Re: Restaurant issues-the Melting Pot

[Guest guest]

Stacey,

Is this manager not aware of what happened to Denny's Restaurant chain

not even a decade ago over 'discrimination' ? I know color(as I

don't think they were looking at race..my nephew is 'black' but he is

Sicilian) and disability are two different things.. but the law is

the law. You stated directly to this man that your child was

disabled.. what more did he need .. a copy of the Diagnosis ?

I know that many restaurants have been somewhat on the rude side (I

would have taken the comp'd meal and stayed around for awhile

personally), I have had it happen with my son too.. he's 15 now and

non verbal but when he isn't happy he will make a loud Noooooo !

I have became used to keeping " What is Autism " pamphlets from ASA in

my back pocket as a practice when I am with my son and take him out

anywhere. When I get one of those uninformed statements come my way..

I just smile, pull one out and give it to them..and say " My son

learns differently.. maybe you do too " ..many have either said

nothing or apologized.. some have read it..or part of it in front of

me and went and got a special treat for him... AWARENESS is so

important. I'm sorry about that happening to you.. somebody should

apologize to you so it might as well be someone you don't even know !

E. , The Office of Advocacy for Autistic Children

>

> We have been to sit-down restaurants with our 7-year old son who has

> autism hundreds of times. Like other families we make modifications to

> be considerate of other diners such as eating out at slower times,

> eating quickly, leaving or walking outside the restaurant if we our

> son seems overwhelmed. Generally, in the last four years, we have made

> things work.

>

> We recently had a strange experience at the Melting Pot restaurant on

> Federal Highway in which the restaurant manager told us we were

> causing a disturbance and offered to comp our dinner to " hurry us

> along " and get us to leave the restaurant.

>

> On Saturday, December 13, we decided to celebrate a family birthday by

> eating out at the Melting Pot. We had eaten there before with no

> problems. To accommodate the needs of our 7-year old son who had

> autism we made a reservation for an early time at 5:30 pm when the

> restaurant would be slower. We asked for an end booth so that we would

> be near fewer people. We brought snacks and activities for our son to

> keep him occupied during the wait.

>

> During the dinner, our son drank and ate and toward the end of the

> entrée was vocalizing (not screaming, squealing, yelling, running) at

> conversational level. We were shocked when the manager, Bob Hopkins,

> approached us in the middle of our meal, offering to " comp " our dinner

> if we could hurry it along as we were disturbing other diners. Though

> we tried to explain to him that our child has a disability, he

> persisted. At no point did the manager make any other offer to change

> our seating or alternatively resolve the situation. He thought that

> offering to pay us off was acceptable for asking us to evict the

> restaurant. We note that at least one-third of the tables had

> typically developing children at them. We also note that as we left,

> our server apologized for the experience and noted that we could have

> been seated in a back room which would have addressed any perceived

> " disturbance issue. "

>

> We would love for Autism Speaks to develop a rating or symbol

> identification system that could identify restaurant chains that have

> personnel who are aware, well-informed and can provide a reasonable

> level of service and accommodation.

>

> Perhaps this list might serve a purpose by identifying

> restaurants/chains where families have had good experiences.

>

[Guest guest]

Ughhh.... this just boils my blood. We are not to be segregated in a

back room. Our children have every right to be there and be included.

If the noise our children is making at a reasonable level, they have

no right to ask us to leave or even to move to another table. If

another table is complaining the manager should offer them the chance

to move to another table or back room, or encourage them to hurry up

and leave. Now if my son has a meltdown, I will ask them to hold the

table while we go outside, to the car or another room to regain

composure and then finish the meal, but if my son is just being

himself, there is no reason to ask us to leave.

We do fondue at home and my son has asked to go to the Melting Pot and

we were thinking of going, but after this, I do not think so. But it

also makes me want to go into the same exact restaurant with my son,

who has some of the same behaviors to let them know you are not alone.

> We have been to sit-down restaurants with our 7-year old son who has

> autism hundreds of times. Like other families we make modifications to

> be considerate of other diners such as eating out at slower times,

> eating quickly, leaving or walking outside the restaurant if we our

> son seems overwhelmed. Generally, in the last four years, we have made

> things work.

