Re: Needing to vent...

[Guest guest]

Hi Marla,

Great to read your post and I so know how hard it is to ditch the food

police! It really does take time and out matching their efforts can be

wearing no doubt about it. But in the long run it is SO worth it! I

think what helped me most was when I got angry - like who has the gall

to TELL me what/when/where etc. I need to eat. That 'duty' is reserved

for this body of mine and nobody but nobody knows it better than I

should/could/can! So anytime I heard the food police screaming or

whispering in my ear I told them to BUZZ OFF! I was NOT allowing

External forces to run my life any longer.

Guess I needed to vent too

Best to you, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> Hi, all... The only time I've posted here is when I introduced

> myself about a month or so ago. I'm not a poster, in general, but I

> feel the need to vent because I need a bit of support.

>

> I've been working with a nutrition counselor/therapist who bases her

> work on IE. This has been going on for a little over a month now.

> I've been working very hard at listening to my body, allowing foods,

> and generally having an open mind about this whole thing. I've

> embraced the IE concept and truly believe in it. I know, in the long

> run (and in my " rational " mind), it will prove to be one of the best

> things I've done for myself, but I'm having a tough time with it

> right now.

>

> I just binged for the first time in more than a month and I'm feeling

> guilty, yet trying to fend off the food police. I'm not sure who

> is " winning " . Although I actually savored and enjoyed every bite and

> morsel of my goodies of choice, I have labeled them a " bad " food. I

> know they are unhealthy in terms of saturated fat and calories and

> will cause weight gain--which has been my nemesis for about 30 years

> or more. I have so many " shoulds " running through my mind right

> now... I should eat salad all day tomorrow; I should exercise more

> over the weekend. I should restrict. I don't like these thoughts.

> I don't know why I " gave in " to this binge. I can't put my finger on

> the emotions I'm feeling. I guess that's the work I need to do.

>

>

> My " rational " mind keeps on trying to take over my " irrational " mind,

> but I feel so unsettled. The food police are banging down the door

> and it's so hard to fend them off. I want to cry. I feel

> disappointed in myself. I feel ashamed. I feel out of control, but

> I felt like being out of control for a bit, if that makes sense. It

> was just easier. I wanted to take the easy route.

>

> Okay. There we have it--at least for now. It's late and I need to

> go to sleep.

>

> Warm wishes to all of you--and thanks for reading!

>

> ~Marla in Charlottesville

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, Marla! Love your name

So you went without bingeing for a month? That's great!

Congratulations As far as the binge is concerned... oh well, it

happens. Did something happen to make you feel the need to binge?

Are you worried about something or feeling some sort of anxiety?

Maybe loneliness? What kinds of foods did you choose? I don't know

if you knew this, but there are two categories of foods we use

emotionally - heart and head comfort foods. Heart comfort foods are

soft foods like mac-n-cheese or ice cream or pudding...used to

comfort yourself when you feel lonely or sad or empty somehow. Head

foods are things like chips or crackers or even hot dogs and pizza...

foods you can sink your teeth into or crunch on. We use these kinds

of foods to cope with anxiety or stress or anger...

Maybe if you try to use this binge as a learning experience, then you

will be better-prepared to deal with the underlying cause next time

you feel like bingeing.

Good luck, and great job making all that progress!

<3-----

>

> Hi, all... The only time I've posted here is when I introduced

> myself about a month or so ago. I'm not a poster, in general, but

I

> feel the need to vent because I need a bit of support.

>

> I've been working with a nutrition counselor/therapist who bases

her

> work on IE. This has been going on for a little over a month now.

> I've been working very hard at listening to my body, allowing

foods,

> and generally having an open mind about this whole thing. I've

> embraced the IE concept and truly believe in it. I know, in the

long

> run (and in my " rational " mind), it will prove to be one of the

best

> things I've done for myself, but I'm having a tough time with it

> right now.

>

> I just binged for the first time in more than a month and I'm

feeling

> guilty, yet trying to fend off the food police. I'm not sure who

> is " winning " . Although I actually savored and enjoyed every bite

and

> morsel of my goodies of choice, I have labeled them a " bad " food.

I

> know they are unhealthy in terms of saturated fat and calories and

> will cause weight gain--which has been my nemesis for about 30

years

> or more. I have so many " shoulds " running through my mind right

> now... I should eat salad all day tomorrow; I should exercise more

> over the weekend. I should restrict. I don't like these

thoughts.

> I don't know why I " gave in " to this binge. I can't put my finger

on

> the emotions I'm feeling. I guess that's the work I need to do.

>

>

> My " rational " mind keeps on trying to take over my " irrational "

mind,

> but I feel so unsettled. The food police are banging down the door

> and it's so hard to fend them off. I want to cry. I feel

> disappointed in myself. I feel ashamed. I feel out of control,

but

> I felt like being out of control for a bit, if that makes sense.

It

> was just easier. I wanted to take the easy route.

>

> Okay. There we have it--at least for now. It's late and I need to

> go to sleep.

>

> Warm wishes to all of you--and thanks for reading!

