An Interesting Discovery...

[Guest guest]

So today I was really upset because I keep sabotaging myself in this

effort to be come an Intuitive Eater. This week is exam week at

school, and despite my days of really listening to my body and its

needs, I had a bad day yesterday and ate too much food while feeling

emotionally-charged. Not only that, but I continue to get up and eat

in the middle of the night.

To try and solve these problems, I have been using EFT. EFT is so

helpful, but my problem is that I don't know why I do what I do. My

mom never forced me to " clean my plate. " In fact, she used to tell

me I didn't have to eat everything if I didn't feel hungry anymore.

The night-eating habit I developed myself, and I don't know why I

started this habit other than to comfort myself back to sleep.

So today, I ripped my jeans trying to put them on. And while it

sounds funny when written out and read, it was really emotionally

devastating to me, and I pretty much broke down. I called my mother

today and talked to her about my situation. Of course she was great

about the whole thing. My jeans don't fit - so what, we'll buy you

bigger ones. That kind of thing. So we're discussing the new habits

I am trying to build in myself, and my mom tells me I really need to

stop night-eating. I know, trust me, I KNOW, but it feels almost

impossible to break. I get up at night without thinking and eat...

I'm almost never hungry at this point, and so unfortunately, I am

gaining weight.

And then we start talking about how I just have so much trouble

waiting until I am hungry to eat. I've never been able to gauge it.

When I was a little girl, I was always overweight, so I've never ever

been a " naturally thin " person who eats when hungry and stops when

full. Suddenly, my mom started thinking back to my infancy and how

she would never let me get hungry. She never waited for me to cry

before she gave me a bottle. The doctor told her, you have to let

her get hungry, but my mom couldn't do it.

Not only that! But also, my mom couldn't stand it when I cried at

night. She could let me cry myself to sleep, so inevitably I'd start

crying, and she would come in and comfort me with, guess what?! A

bottle!

Food!

So that is IT. I am so happy I have found the source of why I behave

this way. I couldn't figure it out, and so I couldn't let go.

Granted, I don't blame my mother for ANYTHING. She did her best, and

despite my weight/food problems, she really did a good job raising me

to be a strong, independent woman. No parent is perfect, but my mom

is really darn close. I am just thrilled to finally know why I have

never ever been an Intuitive Eater, even when I was small. I know

there is nothing biologically wrong with me, and that it is still

possible for me to do this. Now I realize that this is going to be a

LONG drawn-out process for me because while many overweight people

are making an attempt to rediscover their naturally-thin self, I am

INVENTING mine.

Thoughts/opinions? Can anyone relate? Let me know!

<3-------and more <3-------

[Guest guest]

Thank you for writing this!

The last part hit home for me... It helped me realize how

seemingly " minor " events that I might not even be aware of have

impacted my eating style.

And I completely relate to what you said about your family background

and not understanding why you have issues with eating. I often think

why I have such a difficult time with eating when I come from a super

functional family. I have had no trauma in past.

But then I realize it is so individualized. For me, I found that my

anxiety and perfectionist temperment while living within a thin -

focused society are the true foundations of my eating issues. Then

there are the minor outlyers like how my family focus on being

healthy way too much and using food to celebrate evert occasion.

I think your night time eating is interesting. Especially when you

relate it to what your mother told you. I found that I have picked up

certain eating habits that have been hard to break. Like, want to

pretty much be munching on something all the time. But now that I am

doing IE I really don't need to do this. So I am in major withdrawal

from not chewing on stuff. haha!

Well goodluck!

- K

[Guest guest]

,

It's so awesome that you can talk with your mom about your process,

feel supported, and get some insight into your own personal

conditioning.

There are pictures of me at 3 months old and although I was

adorable, my little body was rolls of fat. My mother had me at the

age of 14, so no telling what she was eating. I had never thought

about this until your message, but knowing my family, I'm sure that

I was also given a bottle or food to calm me even if I wasn't

hungry. True hunger isn't usually the reason we eat in my family.

At 4 years old, I started sneaking food at night when my mom had to

leave me for 4 months and gained 60 lbs...which led to years and

years of using food to cope. So, I too am creating a new

relationship with food and am observing how my body responds.

