relationships

[Guest guest]

I am so sorry to hear about your experience. I totally understand what you are

going through and how awful it can be when you are dating and feel a

responsiblity to be honest about your condition. I am in a serious relationship

now, but dated for quite a while and every time I thought that the relationship

might be going somewhere I shared about my hep C. I never had anyone freak out

on me...I guess I'm fortunate. I also printed out information on studies that

have been conducted about sexual transmission in monogomous couples, etc.... It

is not an STD! If you are stupid and sleep around and practice " unsafe " sexual

practices or have sex that could possibly bring each others blood in contact

with one another then yes....there is a chance you could transmit it. BLOOD on

BLOOD......that is it. Blood is the key in every route of transmission as far I

I know. Somebody please correct me if I'm wrong. To be honest with you....I'm

very careful, even in my own house. I make sure I

keep all of my nail clippers, tweezers, razors, etc.....completely separate

from everyone elses. My stuff is put up where others (we have small kids in and

out who don't descriminate about using one anothers tooth brush-ha!) cannot get

to it mistakenly. Ignorant people (and by ignorant I mean those who don't even

try to educate themselves about something) completely annoy me and honestly, who

needs them? Not you. You will find someone eventually who takes the time to

understand and realizes your worth it.

Sincerely,

smithlcsw <smithlcsw@...> wrote:

Hi Everyone. I have HCV and haven't had an intimate relationship in

a long time. I was dating someone that would not kiss me after I

told him that I had HCV. He just avoided doing so and never was

straight forward about his fears. I would like to know how to go

about meeting men who may be interested in a relationship and

eventually maybe a serious relationship. This is the most traumatic

efffect of the disease to me. I welcome any and all suggestions. I

hope I am not invading boundaries by posting such a question on this

site. I have only just joined and this is specifically why I did

so. Thanks for your support and feedback.

[Guest guest]

> Hi Everyone. I have HCV and haven't had an intimate

relationship in

> a long time. I was dating someone that would not kiss me

after I

> told him that I had HCV. He just avoided doing so and never

was

> straight forward about his fears. I would like to know how to go

> about meeting men who may be interested in a relationship

and

> eventually maybe a serious relationship. This is the most

traumatic

> efffect of the disease to me. I welcome any and all

suggestions. I

> hope I am not invading boundaries by posting such a question

on this

> site. I have only just joined and this is specifically why I did

> so. Thanks for your support and feedback.

[Guest guest]

Oops, don't know what happened to the reply I sent but it's not

there.

I just wanted to say that most people don't understand that Hep.

C is not transmitted that way.

My friend's husband never gave it to her in 20 + years of

marriage. I hope you find someone who is NOT controlled by

fear...and very mature...best wishes !

Dena

[Guest guest]

Hey, we both should have something better to do on a Saturday night

than read this board! (Actually, I'm just killing time before

clubbing tonight - my first night out to party since breaking up.)

The doc warned me about Roid Rage when he started me on AndroGel. I

was very cautious about looking for it, and never noticed any unusual

anger. I think maybe my E2 went up too fast for that to happen, I got

weepy, and hornier than ever, but never any unusual anger.

Actually, I have been a bit more aggressive on the freeways, even

resorting to flipping people off who cut me off, and chasing after one

guy who nearly ran me into the center divider when he drove his hughe

pickup truck right between my car in the number one lane, and the car

next to me in the number 2 lane, just like he was on a motorcycle!!!

Of course, road rage is quite common on Los Angeles freeways, so it

could have been the Testosterone, or just Darwinism at work.

> It's easy to do impulsive things when we start feeling changes of

> therapy. Also I don't know about others here but part of the early T

> therapy for me was a touch of what weight lifters call andro-rage. Not

> uncontrolled or physical anger, but a touch trigger on a few things -

> that certainly didn't help. That seems to fade with time on T. But I

> wonder sometimes. I'm a bit more irritable than I was off it. Shoot I

> was so complacent before T, nothing could really rile me.

[Guest guest]

Bobby thank you when my Grandfather got off the boat at Ellis Island in New York

they asked him his last name and when he told them they pointed to a map at

Georgian Bay and told him that is his new last name. He is Romian and

enstein, the Wolf Man and Dracula are all his friends :-(. But I am always

asked if I am from Armenia. I still to this day can not say my Grandfathers

last real name.

Phil

bobbycfromep <clark.hypog@...> wrote:

Phil,

I forgot to congratulate you and wish you a happy anniversary. I

know you had mentioned this the other day but I forgot. Glad to hear

things are turning around. My wife (we've been married just 28

years - I'm just a youngster :-} ) and I have gone through some

pretty heated arguments and she's thought sometimes that I was just

lazy. Once she saw a change due to the higher testosterone levels we

were able to talk more about our attitudes towards each other.

Anyways, Happy Anniversary...!

Bobby

P.S. Is Georgian an Armenia name? My mother was of Armenia descent.

> > >

> > >>I will let you know as soon as I get the results. I have

> > an appointment with the doc a week after the test. When I

> > say the endocrinologist on the first visit, based on the

> > intial blood work done by my internist, she felt that I have

> > had hypogonadism for 7-8 years in her opinion. Can any of

> > you tell me how your wives, girlfriends etc. handle a mans

> > lack of interest in sex? It has really damaged my marriage,

> > I do not know if my wife and I can ever get close again since

> > I have pushed her away for the last 4 years! I am glad

> > that I am finding out now that I have a problem but that

> > doesn't change my wifes female desires and needs for intimacy?

> > >

> > >

> > >There's hope. T brought back my interest tremendously. Some of

the

> > >guidelines on T therapy suggest counseling for the wife to deal

with

> > >the new constant sexual interest of their partner. I imagine

that

> > >will be a pleasant change.

> > >

> > >The big change for me and my wife was the low energy and low

> > ambition

> > >from low T led to a lot of resentment from her for my failure to

get

> > >things done. Work around the house, and repairs fell behind.

