How do I learn to trust my body?

[Guest guest]

Hi All,

I've been reading messages from this group for a couple of weeks now

and have been very impressed with the gentle advice and

encouragement. I guess it's time for me to introduce myself—please

bear with me as I describe my health issues which are related to my

IE story. My name is Cheryl, I'm 43 and have been struggling with

fibromyalgia for nearly 8 years. However, I wasn't diagnosed until

this past June. It took so long because I didn't recognize the pain—

I know that sounds strange but I thought everyone felt EVERY SINGLE

muscle move when they moved. It wasn't until I had a therapeutic

massage this summer (which was excrutiating, by the way) and was able

to move and not feel ANYTHING for a short time after the massage that

I realized I had been in pain. The problem during these last 8 years

is that since I didn't know I was feeling pain, I also didn't

necessary know what hunger felt like either. I just knew I didn't

feel right, so I would eat thinking that I was hungry or to numb

myself.

So now my doctor wants me to lose 15 pounds because diabetes runs

rampant in my family, my current fibro medication makes most people

gain weight, and I already have enough health problems to contend

with—fibromyalgia, asthma, hypothyroidism, and osteopenia. Well, I

knew my doctor would chew me out if I didn't lose some weight by the

time I saw him next so I joined Weight Watchers a couple of months

ago—I had never been on a diet before. I lost some weight, but I was

so troubled by how obsessed I became with food—I thought about food

ALL day.

Then my neighbor insisted on giving me a copy of " Intuitive Eating. "

I accepted the book graciously, but all the while I was thinking " I

don't need this—I'm on Weight Watchers. " But as I flipped through

the pages when I got home, I was dumbfounded by the realization that

this was how I used to eat for most of my life (my pre-fibro days).

I used to feel guilty for eating this way because my mom (both of my

parents have struggled with their weight) used to tell me " You're

lucky—you never have to watch what you eat. "

Now, I'm trying very hard to recognize and honor my hunger. I'm also

trying not to eat because of the pain and to do something else to

either ease it or distract myself. I'm trying really hard to

remember how I thought and felt about food before. I'm also going

through the book a second time more slowly and carefully which is

helping. I remind myself in almost a mantra-like way that " I can eat

as much as I want, of whatever I want, whenever I want. " It helps

ease the urgent feelings to eat because I know that there will be

enough of whatever food I'm craving and I can always have some

later. However, the constant pain is still sometimes too hard to

bear.

However, I'm still weighing myself a lot. I don't seem to get upset

at the number on the scale, so I thought it was like I was observing

what happens to my body when, for example, I eat a lot of salt. But

when I wrote in my journal this morning, I realize that I just don't

trust myself. More accurately, I don't trust my body. And to be

honest, my body hasn't been very reliable, predictable, or dependable

these past 8 years. How can I rely on my body when I can't even rely

on it to do basic activities like walking, writing, typing, or

standing? I'm not sure how to start trusting my body enough to do

IE.

Thanks for listening,

Cheryl