Re: my mother....again

November 18, 2008

People definitely DON'T have any idea what 250 pounds actually looks

like. My husband weighs 250 pounds and he's HOT.

You are so right. What is it about mothers that all our hard work

seems to unravel with one or two sentences from them?!? They love us

and mean well but I think we naturally " heed " everything they say and

they have NO idea what they're saying could be emotionally hurting us.

They truly think they're just conversing, or else helping us, or

helping someone else.

Your mom thinks she's being concerned by worrying about your uncle's

weight. Try to keep that in mind. She's helpless, there's no way to

actually help, Alzheimer's is hell, so this is her contribution.

I'll bet you're just gorgeous at 250!

Hugs,

Mel

>

> Last night I was talking on the phone with my mother (how come a lot

of my posts start out with those same words?!). She and my dad had

been to visit my dad's older brother on Sunday evening. He's almost

90 and he has Alzheimer's. He still lives at home and his wife takes

care of him. Well I guess she's been feeding him a lot. Mom said

" he's so fat!! They were eating supper when we were there and the

food she had made for him! (she then rattled off this long list of

stuff). I guess that's her way of caring for him but he's so fat he

can barely get out of a chair!! Your father said he must weigh 250

pounds!! "

>

> Um...I weigh 250 pounds. I didn't say anything but I felt so

ashamed of myself. I don't think they have any concept of what a 250

pound person looks like...or that she was talking to a fat person who

might not enjoy discussing how fat people are!! Some people are just

so obsessed with how much people weigh.

>

> It was just a bizarre conversation.

>

> Kipkabob

> (Intuitive eating since September 2006)

>

> __________________________________________________________________

> Yahoo! Canada Toolbar: Search from anywhere on the web, and bookmark

your favourite sites. Download it now at

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November 18, 2008

Oh, also. This woman who teaches at my son's school is incredibly

beautiful. She's very shapely and she has a beautiful face. I'm always

jealous of her!

One day she was commenting about how she was trying to take off the

weight from her last baby and she said, " I'd just like to see any

number under 200 again! " I thought, *under* 200? Honestly. I would

have guessed her about 150, 160, 170. Well-over-200-pound people can

be beautiful, shapely, and no, it would not be possible to guess their

weight or anybody's weight. Mom probably threw " 250 " out there not

even knowing what she herself weighs... (wink) I've noticed that

phenomenon too...my MIL, who weighs approximately 40 pounds more than

I do (I know this for a fact), is always urging me to lose weight " for

my health " , LOL...

Hugs you lovely thing!

Mel

> >

> > Last night I was talking on the phone with my mother (how come a lot

> of my posts start out with those same words?!). She and my dad had

> been to visit my dad's older brother on Sunday evening. He's almost

> 90 and he has Alzheimer's. He still lives at home and his wife takes

> care of him. Well I guess she's been feeding him a lot. Mom said

> " he's so fat!! They were eating supper when we were there and the

> food she had made for him! (she then rattled off this long list of

> stuff). I guess that's her way of caring for him but he's so fat he

> can barely get out of a chair!! Your father said he must weigh 250

> pounds!! "

> >

> > Um...I weigh 250 pounds. I didn't say anything but I felt so

> ashamed of myself. I don't think they have any concept of what a 250

> pound person looks like...or that she was talking to a fat person who

> might not enjoy discussing how fat people are!! Some people are just

> so obsessed with how much people weigh.

> >

> > It was just a bizarre conversation.

> >

> > Kipkabob

> > (Intuitive eating since September 2006)

> >

__________________________________________________________________

> > Yahoo! Canada Toolbar: Search from anywhere on the web, and bookmark

> your favourite sites. Download it now at

> > http://ca.toolbar.yahoo.com.

> >

>

November 18, 2008

Thanks Mel! I do think I'm pretty gorgeous at 250 lbs!

