Re: (unknown)

[Guest guest]

Lupie arrived 10-18-00 7:54 pm

7.0 lbs 19.5 in

14 hours labor (all during the day after a night's sleep for us)

Lenore

At 11:41 PM 11/2/00 +0000, you wrote:

>im back and have missed you all terribly. any news? lenore,

>anything new yet?

>julie

>

>

>

>Children are a reward from the Lord.

>Psalm 127:3

>

[Guest guest]

oh congratulations!!!! nice size too. long labors stink though...too bad

we cant all be lucky enough to have short labors. i loved being pregnant

and miss it alot. the doctor told me he didnt want to see me for a

year....for any reason. think i got the hint????

julie

Re: (unknown)

Lupie arrived 10-18-00 7:54 pm

7.0 lbs 19.5 in

14 hours labor (all during the day after a night's sleep for us)

Lenore

At 11:41 PM 11/2/00 +0000, you wrote:

>im back and have missed you all terribly. any news? lenore,

>anything new yet?

>julie

>

>

>

>Children are a reward from the Lord.

>Psalm 127:3

>

Children are a reward from the Lord.

Psalm 127:3

[Guest guest]

hi...its so nice to be back but i miss my poor baby soo much. i ended up

losing 8 lbs from pre-pregnancy the week before i delivered. i have now

lost about 40 lbs after the baby. dont lose sleep over your eating. i am

happy to report that i can still not eat too much. i didnt have any problem

for a while but the other day i was eating dinner and hit the over-flow

point. what a thing to be glad about huh? let me know if i can tell you

anymore.

julie

Re: (unknown)

Hey

Give some of us pregos hope........How much did you gain while preg and did

you lose it all ??

Children are a reward from the Lord.

Psalm 127:3

[Guest guest]

welcome. please be careful. i got pregnant at 3 month. it was a very

trying time for us but all did turn out well. i would deal with the time

frame to enjoy your weightloss. its the best thing i have done for myself.

julie

(unknown)

Hi, my name is Patti and I am new to this group, I just had my

surgery on the 27th of Nov. I have lost 57lbs so far. My husband and

I have been married for 4 years and we want a child more than

anything, I was told at 320lbs that it would be very hard for us to

concieve, plus I had diabeties, also due to an operation I had when I

was 18yrs old I have only 1 overy , but we are determined to at least

try, I am looking for any advise on how we get started is there any

other websites with info on pregnancy after WLS? My surgeon wants me

to wait at least a year after surgery to even try to get pregnant,

did any one here get pregnant before that? Well thank you for any

answers I can get.

Patti

Children are a reward from the Lord.

Psalm 127:3

[Guest guest]

good luck on the job. can't make any promises about my behavior.

Lenore

At 04:36 AM 2/26/01 +0000, you wrote:

>ok, this is it!!! i have to go to digest for a while. now, you all

>behave while im gone ok? lenore, this means you!!! : ) i will be

>starting my new job on the 5th and will be a while before i find out

>how much time i will have to play. i will miss you guys terrible

>while i am gone but you poor kids will have to put up with me again i

>promise.

>julie

>

>

>

>Children are a reward from the Lord.

>Psalm 127:3

>

>

[Guest guest]

Knowing the diagnosis is half the battle! Keep educating yourself and family as

much as possible about BPD. Try not to give up on your daughter. But there is

a light at the end of the tunnel.

a mom of a 17 newly diagnosed bpd

[Guest guest]

Hi J.

I am the mother of a 28 year old daughter with BPD. She too has two

children that I have practically raised. In January of this year we went to

court and got legal custody of both children. She had used them as pawns to

manipulate us and after much prayer about knowing what to do, we knew when

it was time. Her husband had put her in the hospital and he was in jail for

domestic violence. (All of the violence occurring with the baby in her

arms!) Anyway, we have the children now and so we get to make the rules. I

am learning that while I can't save her, I can significantly impact her

children. Deciding how much to allow her in their lives is the hard part.

She is so pushy and manipulative and knows all my buttons to push. But a

good measuring tool is the girls and the progress they've made since we got

them. Life is hard, dealing with a borderline makes it that much harder.

Seems to skew logic and reason. I am learning that the more I continue to

hold the boundaries in place the easier it is to do it. One slip and she

pushes me back to the beginning. It is amazing to me how one person can

spin so many lives out of kilter.

My four year old granddaughter and I have a bond that is incredible too.

She will wake up at night and say, " Thanks nana for taking such good care

of me and Dacey. " Four year olds shouldn't have to worry about who is

taking care of them. It should be a given! It pains my heart to think about

the scars they will bear from this.

