Re: Re: Restaurant issues-the Melting Pot

December 13, 2008

Hi,

what a horrible experience. How sad for you and the kid. I have a friend who is very loud. He is wealthy, sober, popular and witty. He does not have a disability. We have been asked to leave two different restaurants because he is so loud.

Your experience is horrible. I think we need to learn to work with our community businesses. Arguments do not help. Perhaps we can call the restaurant owner in advance, and explain our situation. Perhaps we can ask if we are welcomed as guests since we have a loud child with a disability. Perhaps they need to time to think about a place for us to sit.

Liz.

To: sList Sent: Saturday, December 13, 2008 10:08:31 PMSubject: Re: Restaurant issues-the Melting Pot

Stacey,Is this manager not aware of what happened to Denny's Restaurant chainnot even a decade ago over 'discrimination' ? I know color(as Idon't think they were looking at race..my nephew is 'black' but he isSicilian) and disability are two different things.. but the law isthe law. You stated directly to this man that your child wasdisabled.. what more did he need .. a copy of the Diagnosis ?I know that many restaurants have been somewhat on the rude side (Iwould have taken the comp'd meal and stayed around for awhilepersonally), I have had it happen with my son too.. he's 15 now andnon verbal but when he isn't happy he will make a loud Noooooo !I have became used to keeping " What is Autism " pamphlets from ASA inmy back pocket as a practice when I am with my son and take him outanywhere. When I get one of those uninformed statements come my way..I just smile, pull one out and give it to

them..and say " My sonlearns differently. . maybe you do too " ..many have either saidnothing or apologized.. some have read it..or part of it in front ofme and went and got a special treat for him... AWARENESS is soimportant. I'm sorry about that happening to you.. somebody shouldapologize to you so it might as well be someone you don't even know ! E. , The Office of Advocacy for Autistic Children>> We have been to sit-down restaurants with our 7-year old son who has> autism hundreds of times. Like other families we make modifications to> be considerate of other diners such as eating out at slower times,> eating quickly, leaving or walking outside the restaurant if we

our> son seems overwhelmed. Generally, in the last four years, we have made> things work.> > We recently had a strange experience at the Melting Pot restaurant on> Federal Highway in which the restaurant manager told us we were> causing a disturbance and offered to comp our dinner to "hurry us> along" and get us to leave the restaurant. > > On Saturday, December 13, we decided to celebrate a family birthday by> eating out at the Melting Pot. We had eaten there before with no> problems. To accommodate the needs of our 7-year old son who had> autism we made a reservation for an early time at 5:30 pm when the> restaurant would be slower. We asked for an end booth so that we would> be near fewer people. We brought snacks and activities for our son to> keep him occupied during the wait. > > During the dinner, our son drank and ate and toward

the end of the> entrée was vocalizing (not screaming, squealing, yelling, running) at> conversational level. We were shocked when the manager, Bob Hopkins,> approached us in the middle of our meal, offering to "comp" our dinner> if we could hurry it along as we were disturbing other diners. Though> we tried to explain to him that our child has a disability, he> persisted. At no point did the manager make any other offer to change> our seating or alternatively resolve the situation. He thought that> offering to pay us off was acceptable for asking us to evict the> restaurant. We note that at least one-third of the tables had> typically developing children at them. We also note that as we left,> our server apologized for the experience and noted that we could have> been seated in a back room which would have addressed any perceived> "disturbance issue.">

> We would love for Autism Speaks to develop a rating or symbol> identification system that could identify restaurant chains that have> personnel who are aware, well-informed and can provide a reasonable> level of service and accommodation. > > Perhaps this list might serve a purpose by identifying> restaurants/ chains where families have had good experiences.>

December 14, 2008

I agree with you

EileenMake your life easier with all your friends, email, and favorite sites in one place. Try it now.

December 14, 2008

Ok folks, here it comes: In my own humble opinion, I don’t

believe that a child – any child - who can’t sit quietly in a

restaurant should be brought to a place like The Melting Pot. A loud child

belongs in a family restaurant, where you expect to see other children and

other families. My family and I regard The Melting Pot as an occasion

restaurant, where the atmosphere is as important as the food. The atmosphere

is hushed, there is quiet music in the background. Neither my NT child nor my

ASD child were brought to “nice” restaurants like The Melting Pot until

they could behave accordingly. I don’t treat my ASD child any

differently in this respect from his NT sibling.

