Guest guest Posted November 24, 2008 Report Share Posted November 24, 2008 Good thought process, this really touched me.... I am soooooo careful not to get angry or say a bad word about anything.... Perfection is dangerous! I done know why I even want it...... Thank you for getting me to think about this! Marjorie To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Sunday, November 23, 2008 3:45:23 PMSubject: An Angry Vent Yesterday's message on sub - personalities really got me thinking. I realized I have the nice guy, the silent rebel and angry one. The last two are responses to the my nice guy syndrome. Most of the time I am a nice guy, especially within my family. I am passive aggressive and do not stand up for myself. I have let everyone, namely my family and society, fixate on my weight. I have allowed them to embarrass me in front of others. I have allowed them to dismiss my objections to this. I am considered too sensitive. The silent rebel has indirectly rejected to this for years. I have done this by eating whatever I want but in secret. Of course this only lands up harming me more than them. But by allowing myself to eat whatever I want within a context where no one can comment enables me to do what I can not publicly say, "screw you". Lately I have noticed the angry one emerging. At first I was disturbed by this but now I almost welcome it. In some ways I feel like it is a positive progression. I have become extremely angry that everyone has been allowed to comment and dictate what I should do with my body but myself. I have finally reached a point where I am completely fed up with people walking all over me. This is my body and my life. I will decide what I do with it. I am kind of stuck at this point. Individually I am trying to direct this anger positively. More specifically to focusing on intuitively eating so I can move beyond my disordered eating. But I am really struggling with how to negotiate this among my family. For years they have worried about me being healthy. They are truly worried about me becoming unhealthy, obese, having diabetes etc... They have seen me struggle with maintaining a weight I am happy with. They fail to see how their worrying and obsessing has contributed to my struggle. This needs to be set within the context of my weight. I am 5 foot 6 inches and my highest weight has been 185 pounds, right now I am 178. I wear a size 12. I have no weight - related medical concerns. I offer this up because I believe my parents concerns are based on their individual anxiety, and genuine concern. But I think their concern is largely unwarranted. We have had many conversations and fights about it. Recently they have finally realized these interactions were ruining our relationship. So there have been less fights, which is a huge relief. But I know they still think about it and every once in awhile a comment slips out. I have given up on changing their approach. I also refuse to communicate my deep pain and hurt to them. Although we have had our disagreements they have been wonderful and supportive parents. In no manner do I want them to feel like I think otherwise. This is my nice guy side. So I am really struggling with how to take care of myself while ignoring my family's comments.Has anyone else had this experience? Anyone found good techniques to work through all this? Thanks for reading my rant. : ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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