>

> We recently had a strange experience at the Melting Pot restaurant on

> Federal Highway in which the restaurant manager told us we were

> causing a disturbance and offered to comp our dinner to " hurry us

> along " and get us to leave the restaurant.

>

> On Saturday, December 13, we decided to celebrate a family birthday by

> eating out at the Melting Pot. We had eaten there before with no

> problems. To accommodate the needs of our 7-year old son who had

> autism we made a reservation for an early time at 5:30 pm when the

> restaurant would be slower. We asked for an end booth so that we would

> be near fewer people. We brought snacks and activities for our son to

> keep him occupied during the wait.

>

> During the dinner, our son drank and ate and toward the end of the

> entrée was vocalizing (not screaming, squealing, yelling, running) at

> conversational level. We were shocked when the manager, Bob Hopkins,

> approached us in the middle of our meal, offering to " comp " our dinner

> if we could hurry it along as we were disturbing other diners. Though

> we tried to explain to him that our child has a disability, he

> persisted. At no point did the manager make any other offer to change

> our seating or alternatively resolve the situation. He thought that

> offering to pay us off was acceptable for asking us to evict the

> restaurant. We note that at least one-third of the tables had

> typically developing children at them. We also note that as we left,

> our server apologized for the experience and noted that we could have

> been seated in a back room which would have addressed any perceived

> " disturbance issue. "

>

> We would love for Autism Speaks to develop a rating or symbol

> identification system that could identify restaurant chains that have

> personnel who are aware, well-informed and can provide a reasonable

> level of service and accommodation.

>

> Perhaps this list might serve a purpose by identifying

> restaurants/chains where families have had good experiences.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Ughhh.... this just boils my blood. We are not to be segregated in a

back room. Our children have every right to be there and be included.

If the noise our children is making at a reasonable level, they have

no right to ask us to leave or even to move to another table. If

another table is complaining the manager should offer them the chance

to move to another table or back room, or encourage them to hurry up

and leave. Now if my son has a meltdown, I will ask them to hold the

table while we go outside, to the car or another room to regain

composure and then finish the meal, but if my son is just being

himself, there is no reason to ask us to leave.

We do fondue at home and my son has asked to go to the Melting Pot and

we were thinking of going, but after this, I do not think so. But it

also makes me want to go into the same exact restaurant with my son,

who has some of the same behaviors to let them know you are not alone.

> We have been to sit-down restaurants with our 7-year old son who has

> autism hundreds of times. Like other families we make modifications to

> be considerate of other diners such as eating out at slower times,

> eating quickly, leaving or walking outside the restaurant if we our

> son seems overwhelmed. Generally, in the last four years, we have made

> things work.

>

> We recently had a strange experience at the Melting Pot restaurant on

> Federal Highway in which the restaurant manager told us we were

> causing a disturbance and offered to comp our dinner to " hurry us

> along " and get us to leave the restaurant.

>

> On Saturday, December 13, we decided to celebrate a family birthday by

> eating out at the Melting Pot. We had eaten there before with no

> problems. To accommodate the needs of our 7-year old son who had

> autism we made a reservation for an early time at 5:30 pm when the

> restaurant would be slower. We asked for an end booth so that we would

> be near fewer people. We brought snacks and activities for our son to

> keep him occupied during the wait.

>

> During the dinner, our son drank and ate and toward the end of the

> entrée was vocalizing (not screaming, squealing, yelling, running) at

> conversational level. We were shocked when the manager, Bob Hopkins,

> approached us in the middle of our meal, offering to " comp " our dinner

> if we could hurry it along as we were disturbing other diners. Though

> we tried to explain to him that our child has a disability, he

> persisted. At no point did the manager make any other offer to change

> our seating or alternatively resolve the situation. He thought that

> offering to pay us off was acceptable for asking us to evict the

> restaurant. We note that at least one-third of the tables had

> typically developing children at them. We also note that as we left,

> our server apologized for the experience and noted that we could have

> been seated in a back room which would have addressed any perceived

> " disturbance issue. "

>

> We would love for Autism Speaks to develop a rating or symbol

> identification system that could identify restaurant chains that have

> personnel who are aware, well-informed and can provide a reasonable

> level of service and accommodation.

