Re: Barbie

[Guest guest]

Hello just a few Barbie dolls I can relate to ......

and to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully.

These are a bit more realistic...

1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of

blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors

(half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print

editions of Vogue and Martha Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and

watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of

perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with

handheld fan and tiny tissues.

3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels

shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy

tweezers and magnifying mirror.

4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps

with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the

tummy front, too-muumuus with tummy-support panels are

included.

5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto

heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's

dainty

arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone

and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky

crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin

Sparkle-Spackle,

from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting

cosmetics.

7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a

cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off

her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr.

Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white, and

cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken.

Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal

trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac.

They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for

the Napa Valley to open a B & B. Includes a real tape of

" Breaking Up Is Hard to Do. "

9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with

Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.

10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally

caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does

Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's

going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of

The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her

pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things,

and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on

the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels.

Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book

" Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self " is included.