Good luck, keep posting and try to be good to yourself. Hopefully, when

your daughter realizes that she can't care for her children properly

she'll bring them back to you.

a

a Jamerson

Coordinator, Alumni Relations

Kilgore College

1100 Broadway

Kilgore, TX 75662-3299

903/983-8187 voice

903/983-8255 fax

" jason Bonapart "

<gluedtothephone@h To:

WTOparentsOfBPS

otmail.com> cc:

Subject:

(unknown)

10/20/03 09:33 PM

Please respond to

WTOParentsOfBPs

hi,

I am the mother of a 23 yr old daughter who has BPD. She has not been

diagnosed officially, but it was suggested to me by someone that she may

have it and suggested that I read about it. She has all of the traits.

She

has made life a living hell for our family. I have recently decided to

just

step aside and just stay out of her life, but that is very difficult since

she has two small children that I have almost raised since birth due to her

mental illness. I love those children dearly and I miss them terribly. I

have bonded with her four year old daughter closer than any bond she and I

have ever come close to getting. She resents the closeness that we share

and stresses about it all of the time. Of course she stresses about

everything. Anyway I am going through a great deal right now trying to

deal

with all of the problems brought on by her and I thought maybe this site

could help out.

J.

_________________________________________________________________

Send instant messages to anyone on your contact list with MSN Messenger

6.0. Try it now FREE! http://msnmessenger-download.com

[Guest guest]

Yep...and our kids can appear so " normal " ...people don't understand....but, I

feel guilty for being angry at something my baby can't help in many ways.

Jodi

[Guest guest]

I know it is a long shot...but, anyone know of support groups in Florida?

Jodi

[Guest guest]

firefl5@... wrote:

> I know it is a long shot...but, anyone know of support groups in Florida?

>

> Jodi

Hi Jodi,

Ummmm, for offlist regional support groups try #23 " Regional

Support Groups " on my Gal Friday list of 'goodies' at:

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/GalFriday/messages

- Edith

List Manager & Gal Friday

/ WelcomeToOz Family of NonBP Email Support Groups

[Guest guest]

I live in north FL, and I got *some* support from NAMI, from going to

their meetings.....support groups. It does help to at least locate

what resources are available in your community and what isn't.

NAMI.....National Association for Mental Illness

Debbie

> I know it is a long shot...but, anyone know of support groups in

Florida?

>

> Jodi

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I too have a daughter who tried to hurt me and a husband who worked all

the time. I have been in the place that you are and you do have to take

care of yourself first. I also have another child who needs me, I had

to do it for him.

[Guest guest]

You are in my thoughts and prayers..

Jodi

[Guest guest]

rivka wrote:

> ... she suffers so. she

> was just dreadful this am-school refusal, raging fit, saying the

> most awful things only she could think of-then sobbing her eyes out

> saying in her tiny 10 yo voice how she knows it is her " illness "

> talking and she is SO sorry, please to help her make it stop hurting

> us BOTH. all 50 pounds of her heaving and sobbing. she is b/c more

> intense and less able to " see " as she approaches puberty-and all i

> could see was the next 20 or 30 or 40 years of hell for us both.

Hi Rivka,

I wonder if NAMI has any info of interest to you, and anyone else on

this list, at their Child and Adolescent Action Center?

http://www.nami.org/template.cfm?section=Child_and_Adolescent_Action_Center

- Edith

[Guest guest]

Hello,

We have a youth challenge program here in NJ. It's held at Fort Dix, a

military base.

The term starts in Sept. but the only drawback I can see is that the program

is voluntary. Sooooooooooo, she can choose to leave whenever she wants. I'm

finding it more difficult by the day to have her placed, AND be made to stay

put. Good luck to you.

Debbie

[Guest guest]

Did you ask them if they advise the kids that they can leave if they

want? Here in Fla they can but they don't make it well known to the

kids.

[Guest guest]

Rivka,

Hold on to those moments and even during puberty I did have the hand

holding and the as I call them " mommy times " . But at this time I have

to detach with love. I have been grieving over this for weeks. All I

do is work and sleep. I am just numb all over, can't feel anything, but

I know the time has come. I hope you have more years left before you

get to my point in life.

Good luck to you

[Guest guest]

,

I really don't believe in this case that you could feel better knowing you are

not alone - but I will say, I do know exactly what you are going through. It

sounds like I am in exactly the same situation. I am guessing it is going to be

heartbreaking over the next few months as I need to stop financially supporting

my daughter and expect she will be crying on my door step. I really wish you the

best of luck.