>

> Perhaps this list might serve a purpose by identifying

> restaurants/chains where families have had good experiences.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, it does sorta hit a nerve doesn't it. But I have to say that you actually 'made the case' when you stated a NT would be disruptive and could be asked to leave so the ASD child showing a manifestation of his/her disability should have to go too.. thats all nice and fair in darts, pool, and other things !! BUT, it marks the difference between the two which makes discrimination apply. Anyway..we could agree to disagree on that call.I still think they should have " Autism Night " for parents and children with ASD's... just to make up for that 'mistake'. Please go and comment to vote & Let others know ASAP to do the

samehttp://www.change.org/ideas/view/accept_and_sign_the_autism_reform_act_of_2009 E. , Sr. Founder The Office of Advocacy for Autistic ChildrenThis electronic mail message and any attached files contain information intended for the exclusive use of the individual or entity to whom it is addressed and may contain information that is proprietary, privileged, confidential and/or exempt from disclosure under the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, (18 U.S.C. §§ 2510-2521.) To: sList Sent: Monday, December 15, 2008 3:59:38 PMSubject: RE: Re: Restaurant issues-the Melting Pot

I’m really not all that sure if disruptive autistic

children and their family is asked to leave is necessarily discrimination. The

family may be asked to leave because the child is being disruptive and not

because he is autistic. If the situation occurs with typical children are they

also asked to leave? If yes, your argument for discrimination may be flawed. Of course, if it was up to me, I would like to tear the place

down.

From:

sList@ yahoogroups. com [mailto:sList @yahoogroups. com] On Behalf

Of E. , Sr.

Sent: Monday, December 15, 2008 2:44 AM

To: sList@ yahoogroups. com

Subject: Re: Re: Restaurant issues-the Melting Pot

Liz,

I have had the same experience with a few friends here in Hawai'i - locals tend

to get a little LOUD !! But, I think that calling in ahead of time to

state you have a child with Autism and would like to know if you can eat there

and to let them have time to think about it falls under the same category of

any other type of Discrimination. I would not call ahead of time and state

that I am coming with my Sicilian family and we talk very loudly - and if

someone wanted to kick us out for this I would have to feel for them.

Restaurant owners that have discriminated for ANY reason have faced action from

the U.S. Dept. of Justice since the 70's when some were even arrested for not

allowing African Americans to eat in their restaurants.

Denny's Restaurants didn't have that apology in big writing on their walls for

a decade for no reason - they were sued and settled fast before they ended up

in more hot water and lost quite a bit of business over it. If all

parents of children with disabilities decided to boycott any product or place

of business that was nationwide for example.. it would have an

impact. Just a point.. although you may not agree and I do

agree with you that having an argument never helps any situation - it just

causes more tension.

E. , Sr.

Please

go and comment to vote & Let others know ASAP to do the same

http://www.change. org/ideas/ view/accept_ and_sign_ the_autism_ reform_act_ of_2009

E. , Sr. Founder The Office of Advocacy for Autistic

Children This electronic mail message and any attached files contain information

intended for the exclusive use of the individual or entity to whom it is

addressed and may contain information that is proprietary, privileged,

confidential and/or exempt from disclosure under the Electronic Communications

Privacy Act,

(18 U.S.C. §§ 2510-2521.)

From: Lizzie Berg <floridalizzie@ yahoo.com>

To: sList@ yahoogroups. com

Sent: Saturday, December 13, 2008 8:41:37 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Restaurant issues-the Melting Pot

Hi,

what a horrible experience. How sad for you and the kid. I

have a friend who is very loud. He is wealthy, sober, popular and witty. He does

not have a disability. We have been asked to leave two different restaurants

because he is so loud.

Your experience is horrible. I think we need to learn to

work with our community businesses. Arguments do not help. Perhaps we can call

the restaurant owner in advance, and explain our situation. Perhaps we can

ask if we are welcomed as guests since we have a loud child with a disability.

