overate - oops!

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

I've been trying to legalize brownies. I have made alot of progress with other foods - there aren't many sweets that scare me or that I feel I must binge on or else I won't get enough of them. I keep cookies, peanutbutter, mayo, ice cream, etc in my house with no problem. Brownies is my last food. I used to binge pretty badly on brownie batter - it was the batter that I ate. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love brownies, too. But the batter was the "problem".

So I've been baking brownies alot this past week. Most times, once the batter is made, I taste/eat some of it. I do it with awareness; really tasting and enjoying the batter. I have not eaten to the point of being sick on the batter.

Today I made my third batch of brownies (over the past week). For some reason, I overate the batter. I also ate it quickly and sneakily. I don't know why. I feel a little sick in my stomach from it, too. I feel dissapointed in myself. I started wondering why I ate so much of the batter and in such a "covert" way.

Here's what I realized: as I was making this batch of brownies, I was thinking to myself, "well, third times the charm! I won't need to make brownies again for a while." I was also noticing how much sugar was gone from the sugar container from baking, and how many eggs I had used this past week or so. Subconsiously, I had decided no more brownies or batter after this batch. I set myself up for "last supper eating".

I"m trying not to beat myself up about this. I will admit, I'm having fear of weight gain since eating too much. I notice when I eat past the point of what is comfy fullness for me, I trigger obsessive thoughts about weight, etc. I'm reminding myself to be gentle, that I have learned a great lesson from this brownie experience. I'm writing all of this to help me process how I"m feeling.

Now all I have to do is continue to listen to my body today

Thanks!!

Kim

IE since Aug 08