Re: (unknown)

Rivka,

Hold on to those moments and even during puberty I did have the hand

holding and the as I call them " mommy times " . But at this time I have

to detach with love. I have been grieving over this for weeks. All I

do is work and sleep. I am just numb all over, can't feel anything, but

I know the time has come. I hope you have more years left before you

get to my point in life.

Good luck to you

Send questions & concerns to WTOParentsOfBPs-owner . " Stop

Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL

(). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

[Guest guest]

Rivka,

Does she understand her own motives? Does she understand exactly " how " she is

different than other ppl? That her pain is not experienced in the internal life

others experience themselves? Is there any way for her to become conscious of

this?

Liz

-- " rivka " wrote:

psychodynamically confrontation is the MAIN means by which BPD define

themselves, it is their source of gaining SOME sort of SELF. i think

the world at large takes for granted having some consistent sense of

self, actually knowing what one likes and doesn't; liking the

same " friends " day after day, trusting a person in an ongoing manner-

plus-the brain structures responsible for controlling rage, for

inhibiting excessive emotion dont work well. amygdala, frontal

cortex, limbic system. abnormal. if only there were a way for us all

to truly feel what they feel, walk in their shoes-with all my

training i CONSTANTLY struggle to understand that my dtr's behavior

is more controlled by her BRAIN DISEASE then by purposeful choices

that she makes. i still must have her undergo the consequences for

her behavior-she must live in this world, and i know that practically

no one will understand her the way i do-

i smooth out the road for her while i can-but i do NOT indulge her, i

understand(what little it seems is possible of) her illness.

she had 7 hours of psych. testing. i KNOW what she is capable of and

esp. in what areas of function her brain is failing her, failing to

correct paranoid thoughts, failing to give her the means to control

her rage, failing to let her have a moments peace in her own skin.

the testing showed, conclusively, how defective her thinking is. and

how classically BORDERLINE these deficits, together were.

she is not bad, nor lazy, nor selfish. she does not take pleasure

when she loses her temper and hurts someone, she cries herself to

sleep most nights asking why " this monster " (as she calls her illness)

is inside her. she begs for someone to tell her how to stop the " bad "

thoughts and " awful, scared " feelings. as she goes thru her life,

wanting only to live with a bit less (daily) agony, i hope i remember

she is trying to lessen HER pain, not cause mine. rivka

Send questions & concerns to WTOParentsOfBPs-owner . " Stop

Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL

(). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

[Guest guest]

-- " rivka " wrote:

liz-please tell me as much detail as you can

1-when did you 1st know somethiing was wrong?

" wrong " is a difficult word to use, since some of his " symptoms " in fact are

that in certain ways he is " over functioning " , which at the time did not appear

" wrong " , but as the pattern developed, it became clear that his too-rapid

maturing in certain areas was a factor in how his overall functioning became

" off balance " .

INFANCY:

--walked at 8.5 months.

--refused to sleep alone, ever.

--excessively loving and wanting to be held/attached/have attention.

--problems playing alone, always wanted to be interacting with another person.

" people person " to an extreme.

--afraid of dark

--problem detaching from mom (me) and going to caregivers. Needed an absolute

" transition period " of at least 15 minutes with ppl he knew, and more with ppl

he didn't know.

Then, the next stage in his life, his dad started visiting basically since

birth, but the visits were spread out b'cause of distance (3500 miles). All I

can speak to is how he acted after the visit, since I was not present at the

visits, and since also, his father insisted on being alone, ie unsupervised, for

visits, so that no one who Jon knew and felt comfortable with was able to go on

the visits to make the transition easier for kiddo. Also, his father insisted on

simply comming to the door, I had to have him ready, and it was a quick 10

second hand-off, with NO transition. He refused to come into my house, even if I

promised to not be there. Kiddo screamed with terror and was literally pulled

off of me most of the time. Transitions were horrible. Father blamed me, saying

that I had " prompted " or somehow prepared kiddo to act thus, saying that my

motive was to " destroy his relationship with kiddo " .

Kiddo would come back from visits in, to be brief about description, a

hypo-manic stage.

--unable to sleep, sleeping 2-3 hours per night

--wanting to " play " at night, 2-3-6am

--constipated. during one situation, he did not eliminate for I forget, I think

12 days straight.

--talking and babbling non-stop

--super demanding

--talking to strangers, no boundaries, no sense of " danger " ie running head long

into crashing waves in freezing cold temperatures. (yes I did stop him before he

got to the water).

