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Hi everyone... I wanted to stick my head in the door here to try to

connect with everyone. I am trying to give up on diets, and 12 step

stuff because non of it has ever worked at all. However, it seems that

as much as I want to embrace intuitive eating I find that I am

rebelling if that makes sense against the idea. I just feel like I am

rolling around my days now with no direction and my eating is just

nuts. One thing that I have become aware of is tasting my food instead

of inhaling my food. I don't do it all the time but I am becoming more

aware of it.

Anyway, I just wanted to reach out because I am really needing some

connections and support these days. Physically I am really in a

horrible place right now. My legs are giving out on me and of course I

am telling myself I have to " diet " to get my act together so to speak.

OK I have to end because I am just rattling nonsense.

Peace-

Dawn

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Latoya thank you for such a great response. I operate so much out of a

fear mode that I don't even think about the other things that you

mentioned. My fear is based in not having enough food, eating to much

food, not getting the right food... blah blah blah. Fear runs and

ruins me. Right now (like too many times these days) being broke is

really making fear run wild inside me. As a result the food issue just

spirals.

The real deal though deep inside me is that I crave a certain

lifestyle so much that snickers just seem to work as a tool to kill

the fear of perhaps accomplishing that life if that makes sense. It's

almost easier to give in and agree that yea, I have a food addiction

that is out of control, than it is to say hey, I just have a fear

issue that is out of control and right now I am just doing the only

thing I know how to do to deal with it.

I like the strategies you gave me and I plan on working them into my

life on a meal to meal basis so I can start to step towards that

holistic life I crave not the pie that I don't.

Thank you again for your insight..

Peace-

Dawn

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Dawn,

I think I may understand some of what you shared...it somehow feels

almost easier to fixate and obsess on food issues than to try to

deal with fear itself? Sometimes it is easier to get caught up in

the symptoms than to see and to work with the core issues. At least

that's the " sense " I got when I let your words sink in and that

makes alot of sense to me. It's very easy to use food and restrict

food and by doing so numb the fear and anxiety that can seem

overwhelming. The awesome thing is that you have awareness of how

fear operates in your life. I think that learning to recognize and

work with our fears and how they manifest in our eating is really

important.

Some of us have talked on the group about developing the ability to

sit with our true feelings more...fear and all. I've found that the

ability to truly feel my feelings has been the best medicine for

getting through them and for lessening the power of my intense

feelings to send me into tailspins or eating blackouts. I'm making

the least money I've made in my entire adult life and as result I'm

living with my mom again (which brings up a host of issues), and I

face regular anxiety at the prospect of being able to pay back my

student loans when they come into effect next year. So, I'm

definitely familiar with fear and I've done alot of work with it

over the past several years. Fear is a form of constriction, so I've

studied different writings and incorporated different practices in

order to work with my tendency to constrict and to find ways to

expand out into the world. One of my favorite " books "

is " Comfortable with Uncertainty " by Pema Chodron, which consists of

a collection of mini 1-3 page wisdom chapters. I randomly flip to a

chapter in this book as a reminder of my desire to stay centered and

with a yahoo id what includes " zen " , I thought you might appreciate

it, if you haven't already got this work.

Pursuing your dreams can seem like a very daunting task...baby steps

and bite size pieces toward a vision helps make it manageable and

tangible. I do truly believe that the small and large steps (the

work we do in service of our dreams) are the real gifts that we give

to ourselves that bring meaning and depth to our everyday life.

Latoya:)

>

> Latoya thank you for such a great response. I operate so much out

of a

> fear mode that I don't even think about the other things that you

> mentioned. My fear is based in not having enough food, eating to

much

> food, not getting the right food... blah blah blah. Fear runs and

> ruins me. Right now (like too many times these days) being broke is

> really making fear run wild inside me. As a result the food issue

just

> spirals.

>

> The real deal though deep inside me is that I crave a certain

> lifestyle so much that snickers just seem to work as a tool to kill

> the fear of perhaps accomplishing that life if that makes sense.

It's

> almost easier to give in and agree that yea, I have a food

addiction

> that is out of control, than it is to say hey, I just have a fear

> issue that is out of control and right now I am just doing the only

> thing I know how to do to deal with it.

>

> I like the strategies you gave me and I plan on working them into

my

> life on a meal to meal basis so I can start to step towards that

> holistic life I crave not the pie that I don't.

>

> Thank you again for your insight..

>

> Peace-

> Dawn

>

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