Re: What's going to happen next (con't)

[Guest guest]

(((((((((Marci))))))))

Liz

[Guest guest]

mzabell wrote:

> Next is another car accident...<snip>. She didn't call us after the

> accident.

Sounds like the time last fall when my daughter totaled her dad's

car. She wrapped it around a tree, (no seatbelt of course) and

narrowly missed hurtling down a steep hill. The car was somehow

drivable -- we still aren't sure how -- so she drove to a " friend's "

house to " calm down " and then drove herself to the hospital. She put on

quite a show there and finally decided to call us. She was only

slightly injured.

We had her cited (she's 16) for taking the car without permission

and went to court for that as well as for incorrigibility. I'm sure

you'll all be surprised to know that in her mind, none of this was her

fault. It is because of US that she can't drive -- the judge suspended

her license for 90 days, ordered her to do many hours of community

service and repay her dad and I, none of which she has done. She is a

danger to herself and those around us and we are so exhausted from

fighting these battles. Today her PO leaned on her and told her she was

effectively under house arrest until she got a job and began making an

effort to get her hours done.

And so it goes...she'll be 17 in May, and has been to several wilderness

outfits and therapeutic treatment schools. We are broke, but still

trying, but I'm not sure how much more we can do. It is very

discouraging.

Marsha

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

*Hugs* I'm sorry things are so hard. I know you are

feeling very drained. It isn't easy to deal with our

children. It's hard to understand them too. I

learned all I could learn about BPD and that helped me

to understand her better. My daughter was in alot of

pain and was too scared to tell me what caused her

pain. In our case it was her father having sex with

her when she was 7 to 13. I'm sure it was more then

just the sexual abuse that triggered her BPD. I was

her target for many years. She spewed such horrible

venom on me I thought for sure I would die. It hurt

me so bad to think my daughter truely hated me like

she was saying. The truth was that I was the safest

person in her life. She knew...deep down...that I

would always love her...NO MATTER WHAT. I just keep

loving her as best as I can. I know it's hard for you

and your spouse. Please keep sharing with us. Hang

in there.

Peace and Love,

phine

--- mzabell wrote:

> Next is another car accident, lots of lying,

> shoplifting and getting

> caught (last January, but we got the notice - and

> the bill - this

> week). I guess this is all typical, huh? She's on

> lithium AND paxil

> AND seraquil. But she's not on her own side. We've

> contracted with

> her and she's agreed to abide by the contract,

> except that she was

> lying, right? I'm pretty numb. We have to go out of

> town to a

> memorial gathering for my father-in-law this

> weekend. She'll be

> adorable with her Mc hair and combat

> boots and

> piercings. We're hoping that being back in DBT will

> help, but I just

> don't know. I don't know what to think, much less

> what to do. Every

> time I think we're on a good track, she does

> something to blow us out

> of the water (mixed metaphors, confused thinking . .

> . ). And so it

> goes. I don't know who's more exhausted, her or us.

> But now I

> understand why people send their kids to wilderness

> camps. Except

> she's eighteen and there's nowhere to send her. She

> thinks she'll end

> up in prison. I just can't get my mind or heart

> around how she must

> feel. She didn't call us after the accident. And she

> told the police

> she just hit her head, but she was okay, so they let

> her drive home -

> with two teens in the car and a concussion! There's

> so much to worry

> about, my mind is just shutting down. But I wanted

> to get this out

> here.

> Shalom,

> Marci

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

(((Marsha))) What are you doing for yourself right

now? Sometimes I get so caught up in my children's

messes that I forget all about me. Have you learned

all you can about BPD? Are you taking some time for

yourself...to rest, sleep, read, whatever? Once I

armed myself with knowledge about BPD my daughter

couldn't fool me anymore. I still catch myself

feeling scared of her reactions but it's not anything

like it was 2 years ago. I was almost afraid to

breathe wrong when she was in the same room with me.

I refuse to live like that now and she knows I mean

it. Hang in there and please be nice to yourself.

Keep sharing.

Peace and Love,

phine

--- Marsha Tejeda wrote:

>

>

> mzabell wrote:

>

> > Next is another car accident...<snip>. She didn't

> call us after the

> > accident.

>

> Sounds like the time last fall when my daughter

> totaled her dad's

> car. She wrapped it around a tree, (no seatbelt of

> course) and

> narrowly missed hurtling down a steep hill. The car

> was somehow

> drivable -- we still aren't sure how -- so she drove

> to a " friend's "

> house to " calm down " and then drove herself to the

> hospital. She put on

> quite a show there and finally decided to call us.

> She was only

> slightly injured.

> We had her cited (she's 16) for taking the car

> without permission

> and went to court for that as well as for

> incorrigibility. I'm sure

> you'll all be surprised to know that in her mind,

> none of this was her

> fault. It is because of US that she can't drive --

> the judge suspended

> her license for 90 days, ordered her to do many

> hours of community

> service and repay her dad and I, none of which she

> has done. She is a

> danger to herself and those around us and we are so

> exhausted from

> fighting these battles. Today her PO leaned on her

> and told her she was

> effectively under house arrest until she got a job

> and began making an

> effort to get her hours done.

>

> And so it goes...she'll be 17 in May, and has been

> to several wilderness

> outfits and therapeutic treatment schools. We are

> broke, but still

> trying, but I'm not sure how much more we can do.

> It is very

> discouraging.

>

> Marsha

>

> >

>

> >

> >

> >