Creating new patterns/conditioning will take some time. Though,

using food is my default switch. So, I can see that cases of ongoing

stress or extreme stress may compel me back into a pattern of using

food at times and that's ok. Because at my next meal I can honor my

hunger again and my fullness and keep putting one foot in front of

the other. I can also give priority to self-care so that I don't get

to points of stress that draw new toward food in the first place.

Latoya:)

Now I realize that this is going to be a LONG drawn-out process for

me because while many overweight people are making an attempt to

rediscover their naturally-thin self, I am INVENTING mine.

>

> Thoughts/opinions? Can anyone relate? Let me know!

>

> <3-------and more <3-------

>

[Guest guest]

,

How wonderful that you can share your IE journey with your Mom and

you have her support. There are many of us out there where our

Mom's just don't get it!

Awareness is so part of the process. And I think most of us go

through a period where we look back and figure out where our

disordered eating began. That insight is very powerful but also

very scary.

I commend you for not being angry and resentful at your Mom. Many

of us are still working through that.

You are well on your way to recovery and I have no doubt that you

will eventually be able to gauge your hunger/fulness levels. Just

keep doing what you are doing and working through all this stuff!

It's not easy, but it sure is rewarding!

Alana

-- In IntuitiveEating_Support , " luvkittykandie "

wrote:

>

> So today I was really upset because I keep sabotaging myself in

this

> effort to be come an Intuitive Eater. This week is exam week at

> school, and despite my days of really listening to my body and its

> needs, I had a bad day yesterday and ate too much food while

feeling

> emotionally-charged. Not only that, but I continue to get up and

eat

> in the middle of the night.

>

> To try and solve these problems, I have been using EFT. EFT is so

> helpful, but my problem is that I don't know why I do what I do.

My

> mom never forced me to " clean my plate. " In fact, she used to

tell

> me I didn't have to eat everything if I didn't feel hungry

anymore.

> The night-eating habit I developed myself, and I don't know why I

> started this habit other than to comfort myself back to sleep.

>

> So today, I ripped my jeans trying to put them on. And while it

> sounds funny when written out and read, it was really emotionally

> devastating to me, and I pretty much broke down. I called my

mother

> today and talked to her about my situation. Of course she was

great

> about the whole thing. My jeans don't fit - so what, we'll buy

you

> bigger ones. That kind of thing. So we're discussing the new

habits

> I am trying to build in myself, and my mom tells me I really need

to

> stop night-eating. I know, trust me, I KNOW, but it feels almost

> impossible to break. I get up at night without thinking and

eat...

> I'm almost never hungry at this point, and so unfortunately, I am

> gaining weight.

>

> And then we start talking about how I just have so much trouble

> waiting until I am hungry to eat. I've never been able to gauge

it.

> When I was a little girl, I was always overweight, so I've never

ever

> been a " naturally thin " person who eats when hungry and stops when

> full. Suddenly, my mom started thinking back to my infancy and

how

> she would never let me get hungry. She never waited for me to cry

> before she gave me a bottle. The doctor told her, you have to let

> her get hungry, but my mom couldn't do it.

>

> Not only that! But also, my mom couldn't stand it when I cried at

> night. She could let me cry myself to sleep, so inevitably I'd

start

> crying, and she would come in and comfort me with, guess what?! A

> bottle!

>

> Food!

>

> So that is IT. I am so happy I have found the source of why I

behave

> this way. I couldn't figure it out, and so I couldn't let go.

> Granted, I don't blame my mother for ANYTHING. She did her best,

and

> despite my weight/food problems, she really did a good job raising

me

> to be a strong, independent woman. No parent is perfect, but my

mom

> is really darn close. I am just thrilled to finally know why I

have

> never ever been an Intuitive Eater, even when I was small. I know

> there is nothing biologically wrong with me, and that it is still

> possible for me to do this. Now I realize that this is going to

be a

> LONG drawn-out process for me because while many overweight people

> are making an attempt to rediscover their naturally-thin self, I

am

> INVENTING mine.

>

> Thoughts/opinions? Can anyone relate? Let me know!

>

> <3-------and more <3-------

>