She

> > >thought I was lazy and worthless and resented me for it.

> > >

> > >When the energy came back it still took some time to work

> > through the

> > >resentment issues and anger. They'd accumulated over years and

they

> > >don't just evaporate on feeling better. My wife had to learn

> > >emotionally that this period was an illness and medical

> > condition - not

> > >a moral failing or weakness. She could grasp it intellectually

> > >some times, but couldn't let go of the anger over lost time,

> > etc. It

> > >took some work. And the occasional therapy hiccup or set back

(high

> > >E2 for example) could bring a lot of the buried anger right back.

> > >There's also some issues about the changes not all coming at

once.

> > >I've been on T for about two years now, and in the beginning

> > there were

> > >some quick noticeable changes. But this led to the hope

> > from her (and

> > >me) that everything would get better immediately. And some

> > of it takes

> > >time. Finding the right T levels and E2 levels for example. And

then

> > >the physiology can take months to get where it should be.

> > >

> > >Anyway I think marriage counseling and maybe personal counseling

as

> > >therapy starts (or before) helps deal with a lot of strange

> > issues from

> > >this condition. But trust me - you're on the road to a

> > better life now

> > >that they know you have low T. Now it's just a matter of time

and

> > >adjustment.

> > >

> > >Keep in touch here. There's over 1,000 guys like you here (and

some

> > >wives and partners posting too!) . They're all here to help.

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Thanks

Phil

rndchemist@... wrote:

Phil:

I also forgot to wish you a happy anniversary!!! With all my downs lately I

think my manners were down the toilet together with my T levels.

I sincerely hope my wife and I will make it to that anniversary (16 years and

counting!!)

Best regards to you and the Mrs!!!

Flaco!

" bobbycfromep " <clark.hypog@...> wrote:

>Phil,

>

>I forgot to congratulate you and wish you a happy anniversary. I

>know you had mentioned this the other day but I forgot. Glad to hear

>things are turning around. My wife (we've been married just 28

>years - I'm just a youngster :-} ) and I have gone through some

>pretty heated arguments and she's thought sometimes that I was just

>lazy. Once she saw a change due to the higher testosterone levels we

>were able to talk more about our attitudes towards each other.

>Anyways, Happy Anniversary...!

>

>Bobby

>

>P.S. Is Georgian an Armenia name? My mother was of Armenia descent.

>

>

>> > >

>> > >>I will let you know as soon as I get the results. I have

>> > an appointment with the doc a week after the test. When I

>> > say the endocrinologist on the first visit, based on the

>> > intial blood work done by my internist, she felt that I have

>> > had hypogonadism for 7-8 years in her opinion. Can any of

>> > you tell me how your wives, girlfriends etc. handle a mans

>> > lack of interest in sex? It has really damaged my marriage,

>> > I do not know if my wife and I can ever get close again since

>> > I have pushed her away for the last 4 years! I am glad

>> > that I am finding out now that I have a problem but that

>> > doesn't change my wifes female desires and needs for intimacy?

>> > >

>> > >

>> > >There's hope. T brought back my interest tremendously. Some of

>the

>> > >guidelines on T therapy suggest counseling for the wife to deal

>with

>> > >the new constant sexual interest of their partner. I imagine

>that

>> > >will be a pleasant change.

>> > >

>> > >The big change for me and my wife was the low energy and low

>> > ambition

>> > >from low T led to a lot of resentment from her for my failure to

>get

>> > >things done. Work around the house, and repairs fell behind.

>She

>> > >thought I was lazy and worthless and resented me for it.

>> > >

>> > >When the energy came back it still took some time to work

>> > through the

>> > >resentment issues and anger. They'd accumulated over years and

>they

>> > >don't just evaporate on feeling better. My wife had to learn

>> > >emotionally that this period was an illness and medical

>> > condition - not

>> > >a moral failing or weakness. She could grasp it intellectually

>> > >some times, but couldn't let go of the anger over lost time,

>> > etc. It

>> > >took some work. And the occasional therapy hiccup or set back

>(high

>> > >E2 for example) could bring a lot of the buried anger right back.

>> > >There's also some issues about the changes not all coming at

>once.

>> > >I've been on T for about two years now, and in the beginning

>> > there were

>> > >some quick noticeable changes. But this led to the hope

>> > from her (and

>> > >me) that everything would get better immediately. And some

>> > of it takes

>> > >time. Finding the right T levels and E2 levels for example. And

>then

>> > >the physiology can take months to get where it should be.

>> > >

>> > >Anyway I think marriage counseling and maybe personal counseling

>as

>> > >therapy starts (or before) helps deal with a lot of strange

>> > issues from

>> > >this condition. But trust me - you're on the road to a

>> > better life now

>> > >that they know you have low T. Now it's just a matter of time

>and

>> > >adjustment.

>> > >

>> > >Keep in touch here. There's over 1,000 guys like you here (and

>some

>> > >wives and partners posting too!) . They're all here to help.

>> > >

>> > >

>> > >

[Guest guest]

Phil,

My great-grandfather came to Ellis Island and when asked his hame, he

patted his chest and said " normart " which I believe means " new man "

in Armenian, this that side of the family got their name. I as well

cannot pronounce my great-grandparents real last names (they believed

in saving vowels). Thanks for the info...

Bobby

> > > >

> > > >>I will let you know as soon as I get the results. I have

> > > an appointment with the doc a week after the test. When I

> > > say the endocrinologist on the first visit, based on the

> > > intial blood work done by my internist, she felt that I have

> > > had hypogonadism for 7-8 years in her opinion. Can any of

> > > you tell me how your wives, girlfriends etc. handle a mans

> > > lack of interest in sex? It has really damaged my marriage,

> > > I do not know if my wife and I can ever get close again since

> > > I have pushed her away for the last 4 years! I am glad

> > > that I am finding out now that I have a problem but that

> > > doesn't change my wifes female desires and needs for intimacy?

