Re: Re: response to Mama Sher

[Guest guest]

It was Bruce who first got me to thinking about these things. And so it goes...........

Mama-Sher, ild 3-06, OR.Don't fret about tomorrow, God is already there!

Re: response to Mama Sher

Mama-Sher your original psoting on this was thought provoking & now Gwynee your reply is so insightful I'll be sifting through the whole topic in my mind tonight as I go to sleep...I've got no amazing extra thoughts to add I've been running around too much today with rainy jobs!

Thanks to both of you ( & Bruce for his comments along the way!)

in Oz>> Mama Sher,> Thanks for your comments on communication.> Responses? Be careful what you wish for:> I could write for days about my feelings on the need> to communicate honestly and clearly, ESPECIALLY with> those we love MOST. I don't know if our website keeps> people from sharing elsewhere, but maybe some people> hide behind it or use it as a stall tactic to avoid the greater> reality of sharing with their families. Or maybe some of> them don't HAVE friends or families. I don't know, but> maybe there are some who are afraid of living in the real> world with their diseases, who find it easier to spend time> online than risking the difficulties involved in the other.> After all, it's a huge challenge. On the other hand, there> are some who are genuinely homebound for whom this> may be their only blessed social outlet. And we do grow> to care so much for one another here.> > I believe the vast majority of men in the US are raised> to be babied and to bully, and the vast majority of> women are raised to be doormats and to keep quiet. I> think because this is all they KNOW, they keep doing it,> and justify it by saying that they're nurturers. In truth> they're clueless about how to set boundaries and treat> themselves with enough love to demand respect and ask> for help when needed. They're taught by example, and> most of them are taught to be miserable. I think it's one> of the greatest tragedies in the world, and the cause of> most misery, that most people don't realize that they are> worthy of more and deserve better. They don't get> it that there are real options to being miserable.> > My parents' unconditional love empowered me to be assertive> when it was called for. I believe many people think being> assertive is being aggressive, which it isn't. Many people> are taught that it's wrong to have real emotions such as> fear and anger, and for them maybe it's easier to be doormats> than to express real feelings. But I think we ROB our loved> ones anytime we fail to speak our truth or to be authentic.> I don't mean we have to blurt out every thought that enters> our heads, but we give an immeasurable gift of love when we> allow ourselves to be vulnerable and share our hearts. It's> how we learn and grow. Sometimes that means stepping> outside our comfort zones, but the reward is a real life> well-lived, without having to harbor anger and resentment> or make painful assumptions that only get us into trouble.> All we really have to give to anyone is ourselves. Why would> we want to do a half-ass job of it? I don't want to lie on my> deathbed wishing that someone had really understood me.> That idea really terrifies me. But it's my responsibility to> make sure that doesn't happen, by being honest with those> close to me.> > I'm feeling depressed and lonely now, but not alone. My> relationships with family, friends, and God prevent that.> It's always a challenge to walk our individual paths, but I> think it's all part of the rich tapestry that is our life's journey.> > I was in a bad marriage for years, trying to love someone> who loathed himself. Today I still feel a little bit like I've> been let out of jail. My family is close, but I have a rich, full> from apart from them. That's because I have real intimacy> in my life. To me, intimacy is sharing our innermost selves> with people we love who love us. It is listening to others,> and being HEARD, for who we really are.> > I won't live any other way, especially not now. Forget finding> the right time or place, or what's convenient... this is a lifestyle> for me. I don't wait hand and foot on those who don't> appreciate me or meet me half-way. I won't be accountable> to people who aren't accountable. I don't spend time with> people I can't be myself with. For me, to do otherwise is a> cop-out, and I don't have the time. I don't think anyone does.> As you can see, I'm passionate about this. It's really> important to me to leave this as a legacy to my children,> and at least one of them seems to have learned it so far.> > I'm grateful for your honest sharing on this board, and I> always appreciate your perspective. And NO, Sher, no one> would ever honestly accuse you OR that sweet Rosebud> of doing a lap dance. :-)> > Hugs,> Gwynne IPF 7/04 listed for transplant 3/07 Texas>