A time comes in your life when you finally get it...

[Guest guest]

A time comes in your life when you finally get it...

When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in

your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out -

ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And,

like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to

subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and

through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world

through new eyes. This is your awakening.

You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something

to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping

over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is

not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real

world there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that

matter) and that any guarantee of " happily ever after " must begin

with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of

acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not

everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you

are... and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and

opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing

yourself and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born

of self-approval.

You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did

to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you

can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't

always say what they mean, or mean what they say, and that not

everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about

you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself

and in the process a sense of safety & security is born of self-

reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people

as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties

and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of

forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and

the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and

opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to

sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should

behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh, what you

should wear and where you should shop, what you should drive how and

where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you

should sleep with, who you should marry and what you should expect

of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what

you owe your

parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And

you begin reassessing and redefining who you are what you really

stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing, and

you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or

should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you

learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving

that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and

contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as

a " consumer " looking for your next fix. You learn that principles

such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by

gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon

which you must build a life. You learn that you don't know

everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't

teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and

responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning

to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you

choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love.

How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when

to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings

onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful,

more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on

your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at

relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You

learn that just as people

grow and change so it is with love . . . and you learn that you

don't have the right to demand love on your terms . . . just to make

you happy. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely . . . And

you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will

never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with

the image inside your head and agonizing over how you " stack up. "

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside,

smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that

feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK....and that it is your

right to want things and to ask for the things that you want...and

that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with

love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for

less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to

glorify you with his touch . . . and in the process you internalize

the meaning of self-respect. You learn that your body really is your

temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You

begin eating

a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to

exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can

create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as

food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time

to laugh and to play.

You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you believe

you deserve . . .and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling

prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working

for and that wishing for something to happen is different than

working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you

need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no

one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great

robber baron of all time. FEAR itself. You learn to step right into

and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you

can handle it and that to give in to fear is to give away the right

to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and

not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn

that life isn't always

fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that

sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these

occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God

isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just

life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal

state the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy

and resentment

must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life

out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to

admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple

things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the

earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running

water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself

and you to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to

never ever to settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang

a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And

you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay

open to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in your

heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep

breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as

you can.