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >There's hope. T brought back my interest tremendously. Some of

> the

> > > >guidelines on T therapy suggest counseling for the wife to

deal

> with

> > > >the new constant sexual interest of their partner. I imagine

> that

> > > >will be a pleasant change.

> > > >

> > > >The big change for me and my wife was the low energy and low

> > > ambition

> > > >from low T led to a lot of resentment from her for my failure

to

> get

> > > >things done. Work around the house, and repairs fell behind.

> She

> > > >thought I was lazy and worthless and resented me for it.

> > > >

> > > >When the energy came back it still took some time to work

> > > through the

> > > >resentment issues and anger. They'd accumulated over years and

> they

> > > >don't just evaporate on feeling better. My wife had to learn

> > > >emotionally that this period was an illness and medical

> > > condition - not

> > > >a moral failing or weakness. She could grasp it intellectually

> > > >some times, but couldn't let go of the anger over lost time,

> > > etc. It

> > > >took some work. And the occasional therapy hiccup or set back

> (high

> > > >E2 for example) could bring a lot of the buried anger right

back.

> > > >There's also some issues about the changes not all coming at

> once.

> > > >I've been on T for about two years now, and in the beginning

> > > there were

> > > >some quick noticeable changes. But this led to the hope

> > > from her (and

> > > >me) that everything would get better immediately. And some

> > > of it takes

> > > >time. Finding the right T levels and E2 levels for example.

And

> then

> > > >the physiology can take months to get where it should be.

> > > >

> > > >Anyway I think marriage counseling and maybe personal

counseling

> as

> > > >therapy starts (or before) helps deal with a lot of strange

> > > issues from

> > > >this condition. But trust me - you're on the road to a

> > > better life now

> > > >that they know you have low T. Now it's just a matter of time

> and

> > > >adjustment.

> > > >

> > > >Keep in touch here. There's over 1,000 guys like you here (and

> some

> > > >wives and partners posting too!) . They're all here to help.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

Note: forwarded message attached.

RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPMENT INTERVENTION

Developed by Dr. Gutstein and Dr. Sheely

RDI Contact Information

• Sweeney, Gendel and Associates

• 5225 Old Orchard Road, Suite 44

• Skokie, Illinois 60077

• 847-583-9492 ext. 1

• WWW.RDICONNECT.COM

Outcome for adults with Asperger’s Disorder

Over 50% pursue higher education, but…

• 12% hold full-time jobs

• 83% have less than two social contacts per month

• 3% live independently

A Profile of 400 Adults in the Autism SpectrumSeltzer and Krauss USA (Wisconsin and Mass.) 2003

Comparison of British & U.S. Data

Britain USA

Live Independently 3% 4%

Employment 12% 10%

Social Involvement 15% 14%

Friendships ? < 5%

Universal True of all people in the autism spectrum regardless of language, IQ, or other abilities

• Poor emotional referencing

• Failure to initiate joint attention

• Lack of communication repair

• Limited use of declarative communication

• Poor attention filtering mechanism

• Poor cognitive shifting and flexibility

• Impaired episodic memory

• Difficulty taking another’s perspective

• Limited understanding of friendship

“The only behavioral feature that marked both [high and low functioning] autistic groups was a lack of referencing. They did not look toward an adult in the presence of an ambiguous and unfamiliar stimulus.”

Bacon et. al. 1998

ChronicPresent at diagnosis and continues over lifespan

• Poor episodic memory

• Limited initiation of joint attention

• Poor planning and anticipation

• Poor strategic problem solving

• Low frequency of initiating joint attention

• Limited empathy and concern for others

Dynamic Systems are regulatory-based

System members contribute novelty to the system as long as it can be integrated with prior data

Re-conceptualizing the primary disorder of Autism, Asperger’s Disorder & PDD NOS

1. Failure to develop ability to function in complex dynamic systems

2. Failure to develop the motivation to enter and master increasingly complex dynamic systems

3. Desire to remain in static systems and to amplify the static elements of dynamic systems

RDI Program Methods

• Careful evaluation of objectives, obstacles and modifications to develop a workable plan

• Training parents to be guides and the child to be an apprentice

• Systematically building motivation through previewing, competence-based activities and memory enhancement

• Communication analysis and modification to increase declarative, regulatory & narrative communication

• Developing plans for lifestyle modifications to increase practice opportunities

• Systematic addition of complexity through gradual elaboration of simple frameworks and reduction of supports

• Spotlighting and amplification of key elements

Building strong foundations

• Go slow to go fast: Children carefully progress through a developmental hierarchy of abilities

• Scaffolding: Mastery of earlier skills serves as the foundation for future, more complex skills

• Foundations first: Parents build a firm foundation for eventual competence in more complex areas

• Permission to succeed: Working on developmentally appropriate objectives give parents and children permission to re-frame their perception of success

• Building Competence: This breaks the cycle of failure and feelings of inadequacy and allows both parents and child to feel competent

The Relationship Development Assessment (RDA): A week-long evaluation to develop a customized intervention plan

• Review of prior and current functioning

• Home videotape review

• 3 observational sessions - RDA1, RDA2, RDA3

– RDA1: Baseline structured assessment

– RDA2: Child’s functioning in optimal setting

– RDA3: Establish workable starting point for intervention

• Setting appropriate objectives

• Distinguishing between Functions and Skills

• Analysis of obstacles to progress

• Developing customized modifications

• Creating a “workable” family-based intervention plan

2. Guided Participation

• Parents begin as apprentices to a trained consultant

• Parents are taught to modify their teaching style, communication, pacing and demands, so the child can experience success while remaining challenged

• The child learns to function as an apprentice to parents, learning by observing and taking on designated roles, alongside the more experienced adult

• Parents become the child’s primary reference point for evaluating and interpreting new and confusing experiences

• Parents gradually require the child to take increasing responsibility for co-regulation (becoming “junior partners” concomitant to their increasing competence

Learning to be an apprentice

• The master-apprentice relationship is always the first objective

• Apprenticeship is not always fun

• Apprenticeship is not always play

• Responsibility is obtained from balancing Co-regulation with Co-variation

• Using indirect prompts helps the child to become less prompt-dependent and more observant and thoughtful

Videotape feedback

• The discipline of preparing and editing video segments helps parents allocate time for reflection and review of their communication and interaction with their child.