Oldtimer listmembers may remember several years there was outrage

over a family with an ASD child being treated badly at an Olive Garden. Olive

Garden is a family restaurant, a place where children should be welcome. In

that particular case, I was as outraged as everyone else.

In this case, I think the unfortunate incident could have been

avoided by eating at a more appropriate restaurant for children. Or, as Lizzie

says below, by phoning the restaurant first and asking in advance if accommodations

could be made.

From: sList

[mailto:sList ] On Behalf Of Lizzie Berg

Sent: Sunday, December 14, 2008 1:42 AM

To: sList

Subject: Re: Re: Restaurant issues-the Melting Pot

Hi,

what a horrible experience. How sad for you and the kid. I

have a friend who is very loud. He is wealthy, sober, popular and witty. He

does not have a disability. We have been asked to leave two different

restaurants because he is so loud.

Your experience is horrible. I think we need to learn to

work with our community businesses. Arguments do not help. Perhaps we can call

the restaurant owner in advance, and explain our situation. Perhaps we can

ask if we are welcomed as guests since we have a loud child with a disability.

Perhaps they need to time to think about a place for us to sit.

Liz.

From: " E. , Sr. "

To: sList

Sent: Saturday, December 13, 2008 10:08:31 PM

Subject: Re: Restaurant issues-the Melting Pot

Stacey,

Is this manager not aware of what happened to Denny's Restaurant chain

not even a decade ago over 'discrimination' ? I know color(as I

don't think they were looking at race..my nephew is 'black' but he is

Sicilian) and disability are two different things.. but the law is

the law. You stated directly to this man that your child was

disabled.. what more did he need .. a copy of the Diagnosis ?

I know that many restaurants have been somewhat on the rude side (I

would have taken the comp'd meal and stayed around for awhile

personally), I have had it happen with my son too.. he's 15 now and

non verbal but when he isn't happy he will make a loud Noooooo !

I have became used to keeping " What is Autism " pamphlets from ASA

in

my back pocket as a practice when I am with my son and take him out

anywhere. When I get one of those uninformed statements come my way..

I just smile, pull one out and give it to them..and say " My son

learns differently. . maybe you do too " ..many have either said

nothing or apologized.. some have read it..or part of it in front of

me and went and got a special treat for him... AWARENESS is so

important. I'm sorry about that happening to you.. somebody should

apologize to you so it might as well be someone you don't even know !

E. , The Office of Advocacy for Autistic Children

>

> We have been to sit-down restaurants with our 7-year old son who has

> autism hundreds of times. Like other families we make modifications to

> be considerate of other diners such as eating out at slower times,

> eating quickly, leaving or walking outside the restaurant if we our

> son seems overwhelmed. Generally, in the last four years, we have made

> things work.

>

> We recently had a strange experience at the Melting Pot restaurant on

> Federal Highway in which the restaurant manager told us we were

> causing a disturbance and offered to comp our dinner to " hurry us

> along " and get us to leave the restaurant.

>

> On Saturday, December 13, we decided to celebrate a family birthday by

> eating out at the Melting Pot. We had eaten there before with no

> problems. To accommodate the needs of our 7-year old son who had

> autism we made a reservation for an early time at 5:30 pm when the

> restaurant would be slower. We asked for an end booth so that we would

> be near fewer people. We brought snacks and activities for our son to

> keep him occupied during the wait.

>

> During the dinner, our son drank and ate and toward the end of the

> entrée was vocalizing (not screaming, squealing, yelling, running) at

> conversational level. We were shocked when the manager, Bob Hopkins,

> approached us in the middle of our meal, offering to " comp " our

dinner

> if we could hurry it along as we were disturbing other diners. Though

> we tried to explain to him that our child has a disability, he

> persisted. At no point did the manager make any other offer to change

> our seating or alternatively resolve the situation. He thought that

> offering to pay us off was acceptable for asking us to evict the

> restaurant. We note that at least one-third of the tables had

> typically developing children at them. We also note that as we left,

> our server apologized for the experience and noted that we could have

> been seated in a back room which would have addressed any perceived

> " disturbance issue. "

>

> We would love for Autism Speaks to develop a rating or symbol

> identification system that could identify restaurant chains that have

> personnel who are aware, well-informed and can provide a reasonable

> level of service and accommodation.

>

> Perhaps this list might serve a purpose by identifying

> restaurants/ chains where families have had good experiences.

