Re: IE Veteran Finally Positing-It's a Long one

[Guest guest]

Welcome and thanks for sharing your story!

Kipkabob

(Intuitive eating since September 2006)

Subject: IE Veteran Finally Positing-It's a Long oneTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Received: Saturday, December 20, 2008, 1:21 PM

Dear IE Friends,I have been practicing IE since 2000, for almost seven years. I have been a member to this site for close to a year and this is the first time I have worked up the courage to introduce myself. I have so much to say, and have no idea where to begin, so I am just going to keep it simple.I am 36-years-old and even though I have always been thin, I have had a lifelong battle with an eating disorder(anorexia) and have had disordered thinking in regards to food, weight, exercising and my body image for most of my life. When my life gets stressful and chaotic I look to control what I can control, and that is my weight. So I do all sorts of bad things to my body instead of working on my inner demons, not good (it took me years of therapy to be able to understand that about myself). Anyhow, when I turned 30, my running partner noticed how bad I was struggling with all my

issues relating to food, diet and exericise and recommended "Intuitive Eating." I read it, it spoke to me immedaitly, but I wasn't ready. I didn't fully commit myself to the process, I thought I was doinig it but in retrospect I was basically still depriving, so eventually I went back to starving myself and overexercising. Finally, something clicked and the rest is history. I have embraced "Intuitive Eating" and have read and re-read the book five times, in addition to the rest of "literary cannon" on this topic. Several of my friends noticed the positive change in me, and of course they loved that I was still thin but I wasn't dieting, so I have encouraged them to read the book too. So I kind of have a mini support group within them. I will never be as skinny as I was when I had anorexia, nor do I want to be because I got down to a very unhealthy weight, but I am at a very healthy weight and

BMI, I still run every day, I am healthy and up until recently I have been at peace with my food demons.Yes, after all these years of being able to keep up with it, I am officially struggling again. I have gained five pounds and my clothes are tight (which is alot for me, I have a very tiny frame) and it is from being depressed and miserable. I have been using food as my friend, instead of changing my life. I overeat, beat myself up, go run a million miles and then diet. Then I overeat, you all know the cyclical drill. I know what parts of my life are driving me to do it and I am trying to be gentle with myself because obviously this is the only way my body knows how to take care of myself. But, I feel like I am spinning out of control. I do not want to go back to being obessed with this again. I have been given such a gift with IE and have enjoyed a plethora of peaceful days with eating

and exercise, so I want to rise above this and work through my issues without going through that vicious cycle again. Already, just writing this email has made me feel very centered. I need some support from anyone who has fallen off of the wagon and would apprecate any feedback.As everyone knows IE is a continous and ardious daily journey that needs your full attention and focus. I have found, at least with myself, that food and dieting addictions are comparable to alchoholism and you never shake it, just learn how to live around it. What a minute, I said I was keeping this simple, right? Anyhow I want to say I absolutly love this group and enjoy reading everyone's posts every day.

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