Perhaps they need to time to think about a place for us to sit.

Liz.

From: " E. , Sr."

<peace4kidsyahoo (DOT) .com>

To: sList@ yahoogroups. com

Sent: Saturday, December 13, 2008 10:08:31 PM

Subject: Re: Restaurant issues-the Melting Pot

Stacey,

Is this manager not aware of what happened to Denny's Restaurant chain

not even a decade ago over 'discrimination' ? I know color(as I

don't think they were looking at race..my nephew is 'black' but he is

Sicilian) and disability are two different things.. but the law is

the law. You stated directly to this man that your child was

disabled.. what more did he need .. a copy of the Diagnosis ?

I know that many restaurants have been somewhat on the rude side (I

would have taken the comp'd meal and stayed around for awhile

personally), I have had it happen with my son too.. he's 15 now and

non verbal but when he isn't happy he will make a loud Noooooo !

I have became used to keeping " What is Autism " pamphlets from ASA

in

my back pocket as a practice when I am with my son and take him out

anywhere. When I get one of those uninformed statements come my way..

I just smile, pull one out and give it to them..and say " My son

learns differently. . maybe you do too " ..many have either said

nothing or apologized.. some have read it..or part of it in front of

me and went and got a special treat for him... AWARENESS is so

important. I'm sorry about that happening to you.. somebody should

apologize to you so it might as well be someone you don't even know !

E. , The Office of Advocacy for Autistic Children

>

> We have been to sit-down restaurants with our 7-year old son who has

> autism hundreds of times. Like other families we make modifications to

> be considerate of other diners such as eating out at slower times,

> eating quickly, leaving or walking outside the restaurant if we our

> son seems overwhelmed. Generally, in the last four years, we have made

> things work.

>

> We recently had a strange experience at the Melting Pot restaurant on

> Federal Highway in which the restaurant manager told us we were

> causing a disturbance and offered to comp our dinner to "hurry us

> along" and get us to leave the restaurant.

>

> On Saturday, December 13, we decided to celebrate a family birthday by

> eating out at the Melting Pot. We had eaten there before with no

> problems. To accommodate the needs of our 7-year old son who had

> autism we made a reservation for an early time at 5:30 pm when the

> restaurant would be slower. We asked for an end booth so that we would

> be near fewer people. We brought snacks and activities for our son to

> keep him occupied during the wait.

>

> During the dinner, our son drank and ate and toward the end of the

> entrée was vocalizing (not screaming, squealing, yelling, running) at

> conversational level. We were shocked when the manager, Bob Hopkins,

> approached us in the middle of our meal, offering to "comp" our

dinner

> if we could hurry it along as we were disturbing other diners. Though

> we tried to explain to him that our child has a disability, he

> persisted. At no point did the manager make any other offer to change

> our seating or alternatively resolve the situation. He thought that

> offering to pay us off was acceptable for asking us to evict the

> restaurant. We note that at least one-third of the tables had

> typically developing children at them. We also note that as we left,

> our server apologized for the experience and noted that we could have

> been seated in a back room which would have addressed any perceived

> "disturbance issue."

>

> We would love for Autism Speaks to develop a rating or symbol

> identification system that could identify restaurant chains that have

> personnel who are aware, well-informed and can provide a reasonable

> level of service and accommodation.

>

> Perhaps this list might serve a purpose by identifying

> restaurants/ chains where families have had good experiences.

>

No virus

found in this incoming message.

Checked by AVG - http://www.avg. com

Version: 8.0.176 / Virus Database: 270.9.18/1850 - Release Date: 12/15/2008

5:04 PM

[Guest guest]

I really don’t think tics

and signing are disruptive. These are visual activities and if you look around

everyone visual is doing something different. In this situation don’t ask

me to leave because I’m not moving. The Civil Rights sit-ins were based

on someone looking different and how it offended the clientele. I thought that

issue was settled a long time ago. Loud noises may be a different

issue.