>

December 14, 2008

Thanks michael for your imput. I will look into some program

reguarding resturants. I'll keep you posted.

Re: Restaurant issues-the Melting Pot

Marla,One thing I've learned through the years is you don't need to be anattorney to have an opinion. In my opinion there is nothing 'wrong'with having a preferred restaurant list. I think whoever has thededication to do this would not only be helping our national communityof Parents, etc. of kids/adults with ANY disability,they would also bring awareness to Autism. The 'preference' ofrestaurants is no different then the preference of programs or anyother item. By making them ' Autism Friendly " It would very much putthe word on alot peoples lips, it would possibly inspire a movementwith owners to be on this list or have the 'sticker' on their frontdoor with a letter of approval from whatever name of whateverorganization desires to take this up. We must speak of the needs ofour kids boldly as we ought to. If we don't we'll have other peopledoing it that we may not like to do so.Go for it ! E. , Sr. The Office of Advocacy for Autistic Children(I would definitely endorse a project such as this so keep me posted.Regarding the MELTING POT... Maybe they need a suggestion to hold aSpecial Night for Parents and their Children from your localcommunity. If you want someone to let them know of this personallythe managers name is in the post initially made.. to that parent (hardto remember names) let me know and I will make the call.)> > We have been to sit-down restaurants with our 7-year old son who has> > autism hundreds of times. Like other families we makemodifications to> > be considerate of other diners such as eating out at slower times,> > eating quickly, leaving or walking outside the restaurant if we our> > son seems overwhelmed. Generally, in the last four years, wehave made> > things work.> >> > We recently had a strange experience at the Melting Potrestaurant on> > Federal Highway in which the restaurant manager told us we were> > causing a disturbance and offered to comp our dinner to "hurry us> > along" and get us to leave the restaurant.> >> > On Saturday, December 13, we decided to celebrate a familybirthday by> > eating out at the Melting Pot. We had eaten there before with no> > problems. To accommodate the needs of our 7-year old son who had> > autism we made a reservation for an early time at 5:30 pm when the> > restaurant would be slower. We asked for an end booth so that wewould> > be near fewer people. We brought snacks and activities for ourson to> > keep him occupied during the wait.> >> > During the dinner, our son drank and ate and toward the end of the> > entrée was vocalizing (not screaming, squealing, yelling,running) at> > conversational level. We were shocked when the manager, Bob Hopkins,> > approached us in the middle of our meal, offering to "comp" ourdinner> > if we could hurry it along as we were disturbing other diners.Though> > we tried to explain to him that our child has a disability, he> > persisted. At no point did the manager make any other offer tochange> > our seating or alternatively resolve the situation. He thought that> > offering to pay us off was acceptable for asking us to evict the> > restaurant. We note that at least one-third of the tables had> > typically developing children at them. We also note that as we left,> > our server apologized for the experience and noted that we couldhave> > been seated in a back room which would have addressed any perceived> > "disturbance issue."> >> > We would love for Autism Speaks to develop a rating or symbol> > identification system that could identify restaurant chains thathave> > personnel who are aware, well-informed and can provide a reasonable> > level of service and accommodation.> >> > Perhaps this list might serve a purpose by identifying> > restaurants/chains where families have had good experiences.> >> >> > > > > > > >----------------------------------------------------------> > > > No virus found in this incoming message.> Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com > Version: 8.0.176 / Virus Database: 270.9.17/1846 - Release Date:12/12/2008 6:59 PM>

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com Version: 8.0.176 / Virus Database: 270.9.17/1847 - Release Date: 12/13/2008 4:56 PM

December 14, 2008

Thanks michael for your imput. I will look into some program

reguarding resturants. I'll keep you posted.