• Editing, receiving feedback and studying videos, gradually teaches parents to analyze and self-correct their own performance

3. Building motivation

• Deficit of Motivations: The biggest problem of autism is limited motivation to participate in dynamic systems

• Motivations can be built in a systematic manner

• Motivations are developed from episodic memories of things we want to experience again

• Memory is more important than behavior in building motivation

• Build the motivation to use a skill before trying to teach proficiency in a skill

• Do not underestimate the power of competence as a motivation

“Previews”: Motivation-building encounters

• When Previewing a new motivation (Function), the adult temporarily carries the bulk of regulatory responsibility, allowing the child to experience Functions (“payoff’s”) prior to developing skill competence

• Previews are only valuable when accompanied by frequent Reviews. However children with autism have weak memories for prior positive relational experiences

Strengthening Memory

• Building strong emotion-based positive memories results in powerful increases in children’s desire to participate and practice

• Memory-building tools help children learn to encode, preserve, retrieve and effectively share positive emotion-based episodic memories

• Success depends upon “Stockpiling” sufficient motivating memories, through effective previews and reviews, to prepare for the hard, at times frustrating work required for mastery

4. Communication change

• Parents are taught to alter communication to create a “contrast” effect, through exaggeration and downplaying, making it easier for the child to focus on meaningful elements of communication.

• Parents learn to increase the importance of non-verbal communication

• Parents learn to increase declarative communication and communication for regulation and narration

• This results in a dramatic increase in the child’s desire to communicate and use of communication in new and vastly expanded ways

Communicating for contrast

• Exaggerate your voice (louder and softer, emphasis, fluency), gestures, facial expressions, hesitation, movement and pacing

• Downplay less meaningful elements

• Eliminate/limit communication elements that add unnecessary complexity or compete with the child’s focus

• Gradually decrease contrast, based on child’s attainment of competence

Sample communication changes

• Increase declarative communication to 80%

• Talk to yourself out loud to serve as a model for self-narration

• Reduce the amount of initiating and prompting you take responsibility for

• Overall use far fewer words (not to be confused with non-verbal)

• Create a “contrast” effect when communicating with your face, voice and movement

• Increase simple declarative communication

• Increase use of non-verbal communication

Expanded Communication Functions

• Inviting

• Celebrating

• Clarifying

• Repairing

• Encouraging

• Referencing

• Sharing

• Anticipating

• Regulating

• Narrating

• Planning

• Rehearsing

• Reflecting

• Joking

• Co-creating

• Distinguishing

• Demonstrating

• Suggesting

• Wondering

• Bonding

4. Creating opportunities for practice

• Many hours of practice are needed to develop automatic “background” execution of skills such as referencing

• Typical children obtain over 4,000 hours of practice by 36 months of age

• Parents are guided to review their daily priorities and adapt schedules to allow for the child’s significant practice needs

• Parents are taught to create many opportunities for “Productive Uncertainty” throughout the day

Places to practice during the day

• Driving in your car

• Eating Meals

• Bath time

• Swimming pool

• Laundry

• Grocery Shopping

• Shopping Mall

• Washing the car

• Sweeping the floors

• Gardening/ yard work

• Exercise time

• Bed time

• Waking up in the morning

• Caring for pets

• Taking walks

• Bike rides

• Reading together

• Cleaning out a closet or garage

• Sandbox, or beach

• Getting dressed

• Standing on line

• Playing together

• Preparing a meal

• Reviewing a daily schedule

• Dancing lessons

• Preparing meals

• Taking out the garbage

• Fixing broken things

• Sorting old photos

•

Example: things to do while on a walk

• Sudden stops and starts

• Referencing at the corner

• Faster and slower

• Walking like Charlie Chaplin

• Mapping different routes with landmarks

• Pretend I can’t see – guide me

• Side-by-side, a little in front, a little behind

• Pretend you are climbing a mountain

• Let’s guess what we see next

• Neighborhood video documentary

• Hiding from an imaginary monster

• Walking with headphones on

• Sidewalk cracks are big rivers

• Look what I found!

• Mushy sidewalks

• Rubber sidewalks

• Icy sidewalks

• Careful at the curb!

• Choosing which photos to take for later review

• Walking towards one another to meet in the middle

• Each corner is a decision point

• How close can we walk without bumping

• Follow-the-leader

RDI activities throughout the day

• Put food on upside-down plates

• Table setting variations

• Map several different routes from place to place

• Referencing treasure hunt

• Folding laundry together – folder and receiver

• Two broom sweep

• Supermarket referencing

• Shopping cart coordination

• Mall referencing

• Mall mapping

• Swaying while waiting in line

• Silly hat morning – trade hats

• Designated Saturday morning “monster.”

• Dinner time assembly line

• Silly “wake-up” stories

• Wake-up surprises

• Opposite morning

• Opposite dinner

• Reading a book with some words cut out – fill in the words

• Headphones on, Headphones off

• I can’t see – guide me

• Finding broken things to fix

• Washing the car with two hoses

• Video documentary – how to fix something that’s broken. How to make a salad

• Moving furniture

• New breakfast combinations

• Silly names/labels for different rooms in the house

• “Silly” after-school schedule

• Trading names, name for the day

• Who can make up the silliest story

More potential daily activities

• Backpack surprise

• What can go wrong today

• Silly word/sound combinations while driving

• Driving chants

• I see an elephant driving that car

• Quick, get under the table! O.K we can come out

• Whispering day

• Whisper or shout. I can’t hear you, you’re too …

• Too close, too far

• Silly version of “who’s that knocking at the door?”

