IE Veteran Finally Positing-It's a Long one

[Guest guest]

Dear IE Friends,

I have been practicing IE since 2000, for almost seven years. I have

been a member to this site for close to a year and this is the first

time I have worked up the courage to introduce myself. I have so much

to say, and have no idea where to begin, so I am just going to keep

it simple.

I am 36-years-old and even though I have always been thin, I have

had a lifelong battle with an eating disorder(anorexia) and have had

disordered thinking in regards to food, weight, exercising and my

body image for most of my life. When my life gets stressful and

chaotic I look to control what I can control, and that is my weight.

So I do all sorts of bad things to my body instead of working on my

inner demons, not good (it took me years of therapy to be able to

understand that about myself).

Anyhow, when I turned 30, my running partner noticed how bad I was

struggling with all my issues relating to food, diet and exericise

and recommended " Intuitive Eating. " I read it, it spoke to me

immedaitly, but I wasn't ready. I didn't fully commit myself to the

process, I thought I was doinig it but in retrospect I was basically

still depriving, so eventually I went back to starving myself and

overexercising.

Finally, something clicked and the rest is history. I have

embraced " Intuitive Eating " and have read and re-read the book five

times, in addition to the rest of " literary cannon " on this topic.

Several of my friends noticed the positive change in me, and of

course they loved that I was still thin but I wasn't dieting, so I

have encouraged them to read the book too. So I kind of have a mini

support group within them. I will never be as skinny as I was when I

had anorexia, nor do I want to be because I got down to a very

unhealthy weight, but I am at a very healthy weight and BMI, I still

run every day, I am healthy and up until recently I have been at

peace with my food demons.

Yes, after all these years of being able to keep up with it, I am

officially struggling again. I have gained five pounds and my clothes

are tight (which is alot for me, I have a very tiny frame) and it is

from being depressed and miserable. I have been using food as my

friend, instead of changing my life. I overeat, beat myself up, go

run a million miles and then diet. Then I overeat, you all know the

cyclical drill. I know what parts of my life are driving me to do it

and I am trying to be gentle with myself because obviously this is

the only way my body knows how to take care of myself.

But, I feel like I am spinning out of control. I do not want to go

back to being obessed with this again. I have been given such a gift

with IE and have enjoyed a plethora of peaceful days with eating and

exercise, so I want to rise above this and work through my issues

without going through that vicious cycle again. Already, just writing

this email has made me feel very centered. I need some support from

anyone who has fallen off of the wagon and would apprecate any

feedback.

As everyone knows IE is a continous and ardious daily journey that

needs your full attention and focus. I have found, at least with

myself, that food and dieting addictions are comparable to

alchoholism and you never shake it, just learn how to live around it.

What a minute, I said I was keeping this simple, right? Anyhow I want

to say I absolutly love this group and enjoy reading everyone's posts

every day.

[Guest guest]

Welcome and what an inspiring post! I know at first I found

it a challenge to think of anorexia as something that IE would be

helpful with, but hey, its just the other side of the same coin ;-)

Wonderful also to hear from another long time IE person too. Glad you

said hello and reminded me that the rewards of being at peace with

one's eating and body are worth the effort that IE requires.

Best to you - Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> Dear IE Friends,

>

> I have been practicing IE since 2000, for almost seven years. I have

> been a member to this site for close to a year and this is the first

> time I have worked up the courage to introduce myself. I have so much

> to say, and have no idea where to begin, so I am just going to keep

> it simple.

>

> I am 36-years-old and even though I have always been thin, I have

> had a lifelong battle with an eating disorder(anorexia) and have had

> disordered thinking in regards to food, weight, exercising and my

> body image for most of my life. When my life gets stressful and

> chaotic I look to control what I can control, and that is my weight.

> So I do all sorts of bad things to my body instead of working on my

> inner demons, not good (it took me years of therapy to be able to

> understand that about myself).

>

> Anyhow, when I turned 30, my running partner noticed how bad I was

> struggling with all my issues relating to food, diet and exericise

> and recommended " Intuitive Eating. " I read it, it spoke to me

> immedaitly, but I wasn't ready. I didn't fully commit myself to the

> process, I thought I was doinig it but in retrospect I was basically

> still depriving, so eventually I went back to starving myself and

> overexercising.

>

> Finally, something clicked and the rest is history. I have

> embraced " Intuitive Eating " and have read and re-read the book five

> times, in addition to the rest of " literary cannon " on this topic.

> Several of my friends noticed the positive change in me, and of

> course they loved that I was still thin but I wasn't dieting, so I

> have encouraged them to read the book too. So I kind of have a mini

> support group within them. I will never be as skinny as I was when I

> had anorexia, nor do I want to be because I got down to a very

> unhealthy weight, but I am at a very healthy weight and BMI, I still

> run every day, I am healthy and up until recently I have been at

> peace with my food demons.