Re: Restaurant issues-the Melting Pot

Marla,One thing I've learned through the years is you don't need to be anattorney to have an opinion. In my opinion there is nothing 'wrong'with having a preferred restaurant list. I think whoever has thededication to do this would not only be helping our national communityof Parents, etc. of kids/adults with ANY disability,they would also bring awareness to Autism. The 'preference' ofrestaurants is no different then the preference of programs or anyother item. By making them ' Autism Friendly " It would very much putthe word on alot peoples lips, it would possibly inspire a movementwith owners to be on this list or have the 'sticker' on their frontdoor with a letter of approval from whatever name of whateverorganization desires to take this up. We must speak of the needs ofour kids boldly as we ought to. If we don't we'll have other peopledoing it that we may not like to do so.Go for it ! E. , Sr. The Office of Advocacy for Autistic Children(I would definitely endorse a project such as this so keep me posted.Regarding the MELTING POT... Maybe they need a suggestion to hold aSpecial Night for Parents and their Children from your localcommunity. If you want someone to let them know of this personallythe managers name is in the post initially made.. to that parent (hardto remember names) let me know and I will make the call.)> > We have been to sit-down restaurants with our 7-year old son who has> > autism hundreds of times. Like other families we makemodifications to> > be considerate of other diners such as eating out at slower times,> > eating quickly, leaving or walking outside the restaurant if we our> > son seems overwhelmed. Generally, in the last four years, wehave made> > things work.> >> > We recently had a strange experience at the Melting Potrestaurant on> > Federal Highway in which the restaurant manager told us we were> > causing a disturbance and offered to comp our dinner to "hurry us> > along" and get us to leave the restaurant.> >> > On Saturday, December 13, we decided to celebrate a familybirthday by> > eating out at the Melting Pot. We had eaten there before with no> > problems. To accommodate the needs of our 7-year old son who had> > autism we made a reservation for an early time at 5:30 pm when the> > restaurant would be slower. We asked for an end booth so that wewould> > be near fewer people. We brought snacks and activities for ourson to> > keep him occupied during the wait.> >> > During the dinner, our son drank and ate and toward the end of the> > entrée was vocalizing (not screaming, squealing, yelling,running) at> > conversational level. We were shocked when the manager, Bob Hopkins,> > approached us in the middle of our meal, offering to "comp" ourdinner> > if we could hurry it along as we were disturbing other diners.Though> > we tried to explain to him that our child has a disability, he> > persisted. At no point did the manager make any other offer tochange> > our seating or alternatively resolve the situation. He thought that> > offering to pay us off was acceptable for asking us to evict the> > restaurant. We note that at least one-third of the tables had> > typically developing children at them. We also note that as we left,> > our server apologized for the experience and noted that we couldhave> > been seated in a back room which would have addressed any perceived> > "disturbance issue."> >> > We would love for Autism Speaks to develop a rating or symbol> > identification system that could identify restaurant chains thathave> > personnel who are aware, well-informed and can provide a reasonable> > level of service and accommodation.> >> > Perhaps this list might serve a purpose by identifying> > restaurants/chains where families have had good experiences.> >> >> > > > > > > >----------------------------------------------------------> > > > No virus found in this incoming message.> Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com > Version: 8.0.176 / Virus Database: 270.9.17/1846 - Release Date:12/12/2008 6:59 PM>

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com Version: 8.0.176 / Virus Database: 270.9.17/1847 - Release Date: 12/13/2008 4:56 PM

December 14, 2008

Liz,I have had the same experience with a few friends here in Hawai'i - locals tend to get a little LOUD !! But, I think that calling in ahead of time to state you have a child with Autism and would like to know if you can eat there and to let them have time to think about it falls under the same category of any other type of Discrimination. I would not call ahead of time and state that I am coming with my Sicilian family and we talk very loudly - and if someone wanted to kick us out for this I would have to feel for them. Restaurant owners that have discriminated for ANY reason have faced action from the U.S. Dept. of Justice since the 70's when some were even arrested for not allowing African Americans to eat in their restaurants.Denny's Restaurants didn't have that apology

in big writing on their walls for a decade for no reason - they were sued and settled fast before they ended up in more hot water and lost quite a bit of business over it. If all parents of children with disabilities decided to boycott any product or place of business that was nationwide for example.. it would have an impact. Just a point.. although you may not agree and I do agree with you that having an argument never helps any situation - it just causes more tension. E. , Sr. Please go and comment to vote & Let others know ASAP to do the samehttp://www.change.org/ideas/view/accept_and_sign_the_autism_reform_act_of_2009 E. , Sr. Founder The Office of Advocacy for Autistic

ChildrenThis electronic mail message and any attached files contain information intended for the exclusive use of the individual or entity to whom it is addressed and may contain information that is proprietary, privileged, confidential and/or exempt from disclosure under the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, (18 U.S.C. §§ 2510-2521.) To: sList Sent: Saturday, December 13, 2008 8:41:37 PMSubject: Re: Re: Restaurant issues-the Melting Pot

Hi,

what a horrible experience. How sad for you and the kid. I have a friend who is very loud. He is wealthy, sober, popular and witty. He does not have a disability. We have been asked to leave two different restaurants because he is so loud.

