Guest guest Posted December 10, 2001 Report Share Posted December 10, 2001 Hi Cagey, My daughter did similair things to me. She would leave without permision and I'd go find her and threaten to take everything away from her if she didn't get into the car. I know threatening isn't the right way to deal with her but at the time it worked. Of course it eventually stopped working and I needed to come up with a new way to deal with her and her rages. She has threated to have herself emancipated from me. I was hurt and angry that she kept acting like I was the problem and like living at home was like living in hell. For a long time I was scared to do anything that would upset her for fear of the rage and of her leaving home. I was scared she would get hurt badly or kill herself with drugs or from cutting herself. I was finally able to tell her that if she left home again I'd call the police. Guess what she did? She ran away. Guess what I did? First, I called my husband and asked him to come home so I could go find my daughter. He said no and told me to call the police. I was so angry at him. I ran out the door and looked where I thought she might be and couldn't find her so I went back home and called the police. I cried alot while I waited for the police to show up. I called all her friends and asked them if they knew where she was and to please call me if they hear anything. Some of her friends went looking for her. The police came to my house and took the report. They told me that once I report her as a run away that there was no backing out. If they found her they were going to arrest her. If she came home I was to call them and they would come out and arrest her. Well, she called me and I talked her into letting me pick her up at an agreed upon location. She was hessitant at first but I told her that if I found out who was hiding her I would report them. I told her I would find out who it was and that I would call the police if she didn't come home. After I picked her up all I wanted to do was take her home and forget the whole thing. I wanted the police to say ok...everything is back to normal so we won't come and arrest her. No such luck. I called them when I got home and they came to my house and arrested her. My heart felt like it was being crushed. My baby was in handcuffs! I felt terrible like I had done something wrong. I know I didn't do anything wrong but I still felt bad. They locked her up in juvenile jail. I had to be in court the next morning at 8. She only had to spend one night there. It opened her eyes to some things. She learned that I would do what I said I would do. She learned from the other girls in the jail that she wasn't as bad off as she thought she was....and that she didn't belong in that kind of group of girls. She learned that I wasn't going to be bullied by her anymore and that I found others to support and help me to deal with her. She learned that it hurt me to see her handcuffed and taken away...she knew that meant I loved her. She learned that I would do whatever it took to protect her from harm...self or others. I know it's hard Cagey but if you don't follow thru on what you said about calling the police she is just going to walk all over you. I learned that running out looking for her like I did was just another way for her to feel in control of me. If I go running then I'm playing her game of chaos. Since that day I also had to take her to Charter 2 times. She hated me for taking her to Charter Hospital. She told me not to hug her and that she hated me and would never forgive me. I knew she didn't mean it but still it hurt my heart to hear those words and to see the anger in her eyes. Today she knows I put her in that hospital because I loved her and wanted to help her. She was in danger of hurting herself and I was scared she was going to kill herself. I was afraid to open her bedroom door in the morning during that time right before the hospital....I was so scared that I'd find her dead in a pool of her own blood. Things have calmed down since then and I'm a much more assertive mother today. Today if she gets in one of her moods where she feels that it's ok to talk mean to me and to treat me bad I tell her to stop it and that when she was ready to talk about what is 'really' bothering her to come and see me. I refuse to be her doormat today. I refuse to be treated like poop. I deserve respect from her and all my children. It hasn't been easy getting to where I am today. We still have bad days but they don't last as long as they used to in the past. Hang in there. I hope they find a place for her soon. Peace and Love, phine __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.