• Two strings moving in rhythm

• Where did I hide it?

• Is it safe?

• Coordinated aerobics

• Step-talking (talking in rhythm to your steps at different paces)

• Building a home highway

• Making paper floor/wall signs that instruct you to take certain actions when you reach them

• Sneaky Pete

• Cooking team – regular or silly

• Find me in the dark

• Shopping list teamwork

• Help me, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!

• Help me, I’m stuck and I can’t sit down!

• Help me, I’m glued to the sofa!

• Help me. There’s a telephone stuck to my ear!

• Hide! A heard a big buffalo!

• Sharing a secret signal that others don’t know about

• Planning a surprise party for no particular reason (or finding an obscure holiday)

•

Preparing for an RDI™ Program Lifestyle

• Simplify your life. Review your weekly schedule and cut things out that are non-essential

• Plan more time for routine events with the child and see them as an end in themselves

• Minimize the number of different social groups/contexts the child must navigate each day

• If you are conducting many different therapies at once consider prioritizing and sequencing them

• Gradually reduce “screen” time (video, TV, computer)

• While interacting, reduce the child’s access to objects that are self-entertaining or performance oriented

5. Competence-based objectives

• The child is allowed to obtain success in simpler dynamic systems and then gradually face challenges of more complex systems

• The curriculum begins with simple foundations and systematically progresses to greater breadth

• Through Progressive Generalization we gradually increase the partners and settings in which objectives must be mastered

• Stimuli that compete for the child’s attention are gradually re-introduced into frameworks

• The child is introduced to frameworks where communication and coordination begin to break down despite everyone’s best efforts

Enjoyable and inclusive

• Once the “bugs” are worked out, RDI sessions are highly anticipated events; valued by the child on the spectrum as well as parents and siblings.

• RDI becomes fun for the entire family.

• Everyone can be included in one way or another

Flexible Implementation

Parents prefer elements of RDI that allow them, with their professional coach’s guidance, to customize their style of involvement, communication, activities, scheduled intervention periods and settings, based on the unique needs of their child.

Family Health

• Parents report that after a few months of RDI they no longer experience a sense of crisis and desperation

• RDI allows the family to function in a more “normalized” manner

• Rather than a sacrifice, or an artificial burden, RDI is seen as life-enhancing by family members.

• The emphasis on lifestyle changes leads a number of families to adjust their daily routines, communication style and commitments. They begin to slow down; leaving time to enhance their quality of life.

Repair: The 4th R

“The greatest problem of communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.”

Bernard Shaw

[Guest guest]

maYa wrote:

> and as for 'definitions' of how different relationships should be

like, indeed, that also doesn't fit me. I wish things could develop

naturally in their own unique way. It's a pity I feel often I might

be misunderstood or might not at all be interested in the same thing,

because people expect me to want 'the ordinary thing' (with dating,

drinking, kissing, sex etc) whereas usually, I want it to develop

into something very different.

This is my problem as well. I have tried SO HARD to fit into a mold, but in

order to do that I have to put important parts of myself on hold and make

bigger compromises than I can handle in the long run.

It also feels odd to have guys treat you like a non-autistic female and

expect you to have the same reactions, when one is very far from it and

simply don't have those same needs. I've been trying to explain that I'm

different, but they think I'm just saying so to protect myself and that I'll

turn out to be a typical female once I relax and open up. Don't know what to

do about that misperception, except let them find out for themselves that I

was telling the truth.

> That is also why I am so good with

this person I am now in an 'online' relationship with (first time

online & first time requited) because we share interests, and if we

don't feel anything physical for eachother (he claims to be primarily

asexual) then we could still be very emotionally intimate and very

close friends with deep understanding. I just love him so much!! And

that feels like such a good basis.

Congratulations! I'm always happy to hear people find a type of relationship

that works for them. (And the way you describe it is sort of how I like it

too.)

> So I also just don't feel most guys can deal with a possibly asexual

> relationship... :\ I constantly feel very 'pushed', 'forced' and this

> makes me very uncertain of myself towards guys. Since most expect sex and

> I can't guarantee it, I hardly ever feel physical attraction (it does

> happen though, it happened once for certain =) and with my current love I

> also think it might work, at least some physical contact)

I know what you mean. I can want sex sometimes, but it is not like I can

push a button and turn it on at will (or off either for that matter, lol).

Either my body is in the mood or it is not; nothing I can do about it. I've

been wondering if I'm some type of mutant, or if biologists - mostly MALE! -

have made a mistake when they say that human femalse can have (and enjoy)

sex at any time (unlike most other species who are only receptive at certain

times). Wishful thinking perhaps?

> Also I do not feel good in the 'female role'. And I feel more

comfortable around women, or men who are more feminine, or even

better, intersexual I also don't feel my mind is fully female. I

like to say I am emotionally, mentally, spiritually androgyn.

" Intersexual " - cool word! :-)

I too am confused. I look and feel rather feminine but in some areas I am

clearly more male. I usually get along better with men and tend to find them

easier to understand than regular women (Aspie women are the exception). If

I see a film or talk-show about a couple in trouble, I often feel more

sympathy for the man because I can more easily identify with his point of

view. Unless he has feelings like a typical female. Then I don't understand

him at all. :-(

Inger

[Guest guest]

OK,

here’s how I feel right now about relationships: I wouldn’t

even know how to start one. It’s not logical in my head, but in my

heart I feel a little tainted or something by having a disease I could pass

along by accident. I have no idea when I’d break the news to a new

person if we didn’t meet thru a hep group in the first place. Do

you tell them up front or wait a while to let them know you a bit so they can

decide if you’re worth it? I already have to overcome my weight

because in my experience, most men are not interested at first glance at an

overweight woman. So the hep is still another obstacle for me.

