Needing to vent...

[Guest guest]

Hi, all... The only time I've posted here is when I introduced

myself about a month or so ago. I'm not a poster, in general, but I

feel the need to vent because I need a bit of support.

I've been working with a nutrition counselor/therapist who bases her

work on IE. This has been going on for a little over a month now.

I've been working very hard at listening to my body, allowing foods,

and generally having an open mind about this whole thing. I've

embraced the IE concept and truly believe in it. I know, in the long

run (and in my " rational " mind), it will prove to be one of the best

things I've done for myself, but I'm having a tough time with it

right now.

I just binged for the first time in more than a month and I'm feeling

guilty, yet trying to fend off the food police. I'm not sure who

is " winning " . Although I actually savored and enjoyed every bite and

morsel of my goodies of choice, I have labeled them a " bad " food. I

know they are unhealthy in terms of saturated fat and calories and

will cause weight gain--which has been my nemesis for about 30 years

or more. I have so many " shoulds " running through my mind right

now... I should eat salad all day tomorrow; I should exercise more

over the weekend. I should restrict. I don't like these thoughts.

I don't know why I " gave in " to this binge. I can't put my finger on

the emotions I'm feeling. I guess that's the work I need to do.

My " rational " mind keeps on trying to take over my " irrational " mind,

but I feel so unsettled. The food police are banging down the door

and it's so hard to fend them off. I want to cry. I feel

disappointed in myself. I feel ashamed. I feel out of control, but

I felt like being out of control for a bit, if that makes sense. It

was just easier. I wanted to take the easy route.

Okay. There we have it--at least for now. It's late and I need to

go to sleep.

Warm wishes to all of you--and thanks for reading!

~Marla in Charlottesville