Your experience is horrible. I think we need to learn to work with our community businesses. Arguments do not help. Perhaps we can call the restaurant owner in advance, and explain our situation. Perhaps we can ask if we are welcomed as guests since we have a loud child with a disability. Perhaps they need to time to think about a place for us to sit.

Liz.

From: " E. , Sr." <peace4kidsyahoo (DOT) .com>To: sList@ yahoogroups. comSent: Saturday, December 13, 2008 10:08:31 PMSubject: Re: Restaurant issues-the Melting Pot

Stacey,Is this manager not aware of what happened to Denny's Restaurant chainnot even a decade ago over 'discrimination' ? I know color(as Idon't think they were looking at race..my nephew is 'black' but he isSicilian) and disability are two different things.. but the law isthe law. You stated directly to this man that your child wasdisabled.. what more did he need .. a copy of the Diagnosis ?I know that many restaurants have been somewhat on the rude side (Iwould have taken the comp'd meal and stayed around for awhilepersonally), I have had it happen with my son too.. he's 15 now andnon verbal but when he isn't happy he will make a loud Noooooo !I have became used to keeping " What is Autism " pamphlets from ASA inmy back pocket as a practice when I am with my son and take him outanywhere. When I get one of those uninformed statements come my way..I just smile, pull one out and give it to

them..and say " My sonlearns differently. . maybe you do too " ..many have either saidnothing or apologized.. some have read it..or part of it in front ofme and went and got a special treat for him... AWARENESS is soimportant. I'm sorry about that happening to you.. somebody shouldapologize to you so it might as well be someone you don't even know ! E. , The Office of Advocacy for Autistic Children>> We have been to sit-down restaurants with our 7-year old son who has> autism hundreds of times. Like other families we make modifications to> be considerate of other diners such as eating out at slower times,> eating quickly, leaving or walking outside the restaurant if we

our> son seems overwhelmed. Generally, in the last four years, we have made> things work.> > We recently had a strange experience at the Melting Pot restaurant on> Federal Highway in which the restaurant manager told us we were> causing a disturbance and offered to comp our dinner to "hurry us> along" and get us to leave the restaurant. > > On Saturday, December 13, we decided to celebrate a family birthday by> eating out at the Melting Pot. We had eaten there before with no> problems. To accommodate the needs of our 7-year old son who had> autism we made a reservation for an early time at 5:30 pm when the> restaurant would be slower. We asked for an end booth so that we would> be near fewer people. We brought snacks and activities for our son to> keep him occupied during the wait. > > During the dinner, our son drank and ate and toward

the end of the> entrée was vocalizing (not screaming, squealing, yelling, running) at> conversational level. We were shocked when the manager, Bob Hopkins,> approached us in the middle of our meal, offering to "comp" our dinner> if we could hurry it along as we were disturbing other diners. Though> we tried to explain to him that our child has a disability, he> persisted. At no point did the manager make any other offer to change> our seating or alternatively resolve the situation. He thought that> offering to pay us off was acceptable for asking us to evict the> restaurant. We note that at least one-third of the tables had> typically developing children at them. We also note that as we left,> our server apologized for the experience and noted that we could have> been seated in a back room which would have addressed any perceived> "disturbance issue.">

> We would love for Autism Speaks to develop a rating or symbol> identification system that could identify restaurant chains that have> personnel who are aware, well-informed and can provide a reasonable> level of service and accommodation. > > Perhaps this list might serve a purpose by identifying> restaurants/ chains where families have had good experiences.>

December 14, 2008

Liz,I have had the same experience with a few friends here in Hawai'i - locals tend to get a little LOUD !! But, I think that calling in ahead of time to state you have a child with Autism and would like to know if you can eat there and to let them have time to think about it falls under the same category of any other type of Discrimination. I would not call ahead of time and state that I am coming with my Sicilian family and we talk very loudly - and if someone wanted to kick us out for this I would have to feel for them. Restaurant owners that have discriminated for ANY reason have faced action from the U.S. Dept. of Justice since the 70's when some were even arrested for not allowing African Americans to eat in their restaurants.Denny's Restaurants didn't have that apology

in big writing on their walls for a decade for no reason - they were sued and settled fast before they ended up in more hot water and lost quite a bit of business over it. If all parents of children with disabilities decided to boycott any product or place of business that was nationwide for example.. it would have an impact. Just a point.. although you may not agree and I do agree with you that having an argument never helps any situation - it just causes more tension. E. , Sr. Please go and comment to vote & Let others know ASAP to do the samehttp://www.change.org/ideas/view/accept_and_sign_the_autism_reform_act_of_2009 E. , Sr. Founder The Office of Advocacy for Autistic