Good Morning Lou

We have many members that are single and some having a hard time with

their HCV and relationships. It does effect every aspect of our

lives and our relationships with others.

That is a topic we have not expanded on and discussed in group and I

think we should.

Ok to a point. does consider us an adult themed group

but no graphic details are needed.

[Guest guest]

Awww Pat you got me in tears.

you are such a sweetie

love

dPat McBride <pmcbride1@...> wrote:

my heart has more room for love but its just not that easy, to feel easy about a new man and starting over..I guess I feel a bit like De, but Ive learned to tell new acquaintances about my hcv right off the bat, and if they dont accept it, they dont accept me..Im not worried about giving it to a lover,(wish I had one)... I was married to Mac for 28 yrs & if I did get his Hep its from the razors I used that were his for so long...not sex...just my opinion...not only are we a bit older but hcv does take its toll on us now...we are limited physically..But I still like to fish,,,

So, as lonely as it can get at times, I have hope for someone to come along and understand this side of life, living with hepatitis...and love me for just being me...Pat

FareChase - Search multiple travel sites in one click.

[Guest guest]

I agree with you Deb pity is a waisted emotion and does no good for anyone.I would be open but fussy.It doesn't matter how long a relationship is as long as it is good.You can live a lot in whatever time you have together.When I moved out to Cape Breton,I felt I only had a short time left because I was so sick.I married my special man and figured I would take it one day at a time.Fortunately I got treatment here and am still here 11 years later since I moved here.When my third marriage went sour I said to hell with men.All I get are the duds.I tripped over my present husband and it is a really good marriage.Have a great day hon.

Gail

-----Original Message-----From: Hepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies [mailto:Hepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies ]On Behalf Of DebSent: November 7, 2005 9:07 PMHepatitis Cfordummies Subject: Re: Relationships

De and Pat - Thanks so much for sharing and starting the discussion of relationships.

I'm past being gun shy and decided I'm through with relationships after husband who was kinda nuts but fun went completely off the wall crazy cause he couldn't handle the stress anymore. I had to divorce the poor bastard a few years ago.

What topped it off was when I ended a relationship with someone I have know and loved for years because every time he talked to me on the phone or I saw him he would get puppy dog eyes, felt sorry for me and it got a lot worse since I progressed in stages.

I can't stand or tolerate pity from anyone.

It's kinda hard being in a serious relationship when all the poor guy does is end up in tears.

He said the wrong thing to me too - I want to take care of you - Whoa - No !!!!!!!!!!!

I would end up taking care of him and his emotions.

I think my situation now is harder on ones that love me.

I had to bite the bullet and decide it's just Rat Dog and Me.

Nope it wasn't my first choice but I chose what is easier on everyone and I need my privacy more this time around too.

It's not fair to put another man through ESLD again and now for a short relationship.

I know what it is and it ain't pretty.

But us Southern Gals are full of hugging and loving -- right Patty Pooh and WWD !!!!!!!!!!

I can just see myself out somewhere - Hi I have HCV had a transplant wanna see my scar and

than watch them run for the door.

Hell wait a sec that does sound like fun.

Haaaaaaaa I gotta do it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love and Hugs.

Deb

[Guest guest]

I totally agree with you Pat.Look at me my fourth husband was the charm.

Gail

-----Original Message-----From: Hepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies [mailto:Hepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies ]On Behalf Of dannegrlSent: November 7, 2005 8:39 PMHepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies Subject: Re: Relationships

Awww Pat you got me in tears.

you are such a sweetie

love

dPat McBride <pmcbride1@...> wrote:

my heart has more room for love but its just not that easy, to feel easy about a new man and starting over..I guess I feel a bit like De, but Ive learned to tell new acquaintances about my hcv right off the bat, and if they dont accept it, they dont accept me..Im not worried about giving it to a lover,(wish I had one)... I was married to Mac for 28 yrs & if I did get his Hep its from the razors I used that were his for so long...not sex...just my opinion...not only are we a bit older but hcv does take its toll on us now...we are limited physically..But I still like to fish,,,

So, as lonely as it can get at times, I have hope for someone to come along and understand this side of life, living with hepatitis...and love me for just being me...Pat

FareChase - Search multiple travel sites in one click.

[Guest guest]

There are a lot of men that want some meat on their women,so don't worry about that end.My present husband and I were friends before anything else and before we got involved I made sure he knew and also took him to see my specialist.We have been together 15 years and he never got it.Take care hon

Gail

-----Original Message-----From: Hepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies [mailto:Hepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies ]On Behalf Of MotleySent: November 7, 2005 6:23 PMHepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies Subject: RE: relationships

OK, here’s how I feel right now about relationships: I wouldn’t even know how to start one. It’s not logical in my head, but in my heart I feel a little tainted or something by having a disease I could pass along by accident. I have no idea when I’d break the news to a new person if we didn’t meet thru a hep group in the first place. Do you tell them up front or wait a while to let them know you a bit so they can decide if you’re worth it? I already have to overcome my weight because in my experience, most men are not interested at first glance at an overweight woman. So the hep is still another obstacle for me.

-----Original Message-----From: Hepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies [mailto:Hepatitis CSupportGroupForDummies ] On Behalf Of DebSent: Monday, November 07, 2005 11:39 AMHepatitis Cfordummies Subject: Good Morning Lou

We have many members that are single and some having a hard time with their HCV and relationships. It does effect every aspect of our lives and our relationships with others.

That is a topic we have not expanded on and discussed in group and I think we should.

Ok to a point. does consider us an adult themed group but no graphic details are needed.

[Guest guest]

I’m not currently in a relationship, not even dating anyone but still looking. Here’s how my HCV status affected three previous relationships.