Kipkabob

(Intuitive eating since September 2006)

Subject: Re: my mother....againTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Received: Tuesday, November 18, 2008, 11:54 AM

People definitely DON'T have any idea what 250 pounds actually lookslike. My husband weighs 250 pounds and he's HOT. You are so right. What is it about mothers that all our hard workseems to unravel with one or two sentences from them?!? They love usand mean well but I think we naturally "heed" everything they say andthey have NO idea what they're saying could be emotionally hurting us.They truly think they're just conversing, or else helping us, orhelping someone else. Your mom thinks she's being concerned by worrying about your uncle'sweight. Try to keep that in mind. She's helpless, there's no way toactually help, Alzheimer's is hell, so this is her contribution.I'll bet you're just gorgeous at 250!Hugs,Mel>> Last night I was talking on the phone with my mother (how come a lotof my posts start out with those same words?!). She and my dad hadbeen to visit my dad's older brother on Sunday evening. He's almost90 and he has Alzheimer's. He still lives at home and his wife takescare of him. Well I guess she's been feeding him a lot. Mom said"he's so fat!! They were eating supper when we were there and thefood she had made for him! (she then rattled off this long list ofstuff). I guess that's her way of caring for him but he's so fat hecan barely get out of a chair!! Your father said he must weigh 250pounds!!"> > Um...I weigh 250 pounds. I didn't say anything but I felt soashamed of myself. I don't think they have any concept of what a 250pound person looks like...or that she

was talking to a fat person whomight not enjoy discussing how fat people are!! Some people are justso obsessed with how much people weigh. > > It was just a bizarre conversation. > > Kipkabob> (Intuitive eating since September 2006)> > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _> Yahoo! Canada Toolbar: Search from anywhere on the web, and bookmarkyour favourite sites. Download it now at> http://ca.toolbar. yahoo.com.>

Yahoo! Canada Toolbar : Search from anywhere on the web and bookmark your favourite sites. Download it now!

November 18, 2008

Kipkabob, I know exactly how you feel. My mother, whom I love

dearly, is much of the reason I have food/weight issues. She doesn't

do it intentionally - she has food/weight issues herself, and she is

projecting them onto me. All it takes is for her to look a certain

way when I'm eating something " fattening " or to look me up and down

with that " look " when I'm wearing a tight outfit, and I fall to

pieces. Back to the diet mentality I go. I think that's why IE is

so important. We have to feel comfortable in our own skins, no

matter what weight we are. Life is too short to let other people's

opinions get us down. So whether it's a parent, sibling, spouse,

friend, or stranger, you should remember: the only person who can

tell you who you are, is YOU.

I hate the word " fat " . What does that word even mean, anyway? Fat

is a state of mind, and if you can accept and love your body for what

it is, then you are NOT fat.

Mother doesn't always know best.

<3----

> >

> > Last night I was talking on the phone with my mother (how come a

lot

> of my posts start out with those same words?!). She and my dad had

> been to visit my dad's older brother on Sunday evening. He's almost

> 90 and he has Alzheimer's. He still lives at home and his wife

takes

> care of him. Well I guess she's been feeding him a lot. Mom said

> " he's so fat!! They were eating supper when we were there and the

> food she had made for him! (she then rattled off this long list of

> stuff). I guess that's her way of caring for him but he's so fat he

> can barely get out of a chair!! Your father said he must weigh 250

> pounds!! "

> >

> > Um...I weigh 250 pounds. I didn't say anything but I felt so

> ashamed of myself. I don't think they have any concept of what a

250

> pound person looks like...or that she was talking to a fat person

who

> might not enjoy discussing how fat people are!! Some people are

just

> so obsessed with how much people weigh.

> >

> > It was just a bizarre conversation.

> >

> > Kipkabob

> > (Intuitive eating since September 2006)

> >

> > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

> > Yahoo! Canada Toolbar: Search from anywhere on the web, and

bookmark

> your favourite sites. Download it now at

> > http://ca.toolbar. yahoo.com.

> >

>

__________________________________________________________________

> Yahoo! Canada Toolbar: Search from anywhere on the web, and

bookmark your favourite sites. Download it now at

> http://ca.toolbar.yahoo.com.

>

November 18, 2008

Really makes me wonder WHEN will it (weight concerns) ever stop?! Hey,

the guy is 90 - give him a break! If all that is left for him to enjoy

are his taste buds, them buzz off everyone else. At least the wife

isn't starving him because he can't remember if he just ate or not ;-)

I'm sad to hear that your mother's comments made you down on yourself.

You are doing as best you can and have come so far with dumping diets

etc. I can't help but wonder if your mom could talk about other topics

than how people APPEAR?!? Isn't that like stating the weather? BORING,

and in this case - hurtful (if not just down right gossip type talk).

Good for you to realize it was a 'bizzare conversation' - shows how

much distance you have gained between what others say/think and what

you are.

ehugs, Katcha