In short, this pattern continued, developing as his age progressed, but was

pretty consistant over the years. I was blamed for " turning him against his

dad " , being " overly possessive and hence instilling his stranger anxiety in

him " , " manipulating the situation to get back at the dad " etc.

He would display these behaviors for 2 weeks to 2 months, depending on how long

the visit lasted, whether it was near his house or whether I had to fly him

across country and he was near his dad's house for the visit (yep, x-country

flights for visitations started age 2.2)

I would work with him as I have described to you before, the " horse whisperer "

thing, constant redirecting, until he was detoxed, calm, not hype-manic.

Things came to a head age 7.6 after Christmas visit, in January. Attempted

suicide, knife, throwing himself out of the car.

Finally I had the good fortune, at that time in January 2001, that I had found a

Dr. who was willing to go further than just blaming me and accusing me of

" instilling behaviors " . In his office, day after attempted suicide, he offered

hospitalization. We went from zero to 100 in 3 hours. First I had heard of psych

ward for kids for these things. (call me naive, but I've never heard of this

stuff before). I emphatically accepted suggestion, relieved that something would

be done. Lights went on in my head, finally realizing stuff. Drove from Dr.s

office to hospital that afternoon, admitted that evening.

That started the Year From Hell that I have written about here, with I forget

how many hospitalizations, something like 12, in about 13 months. Multiple

suicide, runaway, mania, halucinations, rages, attempts to kill me, attacks on

me and his grandma, etc etc.

2-lookin even further back, what were 1st symptoms

I guess I answered this.

3-how did you find out sop early and what dx and tx have you gotten

him sibce

He presented his suicidal tendency early, got ppls attention. At that Dr's

office, in fact, he attempted an attack on the Dr., " high kicking " within a few

inches of Dr.'s face (dr was sitting down). Laughing hysterically, attacking

every piece of furniture in the house (house is his office), attacking trees in

yard, picking up sticks, actually 6 foot long logs, swinging wildly. Biting

himself, drawing blood, wild eyes. Complete horror.

4-what seelms to work at home?

I have mentioned the re-direct, the getting ahead of him and redirecting him

until he can redirect himself. DBT is the only thing that works.

5-suggestions?

KIDS: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.

Liz

[Guest guest]

I truly am hoping for good days for you and good health. I am so sorry you have

not been well.

(unknown)

i have been having computer problems again-when i cant " get on " line-i

feel so cut off.

i want to respond to many posts, but can't do all at this moment.

i wanted, though, to thank you all-for being so brave, esp. in

sharing your heartache, for " staying in the fight " to help the kids-

even when it most often seems w/o reward, and for being there for me.

this has been an extroidinarily difficult time in my life, even

before my dtr's sx became of such concern. i have been ill, and the

news of late has not been good. i realized that at one point i

lamented the fact that i would likely never have the freedom one

expects after the first two decades of parenting. now, my focus is

just to be here for my dtr, to be able to shoulder that burden and be

with her long enough that i may(and i know it is selfish) but i would

like to at least be with her until i feel that she can get along

without me. i have learned, in this past week's time, to be content

with so much less than when the week started.

ann, mary: the 1st problems my dtr had was: SCHOOL PHOBIA-starting

in kindergarten-she refused, would kick and scratch not to go. my trg

led me to look long and hard if in some way she was responding to

cues from me, if she was refusing because she thought i wanted/needed

her home. i truly believe that i did not, not even unconsciously-the

school refusal.phobia was so intense-and something my other chuildren

did not have-but more than that-hearing so many of you who had

similar issues leads me to believe that it is one of the SYMPTOMS of

the complex brain functions that are damaged-the ds. is there -it

just " looks " different, at different ages b/c of the differing social

maturity and requirements of that period of life. for me there is

no " chicken or egg " controversy- i could let HER go, she could not

let ME. and it remains so today.

i will write when i can-please forgive me for not responding now to

those who asked me things. love to all, rivka

Send questions & concerns to WTOParentsOfBPs-owner . " Stop

Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL

(). For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

[Guest guest]

Rivka,

Keeping you in thoughts and prayers, wishing you to feel better. We

miss your posts.

Take care of yourself, and come back to us when you are ready and feeling up

to it.

Debbie

[Guest guest]

just to let you know my daughter has uped her abilifiy to 20mg and is taking

lithium 900mgs a day and she says she is starting to feel better but who

really knows it could just be a cover up but I can say lithium was the best med

for

her.

good luck bobbie.