>

> Yes, after all these years of being able to keep up with it, I am

> officially struggling again. I have gained five pounds and my clothes

> are tight (which is alot for me, I have a very tiny frame) and it is

> from being depressed and miserable. I have been using food as my

> friend, instead of changing my life. I overeat, beat myself up, go

> run a million miles and then diet. Then I overeat, you all know the

> cyclical drill. I know what parts of my life are driving me to do it

> and I am trying to be gentle with myself because obviously this is

> the only way my body knows how to take care of myself.

>

> But, I feel like I am spinning out of control. I do not want to go

> back to being obessed with this again. I have been given such a gift

> with IE and have enjoyed a plethora of peaceful days with eating and

> exercise, so I want to rise above this and work through my issues

> without going through that vicious cycle again. Already, just writing

> this email has made me feel very centered. I need some support from

> anyone who has fallen off of the wagon and would apprecate any

> feedback.

>

> As everyone knows IE is a continous and ardious daily journey that

> needs your full attention and focus. I have found, at least with

> myself, that food and dieting addictions are comparable to

> alchoholism and you never shake it, just learn how to live around it.

> What a minute, I said I was keeping this simple, right? Anyhow I want

> to say I absolutly love this group and enjoy reading everyone's posts

> every day.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

*ehugs* to you!!

So glad to read your post and be reminded that it is a lifelong

journey to treat ourselves better and not punish ourselves with food

(restricting or overeating).

I don't know if you have ever read " When Women Stop Hating Their

Bodies " , but I find it is one I keep returning to. My pattern has

been to take the frustration, fear, anger that I cannot express and

put it into hating my body.

Be gentle with yourself and practice " extreme self-care " !

>

> Dear IE Friends,

>

> I have been practicing IE since 2000, for almost seven years. I

have

> been a member to this site for close to a year and this is the

first

> time I have worked up the courage to introduce myself. I have so

much

> to say, and have no idea where to begin, so I am just going to keep

> it simple.

>

> I am 36-years-old and even though I have always been thin, I have

> had a lifelong battle with an eating disorder(anorexia) and have

had

> disordered thinking in regards to food, weight, exercising and my

> body image for most of my life. When my life gets stressful and

> chaotic I look to control what I can control, and that is my

weight.

> So I do all sorts of bad things to my body instead of working on my

> inner demons, not good (it took me years of therapy to be able to

> understand that about myself).

>

> Anyhow, when I turned 30, my running partner noticed how bad I was

> struggling with all my issues relating to food, diet and exericise

> and recommended " Intuitive Eating. " I read it, it spoke to me

> immedaitly, but I wasn't ready. I didn't fully commit myself to the

> process, I thought I was doinig it but in retrospect I was

basically

> still depriving, so eventually I went back to starving myself and

> overexercising.

>

> Finally, something clicked and the rest is history. I have

> embraced " Intuitive Eating " and have read and re-read the book five

> times, in addition to the rest of " literary cannon " on this topic.

> Several of my friends noticed the positive change in me, and of

> course they loved that I was still thin but I wasn't dieting, so I

> have encouraged them to read the book too. So I kind of have a mini

> support group within them. I will never be as skinny as I was when

I

> had anorexia, nor do I want to be because I got down to a very

> unhealthy weight, but I am at a very healthy weight and BMI, I

still

> run every day, I am healthy and up until recently I have been at

> peace with my food demons.

>

> Yes, after all these years of being able to keep up with it, I am

> officially struggling again. I have gained five pounds and my

clothes

> are tight (which is alot for me, I have a very tiny frame) and it

is

> from being depressed and miserable. I have been using food as my

> friend, instead of changing my life. I overeat, beat myself up, go

> run a million miles and then diet. Then I overeat, you all know the

> cyclical drill. I know what parts of my life are driving me to do

it

> and I am trying to be gentle with myself because obviously this is

> the only way my body knows how to take care of myself.

>

> But, I feel like I am spinning out of control. I do not want to go

> back to being obessed with this again. I have been given such a

gift

> with IE and have enjoyed a plethora of peaceful days with eating

and

> exercise, so I want to rise above this and work through my issues

> without going through that vicious cycle again. Already, just

writing

> this email has made me feel very centered. I need some support from

> anyone who has fallen off of the wagon and would apprecate any

> feedback.

>

> As everyone knows IE is a continous and ardious daily journey that

> needs your full attention and focus. I have found, at least with

> myself, that food and dieting addictions are comparable to

> alchoholism and you never shake it, just learn how to live around

it.

> What a minute, I said I was keeping this simple, right? Anyhow I

want

> to say I absolutly love this group and enjoy reading everyone's

posts

> every day.

>

>

>