>

> ~Marla in Charlottesville

>

[Guest guest]

Marla,

What I love most about your post is how you are able to watch the

thoughts...to be aware of what's going on inside of you...so the

food police thoughts don't automatically dictate your next actions.

And yes, take the time to really feel and recognize for yourself

that you did go over a month without bingeing! It's funny how one

episode of compulsive eating can have more emotional weight than

more than a month of being in balance with yourself.

I've written in the past about a section in the IE book called " A

Strange Gift " , which basically states that when we have an episode

of out of control eating, it's a helpful personal signal to take

notice that something is going on with us.

Tribole & Resch wrote:

" You many go for a long time without using food to cope, when all of

a sudden emotional eating catches you by surprise. If this occurs,

it's not a sign of failure or that you've lost ground; instead it's

a strange gift. Overeating is simply a sign that stresses in your

life at that momement surpass the coping mechanisms that you have

developed....p. 162. This is a great section/chapter to re-read when

I've had similar moments. What I also love about the IE book is that

the authors emphasize that this process is more about what we do

consistently over time and that one meal or episode of eating is

just ONE meal and episode of eating over the course of a whole week,

a whole month, a whole year, and a whole lifetime of eating. It's

just a drop in a large bucket.

I definitely know the allure of feeling out of control with food.

I've been so controlled in most parts of my life and most of my life

that I know that sometimes using food is a way to just let go and

go " wild " in a way. So, I've been looking into ways to " go wild " /be

rebellious besides using food and try to monitor more when I'm

feeling the need to let go before I let go with food. It's not

generally acceptable to run wild and naked through the streets and

yet I believe that we all need ways to feel a sense of freedom and

being unencumbered.

What's been awesome in practicing IE is that like you, I have these

windows of time when I don't overeat, so I overeat much less. And

when I do overeat, like you I can enjoy the food more and also I

know that I'm eating less because I now have steady awareness of my

fullness level when I eat.

Take heart, you're experiencing the normal journey of life.

Latoya

>

> Hi, all... The only time I've posted here is when I introduced

> myself about a month or so ago. I'm not a poster, in general, but

I

> feel the need to vent because I need a bit of support.

>

> I've been working with a nutrition counselor/therapist who bases

her

> work on IE. This has been going on for a little over a month now.

> I've been working very hard at listening to my body, allowing

foods,

> and generally having an open mind about this whole thing. I've

> embraced the IE concept and truly believe in it. I know, in the

long

> run (and in my " rational " mind), it will prove to be one of the

best

> things I've done for myself, but I'm having a tough time with it

> right now.

>

> I just binged for the first time in more than a month and I'm

feeling

> guilty, yet trying to fend off the food police. I'm not sure who

> is " winning " . Although I actually savored and enjoyed every bite

and

> morsel of my goodies of choice, I have labeled them a " bad " food.

I

> know they are unhealthy in terms of saturated fat and calories and

> will cause weight gain--which has been my nemesis for about 30

years

> or more. I have so many " shoulds " running through my mind right

> now... I should eat salad all day tomorrow; I should exercise more

> over the weekend. I should restrict. I don't like these

thoughts.

> I don't know why I " gave in " to this binge. I can't put my finger

on

> the emotions I'm feeling. I guess that's the work I need to do.

>

>

> My " rational " mind keeps on trying to take over my " irrational "

mind,

> but I feel so unsettled. The food police are banging down the

door

> and it's so hard to fend them off. I want to cry. I feel

> disappointed in myself. I feel ashamed. I feel out of control,

but

> I felt like being out of control for a bit, if that makes sense.

It

> was just easier. I wanted to take the easy route.

>

> Okay. There we have it--at least for now. It's late and I need

to

> go to sleep.

>

> Warm wishes to all of you--and thanks for reading!

>

> ~Marla in Charlottesville

>

[Guest guest]

One other thing and I'm saying this more as a reminder to myself.

It's normal not to be perfect...it's normal not to be perfect...

It's a sign of balance not to be perfect...it's a sign of balance not

to be perfect...I'm human, it's ok

Wishing everyone a great humane Friday!

Latoya

I just binged for the first time in more than a month and I'm feeling

guilty, yet trying to fend off the food police. I'm not sure who

is " winning " . Although I actually savored and enjoyed every bite and

morsel of my goodies of choice, I have labeled them a " bad " food.

[Guest guest]

mkwhittenburg wrote:

> I don't know why I " gave in " to this binge. I can't put my finger on

> the emotions I'm feeling. I guess that's the work I need to do.

I don't think it's always possible to " put the finger on it " . I believe

that up to a certain point, emotional eating is not only a coping

mechanism but also a habit and you're only doing IE for a month now. It

will take time.

Regards

s.

[Guest guest]

Thank you to Katcha, , and Latoya for all of your responses to

my post! Just what I felt I needed--some grounding from supportive

women like you... It's just so nice to be validated and reassured that

I'm not doing anything " bad " . It's a big-picture thing and I am

certainly not perfect. It's nice to be reminded of that from outside

sources who are " in the know " about IE and the journey I'm taking.

I feel pretty great today. It's sunny and coo--and it's Friday.

Thank you all, again~

Marla