From: sList

[mailto:sList ] On Behalf Of Hawk

Sent: Monday, December 15, 2008 9:39 PM

To: sList

Subject: Re: Re: Restaurant issues-the Melting Pot

[Guest guest]

WoW! I am just amazed that people would ever ask if it is ok to bring

someone with a disability into a place of business. Business are

required by law (the Americans with Disabilities Act) to make

accommodations. I will never ask permission for him to go somewhere

were a non disabled peer would be permitted. Our children have every

right to be allowed were a non disabled peer would be welcomed. I am

teaching my son to advocate for himself as there will be a day I am

not there. If I do not advocate for him, how can I expect him to on

his own one day? At 10 years old he knows he can take his service dog

everywhere under the ADA and carries a business card to hand to anyone

that offers any objection and we go on with our day.

At this time there are 2 Melting Pot Restaurants that are not being

accommodating to those with a disability. I will take my son into our

local one over the holiday break. I will make reservations (as you do

at this one or you risk them being booked for the day) and show up

like any other patron would. We shall see how it goes.

On Wed, Dec 17, 2008 at 2:20 AM, E. , Sr.

wrote:

> and others,

>

> There seems to be quite a bit of interpretations of the ADA or

> opinions regarding discrimination and how that law applies.

> For one, discrimination based upon the manifestation of a disability

> or a disability is not allowed. It used to be 'seeing eye dogs' in

> peoples minds...but 'service dogs' are used for multitudes of reasons

> and HAVE TO BE allowed - there is no exception to this i.e. if you

> run/own/etc. a business you either allow service dogs or face an easy

> ADA complaint against you. This is one area the U.S. Dept. of Justice

> dept. of Justice - Civil Rights Division definitely does not slip on.

> Many schools should be facing complaints in this manner for not

> allowing sensory dogs which are service dogs into schools. ,

> your child has a service dog..if his doctor/specialist prescribed this

> there is absolutely nothing the school can do. Almost every state

> 'adopts' most if not all of the ADA. If they do not they themselves

> face the same complaint. If you've already seen this..please

> disregard this section. Do a google on " ADA Title 1,2,or 3 Complaint

> forms " or ADA 504a Title I, II, or III. I is a person or individual

> doing business, II is the most commonly used and is for Governmental

> Agencies.. local or state (This includes Schools, State Housing, and

> on and on) or III which is against a corporation such as an insurance

> company denying coverage in what you believe is discrimination - they

> will determine if it is and generally send you a letter saying 'it

> isn't' or 'it is under section and subsection ... "

> If it is a HUGE violation and you supply them documentation or

> statements from witnesses they could launch an investigation such as

> they have against states, etc. . This a a 'subtle' complaint in that

> it takes them normally about 90 days (sometimes faster sometimes

> longer) for an answer. OF course anyone that gets a 'not a violation'

> response isn't happy about it...but I have found that just using a

> copy of the complaint itself in trying to settle a disagreement has

> been valuable. While as a person in the world I can say that if I go

> pay for an expensive dinner I would appreciate it being a nice setting

> and if its a date ..a romantic one. Generally kids aren't at this

> type of place - but if they are .. ADA applies.

> If a child has an outburst my response is 'What's wrong ?', some

> people may have a different reaction and jump to a harsh statement

> they may think twice on later. When you are in your home, on the

> phone, out in public, or at your job ADA applies..always everywhere.

> I know many may have different opinions.. but I am stating what I know

> after a dozen years of being reg. off and on as a U.S. Civil Rights

> Lobbyist as the Dir. of The Office of Advocacy for Autistic Children.

> In the original post about this I would have handled this after

> finding out by approaching the manager first (no reason to be

> advesarial) after the fact..they admitted being wrong by comping the

> dinner. IF it was a loud obnoxious person they would say 'time to go'

> as they have the right to refuse service to anyone (AHA ! ADA applies

> there because that statement simply isn't true...refuse service to

> someone on the basis of discrimination in any manner and you may have

> a hard time later).