[1] Several years back I met a woman in Southern California through the LoveMeLoveMyPets website and we exchanged a few e-mails. It was a mistake on my part to mention in one of my early messages that I had HCV as I never heard from her again. Would I have heard from her again had I not mentioned my HCV status? I’ll never know.

[2] When I was on a nine-day Green Tortoise Adventure Travel trip [bTW, http://www.greentortoise.com if you’re interested…I’ve no connection with the company other than taking their trips] to the Grand Canyon in 2003, I met a cute middle-aged woman from Israel named Buki who was one of my fellow passengers. We hit it off fairly well, flirted and hiked together. Saw her a couple times after we returned to SF before she went back home. Anyway, the Tortoise always stops in Las Vegas and Buki and I were in Zion National Park, Utah waiting for the shuttle bus and I mentioned that I didn’t plan on doing any drinking when he hit Vegas. She asked me why and I told her I had hepatitis. She asked “A or B” and I said “C”. She turned, cocked

her head and said, “C???” I told her yea and that I contracted it from IVDU. The “moment of truth” but what the heck, if that freaked her out it was too bad as we were near the end of the trip anyway and she didn’t have to see me again once we hit Vegas if she chose not to. Buki was silent for a few seconds then started telling me about the drug treatment programs that the Israeli government operates. BTW, we had a good time in Las Vegas that Saturday evening, Buki’s neither a drinker nor gambler so we walked up and down The Strip, ate at one of the casinos and headed back to the bus. Like I said, we saw each other twice when we got back to SF. I was her tour guide and had fun showing her around town.

[3] Donna is another woman I met through the LoveMeLoveMyPets site. She lives in the East Bay and works as a nurse. We had a couple of dates; one was at the Fillmore Jazz Festival, a street fair here in SF that features lots of great jazz. This was in 2004. Sometime during one of our conversations I mentioned that I had hepatitis C. I figured that a nurse, even a pediatric one like Donna, would be at least somewhat knowledgeable about hep C. Donna just looked at me and told me that I wasn’t jaundiced and she didn’t see any outward signs of hepatitis. We saw each other a few times after that then just drifted apart. Funny thing about

it is that my feelings toward Donna we totally neutral; I neither liked nor disliked her. We just stopped e-mailing and seeing each other.

CatmanLou =^o-o^= Bella a.k.a. Bellatrix & Sammy F.C.

San Francisco, California

See Bella and Sammy on the web at: http://tinyurl.com/blxws

"Prowling his own quiet domain, or asleep by the fire..he is still only a whiskers away from the wild..."

- Burden -

FareChase - Search multiple travel sites in one click.

[Guest guest]

I’m not currently in a relationship, not even dating anyone but still looking. Here’s how my HCV status affected three previous relationships.

[1] Several years back I met a woman in Southern California through the LoveMeLoveMyPets website and we exchanged a few e-mails. It was a mistake on my part to mention in one of my early messages that I had HCV as I never heard from her again. Would I have heard from her again had I not mentioned my HCV status? I’ll never know.

[2] When I was on a nine-day Green Tortoise Adventure Travel trip [bTW, http://www.greentortoise.com if you’re interested…I’ve no connection with the company other than taking their trips] to the Grand Canyon in 2003, I met a cute middle-aged woman from Israel named Buki who was one of my fellow passengers. We hit it off fairly well, flirted and hiked together. Saw her a couple times after we returned to SF before she went back home. Anyway, the Tortoise always stops in Las Vegas and Buki and I were in Zion National Park, Utah waiting for the shuttle bus and I mentioned that I didn’t plan on doing any drinking when he hit Vegas. She asked me why and I told her I had hepatitis. She asked “A or B” and I said “C”. She turned, cocked

her head and said, “C???” I told her yea and that I contracted it from IVDU. The “moment of truth” but what the heck, if that freaked her out it was too bad as we were near the end of the trip anyway and she didn’t have to see me again once we hit Vegas if she chose not to. Buki was silent for a few seconds then started telling me about the drug treatment programs that the Israeli government operates. BTW, we had a good time in Las Vegas that Saturday evening, Buki’s neither a drinker nor gambler so we walked up and down The Strip, ate at one of the casinos and headed back to the bus. Like I said, we saw each other twice when we got back to SF. I was her tour guide and had fun showing her around town.

[3] Donna is another woman I met through the LoveMeLoveMyPets site. She lives in the East Bay and works as a nurse. We had a couple of dates; one was at the Fillmore Jazz Festival, a street fair here in SF that features lots of great jazz. This was in 2004. Sometime during one of our conversations I mentioned that I had hepatitis C. I figured that a nurse, even a pediatric one like Donna, would be at least somewhat knowledgeable about hep C. Donna just looked at me and told me that I wasn’t jaundiced and she didn’t see any outward signs of hepatitis. We saw each other a few times after that then just drifted apart. Funny thing about

it is that my feelings toward Donna we totally neutral; I neither liked nor disliked her. We just stopped e-mailing and seeing each other.

CatmanLou =^o-o^= Bella a.k.a. Bellatrix & Sammy F.C.

San Francisco, California

See Bella and Sammy on the web at: http://tinyurl.com/blxws

"Prowling his own quiet domain, or asleep by the fire..he is still only a whiskers away from the wild..."

- Burden -

FareChase - Search multiple travel sites in one click.

[Guest guest]

Well the second one sounded good.It will happen when it is supposed to happen but you are going about it the right way.Have patients.

Gail

RE: relationships

I’m not currently in a relationship, not even dating anyone but still looking. Here’s how my HCV status affected three previous relationships.

[1] Several years back I met a woman in Southern California through the LoveMeLoveMyPets website and we exchanged a few e-mails. It was a mistake on my part to mention in one of my early messages that I had HCV as I never heard from her again. Would I have heard from her again had I not mentioned my HCV status? I’ll never know.

