Fw: Re: Not in a good place, I'm having a teenage tantrum

[Guest guest]

Sometimes though, it feels like not sharing is the fair thing to do if you see what I mean. Sometimes I feel like Rob doesn't deserve to be overloaded with my problems. I know that's not the right way and that it won't help in the long run, but he does so much anyway and I don't like to feel like a burden. I'm a burden anyway, I just don't want to feel like one ,

Love Ze xx> > >> > > > > > I'm feeling scared, guilty, worried, down> > > > > > I hate what is happening to me> > > > > > I hate that there is no cure> > > > > > I hate that they can't give me a prognosis> > > > > > I hate having to worry about every little thing.> > > > > > I hate that I can't just get on an do stuff> > > > > > I hate the idea that I might not see my baby grow up.> > > > > > I hate that she's got to live life with a mum that isn't firing > on all> > > cylinders.> > > > > > I hate that I have to curtail one of my hobbies.> > > > > > I hate that I have to plan going out so that I don't run out of > O2> > > > > > I've tried to talk to Rob, but I end up 'pulling my self > together' and> > > saying 'don't mind me, I'm fine really' And I'm doing this not > to upset> > > him too much. I don't know if he really knows the full > implications of> > > PF, and I don't know how to bring it up.> > > > > > But I'm not Ok right now.> > > > > > I want to scream and shout and rage at the unfairness of it all > (except> > > that I'd get too out of breath [8-|] I can't even have a damn > good> > > laugh at anything as it makes me cough too much [] )> > > > > > My father is having a second op following problems with a hip> > > replacement, and I was his main carer, (frankly my brother is > useless> > > and selfish when it comes to looking after dad, happy to borrow > dads> > > car, but not so good at running errands) so I'm now worrying at > how he's> > > going to cope> > > > > > And to top everything I have a wisdom tooth causing me lots of > problems,> > > it started last night, so I won't get to a dentist until at > least> > > tomorrow and I need to see a doctor tomorrow as I'm starting to > get a> > > cough as well [8-|]> > > > > > Right now, I've just had enough and I want to step out of my > body for a> > > little while and hop into someone elses while it get's on with > it.> > >> >>

[Guest guest]

I know that feeling Zena and even though I make money and all that I

still sometimes feel as I am a burden because I cant do what I used

to do. That bothers me.

Sandie

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I'm feeling scared, guilty, worried, down

> > > >

> > > > I hate what is happening to me

> > > >

> > > > I hate that there is no cure

> > > >

> > > > I hate that they can't give me a prognosis

> > > >

> > > > I hate having to worry about every little thing.

> > > >

> > > > I hate that I can't just get on an do stuff

> > > >

> > > > I hate the idea that I might not see my baby grow up.

> > > >

> > > > I hate that she's got to live life with a mum that isn't

firing

> > on all

> > > > cylinders.

> > > >

> > > > I hate that I have to curtail one of my hobbies.

> > > >

> > > > I hate that I have to plan going out so that I don't run out

of

> > O2

> > > >

> > > > I've tried to talk to Rob, but I end up 'pulling my self

> > together' and

> > > > saying 'don't mind me, I'm fine really' And I'm doing this not

> > to upset

> > > > him too much. I don't know if he really knows the full

> > implications of

> > > > PF, and I don't know how to bring it up.

> > > >

> > > > But I'm not Ok right now.

> > > >

> > > > I want to scream and shout and rage at the unfairness of it

all

> > (except

> > > > that I'd get too out of breath [8-|] I can't even have a damn

> > good

> > > > laugh at anything as it makes me cough too much [] )

> > > >

> > > > My father is having a second op following problems with a hip

> > > > replacement, and I was his main carer, (frankly my brother is

> > useless

> > > > and selfish when it comes to looking after dad, happy to

borrow

> > dads

> > > > car, but not so good at running errands) so I'm now worrying

at

> > how he's

> > > > going to cope

> > > >

> > > > And to top everything I have a wisdom tooth causing me lots of

> > problems,

> > > > it started last night, so I won't get to a dentist until at

> > least

> > > > tomorrow and I need to see a doctor tomorrow as I'm starting

to

> > get a

> > > > cough as well [8-|]

> > > >

> > > > Right now, I've just had enough and I want to step out of my

> > body for a

> > > > little while and hop into someone elses while it get's on with

> > it.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Sharing doesn't make you more of a burden. It makes you closer. If

anything it decreases the burden as he has a better understanding of

how you feel and it reduces the pressure on you as you get to listen

to how he truly feels about the burden placed upon him. Bet some of

the venting one of you needs to do, the other does also. So, now a

partner in vent. It might be healthy sometimes to hear that while the

disease angers you, seeing you hit with it angers him, not at you,

but with you. Even my counselor saying to me " well, it pi....s be

off " was comforting and was important sharing. To me that shows that

our relationship while professional is far beyond clinical. I know it

places a burden on her that the minority of non-caring counselors

don't have, but I know her true reason for being in the profession,

to help and be there for her patients. She didn't get in it just

because she liked the theory behind it, but because she wanted to

work with people. Rob isn't there just to share part of what you feel

and you know us guys, you're going to have to be the one to open up

to get him to do so.

Yes, you're a burden....but only in the way everyone we care about

is. My friend who kept me up until 2:30 am two nights ago was

a " burden " . Its those kinds of burdens that turn this existence into

living, that differentiate this reality show from a sitcom. Rob's a

burden. Worrying about burdening him is a burden. The Princess

Warrior is a burden. Burdens are good things. Think about that. If

not for those you care about and worry about, life would sure be

simpler, but so horrifically empty.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I'm feeling scared, guilty, worried, down

> > > >

> > > > I hate what is happening to me

> > > >

> > > > I hate that there is no cure

> > > >

> > > > I hate that they can't give me a prognosis

> > > >

> > > > I hate having to worry about every little thing.

> > > >

> > > > I hate that I can't just get on an do stuff

> > > >

> > > > I hate the idea that I might not see my baby grow up.

> > > >

> > > > I hate that she's got to live life with a mum that isn't

firing

> > on all

> > > > cylinders.

> > > >

> > > > I hate that I have to curtail one of my hobbies.

> > > >

> > > > I hate that I have to plan going out so that I don't run out

of

> > O2

> > > >

> > > > I've tried to talk to Rob, but I end up 'pulling my self

> > together' and

> > > > saying 'don't mind me, I'm fine really' And I'm doing this not

> > to upset

> > > > him too much. I don't know if he really knows the full

> > implications of

> > > > PF, and I don't know how to bring it up.

> > > >

> > > > But I'm not Ok right now.

> > > >

> > > > I want to scream and shout and rage at the unfairness of it

all

> > (except

> > > > that I'd get too out of breath [8-|] I can't even have a damn

> > good

> > > > laugh at anything as it makes me cough too much [] )

> > > >

> > > > My father is having a second op following problems with a hip

> > > > replacement, and I was his main carer, (frankly my brother is

> > useless

> > > > and selfish when it comes to looking after dad, happy to

borrow

> > dads

> > > > car, but not so good at running errands) so I'm now worrying

at

> > how he's

> > > > going to cope

> > > >

> > > > And to top everything I have a wisdom tooth causing me lots of

> > problems,

> > > > it started last night, so I won't get to a dentist until at

> > least

> > > > tomorrow and I need to see a doctor tomorrow as I'm starting

to

> > get a

> > > > cough as well [8-|]

> > > >

> > > > Right now, I've just had enough and I want to step out of my

> > body for a

> > > > little while and hop into someone elses while it get's on with

> > it.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>