Don't want to cook, don't want to eat, or do I?

July 25, 2008

That is my latest issue: " I don't really have an appetite and usually

I'm full after eating a rather small amount of food. Sometimes it turns

out that the food I cooked isn't what I really wanted at all - so why

bother cooking? "

I don't like convencience food anymore. It's several days in a row now

that I didn't cook anything and I start to notice that I'm eating more

sweets (oh, these chocolate covered oreos are quite good tasting as I

learned a few minutes ago). I don't really crave anything of the stuff I

usually cook. I tried flipping through recipes but nothing really seems

to be appealing right now.

I'm beginning to wonder if diety thinking is sneaking its way in again

more and more. I'm eating more and more stuff that is supposed to be

" healthy " and that I " don't mind eating " . I also noticed that I didn't

touched salads in a while. I liked the variety of prepackaged mixed

salads abroad and can't find the same variety here. It kind of ruined

salad for me (I hope this will pass).

I also hate restaurants since a few months. We want to go out to a

restaurant tomorrow with my mother and her partner. I don't really want

to. I hate going to restaurants. I also hate eating together with my

thin mother announcing that she's " had enough " . Yes, mom... what about

simply stopping to eat? We's get it without you announcing " how full you

are " . Bleh. I HATE that. I hope I can stop myself from being sarcastic

about it tomorrow.

I also struggle with eating " normal " things like rolls with butter and

cheese or jam or whatever. It seems so... weird to eat this. I prepared

rolls with spreads on it and realized I couldn't eat it. I took a bite

and was disgusted by the thought that I would have that in my stomach in

a few minutes.

And at the moment the panic strikes. I'm panicking about failing my exam

in October. One month is over. One third of the time and I feel like I

have done NOTHING! The last few days were a catastrophe! I only did a

few questions, read nothing and was lazy as one can be! If I continue

like this, I have no chance to pass. I'm really panicking right now. One

third of the time is over! I can't imagine that! :-(((

4 weeks gone. Only 11 remaining. 15 weeks is short anyway. And I feel

like I did nothing during the last four weeks. Dammit!

Regards

s.

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