> I would ask the manager if he was aware.. he had to be in order to

> comp the diner.. then I would explain the position of parents such as

> myself for example.. and try to get the focus off of whoever it was (I

> know your name now !) that was the customer. Then after letting him

> know 'how it is' nicely of course.. I would then ask if he/she is

> familiar with the ADA.. if not.. I would direct them to the websites

> for the complaints.. as reading 'send this to The U.S. Dept. of

> Justice Civil Rights Division..can open the eyes of someone that may

> be looking at things just one way. I would then ask the Manager if

> he/she wanted to promote a special night in which parents and their

> disabled kids could come and enjoy their place of business - as this

> would promote a positive image. Generally the answer to that is 'How

> should we go about it' . So, to make this huge long post

> shorter..Many will stop and think for a minute after doing something

> that they may have had a hard time with in the first place.

> We all want to go enjoy dinner out, go to a store without people

> staring at our child if he/she has a trantrum/meltdown, etc. . , for

> years I was in a wheelchair, a facy one ..5 speeds even ..Wow ! But

> anyway I found that it was about a 75/25 split.. about 75 percent of

> the people I would encounter held open doors to elevators..gave me

> extra room, let me go first.. The true spirit of America. About 25

> percent I figured were just in a bad mood..I'd rather not think bad of

> people. So I understand both ways of thinking, and know the reading

> of the Law.. it's a long one to read but worth it.. just skip over

> parts that don't apply or are about funding..unless you are into that

> ! www.ada.gov can answer alot of questions that I can't without

> writing an entire book.. consider this 'Mikes Chapter' ! Sorry for the

> long post.

> E. , Sr. The Office of Advocacy for Autistic Children

>

>

>> >>

>> >> We have been to sit-down restaurants with our 7-year old son who has

>> >> autism hundreds of times. Like other families we make

> modifications to

>> >> be considerate of other diners such as eating out at slower times,

>> >> eating quickly, leaving or walking outside the restaurant if we our

>> >> son seems overwhelmed. Generally, in the last four years, we have

> made

>> >> things work.

>> >>

>> >> We recently had a strange experience at the Melting Pot restaurant on

>> >> Federal Highway in which the restaurant manager told us we were

>> >> causing a disturbance and offered to comp our dinner to " hurry us

>> >> along " and get us to leave the restaurant.

>> >>

>> >> On Saturday, December 13, we decided to celebrate a family

> birthday by

>> >> eating out at the Melting Pot. We had eaten there before with no

>> >> problems. To accommodate the needs of our 7-year old son who had

>> >> autism we made a reservation for an early time at 5:30 pm when the

>> >> restaurant would be slower. We asked for an end booth so that we

> would

>> >> be near fewer people. We brought snacks and activities for our son to

>> >> keep him occupied during the wait.

>> >>

>> >> During the dinner, our son drank and ate and toward the end of the

>> >> entrée was vocalizing (not screaming, squealing, yelling, running) at

>> >> conversational level. We were shocked when the manager, Bob Hopkins,

>> >> approached us in the middle of our meal, offering to " comp " our

> dinner

>> >> if we could hurry it along as we were disturbing other diners. Though

>> >> we tried to explain to him that our child has a disability, he

>> >> persisted. At no point did the manager make any other offer to change

>> >> our seating or alternatively resolve the situation. He thought that

>> >> offering to pay us off was acceptable for asking us to evict the

>> >> restaurant. We note that at least one-third of the tables had

>> >> typically developing children at them. We also note that as we left,

>> >> our server apologized for the experience and noted that we could have

>> >> been seated in a back room which would have addressed any perceived

>> >> " disturbance issue. "

>> >>

>> >> We would love for Autism Speaks to develop a rating or symbol

>> >> identification system that could identify restaurant chains that have

>> >> personnel who are aware, well-informed and can provide a reasonable

>> >> level of service and accommodation.

>> >>

>> >> Perhaps this list might serve a purpose by identifying

>> >> restaurants/ chains where families have had good experiences.

>> >>

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> > No virus found in this incoming message.

>> > Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com

>> > Version: 8.0.176 / Virus Database: 270.9.18/1850 - Release Date:

> 12/15/2008

>> > 5:04 PM

>> >

>> >

>>

>

>