - Hugs, Kerry