ChildrenThis electronic mail message and any attached files contain information intended for the exclusive use of the individual or entity to whom it is addressed and may contain information that is proprietary, privileged, confidential and/or exempt from disclosure under the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, (18 U.S.C. §§ 2510-2521.) To: sList Sent: Saturday, December 13, 2008 8:41:37 PMSubject: Re: Re: Restaurant issues-the Melting Pot

Hi,

what a horrible experience. How sad for you and the kid. I have a friend who is very loud. He is wealthy, sober, popular and witty. He does not have a disability. We have been asked to leave two different restaurants because he is so loud.

Your experience is horrible. I think we need to learn to work with our community businesses. Arguments do not help. Perhaps we can call the restaurant owner in advance, and explain our situation. Perhaps we can ask if we are welcomed as guests since we have a loud child with a disability. Perhaps they need to time to think about a place for us to sit.

Liz.

From: " E. , Sr." <peace4kidsyahoo (DOT) .com>To: sList@ yahoogroups. comSent: Saturday, December 13, 2008 10:08:31 PMSubject: Re: Restaurant issues-the Melting Pot

Stacey,Is this manager not aware of what happened to Denny's Restaurant chainnot even a decade ago over 'discrimination' ? I know color(as Idon't think they were looking at race..my nephew is 'black' but he isSicilian) and disability are two different things.. but the law isthe law. You stated directly to this man that your child wasdisabled.. what more did he need .. a copy of the Diagnosis ?I know that many restaurants have been somewhat on the rude side (Iwould have taken the comp'd meal and stayed around for awhilepersonally), I have had it happen with my son too.. he's 15 now andnon verbal but when he isn't happy he will make a loud Noooooo !I have became used to keeping " What is Autism " pamphlets from ASA inmy back pocket as a practice when I am with my son and take him outanywhere. When I get one of those uninformed statements come my way..I just smile, pull one out and give it to

them..and say " My sonlearns differently. . maybe you do too " ..many have either saidnothing or apologized.. some have read it..or part of it in front ofme and went and got a special treat for him... AWARENESS is soimportant. I'm sorry about that happening to you.. somebody shouldapologize to you so it might as well be someone you don't even know ! E. , The Office of Advocacy for Autistic Children>> We have been to sit-down restaurants with our 7-year old son who has> autism hundreds of times. Like other families we make modifications to> be considerate of other diners such as eating out at slower times,> eating quickly, leaving or walking outside the restaurant if we

our> son seems overwhelmed. Generally, in the last four years, we have made> things work.> > We recently had a strange experience at the Melting Pot restaurant on> Federal Highway in which the restaurant manager told us we were> causing a disturbance and offered to comp our dinner to "hurry us> along" and get us to leave the restaurant. > > On Saturday, December 13, we decided to celebrate a family birthday by> eating out at the Melting Pot. We had eaten there before with no> problems. To accommodate the needs of our 7-year old son who had> autism we made a reservation for an early time at 5:30 pm when the> restaurant would be slower. We asked for an end booth so that we would> be near fewer people. We brought snacks and activities for our son to> keep him occupied during the wait. > > During the dinner, our son drank and ate and toward

the end of the> entrée was vocalizing (not screaming, squealing, yelling, running) at> conversational level. We were shocked when the manager, Bob Hopkins,> approached us in the middle of our meal, offering to "comp" our dinner> if we could hurry it along as we were disturbing other diners. Though> we tried to explain to him that our child has a disability, he> persisted. At no point did the manager make any other offer to change> our seating or alternatively resolve the situation. He thought that> offering to pay us off was acceptable for asking us to evict the> restaurant. We note that at least one-third of the tables had> typically developing children at them. We also note that as we left,> our server apologized for the experience and noted that we could have> been seated in a back room which would have addressed any perceived> "disturbance issue.">

> We would love for Autism Speaks to develop a rating or symbol> identification system that could identify restaurant chains that have> personnel who are aware, well-informed and can provide a reasonable> level of service and accommodation. > > Perhaps this list might serve a purpose by identifying> restaurants/ chains where families have had good experiences.>

December 14, 2008

I must say I have been to multiple melting pots and depending on the

location and time, it may or may not be child friendly. The one down

the road from me, does not even like behaved teens in the restaurant

even at lunch while there is one in the Tampa area that did family

nights during the week.