[2] When I was on a nine-day Green Tortoise Adventure Travel trip [bTW, http://www.greentortoise.com if you’re interested…I’ve no connection with the company other than taking their trips] to the Grand Canyon in 2003, I met a cute middle-aged woman from Israel named Buki who was one of my fellow passengers. We hit it off fairly well, flirted and hiked together. Saw her a couple times after we returned to SF before she went back home. Anyway, the Tortoise always stops in Las Vegas and Buki and I were in Zion National Park, Utah waiting for the shuttle bus and I mentioned that I didn’t plan on doing any drinking when he hit Vegas. She asked me why and I told her I had hepatitis. She asked “A or B” and I said “C”. She turned, cocked her head and said, “C???” I told her yea and that I contracted it from IVDU. The “moment of truth” but what the heck, if that freaked her out it was too bad as we were near the end of the trip anyway and she didn’t have to see me again once we hit Vegas if she chose not to. Buki was silent for a few seconds then started telling me about the drug treatment programs that the Israeli government operates. BTW, we had a good time in Las Vegas that Saturday evening, Buki’s neither a drinker nor gambler so we walked up and down The Strip, ate at one of the casinos and headed back to the bus. Like I said, we saw each other twice when we got back to SF. I was her tour guide and had fun showing her around town

[Guest guest]

Well, I’m married 17.5 years to the same man. Most likely, he is Aspie... or close to

it anyway. He has a lot of Aspie

qualities, but understands a lot of social things that I don’t, so I’m

not really sure if he is or not. He

knows when he’s being manipulated and understands and can give “hints”,

and can function in social situations well, for example. Maybe he’s right at the edge of

Aspie-ism.

Do I think there is a difference between Aspie and

non-Aspie love? I don’t know. I know I ‘fit’ with him and

understand him and he understands me better than anyone I was with before him. And he appreciates, or at least

understands, most of my Aspie qualities.

Wendi

[Guest guest]

Do I think there is a difference between Aspie and non-Aspie love?

Absolutely!

Raven

[Guest guest]

I enjoy having long conversations with my aspie like husband about

serious matters. We discuss facts, information and look things up

together when looking for the truth. We both could care less about

superficial things, such as movie stars, t.v. shows (with the

exception of discovery or TLC channels), or gossip. I find my

children are more informed than most because we do give them

explanations that are factual & and when they have questions we do not

know the answers to, we never make something up but look it up.

A big plus to my relationship is being able to be blunt at home. I've

embarassed my hubby when out talking to other people, but he doesn't

mind and in fact enjoys that I don't mince words.

Kim

>

> Are any of you involved with anyone at the moment?

>

> Are you dating an Aspie?

>

> If so, do you think there is a difference between Aspie and non-

Aspie

> love?

>

> Tom

> Administrator

>

[Guest guest]

>

> " Are any of you involved with anyone at the moment?

>

> Are you dating an Aspie?

>

> If so, do you think there is a difference between Aspie and non-Aspie

> love? "

I can't answer that sufficiently since I never dated an Aspie (well

one, maybe) but I think it depends on the individual(s). But I'd be

interested to know of any general differences.

>

>

[Guest guest]

My experiences of dating two known aspies were not good :-( one

turned out to be a complete liar and the other I just found totally

frustrating, he was too clinging, emotionally and physically and

mentally draining, as opposed to stimulating - but of course my

limited experience is not by any means a generalisation - I just

think I have had a couple of not so good experiences - still one

learns from experiences :-)Gosh, I should be really wise by now

then :-)

> >

> > " Are any of you involved with anyone at the moment?

> >

> > Are you dating an Aspie?

> >

> > If so, do you think there is a difference between Aspie and non-

Aspie

> > love? "

>

> I can't answer that sufficiently since I never dated an Aspie (well

> one, maybe) but I think it depends on the individual(s). But I'd be

> interested to know of any general differences.

>

>

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Well....One reason I have been absent from the forums a lot is that my DH is having memory problems. He was recently put on aricept and we are seeing how it goes. Also my allergy problems escalted to the point where I

couldn't function. I had testing done and have removed the 'new' offending food items from my diet, but there seems to be some remaining problem. (Also, my prescription meds, even the allergy meds contained one ingredient I am allergic to, lactose) So our relationship is in change mode and will be possibly till the end if it turns out to be alzheimers.

Kathy J.

On 1/20/07, environmental1st2003 <no_reply > wrote:

How are you all with relationships?I am not great shakes. But my current one es mas profundo.Te amo mi amor.TomAdministrator

[Guest guest]

Well....One reason I have been absent from the forums a lot is that my DH is having memory problems. He was recently put on aricept and we are seeing how it goes. Also my allergy problems escalted to the point where I

couldn't function. I had testing done and have removed the 'new' offending food items from my diet, but there seems to be some remaining problem. (Also, my prescription meds, even the allergy meds contained one ingredient I am allergic to, lactose) So our relationship is in change mode and will be possibly till the end if it turns out to be alzheimers.

Kathy J.

On 1/20/07, environmental1st2003 <no_reply > wrote:

How are you all with relationships?I am not great shakes. But my current one es mas profundo.Te amo mi amor.TomAdministrator

[Guest guest]

Re: Relationships

Hi Kathy,

Sorry to hear about everything you are going through. I hope

everything turns out well for you and your husband.

Tom

Administrator

Well....One reason I have been absent from the forums a lot is that

my DH is having memory problems. He was recently put on aricept and

we are seeing how it goes. Also my allergy problems escalted to the

point where I couldn't function. I had testing done and have removed

the 'new' offending food items from my diet, but there seems to be

some remaining problem. (Also, my prescription meds, even the

allergy meds contained one ingredient I am allergic to, lactose) So

our relationship is in change mode and will be possibly till the end

if it turns out to be alzheimers.

Kathy J.