One thing I think is important is this child was not misbehaving,

acting out or tantruming in anyway. He was vocalizing at a

conversational level. There were other children in the restaurant as

well and I would assume speaking at a conversational level as well. If

this is this child's means of expressing themselves, there was no

reason to ask them to hurry up. The child was no louder or disruptive

than any other customer if I am understanding this correctly. I

understand and agree we should remove a child that is not behaving

appropriately, but we also must consider that what is appropriate is

dependent on the individual. What if this had been an adult with

autism vocalizing? Should they have been asked to hurry up as well?

Also, I know my son does not carry over skills to other environments

so for him, it is very important to practice skills in all

environments so I take him everywhere I can.

> Ok folks, here it comes: In my own humble opinion, I don't believe that a

> child – any child - who can't sit quietly in a restaurant should be brought

> to a place like The Melting Pot. A loud child belongs in a family

> restaurant, where you expect to see other children and other families. My

> family and I regard The Melting Pot as an occasion restaurant, where the

> atmosphere is as important as the food. The atmosphere is hushed, there

> is quiet music in the background. Neither my NT child nor my ASD child

> were brought to " nice " restaurants like The Melting Pot until they could

> behave accordingly. I don't treat my ASD child any differently in this

> respect from his NT sibling.

>

> Oldtimer listmembers may remember several years there was outrage over a

> family with an ASD child being treated badly at an Olive Garden. Olive

> Garden is a family restaurant, a place where children should be welcome.

> In that particular case, I was as outraged as everyone else.

>

> In this case, I think the unfortunate incident could have been avoided by

> eating at a more appropriate restaurant for children. Or, as Lizzie says

> below, by phoning the restaurant first and asking in advance if

> accommodations could be made.

>

l E. , The Office of Advocacy for Autistic Children

>

>>

>> We have been to sit-down restaurants with our 7-year old son who has

>> autism hundreds of times. Like other families we make modifications to

>> be considerate of other diners such as eating out at slower times,

>> eating quickly, leaving or walking outside the restaurant if we our

>> son seems overwhelmed. Generally, in the last four years, we have made

>> things work.

>>

>> We recently had a strange experience at the Melting Pot restaurant on

>> Federal Highway in which the restaurant manager told us we were

>> causing a disturbance and offered to comp our dinner to " hurry us

>> along " and get us to leave the restaurant.

>>

>> On Saturday, December 13, we decided to celebrate a family birthday by

>> eating out at the Melting Pot. We had eaten there before with no

>> problems. To accommodate the needs of our 7-year old son who had

>> autism we made a reservation for an early time at 5:30 pm when the

>> restaurant would be slower. We asked for an end booth so that we would

>> be near fewer people. We brought snacks and activities for our son to

>> keep him occupied during the wait.

>>

>> During the dinner, our son drank and ate and toward the end of the

>> entrée was vocalizing (not screaming, squealing, yelling, running) at

>> conversational level. We were shocked when the manager, Bob Hopkins,

>> approached us in the middle of our meal, offering to " comp " our dinner

>> if we could hurry it along as we were disturbing other diners. Though

>> we tried to explain to him that our child has a disability, he

>> persisted. At no point did the manager make any other offer to change

>> our seating or alternatively resolve the situation. He thought that

>> offering to pay us off was acceptable for asking us to evict the

>> restaurant. We note that at least one-third of the tables had

>> typically developing children at them. We also note that as we left,

>> our server apologized for the experience and noted that we could have

>> been seated in a back room which would have addressed any perceived

>> " disturbance issue. "

>>

>> We would love for Autism Speaks to develop a rating or symbol

>> identification system that could identify restaurant chains that have

>> personnel who are aware, well-informed and can provide a reasonable

>> level of service and accommodation.

>>

>> Perhaps this list might serve a purpose by identifying

>> restaurants/ chains where families have had good experiences.

>>

>

December 14, 2008